Re: I failed

October 16, 2000

Joyce,

I rarely post but I was so touched by your dilema. YOU HAVE NOT FAILED -

only put things on hold. Personally, I think it's a good sign that you're so

tuned with yourself. If your not ready, your not ready! I think sometimes

these E-mails can make it all sound too simple- it is a HUGE step and

decision. Of course your scared - sounds to me like your perfectly normal.

Perhaps you will schedule and cancel several more times before YOU are ready.

That is the most important part of this whole process - that YOU ARE READY.

It will change your life. God, it was easier walking down the isle than

making this decision - the good news is that both decisions are reversalble

if they don't work out -LOL

Smile - and keep listening to yourself- have faith in yourself - you know

what you're doing.

With Love,

Debby (inArizona)

October 16, 2000

Dear Joyce,

I know it is easier said than done, but please don't call yourself a failure.

Everyone has to do what he or she feels is best for themselves. I almost

backed out at the last minute (and I mean last minute - I was ready to go to

the OR).

I am sure you are not the only one who has changed her mind about the

surgery. You are smart to be concerned about your safety. This is afterall,

a very serious procedure.

Regardless, maybe you can try to think of it this way - you can always apply

for the procedure again when you feel more confident. Best wishes. Sherry

October 16, 2000

Dear Sweet Joyce,

The wonderful thing about this life is that with each new day, we get the

chance to start again.

You aren't a failure. You got scared. You are a human being, and you did a

human thing. Not to worry.

Take a deep breath, forgive yourself, and then let's go to Plan B.

How do we get you to have less fear and be able to grab this brass ring for

yourself?

Let's think about this. Let's just give this some good thought, and we'll

come up with the right answer. You're not out of the game, you just suffered

a rain delay. This group of wonderful folks will have you rockin and

a'rollin before you can wipe away another tear. Please don't lose faith, in

the surgery or in yourself. You know, Joyce, we can't have that MGB cruise

without you! You've gotta be there. We're a team, and a family, and we've

been through too much, apart but together, to let it end here and now. No

way. Right MGB family? Right!

With much love, and seeing this as a mere bump in the road, PhillyJude

October 16, 2000

Dear Joyce, Don't be so hard on yourself. You just need more time to think

it over. This has happened to other people. You are not alone in this. I

have been on this help line now for over a year and I have heard this happen

before and it usually happens for a good reason. When the time is right,

you'll decide to try it again. in Missouri

October 16, 2000

Joyce:

You did not fail. You did exactly what your heart and mind told you to do

and that took a lot of courage and strength. Your time will come, if and

when you are ready. Only you can decide if you are ready for this procedure.

Although all of the posts here encourage us.......there are some that just

can't go through with it. I know I saw another post a few weeks ago from

someone who also canceled out at the last minute, so you are not alone!!

Stay here with us and let all of us help you through this difficult time. We

are all here to support eachother.....don't ever forget that!!!!

Keep your chin up!!! You did the right thing for yourself.

Christy

California

Pre-Op 11/8/00

October 16, 2000

Dear Joyce,

You have not failed and I am so sorry you feel that way. The fact

is that all of us are at different places in our lives and you are

just not in the place to make such a drastic and permanant change.

This is not to say that you won't ever be there, you are just not

there now.

I have a very dear friend of mine who has been homebound for years

due to her weight and is not in a place that would let her have

surgery. She is very proud of me and very supportive of me and my

progress but says she just could not do it.

This life change is not for everyone and that does not make you a

failure. Chin up and move on. You are special because of who you are,

not what you look like.

Good Luck !!!!!!!!

Gwen

MGB 9/29

> I am not feeling real good right now. In fact, I have been

depressed

> all day. I woke up at 2:00 this morning terrifed and I could not

> shake

> the horrible feeling. I finally went ahead I got up, but

> unfortunately, I could not go through with the surgery and I called

> and canceled. I feel like a complete failure and have let mysef

now.

> I worked so hard to get here just to let my my feeling and nerves

get

> the best of me. Dr. R is a wonderful doctor and I am very sad that

I

> didn't have the guts to go through with knowing what I would have

> achieved if had followed through. I really have let myself down.

All

> the wonderful e-mails I have read about your successes, I really

> thought I would be one of you, but I failed!

>

> Joyce

> Chapel Hill

October 16, 2000

Joyce,

Please try not to be so hard on yourself. You did not fail. At the

very most, you have changed your surgery date. Did Dr. R. say he

would never do surgery on you now? Take some time to regroup and

regather. Be gentle to yourself. It is okay to wait and make sure

that the decision you have made is the right one for you. There have

been other people that have backed out also. Try to get in touch

with some of them and see how they handled it and if they have had

surgery now, how they are doing. Be nice to yourself. What would

you be saying to anyone of us if it were us that fear gripped so

tightly. Write it down and say it to yourself. Be nice. I know you

would be nice to us. Keep it with you and say it to yourself until

you come to a decision that you feel good with. You are in my

thoughts and prayers.

Bonded by our experience, strength and hope

Rhonda from Indiana

-- In MiniGastricBypass (AT) egroups (DOT) com, garside@b... wrote:

> I am not feeling real good right now. In fact, I have been

depressed

> all day. I woke up at 2:00 this morning terrifed and I could not

> shake

> the horrible feeling. I finally went ahead I got up, but

> unfortunately, I could not go through with the surgery and I called

> and canceled. I feel like a complete failure and have let mysef

now.

> I worked so hard to get here just to let my my feeling and nerves

get

> the best of me. Dr. R is a wonderful doctor and I am very sad that

I

> didn't have the guts to go through with knowing what I would have

> achieved if had followed through. I really have let myself down.

All

> the wonderful e-mails I have read about your successes, I really

> thought I would be one of you, but I failed!

>

> Joyce

> Chapel Hill

October 16, 2000

Listen you are not a failure, you were just listening to your instincts.

Maybe today wasn;t your day. Give it some time. You have no reason to think

badly of your self. THis is a big decison to make, and if right now wasnt

right for you then it wasnt. Get your chin up.

>From: garside@...

>Reply-To: MiniGastricBypass (AT) egroups (DOT) com

>To: MiniGastricBypass (AT) egroups (DOT) com

>Subject: I failed

>Date: Mon, 16 Oct 2000 20:36:17 -0000

>

>I am not feeling real good right now. In fact, I have been depressed

>all day. I woke up at 2:00 this morning terrifed and I could not

>shake

>the horrible feeling. I finally went ahead I got up, but

>unfortunately, I could not go through with the surgery and I called

>and canceled. I feel like a complete failure and have let mysef now.

>I worked so hard to get here just to let my my feeling and nerves get

>the best of me. Dr. R is a wonderful doctor and I am very sad that I

>didn't have the guts to go through with knowing what I would have

>achieved if had followed through. I really have let myself down. All

>the wonderful e-mails I have read about your successes, I really

>thought I would be one of you, but I failed!

>

>Joyce

>Chapel Hill

>

October 16, 2000

Joyce,

We are a family... and we aint going on the cruise without'cha!

pick yourself up and dust yourself off, and try again.. I'll help hold you up if

you need me.

Trudy

Re: I failed

Dear Sweet Joyce,

The wonderful thing about this life is that with each new day, we get the

chance to start again.

You aren't a failure. You got scared. You are a human being, and you did a

human thing. Not to worry.

Take a deep breath, forgive yourself, and then let's go to Plan B.

How do we get you to have less fear and be able to grab this brass ring for

yourself?

Let's think about this. Let's just give this some good thought, and we'll

come up with the right answer. You're not out of the game, you just suffered

a rain delay. This group of wonderful folks will have you rockin and

a'rollin before you can wipe away another tear. Please don't lose faith, in

the surgery or in yourself. You know, Joyce, we can't have that MGB cruise

without you! You've gotta be there. We're a team, and a family, and we've

been through too much, apart but together, to let it end here and now. No

way. Right MGB family? Right!

With much love, and seeing this as a mere bump in the road, PhillyJude

October 16, 2000

Joyce, dear one!

You did not fail. You just aren't ready - NOW. Believe it or not

you

are not the first person to cancel out. There is one of us who

cancelled out in the prep room of the OR. Oh, and one of Doc R's

favorite stories is how I freaked out at his office the day before my

surgery. It wasn't funny then, but now I can look back on it and

laugh.

You should only do this surgery when you are ready. It is a huge

step

and, frankly, I worry more about folks who go into this with no

apprehensions at all.

Call me, I'll be more than happy to talk to you. My number is

680-4661 (I live in Durham).

-Ginny Ivanoff

(freaked out 2/29/00)

MGB: 3/1/00

348/248

> I am not feeling real good right now. In fact, I have been

depressed

> all day. I woke up at 2:00 this morning terrifed and I could not

> shake

> the horrible feeling. I finally went ahead I got up, but

> unfortunately, I could not go through with the surgery and I called

> and canceled. I feel like a complete failure and have let mysef

now.

> I worked so hard to get here just to let my my feeling and nerves

get

> the best of me. Dr. R is a wonderful doctor and I am very sad that

I

> didn't have the guts to go through with knowing what I would have

> achieved if had followed through. I really have let myself down.

All

> the wonderful e-mails I have read about your successes, I really

> thought I would be one of you, but I failed!

>

> Joyce

> Chapel Hill

October 16, 2000

Hey Joyce,

You didn't fail anything girl... you're having some second thoughts, that's all.

And God knows we all have em.

Its okay. You are the one that has to feel comfortable with your decision, no

one else, and if for some reason, you're apprehensive then maybe you need a

little more time to make up your mind.

I'm not standing judge over you thats for sure. I might do the same thing at the

last minute... Just know this, I for one is behind what ever you decide. yea or

nah..... and I am sure there are a lot more of us that feel that way.

You have time to change your mind back again.... Let me know, I'll be thinking

boutcha, now.

Trudy

I failed

I am not feeling real good right now. In fact, I have been depressed

all day. I woke up at 2:00 this morning terrifed and I could not

shake

the horrible feeling. I finally went ahead I got up, but

unfortunately, I could not go through with the surgery and I called

and canceled. I feel like a complete failure and have let mysef now.

I worked so hard to get here just to let my my feeling and nerves get

the best of me. Dr. R is a wonderful doctor and I am very sad that I

didn't have the guts to go through with knowing what I would have

achieved if had followed through. I really have let myself down. All

the wonderful e-mails I have read about your successes, I really

thought I would be one of you, but I failed!

Joyce

Chapel Hill

October 16, 2000

Nope. You didn't fail. You just had a horrible feeling. And it's ok to have a

horrible feeling and make a decision not to go forward. Others have changed

their minds...several that I know of got as far as the pre-op room at the

hospital and then left. Why one lady brought her family (with kids) by plane

all the way from Texas and then changed her mind. There's nothing to be ashamed

of, you are not a failure.

But whatever you decide, please do stick around with us and cheer us on. You may

feel braver later. And maybe not. And there's no failure in that either!

Flo in land

> ** Original Subject: RE: I failed

> **

> ** Original Date: Mon, 16 Oct 2000 14:39:50 -0600

> ** Original Message follows...

>

> I am not feeling real good right now. In fact, I have been depressed

> all day. I woke up at 2:00 this morning terrifed and I could not

> shake

> the horrible feeling. I finally went ahead I got up, but

> unfortunately, I could not go through with the surgery and I called

> and canceled. I feel like a complete failure and have let mysef now.

> I worked so hard to get here just to let my my feeling and nerves get

> the best of me. Dr. R is a wonderful doctor and I am very sad that I

> didn't have the guts to go through with knowing what I would have

> achieved if had followed through. I really have let myself down. All

> the wonderful e-mails I have read about your successes, I really

> thought I would be one of you, but I failed!

>

> Joyce

> Chapel Hill

>

October 16, 2000

Hi Joyce,

You and I now have something in common - I'm the lady from Texas that

Flo is referring to below! I backed out at clinic - 2 days before

surgery, the day after died. When I told Dr R at clinic that

I had doubts about having the surgery, he didn't skip a beat and told

me to wait. He wants patients to be absolutely sure they have no

doubts. Since our airline tickets were through Priceline.com, we had

to stay in NC for 9 more days! So, we took a mini-vacation at the

cold, NC beach in April! We left on Easter Sunday to go home. Our 2

kids (ages 7 & 6) had Easter baskets in NC and Texas.

You didn't fail, we didn't fail. When, and if, the time is right for

you to have surgery - you'll know it. Don't ever regret your initial

decision to have the surgery or your decision to cancel. Those

decisions were made for a reason. When the time was right for me, I

was much more prepared. Strangely, the 2nd time around I was more

nervous, more realistic about the life changes & possible

complications and I was less excited! My post-op Angel, Carol, came

to Durham to be with my family and I the night before surgery until I

was released from the hospital. My feet were planted firmly on the

ground the 2nd time around.

In the end, having the surgery was the best thing I could have done

for myself and family. Recovery & adjusting to new eating,

medicines, supplements is much easier than I ever imagined.

If you ever want to e-chat, my home e-mail address is:

beachwalkers @ home.com - remove spaces.

All the best in your decision. Keep your chin up.

Sincerely,

Bernardine

, TX

Almost MGB 4/17/00

MGB Done 7/24/00 :-)

248/210

> Nope. You didn't fail. You just had a horrible feeling. And it's ok

to have a horrible feeling and make a decision not to go forward.

Others have changed their minds...several that I know of got as far

as the pre-op room at the hospital and then left. Why one lady

brought her family (with kids) by plane all the way from Texas and

then changed her mind. There's nothing to be ashamed of, you are not

a failure.

>

> But whatever you decide, please do stick around with us and cheer

us on. You may feel braver later. And maybe not. And there's no

failure in that either!

>

> Flo in land

>

> > ** Original Subject: RE: I failed

> > ** Original Sender: garside@b...

> > ** Original Date: Mon, 16 Oct 2000 14:39:50 -0600

>

> > ** Original Message follows...

>

> >

> > I am not feeling real good right now. In fact, I have been

depressed

> > all day. I woke up at 2:00 this morning terrifed and I could not

> > shake

> > the horrible feeling. I finally went ahead I got up, but

> > unfortunately, I could not go through with the surgery and I

called

> > and canceled. I feel like a complete failure and have let mysef

now.

> > I worked so hard to get here just to let my my feeling and nerves

get

> > the best of me. Dr. R is a wonderful doctor and I am very sad

that I

> > didn't have the guts to go through with knowing what I would have

> > achieved if had followed through. I really have let myself down.

All

> > the wonderful e-mails I have read about your successes, I really

> > thought I would be one of you, but I failed!

> >

> > Joyce

> > Chapel Hill

> >

October 16, 2000

How nice of you to post, Bernadine.

And what a great way of putting it.

I'm glad we have so many caring people like you in our egroup.. we are trully a

family.

Your'e a sweetie!

Trudy

RE: I failed

> > ** Original Sender: garside@b...

> > ** Original Date: Mon, 16 Oct 2000 14:39:50 -0600

>

> > ** Original Message follows...

>

> >

> > I am not feeling real good right now. In fact, I have been

depressed

> > all day. I woke up at 2:00 this morning terrifed and I could not

> > shake

> > the horrible feeling. I finally went ahead I got up, but

> > unfortunately, I could not go through with the surgery and I

called

> > and canceled. I feel like a complete failure and have let mysef

now.

> > I worked so hard to get here just to let my my feeling and nerves

get

> > the best of me. Dr. R is a wonderful doctor and I am very sad

that I

> > didn't have the guts to go through with knowing what I would have

> > achieved if had followed through. I really have let myself down.

All

> > the wonderful e-mails I have read about your successes, I really

> > thought I would be one of you, but I failed!

> >

> > Joyce

> > Chapel Hill

> >

October 16, 2000

,

You post so well, and you're so sensitive to another's feelings, girl, I think

maybe you outta add your 2 cents alot more often..

I agree with you totally by the way,

and will be here, with everyone else in case Joyce needs us.

Trudy

I failed

> >Date: Mon, 16 Oct 2000 20:36:17 -0000

> >

> >I am not feeling real good right now. In fact, I have been depressed

> >all day. I woke up at 2:00 this morning terrifed and I could not

> >shake

> >the horrible feeling. I finally went ahead I got up, but

> >unfortunately, I could not go through with the surgery and I called

> >and canceled. I feel like a complete failure and have let mysef now.

> >I worked so hard to get here just to let my my feeling and nerves get

> >the best of me. Dr. R is a wonderful doctor and I am very sad that I

> >didn't have the guts to go through with knowing what I would have

> >achieved if had followed through. I really have let myself down. All

> >the wonderful e-mails I have read about your successes, I really

> >thought I would be one of you, but I failed!

> >

> >Joyce

> >Chapel Hill

> >

October 17, 2000

You are not a failure. You are human. All of us goes through those same

feelings that you had. On the day of my surgery I was a nervous wreck. But

even weeks before I was nervous. I was supposed to have stopped smoking and

I just could not let go. I smoked up until the night before the surgery and

made it hard on myself. PLEASE STOP BEING SO HARD ON YOURSELF. There was

another woman who was scheduled for surgery and she was at the hospital and

she did not go through with it at that particular time, but she called the

Dr. back and made another appointment. This is serious business we are

doing. It is normal to have those feelings. Just reevaluate everything and

weigh the pros and cons of being overweight. I guarantee you, you will make

the decision to go ahead with the surgery. All of this mess that has been

going on may have subconsciously planted a seed of fear within you. Just

take your time and pull yourself together and please go on with the surgery.

You will not regret it. I assure you there is absolutely nothing like it.

Please call me if you need to talk at . We love you and we are

here for you. May God bless you and keep you in his mercy, is my prayer for

you.

(a new beginning)

Surgery+++09/06/00

35lbs....GONE!!!

October 17, 2000

GO TANYA!!