Guest guest Posted November 16, 2001 Report Share Posted November 16, 2001 Yes, I've taken to giving all of my postings some kind of dramatic and capitalized subject heading. Suits my mood lately. OK--it's settling in. I'm starting to become really scared about surgery on Tuesday. Driving home from dinner tonight (yes, fettucine alfredo in a trough with a large Coke--no surprise there!) I was noticing the beautiful scenery in Virginia and thinking that I might not see it ever again after I die on the operating table next week. THEN I started thinking about my husband and two little girls--not about how much I would miss them, but how much THEY would miss and need ME. The girls would be so sad and my already-somewhat-reluctant- but-nevertheless-supportive-and-loving husband would be so full of regrets and guilty feelings about not talking me out of the surgery. (Like that ever would work!) I talk to myself rationally when this happens: Gagner's mortality rate for those with a BMI under 60 is zero; my BMI is only 46; I am only 31 years old and healthy as ever in terms of being able to walk long distances quickly and exercise strenuously; I am a great candidate for surgery, etc., etc. And I pray, but maybe not as much as I should. Neither one of these things, however, keep the death thoughts at bay for very long. Other than taking large doses of Xanax with a margarita chaser (don't ya love girl drinks?), does anyone have any ideas about how to make these worries go away for a longer amount of time? I need some mental peace! Thanks, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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