torn

July 25, 2008

My kiddos all ride the bus (all six of them). Because of Jory's

Asperger's, they wanted to put him on the " short bus " , but I wasn't

going to deal with 2 buses for the same school. I called directly to

the school system's transportation office, and talked to the

director. It took several calls (and Jory having a meltdown on the

way home the very first day of school last year--director had

said, " let's see how he does before we make any decisions " ), but less

than a week into school, the REGULAR bus got a " helper " placed on it,

and Jory did fine that way. Any kids with bus behavior problems get

assigned seats near the front, and Jory's melt counted as a " behavior

problem " for that purpose, and he got the front seat all to himself

for the rest of the schoolyear. Be ready for the meltdown, but let

see if he can handle the bus, and rest assured, the " short

bus " is NOT the only other option.

>

> Took to meet his new principal and talk with her on

Wednesday. She seems very nice, and wants to pick the perfect 1st

grade teacher for him. I gave her his iep info from last year and

everthing seemed fine. Its a much bigger school than we are used

to., 700 students, and its only k-2. There are 11 first grade

classes! His old school had 160 total and was k-5 and only had two

kindergarten classes! So this will indeed be different.

> Anyway..I was fine with everything UNTIL I asked a question abou

the bus. wants to try riding the bus this year, as his old

school didnthave busses. I am certainly willing to let him try. If

he hates it Iwill be happy to drive him. So I asked the principal

about the busses..is there a bus monitor on board? She said no not

on the regular busses, but if I wanted he could ride a smaller bus

(she winked at me then since thomas was there) where they had a

monitor and that they just had a GREAT time on that bus!

> So I guess she was offering to let ride the short bus.

Which really was fine with me, I didnt give it much thought till I

got home.

>

> I told my 16yo daughter this. She flipped OUT. You CANNOT let him

ride that bus mom!! He doesnt NEED to ride that bus, and if you do

he will be labeled by the other kids at school from day one and

picked on and they will ask him WHY he rides that bus, and what will

h e say? So DONT do this please!! She almost started crying,

really! I was kind of taken aback. I hadnt thought of it that way.

>

> So later in the evening I mentioned it to myhusband while we were

in bed. He looks over and says NO. You didnt sign him up for that

bus did you?

> That would be awful. and then went on to explain his reasons for

thinking that way which were the same as my daughters. He would be

stigmatized, and then he would wonder why he was riding that bus,

since other kids will ask, and then so on and so on.

>

> I wonder if I have aspergers. I never ever thought about that.

Not once. All I thought of was yay a bus where theres more

supervision and they have fun! How am I going to look out for him

socially if I cant even do this?

> Am I an overlly protective mom? My husband certainly thinks I

am. And when my son does things that I think will be really hard for

him, he usually does well, in spite of my worrying. but the BUS?

sigh. Of course, my dd pointed out that I was worried about HER

taking the bus on the first day of HIGH SCHOOL after having been

homeschooled for fiveyears prior. She thought that was silly for me

to be worried. Sweet but silly.

>

> So what do yall think? Should I just let him ride the bus, the big

regualr bus and maybe he can just sit in the front? I'm not worried

about his being bad really, I am worried aobut he other kids being

mean.

> Or about him getting overwhelmed with the noise and yelling at

someone and starting a fight maybe. Or I could be totally wrong and

he could make a good friend in our neighborhood by riding hte bus,

and it could be an enjoyable time for him every day.

>

> Thanks for listening to me ramble, I also have terrible pms right

now so everything seems HUGE to me. I made a cake from scratch two

days ago and as I was falling asleep last night, I realized that myf

amilly hasnt eaten all of it yet. maybe they dont like it. maybe it

was yucky. I almost cried. Yep, bring on the midol!! ha

> kate

>

July 25, 2008

My kids have ridden "the short bus." They were already going to be labeled so this was not a problem. It's obvious they are different. I don't know that anyone caused them problems for riding the short bus - which actually, was a full sized bus that is handicapped accessible with aides, in our case.

You need to assess his needs - not dad's and sister's feelings about his needs. You can try the regular bus and see how it goes if you want. Sometimes it works out ok. It did not work out for us in both our cases. Why not ask what he wants to do? And remember you can always switch later if things do not work out with the choice you make now.

RoxannaAutism Happens

( ) torn

Took to meet his new principal and talk with her on Wednesday. She seems very nice, and wants to pick the perfect 1st grade teacher for him. I gave her his iep info from last year and everthing seemed fine. Its a much bigger school than we are used to., 700 students, and its only k-2. There are 11 first grade classes! His old school had 160 total and was k-5 and only had two kindergarten classes! So this will indeed be different.Anyway..I was fine with everything UNTIL I asked a question abou the bus. wants to try riding the bus this year, as his old school didnthave busses. I am certainly willing to let him try. If he hates it Iwill be happy to drive him. So I asked the principal about the busses..is there a bus monitor on board? She said no not on the regular busses, but if I wanted he could ride a smaller bus (she winked at me then since thomas was there) where they had a monitor and that they just had a GREAT time on that bus! So I guess she was offering to let ride the short bus. Which really was fine with me, I didnt give it much thought till I got home. I told my 16yo daughter this. She flipped OUT. You CANNOT let him ride that bus mom!! He doesnt NEED to ride that bus, and if you do he will be labeled by the other kids at school from day one and picked on and they will ask him WHY he rides that bus, and what will h e say? So DONT do this please!! She almost started crying, really! I was kind of taken aback. I hadnt thought of it that way.So later in the evening I mentioned it to myhusband while we were in bed. He looks over and says NO. You didnt sign him up for that bus did you? That would be awful. and then went on to explain his reasons for thinking that way which were the same as my daughters. He would be stigmatized, and then he would wonder why he was riding that bus, since other kids will ask, and then so on and so on.I wonder if I have aspergers. I never ever thought about that. Not once. All I thought of was yay a bus where theres more supervision and they have fun! How am I going to look out for him socially if I cant even do this? Am I an overlly protective mom? My husband certainly thinks I am. And when my son does things that I think will be really hard for him, he usually does well, in spite of my worrying. but the BUS? sigh. Of course, my dd pointed out that I was worried about HER taking the bus on the first day of HIGH SCHOOL after having been homeschooled for fiveyears prior. She thought that was silly for me to be worried. Sweet but silly.So what do yall think? Should I just let him ride the bus, the big regualr bus and maybe he can just sit in the front? I'm not worried about his being bad really, I am worried aobut he other kids being mean. Or about him getting overwhelmed with the noise and yelling at someone and starting a fight maybe. Or I could be totally wrong and he could make a good friend in our neighborhood by riding hte bus, and it could be an enjoyable time for him every day. Thanks for listening to me ramble, I also have terrible pms right now so everything seems HUGE to me. I made a cake from scratch two days ago and as I was falling asleep last night, I realized that myf amilly hasnt eaten all of it yet. maybe they dont like it. maybe it was yucky. I almost cried. Yep, bring on the midol!! hakate No virus found in this incoming message.

Checked by AVG - http://www.avg.com Version: 8.0.138 / Virus Database: 270.5.6/1572 - Release Date: 7/25/2008 6:51 AM

July 25, 2008

Roxanne...again you are so Right. The kids are already looked upon as different!!!!

My son LOVES riding the smaller bus....and his driver is so concerned for him.. The first day she arrived late and my son wasn't too sure what to do...the driver said she wanted to walk him in...but she told him to have the school call her cell phone if there was a problem..and she gave him her cell number. What a doll!!!!

Jan

Janice Rushen

Mom, Mentor, Wife, Teacher, Advocate, Accountant,

Maid, Taxi, Shopper, Bulletin Board Artist

Nanny, Crafter, Therapist, Friend, Sister, Aunt,

Daughter, Grand-daughter, Personal Care Aide,

Student, Believer, and Giver.

From: Roxanna <madideas@...>Subject: Re: ( ) torn Date: Friday, July 25, 2008, 11:53 AM

My kids have ridden "the short bus." They were already going to be labeled so this was not a problem. It's obvious they are different. I don't know that anyone caused them problems for riding the short bus - which actually, was a full sized bus that is handicapped accessible with aides, in our case.

You need to assess his needs - not dad's and sister's feelings about his needs. You can try the regular bus and see how it goes if you want. Sometimes it works out ok. It did not work out for us in both our cases. Why not ask what he wants to do? And remember you can always switch later if things do not work out with the choice you make now.

RoxannaAutism Happens

( ) torn

Took to meet his new principal and talk with her on Wednesday. She seems very nice, and wants to pick the perfect 1st grade teacher for him. I gave her his iep info from last year and everthing seemed fine. Its a much bigger school than we are used to., 700 students, and its only k-2. There are 11 first grade classes! His old school had 160 total and was k-5 and only had two kindergarten classes! So this will indeed be different.Anyway..I was fine with everything UNTIL I asked a question abou the bus. wants to try riding the bus this year, as his old school didnthave busses. I am certainly willing to let him try. If he hates it Iwill be happy to drive him. So I asked the principal about the busses..is there a bus monitor on board? She said no not on the regular busses, but if I wanted he could ride a smaller bus (she winked at me then since thomas was there) where they had a monitor and that they just had a GREAT time on that bus!

So I guess she was offering to let ride the short bus. Which really was fine with me, I didnt give it much thought till I got home. I told my 16yo daughter this. She flipped OUT. You CANNOT let him ride that bus mom!! He doesnt NEED to ride that bus, and if you do he will be labeled by the other kids at school from day one and picked on and they will ask him WHY he rides that bus, and what will h e say? So DONT do this please!! She almost started crying, really! I was kind of taken aback. I hadnt thought of it that way.So later in the evening I mentioned it to myhusband while we were in bed. He looks over and says NO. You didnt sign him up for that bus did you? That would be awful. and then went on to explain his reasons for thinking that way which were the same as my daughters. He would be stigmatized, and then he would wonder why he was riding that bus, since other kids will ask, and then so on and so on.I wonder

if I have aspergers. I never ever thought about that. Not once. All I thought of was yay a bus where theres more supervision and they have fun! How am I going to look out for him socially if I cant even do this? Am I an overlly protective mom? My husband certainly thinks I am. And when my son does things that I think will be really hard for him, he usually does well, in spite of my worrying. but the BUS? sigh. Of course, my dd pointed out that I was worried about HER taking the bus on the first day of HIGH SCHOOL after having been homeschooled for fiveyears prior. She thought that was silly for me to be worried. Sweet but silly.So what do yall think? Should I just let him ride the bus, the big regualr bus and maybe he can just sit in the front? I'm not worried about his being bad really, I am worried aobut he other kids being mean. Or about him getting overwhelmed with the noise and yelling at someone and starting a fight maybe. Or I

could be totally wrong and he could make a good friend in our neighborhood by riding hte bus, and it could be an enjoyable time for him every day. Thanks for listening to me ramble, I also have terrible pms right now so everything seems HUGE to me. I made a cake from scratch two days ago and as I was falling asleep last night, I realized that myf amilly hasnt eaten all of it yet. maybe they dont like it. maybe it was yucky. I almost cried. Yep, bring on the midol!! hakate No virus found in this incoming message.

Checked by AVG - http://www.avg. com Version: 8.0.138 / Virus Database: 270.5.6/1572 - Release Date: 7/25/2008 6:51 AM

July 25, 2008

Roxanne...again you are so Right. The kids are already looked upon as different!!!!

My son LOVES riding the smaller bus....and his driver is so concerned for him.. The first day she arrived late and my son wasn't too sure what to do...the driver said she wanted to walk him in...but she told him to have the school call her cell phone if there was a problem..and she gave him her cell number. What a doll!!!!

Jan

Janice Rushen

Mom, Mentor, Wife, Teacher, Advocate, Accountant,

Maid, Taxi, Shopper, Bulletin Board Artist

Nanny, Crafter, Therapist, Friend, Sister, Aunt,

Daughter, Grand-daughter, Personal Care Aide,

Student, Believer, and Giver.

From: Roxanna <madideas@...>Subject: Re: ( ) torn Date: Friday, July 25, 2008, 11:53 AM

My kids have ridden "the short bus." They were already going to be labeled so this was not a problem. It's obvious they are different. I don't know that anyone caused them problems for riding the short bus - which actually, was a full sized bus that is handicapped accessible with aides, in our case.

You need to assess his needs - not dad's and sister's feelings about his needs. You can try the regular bus and see how it goes if you want. Sometimes it works out ok. It did not work out for us in both our cases. Why not ask what he wants to do? And remember you can always switch later if things do not work out with the choice you make now.

RoxannaAutism Happens

( ) torn

Took to meet his new principal and talk with her on Wednesday. She seems very nice, and wants to pick the perfect 1st grade teacher for him. I gave her his iep info from last year and everthing seemed fine. Its a much bigger school than we are used to., 700 students, and its only k-2. There are 11 first grade classes! His old school had 160 total and was k-5 and only had two kindergarten classes! So this will indeed be different.Anyway..I was fine with everything UNTIL I asked a question abou the bus. wants to try riding the bus this year, as his old school didnthave busses. I am certainly willing to let him try. If he hates it Iwill be happy to drive him. So I asked the principal about the busses..is there a bus monitor on board? She said no not on the regular busses, but if I wanted he could ride a smaller bus (she winked at me then since thomas was there) where they had a monitor and that they just had a GREAT time on that bus!

So I guess she was offering to let ride the short bus. Which really was fine with me, I didnt give it much thought till I got home. I told my 16yo daughter this. She flipped OUT. You CANNOT let him ride that bus mom!! He doesnt NEED to ride that bus, and if you do he will be labeled by the other kids at school from day one and picked on and they will ask him WHY he rides that bus, and what will h e say? So DONT do this please!! She almost started crying, really! I was kind of taken aback. I hadnt thought of it that way.So later in the evening I mentioned it to myhusband while we were in bed. He looks over and says NO. You didnt sign him up for that bus did you? That would be awful. and then went on to explain his reasons for thinking that way which were the same as my daughters. He would be stigmatized, and then he would wonder why he was riding that bus, since other kids will ask, and then so on and so on.I wonder

if I have aspergers. I never ever thought about that. Not once. All I thought of was yay a bus where theres more supervision and they have fun! How am I going to look out for him socially if I cant even do this? Am I an overlly protective mom? My husband certainly thinks I am. And when my son does things that I think will be really hard for him, he usually does well, in spite of my worrying. but the BUS? sigh. Of course, my dd pointed out that I was worried about HER taking the bus on the first day of HIGH SCHOOL after having been homeschooled for fiveyears prior. She thought that was silly for me to be worried. Sweet but silly.So what do yall think? Should I just let him ride the bus, the big regualr bus and maybe he can just sit in the front? I'm not worried about his being bad really, I am worried aobut he other kids being mean. Or about him getting overwhelmed with the noise and yelling at someone and starting a fight maybe. Or I

could be totally wrong and he could make a good friend in our neighborhood by riding hte bus, and it could be an enjoyable time for him every day. Thanks for listening to me ramble, I also have terrible pms right now so everything seems HUGE to me. I made a cake from scratch two days ago and as I was falling asleep last night, I realized that myf amilly hasnt eaten all of it yet. maybe they dont like it. maybe it was yucky. I almost cried. Yep, bring on the midol!! hakate No virus found in this incoming message.

Checked by AVG - http://www.avg. com Version: 8.0.138 / Virus Database: 270.5.6/1572 - Release Date: 7/25/2008 6:51 AM

July 25, 2008

I totally understand your concern. I kind of agree with your daughter and husband, to some degree. I never wanted to have to worry about Dylan being on any kind of bus anyway so I just drove him to and from school every day. If I couldn't do it for some reason, my parents helped me. Buses are so loud anyway, it would've been completely sensory overload for Dylan. I don't think he missed out on anything from not riding the bus

( ) torn

Took to meet his new principal and talk with her on Wednesday. She seems very nice, and wants to pick the perfect 1st grade teacher for him. I gave her his iep info from last year and everthing seemed fine. Its a much bigger school than we are used to., 700 students, and its only k-2. There are 11 first grade classes! His old school had 160 total and was k-5 and only had two kindergarten classes! So this will indeed be different.Anyway..I was fine with everything UNTIL I asked a question abou the bus. wants to try riding the bus this year, as his old school didnthave busses. I am certainly willing to let him try. If he hates it Iwill be happy to drive him. So I asked the principal about the busses..is there a bus monitor on board? She said no not on the regular busses, but if I wanted he could ride a smaller bus (she winked at me then since thomas was there) where they had a monitor and that they just had a GREAT time on that bus!

So I guess she was offering to let ride the short bus. Which really was fine with me, I didnt give it much thought till I got home. I told my 16yo daughter this. She flipped OUT. You CANNOT let him ride that bus mom!! He doesnt NEED to ride that bus, and if you do he will be labeled by the other kids at school from day one and picked on and they will ask him WHY he rides that bus, and what will h e say? So DONT do this please!! She almost started crying, really! I was kind of taken aback. I hadnt thought of it that way.So later in the evening I mentioned it to myhusband while we were in bed. He looks over and says NO. You didnt sign him up for that bus did you? That would be awful. and then went on to explain his reasons for thinking that way which were the same as my daughters. He would be stigmatized, and then he would wonder why he was riding that bus, since other kids will ask, and then so on and so on.I wonder

if I have aspergers. I never ever thought about that. Not once. All I thought of was yay a bus where theres more supervision and they have fun! How am I going to look out for him socially if I cant even do this? Am I an overlly protective mom? My husband certainly thinks I am. And when my son does things that I think will be really hard for him, he usually does well, in spite of my worrying. but the BUS? sigh. Of course, my dd pointed out that I was worried about HER taking the bus on the first day of HIGH SCHOOL after having been homeschooled for fiveyears prior. She thought that was silly for me to be worried. Sweet but silly.So what do yall think? Should I just let him ride the bus, the big regualr bus and maybe he can just sit in the front? I'm not worried about his being bad really, I am worried aobut he other kids being mean. Or about him getting overwhelmed with the noise and yelling at someone and starting a fight maybe. Or I

could be totally wrong and he could make a good friend in our neighborhood by riding hte bus, and it could be an enjoyable time for him every day. Thanks for listening to me ramble, I also have terrible pms right now so everything seems HUGE to me. I made a cake from scratch two days ago and as I was falling asleep last night, I realized that myf amilly hasnt eaten all of it yet. maybe they dont like it. maybe it was yucky. I almost cried. Yep, bring on the midol!! hakate

July 25, 2008

The regular bus is hard. Really hard, sensorily (is that a word?) and socially. But the level of stigmatization/bullying/etc that comes with mainstream school can be even more difficult to deal with. I'd let him ride the regular bus, especially if he's in mainstream classes.

If he finds it too much, you can give him strategies to help: noise cancelling headphones with music, sitting in front if possible. If it just isn't working out, you can always drive him.

You could also explain the difference between the two and get his input, if he's at that level...jyq

July 25, 2008

I agree. In middle school my son rode the sped bus, but he will be starting high school in August & he will be riding the regula bus. My concern is not the bus ride but getting to the bus stop & waiting for the bus. The bus stop is only two blocks away, but it is on the street behind ours. I could drive & sit & wait for the bus on my way to work, but that would probaby mortify my 17yo son. So he will have to watch out for his little brother.Sent from my iPhoneBlessings, DonnaOn Jul 25, 2008, at 1:06 PM, Yuqi Jin <jin.yuqi@...> wrote:

The regular bus is hard. Really hard, sensorily (is that a word?) and socially. But the level of stigmatization/bullying/etc that comes with mainstream school can be even more difficult to deal with. I'd let him ride the regular bus, especially if he's in mainstream classes.

If he finds it too much, you can give him strategies to help: noise cancelling headphones with music, sitting in front if possible. If it just isn't working out, you can always drive him.

You could also explain the difference between the two and get his input, if he's at that level...jyq

July 25, 2008

My son rides the Special Ed bus, and so far (where is that wood?) there

has been absolutely no teasing that I've seen. He's only going into

2nd grade, so perhaps it is coming.

I like the protection it brings. The 2 ladies on the bus will guard

these kids with their lives. Plus...the bus pulls right in my circle

driveway. Thank you very much!

I don't honestly know if my son would make it on the " real " bus, plus

we are a tad bit too close to the school for him to ride it

legitimately.

So far, so good here.

Donna

July 25, 2008

I agree with you Donna 100%...ever since my son was able to ride the smaller bus...teasing stopped!!! On the bus that is. And his driver knows all the children and would not put up with it...but the children my son rides would most likely would not tease anyways. And, like you said...the Drivers of these buses usually ...I would say 99% of them...know these are "special" children...and look out for them...they treated them kindly and usually end up loving them all which is what our children need. So, I am so glad that we came to the conclusion to put him on the smaller bus. Especially for the NOISE!!!

It is noisy enough all day long in school...I know...I am there all day in the HS.

Jan

Janice Rushen

Mom, Mentor, Wife, Teacher, Advocate, Accountant,

Maid, Taxi, Shopper, Bulletin Board Artist

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From: Donna <AWEtism@...>Subject: ( ) Re: torn Date: Friday, July 25, 2008, 4:10 PM

My son rides the Special Ed bus, and so far (where is that wood?) there has been absolutely no teasing that I've seen. He's only going into 2nd grade, so perhaps it is coming.I like the protection it brings. The 2 ladies on the bus will guard these kids with their lives. Plus...the bus pulls right in my circle driveway. Thank you very much!I don't honestly know if my son would make it on the "real" bus, plus we are a tad bit too close to the school for him to ride it legitimately. So far, so good here.Donna

July 25, 2008

I'm sure it's much better for him on the smaller bus, but I think the other poster's family (daughter and husband) was concerned about the social stigma of riding the small bus. When kids are younger (like Kind-2nd) the social stigma probably isn't really there. But as kids get older, it is. If your child needs to ride a bus b/c there are no other options and the "regular" bus is too intimidating/noisy/etc... I understand putting your child on the smaller bus. But if there's an option of driving your child to school yourself (which seemed like the poster could do w/ no problem) it might be a better option, especially for older kids. Kind of sucks you have to think about it like that, but you do.

( ) Re: torn Date: Friday, July 25, 2008, 4:10 PM

My son rides the Special Ed bus, and so far (where is that wood?) there has been absolutely no teasing that I've seen. He's only going into 2nd grade, so perhaps it is coming.I like the protection it brings. The 2 ladies on the bus will guard these kids with their lives. Plus...the bus pulls right in my circle driveway. Thank you very much!I don't honestly know if my son would make it on the "real" bus, plus we are a tad bit too close to the school for him to ride it legitimately. So far, so good here.Donna

July 25, 2008

The only thing he might have missed is learning the foul language ...dirty jokes...the teasing and bullying and lots and lots of NOISE! Ha!!! Ha!!!!

I think driving them is the best route but a lot of us don't have the choice....between our working hours and the price of gas...my son's school is 11 miles away....so if I stayed home that would be i would be putting 44 miles a day on my car just taking him back and forth to school.....but I knowing me...I probably would...but I leave at 6:25 a.m. to be at the West Hs.

Jan

Janice Rushen

Mom, Mentor, Wife, Teacher, Advocate, Accountant,

Maid, Taxi, Shopper, Bulletin Board Artist

Nanny, Crafter, Therapist, Friend, Sister, Aunt,

Daughter, Grand-daughter, Personal Care Aide,

Student, Believer, and Giver.

From: MacAllister <smacalli@...>Subject: Re: ( ) torn Date: Friday, July 25, 2008, 12:53 PM

I totally understand your concern. I kind of agree with your daughter and husband, to some degree. I never wanted to have to worry about Dylan being on any kind of bus anyway so I just drove him to and from school every day. If I couldn't do it for some reason, my parents helped me. Buses are so loud anyway, it would've been completely sensory overload for Dylan. I don't think he missed out on anything from not riding the bus

( ) torn

Took to meet his new principal and talk with her on Wednesday. She seems very nice, and wants to pick the perfect 1st grade teacher for him. I gave her his iep info from last year and everthing seemed fine. Its a much bigger school than we are used to., 700 students, and its only k-2. There are 11 first grade classes! His old school had 160 total and was k-5 and only had two kindergarten classes! So this will indeed be different.Anyway..I was fine with everything UNTIL I asked a question abou the bus. wants to try riding the bus this year, as his old school didnthave busses. I am certainly willing to let him try. If he hates it Iwill be happy to drive him. So I asked the principal about the busses..is there a bus monitor on board? She said no not on the regular busses, but if I wanted he could ride a smaller bus (she winked at me then since thomas was there) where they had a monitor and that they just had a GREAT time on that bus!

So I guess she was offering to let ride the short bus. Which really was fine with me, I didnt give it much thought till I got home. I told my 16yo daughter this. She flipped OUT. You CANNOT let him ride that bus mom!! He doesnt NEED to ride that bus, and if you do he will be labeled by the other kids at school from day one and picked on and they will ask him WHY he rides that bus, and what will h e say? So DONT do this please!! She almost started crying, really! I was kind of taken aback. I hadnt thought of it that way.So later in the evening I mentioned it to myhusband while we were in bed. He looks over and says NO. You didnt sign him up for that bus did you? That would be awful. and then went on to explain his reasons for thinking that way which were the same as my daughters. He would be stigmatized, and then he would wonder why he was riding that bus, since other kids will ask, and then so on and so on.I wonder

if I have aspergers. I never ever thought about that. Not once. All I thought of was yay a bus where theres more supervision and they have fun! How am I going to look out for him socially if I cant even do this? Am I an overlly protective mom? My husband certainly thinks I am. And when my son does things that I think will be really hard for him, he usually does well, in spite of my worrying. but the BUS? sigh. Of course, my dd pointed out that I was worried about HER taking the bus on the first day of HIGH SCHOOL after having been homeschooled for fiveyears prior. She thought that was silly for me to be worried. Sweet but silly.So what do yall think? Should I just let him ride the bus, the big regualr bus and maybe he can just sit in the front? I'm not worried about his being bad really, I am worried aobut he other kids being mean. Or about him getting overwhelmed with the noise and yelling at someone and starting a fight maybe. Or I

could be totally wrong and he could make a good friend in our neighborhood by riding hte bus, and it could be an enjoyable time for him every day. Thanks for listening to me ramble, I also have terrible pms right now so everything seems HUGE to me. I made a cake from scratch two days ago and as I was falling asleep last night, I realized that myf amilly hasnt eaten all of it yet. maybe they dont like it. maybe it was yucky. I almost cried. Yep, bring on the midol!! hakate

July 25, 2008

, even though you do have a good point, How would our kids learn to deal with or be taught how to handle life's situations if we keep protecting them from everything instead of teaching them. for an example, my son didn't want to go to the gym today because some boys were teasing him yesterday. If I told him, OK, stay home, how would he ever learn to make a good choice on how to handle any type of situation. I found out after a long talk with him that the boys took something from him and were playing keep away. (he felt the boys were being mean and making fun of him) I went over strategies with him on what to do if this were to continue today. He went to the gym today and he had a good time. Don't get me wrong, I know what happens on those buses and what all kids learn on them. we had our experiences too. But, if there is a problem on the bus, our kids can learn from us,

what steps we take to try to fix them. and when we write our letters to the principal stating our concerns, and they get ignored, or the problem still is there, there is a next step, then there is the smaller bus. but the poster is foreseeing a problem and trying to fix it by driving him before anything even started. I guess my point is, How would our kids learn the strategies if we don't let them try ? Also, if they don't learn this now, they will still have to face this in college or when they get a job. Isn't it better to teach them now, while they are young ? In my sons social skills group. they have a 2nd group with much older people. they did very well in college, but don't know how to handle any social situations, nor do they know how to present themselves for a job interview. but did great in college with their grades. They are now in this skills group to learn how to apply themselves for a job, and to

learn social skill and life skills. (Also, I'm reading some post while doing my running around and when I have waiting time). So, I didn't catch if the poster said if her child was HFA. My post was meant more for HFA since that's what my son is and learning how to handle things as they happen. there is a Hugh spectrum and not every child can handle the same challenges. but I think we should try to see what they can and can't handle so we can get them the right strategies to help them learn. Also, I can see her worries because he never rode the bus before. Also, maybe the siblings should go for therapy or a group that works with siblings that they can talk about concerns with a brother or sister with a disablilty. they are also going to hear those same remarks from others in their school, after school program, sports, etc... Something like a support group for them. someone at school will go up to them and ask, why is

your brother acting like that ? and with this support group, or therapy, they will learn what to say. (how to handle most social stigma) Rose MacAllister <smacalli@...> wrote: I'm sure it's much better for him on the smaller bus, but I think the other poster's family (daughter and husband) was concerned about the social stigma of riding the small

bus. When kids are younger (like Kind-2nd) the social stigma probably isn't really there. But as kids get older, it is. If your child needs to ride a bus b/c there are no other options and the "regular" bus is too intimidating/noisy/etc... I understand putting your child on the smaller bus. But if there's an option of driving your child to school yourself (which seemed like the poster could do w/ no problem) it might be a better option, especially for older kids. Kind of sucks you have to think about it like that, but you do. ( ) Re: torn @

groups. comDate: Friday, July 25, 2008, 4:10 PM My son rides the Special Ed bus, and so far (where is that wood?) there has been absolutely no teasing that I've seen. He's only going into 2nd grade, so perhaps it is coming.I like the protection it brings. The 2 ladies on the bus will guard these kids with their lives. Plus...the bus pulls right in my circle driveway. Thank you very much!I don't honestly know if my son would make it on the "real" bus, plus we are a tad bit too close to the school for him to ride it legitimately. So far, so good here.Donna

July 25, 2008

Yes...I do agree that our children need to learn how to deal with social situations....but if it doesn't work ...it doesn't work. I think my son gets enough socialization during school and with the neighborhood kids. The bus is just too noisy and too unsuprvised. The kids are loud and wild after a day of school. For my son..it has made a world of difference when he comes home..he is still tired and overloadded but not like before.

You are right we can not protect them all the time and they need to learn how to cope in society but i am not sure the bus is the right setting even for HFA. My son rode the reg. bus from K thru 3/4 of 6th grade. But it was getting worse and the kids were cruel. I do believe as he matures and the others do too ...he will be able to ride on the regular bus. But I am going to leave that up to him .....

And, as far as the social aspect of being teased about being on this bus....I don't think ridng the reg. bus would make any difference....for some reason our kids wear a big red flag that says "target for teasing" ....

The student I am with is handipcapped and has to ride the smaller bus ...he is in high school...and a lot of other kids tell him he's lucky....he gets dropped off right in front of his door and he doesn't have to deal with all the other kids on the bus and he gets to leave 15 min. earlier. So, I guess it is all how you look at it.

Try the regular bus...see how it goes....and if it doesn't work...then try something else. I know alot of parents of Nts that don't want their kids riding on the bus because of the bullying, yelling and foul language so they drive their kids every day.

Jan

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From: Donna <AWEtismaol (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Re: torn Date: Friday, July 25, 2008, 4:10 PM

My son rides the Special Ed bus, and so far (where is that wood?) there has been absolutely no teasing that I've seen. He's only going into 2nd grade, so perhaps it is coming.I like the protection it brings. The 2 ladies on the bus will guard these kids with their lives. Plus...the bus pulls right in my circle driveway. Thank you very much!I don't honestly know if my son would make it on the "real" bus, plus we are a tad bit too close to the school for him to ride it legitimately. So far, so good here.Donna

July 25, 2008

I understand what you're saying, but I'll disagree about a regular school bus being an okay environment. My biggest concern is lack of adult supervision. My son is on a soccer team (not school-related) and in the band so he has opportunities to learn social skills (of course in addition to daily life "stuff"). But on a bus, with so many kids and just one adult, I'd rather avoid that situation all together. I really do get what you're trying to say and you are right about exposing our kids to social environments so they can learn, with our help, the appropriate behavior. I'm just too worried about what could happen in a regular bus environment. All it takes is one horrible event to really cause psychological or physical damage. I feel like my son has to put up

with enough in controlled environments so I'd rather not expose him to something so uncontrolled. My son rides the bus when they go on field trips and such, but there are more adults involved then so I feel a lot better about it.

( ) Re: torn Date: Friday, July 25, 2008, 4:10 PM

My son rides the Special Ed bus, and so far (where is that wood?) there has been absolutely no teasing that I've seen. He's only going into 2nd grade, so perhaps it is coming.I like the protection it brings. The 2 ladies on the bus will guard these kids with their lives. Plus...the bus pulls right in my circle driveway. Thank you very much!I don't honestly know if my son would make it on the "real" bus, plus we are a tad bit too close to the school for him to ride it legitimately. So far, so good here.Donna

July 25, 2008

I do see what you and Jan are saying. I guess my point was to socialize our children and give them strategies to work things out but like you just gave me the " wake up call " the school bus is NOT the place for that. you are right to bring out the lack of supervision, which I overlooked with the big bus.. Yes, it's best to learn socializing and strategies at other places. I still feel the poster should check out the little bus and see how the kids and supervision is on that bus, <before she puts her child on it>. because he has never rode the bus before. As far as social stigma goes, it will always be there.. Rose MacAllister <smacalli@...> wrote: I understand what you're saying, but I'll disagree about a regular school bus being an okay environment. My biggest concern is lack of adult supervision. My son is on a soccer team (not school-related) and in the band so he has opportunities to learn social skills (of course in addition to daily life "stuff"). But on a bus, with so many kids and just one adult, I'd rather avoid that situation all together. I really do get what you're trying to say and you are right about exposing our kids to social environments so they can learn, with our

help, the appropriate behavior. I'm just too worried about what could happen in a regular bus environment. All it takes is one horrible event to really cause psychological or physical damage. I feel like my son has to put up with enough in controlled environments so I'd rather not expose him to something so uncontrolled. My son rides the bus when they go on field trips and such, but there are more adults involved then so I feel a lot better about it. ( ) Re: torn Date: Friday, July 25, 2008, 4:10 PM My son rides the Special Ed bus, and so far (where is that wood?) there has been absolutely no teasing that I've seen. He's only going into 2nd grade, so perhaps it is coming.I like the protection it brings. The 2 ladies on the bus will guard these kids with their lives. Plus...the bus pulls right in my circle driveway.

Thank you very much!I don't honestly know if my son would make it on the "real" bus, plus we are a tad bit too close to the school for him to ride it legitimately. So far, so good here.Donna

July 25, 2008

I agree---We do door to door special education bus services.

We have tried the regular bus---very overwhelming and not to mention the bullying.

The door to door is in his IEP.....yes the school tells me he has out grown it as he has no need.....lol......yeah cause it is working.

I think it also works especially through the first year of middle school since this bus gets there before the regular buses and leaves early from school......that way there is no teasing to the students.

Robyn in Hampton Roads, Virginia

( ) Re: torn

My son rides the Special Ed bus, and so far (where is that wood?) there has been absolutely no teasing that I've seen. He's only going into 2nd grade, so perhaps it is coming.I like the protection it brings. The 2 ladies on the bus will guard these kids with their lives. Plus...the bus pulls right in my circle driveway. Thank you very much!I don't honestly know if my son would make it on the "real" bus, plus we are a tad bit too close to the school for him to ride it legitimately. So far, so good here.Donna

July 26, 2008

I just gotta say one thing.....and I hope this comes out right. I get how this thread is talking about exposing our kids to all kind of experiences so that they can learn to deal and cope.......

But,,,,,is there anyone out there, other than us, that has let their child just "be" and seen good things?

We not only pulled him from traditional school for this last grade,,,,,,,but I don't put him in anything he doesn't want to try.

He goes to the pool when he wants....or stays home if he doesnt' want to go. He rides bikes......or not. He takes our dog for a walk with his ltl sis,,,,,,,,,or not. We go to church.

We visit friends................some days are hermit-days......others are wonderful. He doesn't freak like he used to,,,,as if he was "coming down" from interaction or having to keep it "together" all day.

He talks to us. He's calmer. I guess we took a different approach.....in a way. Maybe it was because the social stuff he "got" was all negative,,,,,that we saw that not everyone enjoys being social.....

I love to stay home. Love to see friends,,,but love to get home. Not all of us have "social" jobs.................

So,,,,,I'm wondering if anyone else just lets their kid "be" with AS and doesn't try to mold it into something better for them. (Please don't take that wrong......cause I struggle from time to time with whether we should still be going to therapists, etc. I stopped them, too, cause we were told to always be "getting out there" and playing with more and more other kids to get experience on how to "be". We saw that Ian was nicer than most of the kids we were supposed to put him with. Sure,,,,,,,he talked aobut his games.....whatever,,,,, but he was nicer. Ick.

Anyway,,,,I hope I didn't offend. Just wondering if there were "others" like us.

Hee hee.

Robin

Normal is just a cycle on a washing machine!!

From: Donna <AWEtismaol (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Re: torn Date: Friday, July 25, 2008, 4:10 PM

My son rides the Special Ed bus, and so far (where is that wood?) there has been absolutely no teasing that I've seen. He's only going into 2nd grade, so perhaps it is coming.I like the protection it brings. The 2 ladies on the bus will guard these kids with their lives. Plus...the bus pulls right in my circle driveway. Thank you very much!I don't honestly know if my son would make it on the "real" bus, plus we are a tad bit too close to the school for him to ride it legitimately. So far, so good here.Donna

July 26, 2008

Hi Robin, I am not offended at all by your post. every bodies parenting skills are very different. As for us, we all see those doctors, therapies, social skills, interventions, tutors, etc.. My son is progressing so well, did awesome in scout camp, (with adult help from dinner till bedtime) doing well in school. I often wondered how or where he would be if he didn't have all these interventions when he was younger till present. (the opposite of your question) So, at his last appointment with a neurologist, that specializes in autism. I asked her. She said you can't imagine where he would be and wouldn't want to know because I've seen the kids without the interventions. She said I am very lucky to have gotten him into those services. she explained how autism can never be cured, but through interventions, he will be able to get a job and live independently depending on if this all these

services continues. But, it sounds like you are also doing just fine without any of these interventions and Ian is nicer than the other kids he was with. ( maybe Ian is high functioning then my son) With my son in his social skills class, I also find this with my son, he seems much more nicer too. but it's what they are teaching in the skills class that is helping him. like with boundary's, safety, life skills, etc.. and also, how to get along with others that are doing something you don't like or annoying to you. this is a tough one for my son. (because he doesn't verbalize his needs) to say stop, your annoying, I don't want to do that, etc..) Also, when my son is at an after school activity, religion class etc..and a child is being annoying to him - what should he do ?, now, he knows to tell an adult. So we are now facing this - when you tell the adult that their child is annoying or

pushed you or something that needs their attention now, and the adult doesn't seem to care. (happens often) what does he do then ?. He is learning so many strategies on how to cope with all different types of personalities. including that some Adults aren't any better at handling problems, and my son needs many choices to help him decide what's best to do. With my son, he won't learn this on his own, He needs the therapy and skills class sometime roll playing. This is what is working for us - lots of interventions - Maybe this is all I know for now, but its working. Now, with us, > If I did what you were doing with your son. My son wouldn't progress at all. before therapy, if someone was annoying my son, he would get physical and was always in trouble. if I don't give that little push, he wouldn't have any friends, nor would he be welcomed at other peoples homes, activities, etc...At one time it was

impossible to walk in a store with my kids. but with help from this site and some things Roxanna posted THAT WORKED, going to the store - today - isn't that bad anymore... T.G. because my son is just that type of kid that needs any and all the extra supports he can get. I have to continue it. Each child in so different on the spectrum. and everything I'm doing with my son might not work at all with your son. If you like Ian's progress, and He's learning, he's happy and doing well and progressing just fine. then why change ?. for me, right now, I wouldn't change anything. I like his progress.....*smile* your post shows there are different ways to work with our kids. I do feel that having friends are very important. Even if its just one good friend. Rose and/or Robin Lemke

<jrisjs@...> wrote: I just gotta say one thing.....and I hope this comes out right. I get how this thread is talking about exposing our kids to all kind of experiences so that they can learn to deal and cope....... But,,,,,is there anyone out there, other than us, that has let their child just "be" and seen good things? We not only pulled him from traditional school for this last grade,,,,,,,but I don't put him in

anything he doesn't want to try. He goes to the pool when he wants....or stays home if he doesnt' want to go. He rides bikes......or not. He takes our dog for a walk with his ltl sis,,,,,,,,,or not. We go to church. We visit friends................some days are hermit-days......others are wonderful. He doesn't freak like he used to,,,,as if he was "coming down" from interaction or having to keep it "together" all day. He talks to us. He's calmer. I guess we took a different approach.....in a way. Maybe it was because the social stuff he "got" was all negative,,,,,that we saw that not everyone enjoys being social..... I love to stay home. Love to see friends,,,but love to get home. Not all of us have "social" jobs................. So,,,,,I'm wondering if anyone else just lets their kid "be" with AS and doesn't

try to mold it into something better for them. (Please don't take that wrong......cause I struggle from time to time with whether we should still be going to therapists, etc. I stopped them, too, cause we were told to always be "getting out there" and playing with more and more other kids to get experience on how to "be". We saw that Ian was nicer than most of the kids we were supposed to put him with. Sure,,,,,,,he talked aobut his games.....whatever,,,,, but he was nicer. Ick. Anyway,,,,I hope I didn't offend. Just wondering if there were "others" like us. Hee hee. Robin Normal is just a cycle on a washing machine!! From: Donna <AWEtismaol (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Re: torn Date: Friday, July 25, 2008, 4:10 PM My son rides the Special Ed bus, and so far (where is that wood?) there has been absolutely no teasing that I've seen. He's only going into 2nd grade, so perhaps it is coming.I like the protection it brings. The 2 ladies on the bus will guard these kids with their lives. Plus...the bus pulls right in my circle driveway. Thank you very much!I don't honestly know if my son would make it on

the "real" bus, plus we are a tad bit too close to the school for him to ride it legitimately. So far, so good here.Donna

July 26, 2008

Robyn, I like your response to : when they said your son has outgrown it and doesn't need it... and you said : because it's working !!! I like that, and I have to remember that too. When things start to work for my son and he's doing well, they are so quick to pull it and say he doesn't need it anymore. and the reason why he's doing well > like you said < because it's working ... > good one < !. RoseRobyn Iuliano <robynvitto@...> wrote: I agree---We do door to door special education bus services. We have tried the regular bus---very overwhelming and not to mention the bullying. The door to door is in his IEP.....yes the school tells me he has out grown it as he has no need.....lol......yeah cause it is working. I think it also works especially through the first year of middle school since this bus gets there before the regular buses and leaves early from school......that way there is no teasing to the students. Robyn in Hampton Roads, Virginia ( ) Re: torn My son rides the Special Ed bus, and so far (where is that wood?) there has been absolutely no teasing that I've seen. He's only going into 2nd grade, so perhaps it is coming.I like the protection it brings. The 2 ladies on the bus will guard these kids with their lives. Plus...the bus pulls right in my circle driveway. Thank you very much!I don't honestly know if my son would make it on the "real" bus, plus we are a tad bit too close to the school for him to ride it legitimately. So far, so good here.Donna

July 26, 2008

Robin, I guess that we have kind of done what you are talking about without really putting that spin on it. I felt like I was really just copping out & making my life easier with an almost 16yo with AS, bipolar, ADHD, & gifted & a 17yo with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, mood disorder, CAPD, anxiety disorder, & learning disabilities. I got tired of dragging them to social groups like Scouts or church youth group where I had to ho with them to monitor their behavior & coach them to be appropriate. Now they are still in public school because they like it & they have found groups where they fit in like the school Anime Club where as the faculty advisor to the club put it "everyone is a bit eccentric!" They like to go to weekly YuGoOh card tournaments at a local card shop. They go to church with us, sometimes under protest but they do not want to go to the youth group. They still see a counselor twice a month to assist them on learning coping skills for school & home situations. We go on family trips - Alaska last summer, South Carolina this summer, & plans for Washington, D.C. & New York City next summer. These are places they have requested to go. They are both avid photographers - my 17yo was a photography for the high school yearbook last year. He was in a class with all girls, he made friends with some wondeful young ladies who always speak to him when they see him in our small community. He plans to continue on the yearbook for his last two years if high school.The only thing that we really do to change behavior is to point out things that are not age- appropriate, such as my almost 16yo son wanting to carry a stuffed animal with him everywhere. He is allowed at home, but not out in the community - it stays in the car. We also work on appropriate polite language. But we have less problems with this if they are where they want to be.I have a younger sister who was so shy as a child & young teenager that one of us two older sisters would even have to call her friends on the phone & invite them over for her. My parents never tries to force her to do things that would overcome her shyness. They let her be herself. In her junior year of high school she came out of her she'll, went on to earn a PhD in Educational Leadership & became an assistant school superintendent & speaking to the state legislature & television reporters. I guess I saw that & hope that my boys' will be happy being themselves.Sent from my iPhoneBlessings, DonnaOn Jul 26, 2008, at 7:47 AM, and/or Robin Lemke <jrisjs@...> wrote: