Fwd: Saturday Funny

[Guest guest]

Skinny people irritate me! Especially when

they say things like, " You know, sometimes I

just forget to eat. "

Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's

maiden name, and my keys. But I've never

forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind

of stupid to forget to eat.

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A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check

tickets. As

a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened

his

trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a

beat she said, " Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub. "

-----------------------------------------

> > > > > NTSB Test Results

> > > > >

> > > > > The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they

had

> > > > > covertly funded a project with the U. S. auto makers for the past

> five

> > > > > years, whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in

> > > > > four-wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal

> > > > > accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the

> crash.

> > > > >

> > > > > They were surprised to find in 42 of the 50 states the last words

of

> > > > > drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were, " Oh, Shit! "

> > > > >

> > > > > Only the states of Georgia, Virginia, Tennessee,North Carolina,

> > > Arkansas,

> > > > > West Virginia, Alabama, Texas, Oklahoma and South Carolina were

> > > different,

> > > > > where over 89.3 percent of the final words were: " Hold my beer "

and

> "

> > > > > Watch this. "

-------------------------------------------

> > > > > NTSB Test Results

> > > > >

> > > > > The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they

had

> > > > > covertly funded a project with the U. S. auto makers for the past

> five

> > > > > years, whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in

> > > > > four-wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal

> > > > > accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the

> crash.

> > > > >

> > > > > They were surprised to find in 42 of the 50 states the last words

of

> > > > > drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were, " Oh, Shit! "

> > > > >

> > > > > Only the states of Georgia, Virginia, Tennessee,North Carolina,

> > > Arkansas,

> > > > > West Virginia, Alabama, Texas, Oklahoma and South Carolina were

> > > different,

> > > > > where over 89.3 percent of the final words were: " Hold my beer "

and

> "

> > > > > Watch this. "

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There was once a sheep farmer who needed help with the difficult

task of castrating some of

his inferior male sheep to keep them from breeding with the

females. He hired a French guy

who didn't speak much English, but was a very good worker. After

the first day, they had

successfully castrated 14 sheep and his French worker was just

about to throw away the

" parts " , but the sheep farmer yelled, " No! Don't throw those away!

My wife fries them up

and we eat them. They're delicious and we call them 'sheep

fries'. " Later that day, the French

hired hand came in for supper, and indeed the 'sheep fries' were

tasty.The next day, they

castrated 16 sheep, and the following evening they all settled down

to another supper of 'sheep

fries'.The third day, however, when the sheep farmer came home, he

asked his wife where the

French hired hand was, and she said, " You know, it's t! he weirdest

thing! I told him since

there weren't very many 'sheep fries' this evening, we were also

going to have French fries,

and he ran like hell!! "

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I read this article that said the typical

symptoms of stress are: eating too much,

impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they

kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day.