Guest guest Posted December 4, 2002 Report Share Posted December 4, 2002 I sure can relate to this, can't ya'll? Lu > > Why Women are Cranky > > > > We start to bud in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find > > anything that comes in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurts so > > bad it brings us to tears. Enter the almighty, uncomfortable training > > bra contraption the boys in school will snap until we have calluses on > > our backs. > > > > Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along > > with those budding boobs, we now bloat, we cramp, we get the hormone > > crankies, have to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert > > tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had. > > > > Our next little rite of passage Premarital or not is having sex for > > the first time which is about as much fun as having a ramrod push your > > uterus through your nostrils, IF he did it right and didn't end up with > > his little cart before his horse, leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was > > about. > > > > Then it's off to Motherhood where we learn to live on dry crackers and > > water for a few months so we don't spend the entire day leaning over > > Brother . > > > > Of course, amazing creatures that we are (And We Are), we learn to live > > with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards > > night and day making us wonder if we're having Rosemary's Baby. Our once > > flat bellies now look like we swallowed a watermelon whole and we pee in > > our pants every time we sneeze. > > > > When the big moment arrives, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions will > > invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we'll waddle with > > our big cartoon feet moaning in pain all the way to the ER. Then it's > > huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, "Please stop screaming, > > Mrs. In-Labor. Calm down and push. ( Just one more 1 More Good Push ), > > warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the Bastard, and your > > Darling Husband square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, > > mushroom-headed 10lb. bowling ball through a keyhole. > > > > After that, it's time to raise those angels only to find that when all that > > cute wears off, the beautiful little darlings morph into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines. The teen years. > > Need I say more? > > > > The kids are almost grown now and we women hit our voracious sexual > > prime in our mid-30's to early 40's while your Darling Husband had his > > somewhere around his 19th or 20th birthday, Which just happens to be the > > reason all that early hot man sex got you pregnant in the first place. > > > > Now we hit the grand finale, The Menopause, the Grand- mother of all > > womanhood. It's either take the HRT and chance cancer in those now > > seasoned Buds, or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a > > hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head > > off anything that moves. > > > > Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men when men > > get off so easy INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in > the woods without soaking their socks? > > > > I love being a woman Call Me Crazy, but Womanhood would make the > > Great Gandhi More Spiteful!! > > > > And They Say Women Are The Weaker Sex. HA! > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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