Feelings of guilt

[Guest guest]

There are so many things I feel quilty about and each day it is

something different. However, getting the meds I need to make it

through the day does not make me feel guilty in the least. Dont get

me wrong, I count my meds and hope to have enough and try to make it

through the month. I have paid for my meds out of pocket because it

was too soon according to the insurance co. Not a bit of quilt.

But I'm still counting those meds. I'm hoping I dont run out before

the 30th of this month because I'm afraid to ask for any earlier

then every 30 days. Is fear and quilt related, possibly. But if I

did run out earlier, I would definelty fight to get the correct

dosage I need. I dont know if I would get it or not, haven't had to

fight that fight yet.

But my guilty feelings are related more directly to my loved ones

and my duties that I am unable to perform. Some days I feel angry,

sad, ohhsooo depressed, denial, fear, acceptance and then quilt

again. When my family walks in the door who knows what creature

they will face, a happy betty crocker mom who made banana nut bread

and a full dinner or the cried herself to sleep from pain and meds

mom who can barely get out of the bed. The kids joke about it, but

i know it scares them and that makes me feel quilty.

I guess what I am trying to say is our feelings are truly the only

things we own and we should not be told what to feel, ever; and

those feeling should never be disregarded by anybody. You cant

change the way you feel, you cant make yourself feel differently.

Accept your feelings as what they are; a sign that your mind and

body are trying to tell you something.

Sorry to go off on such a tangent; and I hope this makes sense.

Warmly,

[Guest guest]

,

Everything you said made a lot of sense. You are right that we shouldn't feel

guilty about our pain med, but that doesn't stop the feeling from creeping in

now and again. Sometimes, the feeling may be fear or shame and not really

guilt. When I am in the hospital with an attack, I almost always ask for my

pain med as often as I can have it. There are two reasons for that - one is

that I am in the hospital because I have been unable to control the pain and

nausea at home. The pain is severe and YES, I need the pain medicine every 2-3

hours. Sometimes the doctor orders it every two hours, sometimes just every 3

hours. It is very rare that the IV pain medicine controls my pain for more than

3 hours. The second reason I almost ask for it as soon as I know I can have it

again is that I never know if the nurse will be able to get it to me in 10-15

minutes or it will be as much as 3 hours after I've asked for it before the

nurse gets it to me! I have had many nurses question whether I need the pain

med as often as I ask for. I don't bother making much effort to explain myself.

I just tell them the doctor ordered it that often, so he must feel like I may

need it. I have even had nurses try to lie and tell me the medication was not

ordered to be given more often than every 4 hours when I saw the written order

with my own eyes and knew it was every 3 hours! That nurse agreed to 'go ahead

and give it to me an hour early even though I was wrong and the order said every

4 hours!' Suprisingly, the rest of the stay, she brought me the pain medicine

every 3 hours when she was working and I never even had to ask for it! I was

super nice to her every time she came in my room. I was just about ready to

tell her to bring the blasted chart to my room and prove to me that I was wrong!

Obviously, I was not wrong - she was! It's very rare that I complain or get

bitchy, but that night I was ready for a fight!

We shouldn't have to feel guilty, ashamed, or afraid about our pain medicine,

but it is the medical community that mostly makes us feel this way! However,

even if I do feel afraid, ashamed, or guilty, I will fight if I need to.

W

-------------------------------------------------

This message has been scanned for viruses and

dangerous content by PCLNET, and is

believed to be clean.

Visit www.pclnet.net and get a 3Mbps cable modem!

-------------------------------------------------