Guest guest Posted February 17, 2004 Report Share Posted February 17, 2004 In a message dated 2/17/2004 9:00:52 AM Central Standard Time, woosley@... writes: So sorry to hear about your pet. It is always hard on everyone when this happens. How long have you been married? Do you want it to end? Tina W., mother of 18yo wcf It will be 15 years in August and you know I think I am! I am tired of the fights!! And tired of being alone!! He never wants to go anywhere or do anything. He has Rheumatoid Arthritis and I think he hurts so much and doesn't feel like it a lot of the time but it is always funny he feels like doing things when it is his family! He doesn't want to even go to the kids events!! Which really gets me boiling because he doesn't realize how much it hurts them! They would never tell him that but he thinks it is no big deal!! COME ON THEY ARE KIDS OF COURSE IT'S A BIG DEAL TO THEM!!! I just think I need to move on I can't help him and he doesn't even want my help!! I hate to say it but I think I am ready to end it! But I hate to think what it will do to the kids. Every time we get into a fight my oldest will just panic and freak out and start saying to us MOM DON'T I DON'T WANT YOU AND DAD TO GET A DIVORCE!! It just hurts to hear her say that!! I don't know what to do anymore??? It is so hard on everyone!!! Deb A Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 17, 2004 Report Share Posted February 17, 2004 In a message dated 2/17/2004 9:00:52 AM Central Standard Time, woosley@... writes: So sorry to hear about your pet. It is always hard on everyone when this happens. How long have you been married? Do you want it to end? Tina W., mother of 18yo wcf It will be 15 years in August and you know I think I am! I am tired of the fights!! And tired of being alone!! He never wants to go anywhere or do anything. He has Rheumatoid Arthritis and I think he hurts so much and doesn't feel like it a lot of the time but it is always funny he feels like doing things when it is his family! He doesn't want to even go to the kids events!! Which really gets me boiling because he doesn't realize how much it hurts them! They would never tell him that but he thinks it is no big deal!! COME ON THEY ARE KIDS OF COURSE IT'S A BIG DEAL TO THEM!!! I just think I need to move on I can't help him and he doesn't even want my help!! I hate to say it but I think I am ready to end it! But I hate to think what it will do to the kids. Every time we get into a fight my oldest will just panic and freak out and start saying to us MOM DON'T I DON'T WANT YOU AND DAD TO GET A DIVORCE!! It just hurts to hear her say that!! I don't know what to do anymore??? It is so hard on everyone!!! Deb A Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 17, 2004 Report Share Posted February 17, 2004 In a message dated 2/17/2004 9:18:26 AM Central Standard Time, bevd@... writes: GrandmoMBEV THANK YOU GRANDMABEV!!! WOW 37 YEARS!! AND 5 KIDS!! WOW HOW DID YOU DO IT??? I do have a wonderful support system here my family I have 4 sisters that have been calling me everyday to see how I am and just talk and my parents are there for me too of course they would like to see us work things out but I just don't know what to do anymore I mean how do you try to help someone that doesn't want it???? All I can do right now is go day to day! I just wish it wasn't so hard!!!! Deb A Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 17, 2004 Report Share Posted February 17, 2004 In a message dated 2/17/2004 9:32:19 AM Central Standard Time, woosley@... writes: Tina W. Thanks Tina!! I don't even feel like a family when he doesn't want to go! I all ready feel like a single mom!! Thanks for telling me your story it really makes me feel better even thought I cried all the way through it! It just seems like that is all I have been doing lately especially when I am alone!! I just want a husband that will be there for me!!!! Am I asking to much??? Deb A Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 17, 2004 Report Share Posted February 17, 2004 In a message dated 2/17/2004 10:00:35 AM Central Standard Time, Rojas5915@... writes: AW, Deb, this is just so hard; if I lived next door, I could at least help with the kids while you and dh (darling husband) made your arrangements! I am so sorry, n Thanks for the offer n!!! Deb A Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 17, 2004 Report Share Posted February 17, 2004 In a message dated 2/17/2004 10:07:13 AM Central Standard Time, bevd@... writes: grandmoMBEV Thanks Grandma Bev I have all ready suggested counseling but he wants nothing to do with it. I do think the trial separation is a good idea and I think I am going to suggest it when he comes home from work today before the kids get home. Thanks for you help and special thoughts!! Deb A Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 17, 2004 Report Share Posted February 17, 2004 In a message dated 2/17/2004 10:08:03 AM Central Standard Time, woosley@... writes: Tina W. Thanks Tina!! And thanks for the advice on the antidepressants. My hubby is already on them but I have not thought about it for me. Thanks again. Deb A Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 17, 2004 Report Share Posted February 17, 2004 In a message dated 2/17/2004 10:12:12 AM Central Standard Time, drea@... writes: Deb, I am so sorry about the loss of your pet and the situation with your marriage. No matter what you decide, we are here behind you! Thanks !!! Everyone on here is so WONDERFUL!!!! Deb A Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 17, 2004 Report Share Posted February 17, 2004 In a message dated 2/17/2004 10:39:27 AM Central Standard Time, bevd@... writes: I hope he will be agreeable. He might find out how very much he loves & needs his family . Sometimes we are so close to a situation , it is really hard to see it clearly. I do hold you & those sweet kiddo's in my special thoughts . -AND I include him as well. Maybe the thought of it might jerk him awake too .Wouldn't it be great if that was all it took.. LOVE & HUGS, grandmoMBEV Ya it sure would!! The one thing I worry about right now is my middle child's birthday is coming it is March 7 and I hate the thought of ruining that day. Deb A Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 17, 2004 Report Share Posted February 17, 2004 So sorry to hear about your pet. It is always hard on everyone when this happens. How long have you been married? Do you want it to end? Tina W., mother of 18yo wcf Bad times!!! Well, we had a really rough night last night!! We lost another pet! He wasn't even a year old yet! He got run over by a car and the kids and I found him! It is so hard on the kids I had to sleep with them last night because my oldest said I know I am not going to be able to sleep Mom because I am going to be thinking about it. So I did and yes they were up a lot last night and not moving very fast this morning too. On top of all this I think my marriage is coming to an end!! I have talked to my family about this and they are giving me all of the support I need but I am still worried about the affect it will have on the kids! Why does life have to be so hard??? Sorry for the downer e-mail but need someone to talk to and I can always count on someone to be here!! Deb A Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 17, 2004 Report Share Posted February 17, 2004 DEAR DEB, I am very sorry about the pet being run over. That is terrible. I know it did really upset the kids. It does me even just knowing about it. That was great for you to stay in the bed with them. It certainly must have helped them.. On the note of your marriage coming to an end. I am VERY sorry about that . I don't know your family story , so am not sure if it is sudden or coming for awhile now. BUT- There are some times when things like this are really , sadly, for the best for all .even the kiddo's. If there has been tension , arguments, lack of support , no communication (or some that was not pleasant ) etc.-Then it might be time to try a " time out " . I know that I got my divorce after 37 years...5 children & 10 grandchildren.......Who would have ever guessed..BUT it happens. I hope dearly that someone close to you two will also be there for you,- to help you weigh all the possibilities & results of the actions. If tension is such that it is adding more stress to already having CF in the family -then you need to do what is best for you & the children. I hold you in my special thoughts & am here as well to listen..........whatever would be a help . I am also available 1- (toll free) for you to just let off pressure. Bless you all LOVE & HUGS, GrandmoMBEV Bad times!!! Well, we had a really rough night last night!! We lost another pet! He wasn't even a year old yet! He got run over by a car and the kids and I found him! It is so hard on the kids I had to sleep with them last night because my oldest said I know I am not going to be able to sleep Mom because I am going to be thinking about it. So I did and yes they were up a lot last night and not moving very fast this morning too. On top of all this I think my marriage is coming to an end!! I have talked to my family about this and they are giving me all of the support I need but I am still worried about the affect it will have on the kids! Why does life have to be so hard??? Sorry for the downer e-mail but need someone to talk to and I can always count on someone to be here!! Deb A Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 17, 2004 Report Share Posted February 17, 2004 I can relate to some of this. I have been married 29 years in January. It seems like my husband has been sick from one thing or another for at least the last 10 years. Before that he was a workaholic. We have our own family business so you do have to spend time seeing to it. My husband has never gone to any of the girls activities. It went to the s graduation from High School and will go to 's graduation in May. That is it. The only traveling we have done (together)is to Michigan to his families or to meet his parents some where. I love my inlaws so I don't mind that part. The last several years, the girls and I have traveled some with 's dance competitions. We have so much fun doing that. I don't feel guilty at all because it is my husbands choice for whatever reason not to go. I love my husband very much. We talk about this allot and until he gets it right between his ears, I will continue to go by myself. We are going on a cruise in April. Fun, Fun! I have found that when a member of the family has a debilitating illness, whether it is a child or a spouse, that it is very much important to talk about feelings and things in general. If they don't know how you feel then they assume everything is ok. Yelling and screaming don't solve the problems, they just makes you say hurtful things and they makes the problem worse. You have committed 15 years to this and even if you get a divorce, he will still be the father of your children and be involved in one capacity or another. Search your many solutions and decide what is best for all involved. My thoughts are with you. I have had many days when I would just like to scream. I know that my girls are very thankful of the times we spend together now and in the past. Best wishes. Tina W. Re: Bad times!!! In a message dated 2/17/2004 9:00:52 AM Central Standard Time, woosley@... writes: So sorry to hear about your pet. It is always hard on everyone when this happens. How long have you been married? Do you want it to end? Tina W., mother of 18yo wcf It will be 15 years in August and you know I think I am! I am tired of the fights!! And tired of being alone!! He never wants to go anywhere or do anything. He has Rheumatoid Arthritis and I think he hurts so much and doesn't feel like it a lot of the time but it is always funny he feels like doing things when it is his family! He doesn't want to even go to the kids events!! Which really gets me boiling because he doesn't realize how much it hurts them! They would never tell him that but he thinks it is no big deal!! COME ON THEY ARE KIDS OF COURSE IT'S A BIG DEAL TO THEM!!! I just think I need to move on I can't help him and he doesn't even want my help!! I hate to say it but I think I am ready to end it! But I hate to think what it will do to the kids. Every time we get into a fight my oldest will just panic and freak out and start saying to us MOM DON'T I DON'T WANT YOU AND DAD TO GET A DIVORCE!! It just hurts to hear her say that!! I don't know what to do anymore??? It is so hard on everyone!!! Deb A Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 17, 2004 Report Share Posted February 17, 2004 Oh Deb, I am so sorry, the pet passing on makes things even more bleak. I really do not have any experience to give you advice but I would suggest to get counseling. I do not know if your husband wants to, but you and the girls should. Men are not as willing to seek counseling as we women, would. Ann Landers used to have a question for people in situations like yours: " Are you better off with or without him? " A hostile environment I think is worst for the girls in the long run, not to mention for you. I wish you luck and light to see this through, you will be in my thoughts. > In a message dated 2/17/2004 9:00:52 AM Central Standard Time, > woosley@d... writes: > So sorry to hear about your pet. It is always hard on everyone when this > happens. > > How long have you been married? Do you want it to end? > > Tina W., mother of 18yo wcf > It will be 15 years in August and you know I think I am! I am tired of the > fights!! And tired of being alone!! He never wants to go anywhere or do > anything. He has Rheumatoid Arthritis and I think he hurts so much and doesn't feel > like it a lot of the time but it is always funny he feels like doing things when > it is his family! He doesn't want to even go to the kids events!! Which > really gets me boiling because he doesn't realize how much it hurts them! They > would never tell him that but he thinks it is no big deal!! COME ON THEY ARE KIDS > OF COURSE IT'S A BIG DEAL TO THEM!!! I just think I need to move on I can't > help him and he doesn't even want my help!! I hate to say it but I think I am > ready to end it! But I hate to think what it will do to the kids. Every time we > get into a fight my oldest will just panic and freak out and start saying to > us MOM DON'T I DON'T WANT YOU AND DAD TO GET A DIVORCE!! It just hurts to hear > her say that!! I don't know what to do anymore??? It is so hard on everyone!!! > Deb A > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 17, 2004 Report Share Posted February 17, 2004 AW, Deb, this is just so hard; if I lived next door, I could at least help with the kids while you and dh (darling husband) made your arrangements! I am so sorry, n Bad times!!! Well, we had a really rough night last night!! We lost another pet! He wasn't even a year old yet! He got run over by a car and the kids and I found him! It is so hard on the kids I had to sleep with them last night because my oldest said I know I am not going to be able to sleep Mom because I am going to be thinking about it. So I did and yes they were up a lot last night and not moving very fast this morning too. On top of all this I think my marriage is coming to an end!! I have talked to my family about this and they are giving me all of the support I need but I am still worried about the affect it will have on the kids! Why does life have to be so hard??? Sorry for the downer e-mail but need someone to talk to and I can always count on someone to be here!! Deb A Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 17, 2004 Report Share Posted February 17, 2004 Deb, Your not asking too much! May I also suggest talking to your doctor about an anti-depressant. This helps to level out the roller coaster. When you are dealing with just CF, there are many roller coasters. But add to that being a Mom, Wife, chief cook and bottle washer and everything else, it becomes quite overwhelming. I have taken anti-depressants for almost 2 years now. It makes it so that I can get through the day and I don't cry when the phone rings. It is worth it for my own piece of mind and sanity. No to mention, it is hard on our children and spouses that have to live with our mood swings also. You know what is best for you. Good luck and remember we are always here. Tina W. Re: Bad times!!! In a message dated 2/17/2004 9:32:19 AM Central Standard Time, woosley@... writes: Tina W. Thanks Tina!! I don't even feel like a family when he doesn't want to go! I all ready feel like a single mom!! Thanks for telling me your story it really makes me feel better even thought I cried all the way through it! It just seems like that is all I have been doing lately especially when I am alone!! I just want a husband that will be there for me!!!! Am I asking to much??? Deb A Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 17, 2004 Report Share Posted February 17, 2004 Deb, I am so sorry about the loss of your pet and the situation with your marriage. No matter what you decide, we are here behind you! Bad times!!! Well, we had a really rough night last night!! We lost another pet! He wasn't even a year old yet! He got run over by a car and the kids and I found him! It is so hard on the kids I had to sleep with them last night because my oldest said I know I am not going to be able to sleep Mom because I am going to be thinking about it. So I did and yes they were up a lot last night and not moving very fast this morning too. On top of all this I think my marriage is coming to an end!! I have talked to my family about this and they are giving me all of the support I need but I am still worried about the affect it will have on the kids! Why does life have to be so hard??? Sorry for the downer e-mail but need someone to talk to and I can always count on someone to be here!! Deb A Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 17, 2004 Report Share Posted February 17, 2004 DEAR DEB, You are so right. IT IS VERY HARD. If you think it can be saved then it is worth it BUT -not at the kids as an excuse. That isn't fair to you.him or themmmmmmm. They will be upset at first, but with such a wonderful support family & they could still be with him at times(they might see him more-HEE) that happens so much in families. Maybe a separation for a trial period of time . He will see what he has so great & you will learn whether he is offending to you as you think. Men are not generally as responsive to our needs. no not all are like that,-but many just " don't get it " on why you are having a hard time with all around. You are the one dealing with the CF, & all the day to day stuff. Many counselors will say -temp separation is really helpful . It also gives you the time to see what arrangements would work best with the kids also. $$$ consideration, -life itself. Life is precious. Don't waste any of the time you have on this earth with anger .maybe you can work it out & be content. BUT if you don't think so., then day to day is eating you up, it isn't worth it then .. I do so want you all to be happy with love in your hearts & YOUR HOME......without it, it just doesn't work. I am so glad you have your family there . It is only natural for them to have it all work out & be happy too. That's their love for you all----------- Try to imagine how it would be with the kids with out him . --------- then with him. then IF he would do counseling........... Bless you .Write ,call anytime.. LOVE & HUGS, grandmoMBEV Re: Bad times!!! In a message dated 2/17/2004 9:18:26 AM Central Standard Time, bevd@... writes: GrandmoMBEV THANK YOU GRANDMABEV!!! WOW 37 YEARS!! AND 5 KIDS!! WOW HOW DID YOU DO IT??? I do have a wonderful support system here my family I have 4 sisters that have been calling me everyday to see how I am and just talk and my parents are there for me too of course they would like to see us work things out but I just don't know what to do anymore I mean how do you try to help someone that doesn't want it???? All I can do right now is go day to day! I just wish it wasn't so hard!!!! Deb A Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 17, 2004 Report Share Posted February 17, 2004 I hope he will be agreeable. He might find out how very much he loves & needs his family . Sometimes we are so close to a situation , it is really hard to see it clearly. I do hold you & those sweet kiddo's in my special thoughts . -AND I include him as well. Maybe the thought of it might jerk him awake too .Wouldn't it be great if that was all it took.. LOVE & HUGS, grandmoMBEV Re: Bad times!!! In a message dated 2/17/2004 10:07:13 AM Central Standard Time, bevd@... writes: grandmoMBEV Thanks Grandma Bev I have all ready suggested counseling but he wants nothing to do with it. I do think the trial separation is a good idea and I think I am going to suggest it when he comes home from work today before the kids get home. Thanks for you help and special thoughts!! Deb A Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 17, 2004 Report Share Posted February 17, 2004 Oh no Deb, I'm so sorry about your dog. We went through that recently and this list was a big help for me. I didn't know you were having marital problems. Have you tried counseling? I hope you can work it out but if not kids do live through it every day, and sometimes it is better to be apart than for them to see you fighting all the time. Good luck with whatever happens, you can always talk to us. You'll be in my thoughts. love, M Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 17, 2004 Report Share Posted February 17, 2004 Deb --I was thinking the same thing --------- 37 years WHOA.............. I think we have been separated for 2 - emotionally, etc. Rosemary in NY with 3 children (13, 11 and 7) with CF. I have a dog named TOBI and have coined the phrase " BREATHE DAMMIT " my new favorite quote is Any idiot can face a crisis - it's day to day living that wears you out. Anton Chekhov Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 21, 2004 Report Share Posted February 21, 2004 Deb A, I am a week behind on reading posts. I was just wondering if you are doing better now? You commented that your marriage was coming to an end. This is REALLY stressful. I hope that you have a lot of emotional support close at hand. Please let me know if there is anything that I can do to help. Gale > Well, we had a really rough night last night!! We lost another pet! He wasn't > even a year old yet! He got run over by a car and the kids and I found him! > It is so hard on the kids I had to sleep with them last night because my oldest > said I know I am not going to be able to sleep Mom because I am going to be > thinking about it. So I did and yes they were up a lot last night and not > moving very fast this morning too. On top of all this I think my marriage is coming > to an end!! I have talked to my family about this and they are giving me all > of the support I need but I am still worried about the affect it will have on > the kids! Why does life have to be so hard??? Sorry for the downer e-mail but > need someone to talk to and I can always count on someone to be here!! Deb A > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 23, 2004 Report Share Posted February 23, 2004 In a message dated 2/21/2004 5:46:46 PM Central Standard Time, gale.harris@... writes: Deb A, I am a week behind on reading posts. I was just wondering if you are doing better now? You commented that your marriage was coming to an end. This is REALLY stressful. I hope that you have a lot of emotional support close at hand. Please let me know if there is anything that I can do to help. Gale Hi Gale!! Thing are better around here!! FINALLY!! We had a long talk Wednesday night I don' t know if I really got anywhere with it but he has been a GREAT HELP AROUND THE HOUSE!!! Which I am loving!!! I am just wondering how long it will last!! He has been making supper doing laundry and helping me get treatment done with the girls!! So things are better! Thanks for you concern!! Deb A Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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