To Blair from betty

[Guest guest]

Blair , you are such a doll. Who but you could have put all those

wonderful thoughts into words? I have read your email about 6 times now and

each time I get something new out of it.

sorry about your weekend. Did everything get done that was supposed to be

done? If so, it would probably be a first. I thought about you all weekend

knowing you probably weren't having the best of times.

(Just tell to walk to school! ) Now how's that for a GREAT idea.

Love ya lots, Betty

Joni from Blair, re: friends

>In a message dated 11/12/00 8:29:27 PM Eastern Standard Time,

>MiniGastricBypass (AT) egroups (DOT) com writes:

>

>

>> She said she will not support me and that I should use willpower. I tried

to

>> explain myself and she said I was taking the " EASY way out " . Of course I

>> told

>> her this is definitely NOT the easy way out. She is sooooooo stubborn and

>> opinionated. I finally said " let's not discuss it then. We can agree to

>> disagree and remain friends " . She said " I guess so. bye " and hug up.

>> Both my hubby and daughter are excited about it and very supportive.

Should

>> I

>> write her off for the time being? Guess I am feeling sorry for myself at

>> the

>>

>

>Hi, Joni -

>

>I imagine that you are feeling sorry for yourself at the moment! It's

>difficult to have a close friend rain on a decision as personal and major

and

>life-changing as this surgery. For one thing, it throws the whole concept

of

>a close friendship into confusion. We SHOULD get blanket approval from our

>friends for everything, right? They're there to support us, right?

>

>I went through a similar situation after first deciding to have the

surgery.

>I was visiting a friend at the time, staying at her house, and she

announced

>to a gathering of our friends that " Blair's made a REALLY STUPID DECISION,

>and what did everybody think about that, huh? "

>

>It took me a while to forgive her for that.

>

>So I decided to sidestep that friendship issue when I made the final

decision

>to have this surgery. For one thing, no one else in my life - not my

>husband, nor any friend - was going to be having the surgery. Just me. So

>that meant it was really up to me - I had to want it for myself so much

that

>it really didn't matter who else approved or disapproved of it. I NEEDED

>this surgery for my health's sake. I'm the only guardian of that, and the

>only one able to make decisions for it. I can take suggestions, I can take

>criticism (god knows, I took plenty of that when I was fat), but the final

>decision rests with me about whether or not to have this surgery.

>

>So I just told everybody all at once, in an email - " here's what I'm going

to

>do, here's the story, here's the website, if you're concerned, go read

about

>it. " I got some phone calls (not from my tactless friend) - and everyone

was

>polite, curious, concerned...but they could tell from the way that I

>announced it, that it was my decision, and that I knew what was best for

me.

>

>Okay, I've struggled over the friendship question since the surgery. I am

>living in a new town, most of my good friends are back up in the DC area,

>where we came from, and my biggest support for this surgery comes from my

>husband and my MGB friends. Do I wish I had a good girlfriend here to

share

>the trials and the tribulations of all of this with? You bet I do.

Recently

>I've gotten to know Margaret Hamilton and Betty Harrill, a preop and postop

>who are in my area, and they're becoming my good friends here. That's a

>wonderful blessing to come from this surgery. They're very supportive and

>loving.

>

>But I renew my belief in my quest to have a better life physically and

>emotionally every day, when I get up and go exercise, which I didn't do at

>all prior to surgery. When I can fix a wonderful meal for my family, and

not

>sabotage myself by eating 3/4's of it. When I have the stamina to get

>through the past few days, which have been horrific - we've had to move out

>of our house while they refinish our floors, my husband's car completely

>broke down, and the rest you don't want to know about...

>

>I'm really proud of myself. I've used this surgery as the tool I perceived

>it to be, and I make choices every day to support it. Some days are better

>than others. I can't go exercise every day lately, and I've been know to

dip

>into some sweets...but I don't beat myself up over it.

>

>I hope you'll forgive your friend for her lack of faith in your ability to

>choose for yourself, and let it wash over you, if possible. You have

friends

>here who will support you, and you'll be supporting yourself, even more

>importantly.

>

>xoxo

>Blair

>MGB 8/9/00

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