Need Support

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 11/12/2000 6:49:32 PM Eastern Standard Time,

jonigra@... writes:

> " About a month ago, I mentioned briefly

> to my best friend that I was looking into this. All she said was " I don't

> think you should do it " . We left it at that for the time being. Now today

> I

> spoke to her and told her how much this means to me and that I am

> proceeding.

> She said she will not support me and that I should use willpower. "

>

> DO use will power. Your own!

[Guest guest]

Joni,

I'd like to share something with you that I haven't really mentioned before

in this group, but I feel it might be relevant ...

I am a recovering alcoholic (sober 3 1/2 years) and one of the first things I

learned in the first days of recovery was that I was about to find out who

were my conditional friends, and who were my unconditional friends. It was

absolutely necessary for me to break from the friends who did not wish to see

me get sober. It was key that I surround myself only with friends & family

who were supportive.

See, for ME, my addiction with food and my addiction with alcohol are

similar. And I certainly would have had my alcoholism removed surgically, if

that were an option. (Oh man, think of the money to be made there...see if

you can come up w/ that one, Dr. R!...hehe)

For ME, willpower was never a factor... it was God who did all the good work

I guess my point here is this: You are making a life saving decision. I

would hope that your best friend would try to educate herself so that she

could be one your BIGGEST supports! I would bluntly ask her if she is

willing to do this and if not, make your decisions from there. Remind her

that you are trying to save your life and I'm sure she'll come around

I'm sorry to ramble, and I hope that helps in some way. I apologize to those

who don't see the correlation, and hope I haven't offended anyone with it.

XOXO from the PHAT chick,

Cindy

[Guest guest]

Hi Joni, Sleepless in Seattle. This is just my opinion, but your friend

don't sound like much of a friend. In my opinion, if she really cared about

you and your health, First she would want to know and understand about the

surgery (even read the manual herself). Secondly, she sounds very close

minded about the whole thing and I'm having a problem thinking that she's

thinking about your best interest here. The first thing I thought is that

she's jealous. Jealous that you'll look better than her. That you'll be

prettier than her. That you'll get more attention than her. Believe it or

not, there's people out there like that. Could be that's what is motivating

her to be so negitive about the surgery?. AND, probably there are going to

be some post-ops out there ready to call her up themselves calling this " the

easy way out. " That's absurd!!! It goes way beyond will power. I had the

will power to quit smoking after 10 years of heavy smoking. Been smoke free

for 4 months now (Yeah. Applause.). Let m

e tell you that's tough. I never really thought I would/could do it. But we

can't just quit eating all together. It's much more than will power. You

should tell your friend she needs to think before she speaks and let her know

that she's being hurtful to you. There is no reason for her to be that way.

It's your life, your body, your decision. Your family supports you and loves

you and so do we! Best of luck with your friend. I figure she'll get over

it. Whatever the problem with her is. If she don't, then she wasn't much of

a friend to start with.

Again. I wish you the best.

Bells

[Guest guest]

Cindy, I love your posts, and I agree with you 100%. Friends are not rulers

whom we must obey. This so-called friend needs to be talked to, short and

sweet, support me or see my dust! Life is too short for friends like that!

And my best to you, girl. You're gonna do fine and you're gonna be the

ex-phat chick before you know it! PhillyJude

[Guest guest]

Dear Joni:

Trust me when I tell you that I understand. My sister is not supportive of the

surgery either. She told me that fat people are fat because they have no

willpower and if I don't have the willpower now, where am I going to get it from

after the surgery. I cried for 2 days. I have been obese since I was 2 years

old and am now 39 years old, weigh 340 lbs. with a BMI of 58 and am a Registered

Nurse. Joni, even though it really hurts, realize that your best friend (like

my sister) has her opinion and you will have to accept it. Don't focus on what

you can't control. Focus on what you can control: talk to these fabulous

postops here in egroups, talk to your other friends (you will be surprised at

the blessings you have and the guardian angels you never knew you had! - because

that's what happened for me), talk to close family members, focus on your hubby

and daughter and realize how blessed you are to have their support. I wish you

the best best journey.

Vivi, RN

Message: 10

Date: Sun, 12 Nov 2000 17:30:57 EST

From: jonigra@...

Subject: Need Support

Hi Guys

Am at the pre op stage and should have my packet in next week. United

Healthcare has already approved me. About a month ago, I mentioned briefly

to my best friend that I was looking into this. All she said was " I don't

think you should do it " . We left it at that for the time being. Now today I

spoke to her and told her how much this means to me and that I am proceeding.

She said she will not support me and that I should use willpower. I tried to

explain myself and she said I was taking the " EASY way out " . Of course I told

her this is definitely NOT the easy way out. She is sooooooo stubborn and

opinionated. I finally said " let's not discuss it then. We can agree to

disagree and remain friends " . She said " I guess so. bye " and hug up.

Both my hubby and daughter are excited about it and very supportive. Should I

write her off for the time being? Guess I am feeling sorry for myself at the

moment. I want to call her a BITCH!!! lol

Joni

Sleepless in Seattle

[Guest guest]

Beautiful, Vivi.

You are.

In and out.

Make your life worthy of you!

My best to you, PhillyJude

[Guest guest]

Cindy,

Can relate very much to this post my mother is a recovering alcoholic of

about 16yrs now. (Now a licensed MSW, so very proud of her) Although i do

not drink my addiction is food and now my eating is just a symptom of my

issues.

Was refreshing to read this email- Thanks

Kathy-NC

At 10:03 PM 11/12/00 EST, you wrote:

>Joni,

>

>I'd like to share something with you that I haven't really mentioned before

>in this group, but I feel it might be relevant ...

>

>I am a recovering alcoholic (sober 3 1/2 years) and one of the first

things I

>learned in the first days of recovery was that I was about to find out who

>were my conditional friends, and who were my unconditional friends. It was

>absolutely necessary for me to break from the friends who did not wish to

see

>me get sober. It was key that I surround myself only with friends & family

>who were supportive.

>

>See, for ME, my addiction with food and my addiction with alcohol are

>similar. And I certainly would have had my alcoholism removed surgically, if

>that were an option. (Oh man, think of the money to be made there...see if

>you can come up w/ that one, Dr. R!...hehe)

>

>For ME, willpower was never a factor... it was God who did all the good work

>

>

>I guess my point here is this: You are making a life saving decision. I

>would hope that your best friend would try to educate herself so that she

>could be one your BIGGEST supports! I would bluntly ask her if she is

>willing to do this and if not, make your decisions from there. Remind her

>that you are trying to save your life and I'm sure she'll come around

>

>I'm sorry to ramble, and I hope that helps in some way. I apologize to those

>who don't see the correlation, and hope I haven't offended anyone with it.

>

>XOXO from the PHAT chick,

>

>Cindy

>

>

>