(RP) funny Gobble! Gobble!

[Guest guest]

From: Sam Chapman

Date: Monday, November 25, 2002 7:35:59 PM

To: Undisclosed-Recipient:,

Subject: Gobble ! Gobble !

When I was a young turkey, new to the coop,

My big brother Tom took me out on the stoop.

Then he sat me down, and he spoke real slow,

And he told me there was something that I just had to know;

His look and his tone I will always remember,

When he told me of horrors... .come late in November;

"Come about August, now listen to me,

Each day you'll get six meals instead of just three,

And soon you'll be thick, where once you were thin,

And you'll grow a big rubbery thing on your chin;

"And then one morning, when you're warm in your bed,

the farm wife comes in and hacks off your head;

"Then she'll pluck out your feathers so you're all bald'n pink,

And scoop out your innards right there in the sink;

"And then comes the worst part" he said...... I'm not bluffing,

"She'll spread your cheeks wide n' pack your rear with stuffing".

Well, the rest of his words were too grim to repeat,

I sat on the stoop like a winged piece of meat,

And decided on the spot that to avoid being cooked,

I'm gonna lay low to remain overlooked

I began a new diet of nuts and granola,

High-roughage salads, carrot juice,... diet cola;

And as they ate pastries, chocolate, and crepes,

I stayed in my room doing Jane Fonda tapes;

I maintained my weight of two pounds and a half,

And act like I'm sick when the bigger birds laughed;

for 'twas I who was laughing, under my breath,

As they chomped and they chewed, ever closer to death;

And sure enough when late November rolled around,

I was the last turkey left walking around......

So now I'm a pet in the farmer's wife's lap;

I haven't a worry, so I eat...... and I nap;

She holds me all day, while sewing and humming,

And smiles at me, and says:

"Christmas is coming..."