I need to Vent please

[Guest guest]

Hello everyone

I know I haven't been posting on here in a little while but i

haven't been well. Now first I want to appologize early on because

this might be a little long. Last week was the worst week in my

entire life. As you know and if you don't i have been seeing this

Pain management doctor for about a year now and im on 125 mcg

Duragesic Patch and im on the Actiq 200mcg lolly pops which last

month i was on Dilaudid and switched to the Actiq ones to try. Well

my doctor wrote me for 100 for the month and I ran out a little

early, like 4 days early and i called to make an appointment with him

for tuesday ok. I called on monday to verify my appointment and ask

what time it was and they told me what time it was and I said ok

thank you and hung up the phone. Well about 2 hours later i get a

phone call from his office saying that he cann't see me on tuesday

and it has to be on friday or monday the following week because he

ran out of Prescription pads. COME ON NOW a MD Running out of PADS

and thats all he does is write Medications. Well i said i have run

out of my meds early and I am having a really hard time. Needless to

say she wasn't very nice and I said well what do you expect me to do

sit here in pain and suffer. She said I guess so that is what your

going to have to do. I was so upset that I said well that isnt fair

im in pain and im misserable here and I need to see the doctor and I

hung up the phone one her. NOW yes I do say that I was wrong for

hanging up the phone on her but then about 2 minutes later someone

else from the office called me back and said that the Doctor doesnt

want to treat me anymore and you need to find someone else. I said ok

but can i speak to the doctor. They said the doctor calls back his

patients at the end of the day and she hung up. Now i thought i would

be ok because i saved some patches from over the months. I thought i

would be ok. I put 2 new patches on and i went on with my day pissed

off but what was i going to do? Day 1 went by and i was ok. By the

way he never called me back. Day 2 i started noticing that I was

stretching alot and sweating and runny nose. It was about 4pm i told

my wife that im sorry but i cann't take the baby and that im sick. I

didnt want her to see me that way. Ok it was about 8pm and the stuff

hit the fan I was in hell honestly my body was killing me. I had the

chills i was nausea i thought things were crawlling all over me i

couldnt lay down and be still i was going through serious withdrawls

people. I was bad i was praying to god to take it away. I called the

Doctors # after office hours and i called once and he didnt call back

i called again about 930 and i begged the guy to have him call me i

appologized and i said please for the love of christ call me back.

Now he gets word for word on his pager Alpha pager. By the way he is

a christian like me. and he NEVER called back. That nite was the

worst of it all. I was jumping i was sweating i was cold i was hot i

was throwing up i was dizzy i couldnt sit still i was a reck honestly

i wanted to Die. My wife said go to the hospital i said NO they will

lable me as a drug seeker and its not that its that I have CP and im

in pain and because of 1 doctor i have to suffer like this. I told

her to go in the bedroom with the NEW BABY and not to come out I dont

want you to see me like this. I feel for anyone that went through

this or has or had or will. well the next morning i called again and

NOTHING. i said im goign through serious withdrawls here I need the

medication. I have been on it for to long and my body needs it. they

said well we will have the doctor call you back. He never ever called

me back. I called my PCP that i have been seeing for about 8 years

now and i went to her and i brought the medication with me but not

the prescription because i threw the box out. I pleaded with her and

she said she cann't do it until she finds out why the doctor droped

me because he cannt just do that. Well she took down all the info and

said to call her back. By the way she has been there since day 1 with

the CP. her brother is the one that did the surgery that started all

of this. Well i called her back and she said i talked with your

doctor and he said he will give you 1 month supply of medication and

you need to find another pain doctor. I can say that after i got my

medication in me i was fine and i was ok. But what I went through i

wouldnt wish that on anyone no one ever. And i cant believe the

doctor did that to me. I thought that they had Ethics and Morals and

they had to take an Oath or something to be a doctor. I can say that

he could care less what happends to me. I could have died and he

wouldnt have cared and i was so scared that nite and i was so

embarassed and it was in front of my wife. I was so sad and i felt so

bad. Well then i found another doctor in CT instead of NYC I hope it

works out. I went and saw him and i was honest with him and told him

what happend and he gave me a script for Actiq but postdated for a

later date because i was telling him i was taking more becuase of the

withdrawls. Well i am sorry that i have rambled on and on but i

needed to get it out. I am so mad and ashamed at myself. I mean i

have a disease CP that hurts all the time but then i have to be on

this medication all the time or else im sick. Thank you for letting

me vent and im sorry that i was so long im sorry. I just needed

people that know what im going through i mean my wife is there for me

and its great but i cant have her there at those times. Again i wish

that on NO ONE at all i dont care who you are homeless or richest man

in the world. Well again if you want to write back feel free.

Gio