Re: waiting on doc appt. & just rambling.......long

February 24, 2004

Vondie; one of my kids has migraine, and takes Imitrex--hasnot had one

since---and no, I am not employed by the company! Love, n

waiting on doc appt. & just rambling.......long

Hello guys,

Hope all is going well for everyone on the list.

I have made an appointment with a neurologist for both boys, they think that

maybe they are having migraines. They couldnt get them in until May. So, I

guess we will wait it out. I am thinking that maybe that is what it is, I get

them to the point of being sick. does the same thing. Anyway, we know

that it is either the migraines or another sinus surgery. whoohoo, so much fun

waiting to see what all the test show.

Deb - I am really glad to hear that your situation is better. This makes me

so happy for you.

I kind of had a sort of a breakthrough here too. There has been so much

going on with me. I think that I have been having really big bouts of

depression. It seems to get worse in the winter months. I have been doing alot

of thinking and have come up with a few things that I have to change. (not that

it is really cf related - other than the fact that I cant be a good mom and

health caregiver if I cant get myself together.) In my soul searching I have

realized that I lost myself somewhere along the way. I have become so totally

dependant on taking care of the boys and my family - that without them here I

cant function. I know this is going to sound kind of stupid, but - after the

boys leave for school and hubby is gone to work, I shut down. I either sit

around and eat and veg out or I sleep all day. (I also have gained about 30

pounds now) Its weird, I used to be able to get up and would be fine once the

kids got home - In the last year or so it has gotten worse, I cant even get up

when the kids get home. It usually lasts about 2 weeks or so at a time - but in

the past 6 months it has hit me every other day. Ok, knowing that- I have been

trying to deal with it with out meds, etc... So- what I have figured out is

that I have given me entire self to everyone and have nothing left for myself.

I am really unhappy.

SO - I decided to take some of myself back. I joined a gym ( which is

something that I always enjoyed before I got married) That in itself is a

biggie, because my hubby tends to be alittle controlling. But, basically I told

him to kiss my tushie and I was doing it anyway. Since I have been with him I

have given up everything for him. Try 15 years of no friends (other than you

all on the computer)because of jealousy. It was easier to just stay at home

than to fight about it. (which I am not saying was all bad - I think I was a

dang good mom) But, now I have just hit the bottom and he has a choice to make.

Either support me in what I am going to start doing or one of us leaving. I

just have to find myself again. I am looking for art classes next - I have

always loved to draw - but I draw alot of nudes and he didnt like it or me

showing them to anyone, so I quit drawing years ago.

I am not saying that I dont want to take care of my hubby and kids anymore.

They are first in my eyes always - I just want me to come in a close second.

You know?

Anyway - I will just stop for now. I need to go recuperate (sp?) - my butt

is sore from day one of the gym. But man does it feel good

Vondie

February 24, 2004

Vondie,

You go girl!!! You do what you have to do to feel like you again. I haven't

been doing this nearly as long as you, and I have already realized that I am not

me anymore. Someday I will get the courage or whatever it is to stand up and

find myself again!!!

Good luck!!!!!!!!!!

Katy

Mom to Austin 4 no CF & Piper 19 months w/CF

February 24, 2004

Ok Vondie, you do seem to be going into a bad depression. You need

to get help, child, there are a lot of good drugs out there to help

you, Zoloft, is a real good one. Please, do something, tomorrow, you

are more than welcome to call me if you need a pet talk,901-409-

2428. Clinical depression is not a good thing, it is horrible, I

went through one when I was doing my post-graduate work, and I

thought I was going into this deep dark hole. I would look at people

and wonder, why are they smiling? Don't get there, do something

quick. You need to get up in the morning, and get ready like you

were going to work, take a walk around the block or get a bike at a

garage sale, but you have to make yourself get out. Volunteer at a

soup kitchen, anything. Winter is not a good friend either. Do you

have a friend that you can do things with, can you start may be a

group of ladies that will meet maybe once a week, like a book club?

I wish you the best, call me if you need to talk...

> Hello guys,

> Hope all is going well for everyone on the list.

> I have made an appointment with a neurologist for both boys, they

think that maybe they are having migraines. They couldnt get them in

until May. So, I guess we will wait it out. I am thinking that

maybe that is what it is, I get them to the point of being sick.

does the same thing. Anyway, we know that it is either the

migraines or another sinus surgery. whoohoo, so much fun waiting to

see what all the test show.

>

> Deb - I am really glad to hear that your situation is better. This

makes me so happy for you.

>

> I kind of had a sort of a breakthrough here too. There has been

so much going on with me. I think that I have been having really big

bouts of depression. It seems to get worse in the winter months. I

have been doing alot of thinking and have come up with a few things

that I have to change. (not that it is really cf related - other

than the fact that I cant be a good mom and health caregiver if I

cant get myself together.) In my soul searching I have realized

that I lost myself somewhere along the way. I have become so totally

dependant on taking care of the boys and my family - that without

them here I cant function. I know this is going to sound kind of

stupid, but - after the boys leave for school and hubby is gone to

work, I shut down. I either sit around and eat and veg out or I

sleep all day. (I also have gained about 30 pounds now) Its weird,

I used to be able to get up and would be fine once the kids got home -

In the last year or so it has gotten worse, I cant even get up when

the kids get home. It usually lasts about 2 weeks or so at a time -

but in the past 6 months it has hit me every other day. Ok, knowing

that- I have been trying to deal with it with out meds, etc...

So- what I have figured out is that I have given me entire self to

everyone and have nothing left for myself. I am really unhappy.

> SO - I decided to take some of myself back. I joined a gym (

which is something that I always enjoyed before I got married) That

in itself is a biggie, because my hubby tends to be alittle

controlling. But, basically I told him to kiss my tushie and I was

doing it anyway. Since I have been with him I have given up

everything for him. Try 15 years of no friends (other than you all

on the computer)because of jealousy. It was easier to just stay at

home than to fight about it. (which I am not saying was all bad - I

think I was a dang good mom) But, now I have just hit the bottom and

he has a choice to make. Either support me in what I am going to

start doing or one of us leaving. I just have to find myself again.

I am looking for art classes next - I have always loved to draw - but

I draw alot of nudes and he didnt like it or me showing them to

anyone, so I quit drawing years ago.

> I am not saying that I dont want to take care of my hubby and

kids anymore. They are first in my eyes always - I just want me to

come in a close second. You know?

> Anyway - I will just stop for now. I need to go recuperate

(sp?) - my butt is sore from day one of the gym. But man does it

feel good

> Vondie

>

February 25, 2004

In a message dated 2/25/2004 1:54:04 AM Central Standard Time,

mntecrlo@... writes:

Vondie

YOU GO GIRL!!!! I know what you mean it is so easy to lose yourself when you

have kids and a hubby. My husband is the same way when it comes to having

friends. But I have said look if you are going to take everything away from me

then this is not going to work I need to find myself again. I still struggle

with

him on this but at least he is trying. Hang in there I know you can do it!!

You are a GREAT Mom and an inspiration to me because I know I could never

handle a lot of the things you have!! Take care Deb A

February 25, 2004

Hello Deb and all -

Its nice to hear that someone else goes through some of this. I dont mean its

nice - Just good to know that I am not the only one. Yep, my hubby has been

like this for 16 years now. SOmetimes worse than others. I meant to tell you

that if you want to talk outside of the list my email address is

mntecrlo@....

On a lighter note, today was day 2 of the gym. I knew I was out of shape -

but dang. I did the treadmill for about 2 1/2 miles. I think I hurt muscles

that I didnt even realize I had. Next week I get to start weight training

- which is the whole reason I started it. Hopefully I can hang in there to get

to the weights. I had to set goals - mine are to lose the extra 20 pounds I

have racked on and then to muscle up (lifting weights). I am so excited about

it. Its something that I have always wanted to do, but never could. And as

bad as I am hurting, I still am excited about going again.

I guess I better stop for now. I have to go eat my tuna- yuck! (my diet is

about 900 calories a day) Whoo hoo.

Love to all

Vondie

February 25, 2004

Hi Vondie,

It seems like depression is a big issue with women today. I've dealt

with it my whole adult life. The pills they gave me made me numb and

non-functional. Not that I'm knocking them, I just didn't have the

paitence to work my way through them all till I found my match. It is

especially hard this time of year.

It seems that you have mastered the first step. To know that only you

can pull yourself out of this. My depression isn't usually inspired

by any specific event in my life. So I know that I can't realisticly

evpect someone else to bring me out of it.

Sometimes it will take EVERY effort you have to to put on those

sweats and drag yourself to the gym. The hardest part will be

sticking with it. Thats my weakness... If you can find a workout

partner it makes it more fun and you tend to motivate each other.

It's funny because when I read your post I was seriously trying to

recrute some workout partners. So following your lead... it's back to

the gym to firm up these buns!

> >