Guest guest Posted October 19, 2000 Report Share Posted October 19, 2000 Dear Viv, This seems bad right now, but it really isn't if you take it one step at a time. The insurance company first: Insist on talking to a MANAGER in PRECERT, nothing less, and tell her that you need to use her as your contact, that you are going to have an attorney write a letter and the Attorney needs a real person's name to send the letter to and with whom you can then have contact. This runaround is unacceptable, your need is urgent, and what kind of health care is this? If the ins. co is close to you, drive the damned form to them, THEN let them tell you they don't have it. Or, send it certified and must be signed for by someone from precert, preferably the manager you are designating as your contact. As for a PCP, call several offices in your ins co's book; schmooze their office staff and ask if he or she is surgery friendly. Also, ask Dr. R's office staff if they know of a friendly PCP in your area. Also, list your area on this site and ask if anyone has a friendly doc. We don't know where you are. As for your sister, fuhgettabouther. She'll maybe never get it. Go to plan B. Another family member who might surprise you. You never know. I copied the manual for everyone who I thought should know, and woundn't let them comment until they had at least read it and knew something about it. It turned out to be a good move. If they already " knew' they wouldn't support me, they didn't read it and weren't included in my discussions. Period. And if they simply won't let you have surgery with Dr. Rutledge, again go to Plan B. You have a right to a life. You have a disease which as yet is poorly understood by everyone. You have a tool which can make your life better than you ever could without this tool. You have, with it, a 95% chance at good future, and without it a 95% chance at early disease and a premature death. That is no choice. That's a no-brainer. While I prefer the MGB, if I couldn't have it, for whatever reason, I'd have a Lap RNY and take my chances. But I wouldn't give up. Let the Vivi Renovation Project go Forward!!!!!!!!!!!! One nurse to another. PhillyJude Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 19, 2000 Report Share Posted October 19, 2000 Hi there girl, I am also a 36 year old nurse. Please stop listening to everyone around you. Everyone thinks fat people are lazy, unmotivated slobs who sit on the couch eating bon bons all day.....gee I wish I could do that. Being a nurse is a very hard job physically and mentally so dont you let anyone make you feel bad about yourself. Im having this surgery for me and me alone and I dont care what anyone else thinks and I hope you do the same if that is your wish....You hang in there.... Robin Virginia Ok Im off my soapbox now....sorry!!!! At 03:27 AM 10/19/00 -0000, you wrote >Please let me just take a feel-sorry-for-myself moment. I'm coming >here to group because I know that you all are the only ones that will >be able to understand. I am a preop, BMI 58, obese since toddler, 39 >yo registered nurse and am in the process of getting my package >together for Dr. Rutledge. Since the beginning of the Vivi >Renovation Project (the name I have given the surgery and aftermath) >I have managed to hop over one hurdle and obstacle after another from >changing jobs to changing internet providers (I too was one of those >AOL rejects - every time I signed on and started Dr. Rutledge's form >AOL said Goodbye!) Anyway, I have repeatedly (since Oct. 2) regular >mail and certified mailed Dr. Rutledge's insurance letter and have >even faxed it to the insurance company and they keep saying >they " haven't received it " , meanwhile I keep getting the runaround >from dept. to dept. If I'm getting this kind of runaround already I >can only imagine what approval is going to be like. Am having alot >of problems with finding a PCP on my insurance plan. My PCP has been >my personal doctor for yrs. and is more than willing to support the >surgery and provide Dr. Rutledge with whatever he needs but he isn't >on my plan and am wondering whether my insurance will deny me because >of that. In addition, the only person that I trusted in my family to >even tell about the surgery was my sister and I asked her to write a >letter which she did and I received it 2 days ago and even though she >says she loves me very much she also spends 2 full pgs. talking about >how she believes that I am obese (and everyone else) because I have >no willpower and that she doesn't understand why someone would choose >to be so self-destructive. In addition, she says that if I have no >willpower to deal with my obesity then where will I find the >willpower to deal with the surgery and its aftermath. Needless to >say, it's been a very weepy upsetting frustrating week for me and I >thank you all very much everyone for just listening. I know that >everyone of you can understand how I am feeling. >Continued success for all of you, >Vivi, RN > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 19, 2000 Report Share Posted October 19, 2000 I just want to know if it was difficult climbing down from that box, Robin?? LOL < just kidding. I agree with ya totallly, Trudy Re: emotional support Hi there girl, I am also a 36 year old nurse. Please stop listening to everyone around you. Everyone thinks fat people are lazy, unmotivated slobs who sit on the couch eating bon bons all day.....gee I wish I could do that. Being a nurse is a very hard job physically and mentally so dont you let anyone make you feel bad about yourself. Im having this surgery for me and me alone and I dont care what anyone else thinks and I hope you do the same if that is your wish....You hang in there.... Robin Virginia Ok Im off my soapbox now....sorry!!!! At 03:27 AM 10/19/00 -0000, you wrote >Please let me just take a feel-sorry-for-myself moment. I'm coming >here to group because I know that you all are the only ones that will >be able to understand. I am a preop, BMI 58, obese since toddler, 39 >yo registered nurse and am in the process of getting my package >together for Dr. Rutledge. Since the beginning of the Vivi >Renovation Project (the name I have given the surgery and aftermath) >I have managed to hop over one hurdle and obstacle after another from >changing jobs to changing internet providers (I too was one of those >AOL rejects - every time I signed on and started Dr. Rutledge's form >AOL said Goodbye!) Anyway, I have repeatedly (since Oct. 2) regular >mail and certified mailed Dr. Rutledge's insurance letter and have >even faxed it to the insurance company and they keep saying >they " haven't received it " , meanwhile I keep getting the runaround >from dept. to dept. If I'm getting this kind of runaround already I >can only imagine what approval is going to be like. Am having alot >of problems with finding a PCP on my insurance plan. My PCP has been >my personal doctor for yrs. and is more than willing to support the >surgery and provide Dr. Rutledge with whatever he needs but he isn't >on my plan and am wondering whether my insurance will deny me because >of that. In addition, the only person that I trusted in my family to >even tell about the surgery was my sister and I asked her to write a >letter which she did and I received it 2 days ago and even though she >says she loves me very much she also spends 2 full pgs. talking about >how she believes that I am obese (and everyone else) because I have >no willpower and that she doesn't understand why someone would choose >to be so self-destructive. In addition, she says that if I have no >willpower to deal with my obesity then where will I find the >willpower to deal with the surgery and its aftermath. Needless to >say, it's been a very weepy upsetting frustrating week for me and I >thank you all very much everyone for just listening. I know that >everyone of you can understand how I am feeling. >Continued success for all of you, >Vivi, RN > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 19, 2000 Report Share Posted October 19, 2000 okay Vivi, Your sister don't understand anything does she? My sister (thank God, does) maybe you need another support letter, from a different family member. Someone that wants the best for you, not someone who thinks they are better than you. Sorry, thats just how it feels to me. yes, we are a family of fat people here. Some befores and some afters, but all who understand and who has been there before. We will be here to listen whenever you really want to share, remember that, Okay? Best wishes with the project..haha Love ya, Trudy/Indiana pre-op but darn ready!! emotional support Please let me just take a feel-sorry-for-myself moment. I'm coming here to group because I know that you all are the only ones that will be able to understand. I am a preop, BMI 58, obese since toddler, 39 yo registered nurse and am in the process of getting my package together for Dr. Rutledge. Since the beginning of the Vivi Renovation Project (the name I have given the surgery and aftermath) I have managed to hop over one hurdle and obstacle after another from changing jobs to changing internet providers (I too was one of those AOL rejects - every time I signed on and started Dr. Rutledge's form AOL said Goodbye!) Anyway, I have repeatedly (since Oct. 2) regular mail and certified mailed Dr. Rutledge's insurance letter and have even faxed it to the insurance company and they keep saying they " haven't received it " , meanwhile I keep getting the runaround from dept. to dept. If I'm getting this kind of runaround already I can only imagine what approval is going to be like. Am having alot of problems with finding a PCP on my insurance plan. My PCP has been my personal doctor for yrs. and is more than willing to support the surgery and provide Dr. Rutledge with whatever he needs but he isn't on my plan and am wondering whether my insurance will deny me because of that. In addition, the only person that I trusted in my family to even tell about the surgery was my sister and I asked her to write a letter which she did and I received it 2 days ago and even though she says she loves me very much she also spends 2 full pgs. talking about how she believes that I am obese (and everyone else) because I have no willpower and that she doesn't understand why someone would choose to be so self-destructive. In addition, she says that if I have no willpower to deal with my obesity then where will I find the willpower to deal with the surgery and its aftermath. Needless to say, it's been a very weepy upsetting frustrating week for me and I thank you all very much everyone for just listening. I know that everyone of you can understand how I am feeling. Continued success for all of you, Vivi, RN Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 19, 2000 Report Share Posted October 19, 2000 Hi Vivi: some people just don't understand that our problem is not that we are weak willed. Our bodies have betrayed us. Take comfort in knowing that all of us have been there, some of us are still there, and we understand that this is not within your control. Your sister just doesn't understand. Heck, we don't even understand what drives us, so I guess no one else can understand either. In any case, you're in the right place, right here with us. Welcome. Flo in land > ** Original Subject: RE: emotional support > ** > > ** Original Date: Thu, 19 Oct 2000 21:28:41 -0600 > ** Original Message follows... > > okay Vivi, > Your sister don't understand anything does she? My sister (thank God, does) maybe you need another support letter, from a different family member. Someone that wants the best for you, not someone who thinks they are better than you. > Sorry, thats just how it feels to me. > yes, we are a family of fat people here. Some befores and some afters, but all who understand and who has been there before. We will be here to listen whenever you really want to share, remember that, Okay? > Best wishes with the project..haha > Love ya, > Trudy/Indiana > pre-op > but darn ready!! > > emotional support > > > Please let me just take a feel-sorry-for-myself moment. I'm coming > here to group because I know that you all are the only ones that will > be able to understand. I am a preop, BMI 58, obese since toddler, 39 > yo registered nurse and am in the process of getting my package > together for Dr. Rutledge. Since the beginning of the Vivi > Renovation Project (the name I have given the surgery and aftermath) > I have managed to hop over one hurdle and obstacle after another from > changing jobs to changing internet providers (I too was one of those > AOL rejects - every time I signed on and started Dr. Rutledge's form > AOL said Goodbye!) Anyway, I have repeatedly (since Oct. 2) regular > mail and certified mailed Dr. Rutledge's insurance letter and have > even faxed it to the insurance company and they keep saying > they " haven't received it " , meanwhile I keep getting the runaround > from dept. to dept. If I'm getting this kind of runaround already I > can only imagine what approval is going to be like. Am having alot > of problems with finding a PCP on my insurance plan. My PCP has been > my personal doctor for yrs. and is more than willing to support the > surgery and provide Dr. Rutledge with whatever he needs but he isn't > on my plan and am wondering whether my insurance will deny me because > of that. In addition, the only person that I trusted in my family to > even tell about the surgery was my sister and I asked her to write a > letter which she did and I received it 2 days ago and even though she > says she loves me very much she also spends 2 full pgs. talking about > how she believes that I am obese (and everyone else) because I have > no willpower and that she doesn't understand why someone would choose > to be so self-destructive. In addition, she says that if I have no > willpower to deal with my obesity then where will I find the > willpower to deal with the surgery and its aftermath. Needless to > say, it's been a very weepy upsetting frustrating week for me and I > thank you all very much everyone for just listening. I know that > everyone of you can understand how I am feeling. > Continued success for all of you, > Vivi, RN > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 20, 2000 Report Share Posted October 20, 2000 Hello Vivi, I absolutely can understand how you are feeling. My size 6/8 sister would not even write the letter. And stopped speaking to me for a month after I told her about the surgery. (After she spent another two hours telling me of my lack of willpower and faith in God). I also struggled with insurance and after 2 denials from my insurance in August, I got another job with different insurance 1300 miles away from my home. It was quite a struggle to juggle 2 jobs in Miami and DC, but it has paid off!! So my point is, stick with it and do not be discouraged. If this surgery is for you, it will happen. Peace and love, Ruqayya in Miami Pre-op 11/2/00!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 20, 2000 Report Share Posted October 20, 2000 Vivi, so sorry to hear you are having such a terrible week!! I sent off my insurance paper last Saturday and got them to put a return notification thing on it. I paid extra, but this way I will have PROOF of the day the get my information... maybe you could try that. Also about your sister... that is just terrible!! Oh that would upset me so bad to have someone says those things about me.. I'm sorry :<( We are here to give you all the support we can. This is a WONDERFUL group here and you are right...... we are the only ones who can understand where you are coming from. Keep your head up and keep the faith, after all tomorrow can only get better, Right!? Cindy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 20, 2000 Report Share Posted October 20, 2000 Wow, Ruqayya thats such great inspiration!!! You're gonna do great with your dance!! I just know it. Trudy Re: emotional support Hello Vivi, I absolutely can understand how you are feeling. My size 6/8 sister would not even write the letter. And stopped speaking to me for a month after I told her about the surgery. (After she spent another two hours telling me of my lack of willpower and faith in God). I also struggled with insurance and after 2 denials from my insurance in August, I got another job with different insurance 1300 miles away from my home. It was quite a struggle to juggle 2 jobs in Miami and DC, but it has paid off!! So my point is, stick with it and do not be discouraged. If this surgery is for you, it will happen. Peace and love, Ruqayya in Miami Pre-op 11/2/00!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 20, 2000 Report Share Posted October 20, 2000 Thanks Trudy!! Ruqayya Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 20, 2000 Report Share Posted October 20, 2000 Vivi, When I read your post about your sister it reminded me of a story about Eleanor Rosevelt. She was on an elevator and a drunk man got on and Said You are the ugliest woman I have ever seen and she said you are drunk. He said yes, in the morning I'll be sober and you will still be the ugliest woman I ever saw. The corolation is that you willl some day be skinny and she will still be cold and uncaring. Phyllis hsmotherof4@... wrote: > Vivi, so sorry to hear you are having such a terrible week!! I sent off my > insurance paper last Saturday and got them to put a return notification thing > on it. I paid extra, but this way I will have PROOF of the day the get my > information... maybe you could try that. > > Also about your sister... that is just terrible!! Oh that would upset me so > bad to have someone says those things about me.. I'm sorry :<( > We are here to give you all the support we can. > > This is a WONDERFUL group here and you are right...... we are the only ones > who can understand where you are coming from. > > Keep your head up and keep the faith, after all tomorrow can only get better, > Right!? > > Cindy > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 21, 2000 Report Share Posted October 21, 2000 , Just wanted to say what a nice letter of support you offered to Vivi. Gotta love this site and these folks. Never seen nicer. Hope she feels lots better soon. PJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 21, 2000 Report Share Posted October 21, 2000 Dear Vivi, I'm so sorry to hear about your lack of family support, especially what your sister wrote about you. Obviously your family has lacked the ability or art to support each other. It looks as though you have somehow managed to swim along without their support and approval during your process of gaining unwanted weight. Hang on to that same strength and welcome the strength to come after your surgery. Just as surely you were able to live the life of being heavy without your families support, you will live easier after without it. It looks as though they have much to deal with about their own low esteem issues. It's easier for them to dump on you then to deal with it. But once you are on your way to taking control of your weight issues, you will probably naturally begin to deal with the other issues, like family. Stepping up out of the pit takes effort, courage and guts, something many people lack. I know that your heart is heavy, hurting and very alone right now. But please, continue to find the strength to take control of your life. I lost my oldest sister when she was just thirty, due to the effects of obesity. I know if she'd have had this surgery, she'd probably be alive and healthy today, twenty years later. I don't know if she'd of opted for surgery back then, if I'd have supported it either. With limited information, it's very easy to make snap judgments. But now, knowing what I know all I have is regrets because opportunity has passed with her passing. Some people are like the doubting one, they have to SEE the results with their own eyes before they believe or support you. So consider yourself a pioneer, trudging and foraging ahead of your family. They're choosing to stay back in the dark woods where they feel safe. But you take up your compass and follow your path for it will bring you out into wonderful blossoming meadows. You will look around and see beauty and when you look at your reflection you will see beauty there also. You will then be set free from the dark woods and all who dwell there and you'll never wish to return to that cold dark place again. They will watch you constantly from afar, they will shout scary things from their safe place. They will watch and when they see you are not only safe and alive, but also radiant and joyful, they will long for your courage. Eventually they will want to emerge from their limited dark place. They will want to join you in your bright happy place. But they will be full of fear and shame, they expect you will reject them. In fact, they deserve every bit of it. In your new bright happy place, the final question for you will be this; Will you welcome them and forget their past simplicity, or will you shoot anger filled arrows at them? You're in control now, you broke away from the dark woods. I am praying for you and your family. I wish you all the best. When you need support look to your friends here and hold us tight. Call on me any time. With Warmth and Love, Drew Athens, GA -- Original Message ----- From: Vivienne Caserta To: MiniGastricBypass (AT) egroups (DOT) com Sent: Wednesday, October 18, 2000 11:27 PM Subject: emotional support Please let me just take a feel-sorry-for-myself moment. I'm coming here to group because I know that you all are the only ones that will be able to understand. I am a preop, BMI 58, obese since toddler, 39 yo registered nurse and am in the process of getting my package together for Dr. Rutledge. Since the beginning of the Vivi Renovation Project (the name I have given the surgery and aftermath) I have managed to hop over one hurdle and obstacle after another from changing jobs to changing internet providers (I too was one of those AOL rejects - every time I signed on and started Dr. Rutledge's form AOL said Goodbye!) Anyway, I have repeatedly (since Oct. 2) regular mail and certified mailed Dr. Rutledge's insurance letter and have even faxed it to the insurance company and they keep saying they " haven't received it " , meanwhile I keep getting the runaround from dept. to dept. If I'm getting this kind of runaround already I can only imagine what approval is going to be like. Am having alot of problems with finding a PCP on my insurance plan. My PCP has been my personal doctor for yrs. and is more than willing to support the surgery and provide Dr. Rutledge with whatever he needs but he isn't on my plan and am wondering whether my insurance will deny me because of that. In addition, the only person that I trusted in my family to even tell about the surgery was my sister and I asked her to write a letter which she did and I received it 2 days ago and even though she says she loves me very much she also spends 2 full pgs. talking about how she believes that I am obese (and everyone else) because I have no willpower and that she doesn't understand why someone would choose to be so self-destructive. In addition, she says that if I have no willpower to deal with my obesity then where will I find the willpower to deal with the surgery and its aftermath. Needless to say, it's been a very weepy upsetting frustrating week for me and I thank you all very much everyone for just listening. I know that everyone of you can understand how I am feeling. Continued success for all of you, Vivi, RN Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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