Re: Frequently Asked Questions About Healthcare

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some humor from Dan: Thanks Dan!!

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Frequently Asked Questions About Healthcare

By Lubar

Q. What does HMO stand for?

A. This is actually a variation of the phrase,

" Hey, Moe! " Its roots go back to a concept

pioneered by Doctor Moe , who

discovered that a patient could be made

to forget about the pain in his foot if he

was poked hard enough in the eyes.

Modern practice replaces the physical

finger poke with hi-tech equivalents

such as voice mail and referral slips,

but the result remains the same.

Q. I just joined a new HMO. How difficult

will it be to choose the doctor I want?

A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing

your parents. Your insurer will provide

you with a book listing all the doctors

who were participating in the plan at

the time the information was gathered.

These doctors basically fall into two

categories--those who are no longer

accepting new patients, and those who

will see you but are no longer part of

the plan. But don't worry--the remaining

doctor who is still in the plan and

accepting new patients has an office

just a half day's drive away!

Q. What are preexisting conditions?

This is a phrase used by the grammatically

challenged when they want to talk about existing

conditions. Unfortunately, we appear

to be pre-stuck with it.

Q. Well, can I get coverage for my

preexisting conditions?

A. Certainly, as long as they don't require

any treatment.

Q. What happens if I want to try alternative

forms of medicine?

A. You'll need to find alternative forms of

payment.

Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic

drugs, but I need the name brand. I

tried the generic medication, but it gave

me a stomach ache. What should I do?

A. Poke yourself in the eye.

Q. I have an 80/20 plan with a $200

deductible and a $2,000 yearly cap.

My insurer reimbursed the doctor for

my outpatient surgery, but I'd already

paid my bill. What should I do?

A. You have two choices. Your doctor

can sign the reimbursement check

over to you, or you can ask him to

invest the money for you in one of

those great offers that only doctors

and dentists hear about, like windmill

farms or frog hatcheries.

Q. What should I do if I get sick while

traveling?

A. Try sitting in a different part of the bus.

Q. No, I mean what if I'm away from home

and I get sick?

A. You really shouldn't do that. You'll have

a hard time seeing your primary care

physician. It's best to wait until you return,

and then get sick.

Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but

my doctor insists he can handle my

problem. Can a general practitioner

really perform a heart transplant

right in his office?

A. Hard to say, but considering that all

you're risking is the $10 CO-payment,

there's no harm giving him a shot at it.

Q. Will health care be any different in the

next century?

A. No, but if you call right now, you might

get an appointment by then.

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