Hey Guys I have to VENT please. and HELP if You Can Please.

[Guest guest]

Hey everyone,

I want to apologize first and foremost if I sound rude or if it is

long winded but I need to get this out I am so so so upset and maybe

someone can help me with a few things. Ok first of all as you know I

have CP and have had it for about 6 years or more and it's getting

pretty bad I havent been in the hospital for about 9 months now I

have been able to take care of it at home and what not which is good

on the wife and the new baby. I want to tell you also that I am on

the Duragesic Patch 125mcg every 48 hrs and I am on the Actiq

Lollypop 200mcg every 3 -4 hours. Ok last year I was out of work for

a total of 38 days and most of them meaning 21 of them was when I was

in the hospital and the rest of them was I took time off because I

couldnt go to work because of really bad pain or because of my New

son and oh im a new father and because of real emergencies ok. Well

my company or the place I work for wrote me up a verbal written and a

written report and that is on calling out. Then the other day one of

the people I work with told me to shut up 3 times and then threatend

me and I told him to go to hell. Well they did an investigation and

all and the people that I were working with they asked them and all

and last week they called me into the office and said that they have

conlcuded their investigation and they find me at fault and they

wrote me up. They said that the other person told me to be quiet

several times and that was BS and he asked me politely and that wasnt

true and the other people that I work with said what happend and they

didnt listen to us they just went ahead and said that I was

distruptive and I used profanity in the work place and all this and

that. I never knew that Go to hell was a curse word. Let me tell you

that it sounds like are trying to say that I said .. Meredith shut

your fing mouth you stupid mother f... and if you dont ill shut your

f..ing mouth your f...in jerk off.. SO they are making it sound like

I went off on this guy when he told me to shut up very rude and nasty

3 times and then he threatend me. I asked did Meredith get written up

to and they said we feel that you are the one that is at fault. SO if

you were to read this report and not know you would think that I went

off. That is the first thing. The other thing was 2 weeks ago I

called in because I felt suicidal all day and nite and I wanted to

kill myself I was so depressed and I wanted to end it all and it was

d/t the medication that I was taking. I was taking Reglan for over 2

years close to 3 years when you are only suppose to be taking it for

2 -3 months because it can cause severe depression and suicidal

tendencies, Mind you my MD or any MD ever told me about this so that

was that night and that is why I called in that night ok.I think that

is a real emergency right? I think that calls for it right? Let me

tell you I was thinking how to do it when to do it and where and I

had a whole plan and everything until I talked with my wife that

night and we talked for a little bit and what not.. Well the last few

days have been really hard I have been in so much pain that it isnt

even fair and on top of that I have the chills and im sweating like a

pig, I did sweat through 1 tee shirt in a hour or so THis all started

Sunday night. I came home Monday and I was supposed to go and see the

Pain Doctor but I was in so much pain and physically I couldnt drive

I wasnt in any condition to drive at all. Like i said I had the

chills baddly and I was sweating and I was in pain so I cancelled the

appointment with the pain doc and let me tell you I would never ever

cancel with them no matter what and I couldnt make it it wasnt safe

for me to drive and make it there. So i stayed home during the day

and hoped and prayed I would get better but i wasnt and it came time

for me to go to work so I said OK let me go and if im not good we

will deal with it then.n So I went to work and 3 other people were

there including my shift leader about 5 30 he said to me Gio y ou

dont look so well do you want to go home I said I want to finish this

I will leave yes early like at 645 and I normally go home at 750 ok?

So it wasnt that early. I went home and tried to get myself better I

cant eat because I throw everything up and I am in so much pain and

it hurts and on top of that im sweating so baddly SO I said let me

rest and try to atleast get better to go to work tonite. My wife

called me during the day to check on me and i wasnt doing well and

she said lets go to the hospital and I said NO i cant not now and I

have to go to work and what not. So I didnt even sleep because of the

pain and the throwing up if I drank anything including water and

Gatorade. So it came time to go to work and my wife asked me how am I

doing and I said NOT GOOD pain scale is a 8 out of 10 moving higher

every day So i got dressed and I was still sweeating and mind you im

not eating so im starting to see things ok.. LOL seriouslly what was

that. I went to work and that night there were 4 people and same

thing the shift leader said oh Gio you look horrible go home and I

hope you feel better I said ok and this time it was like 0330 so it

was early and I wasnt feeling well So i went home adn same thing day

in and day out and I just layed there watching TV because I cant

sleep so I just waited and my wife begged me not to go to work adn

call in or lets go to the hospital. I said No its ok Ill go in if it

isnt good ill come home. I went to work adn it wasnt good I was in

pain and i was sweating but it was busy so i stayed all nite and I

asked the shift leader what kind of employee am I and he asked why do

you ask that I said because the other ones dont say anything and just

come to you when there is something negative to say and that is the

truth well he said you are an excellent worker and employee I am

proud to have you working with me adn I cant say anything bad about

you. He also said see I see you all the tiem so I know how your

sickness is they dont and they dont care, I said ok thanks and I

worked the night I did all the work I worked my ass off. Well this

morning management came in and said I want to meet with you and they

started bringing stuff up from a month and a half ago and asked me if

I remember and stuff like that. I said No i dont that was a long time

ago. She was saying that Im making things up just to close a case out

fast and that a lot of my cases have medically Ruled out for Sepsis

and I said yes thats because they were and I was told when a patient

is septic that is it you dont proceed anymore and she said you need

to probe more and all this crap and I said well a lot of others just

do the same thing and she said well we have to follow policies and I

said OK what ever to myself. and then they start bringing stuff up

from later and are making things up totally saying that im saying

things when I didnt say it and things like that so basically they are

lying to my face and I cant do anything about it. Some how she said

and your attendance I said wait a minute she said I havent been able

to meet with you because your out I said NO i havent been out in the

last month or so she said you were out 2 weeks ago and I said oh yes

with the Med issue when I was psychotic I said to myself and I

actually told her what had happend and at that point she was all

sympathetic and all and now she throws it to my face. At this point I

said you guys know that im sick you know that I have a disease that

makes me be out you know that I will be in the hospitaland I have

tried my hardest to stay out of the hospital.I havent been in the

hospital in 9 months because I wanted to be here and work for you and

if i were in the hospital I would be out for a month or so and

instead I take 1 or 2 days at home to wait until it passes and you

throw it in my face again, She said well we have to obide by the

policies. I said have to be kidding me right because if i go to the

hospital and am admitted you are calling every day asking when am I

getting out and can you have a note faxed to me right now, You harass

me in the hospital so I try to stay out and I take some time off and

you throw this in my face, She said again you have to obide by the

policies. I felt like reaching across the table and smacking her

really hard. I said ok then when I end up in the hospital and th

doctor admitts me or tells me to take sometime off dont harrass me

everyday asking for anote and to talk with the doctor because that is

harrassment. I said if i end up in the hospital because I am sick

because I didnt take day off dont throw it in my face and she says

again well we have to obide with policy, I wanted to tell her where

she can stick her policy and how to follow it up there. So now i am

really pissed off and I am really not feeling well and I have to see

the doctor at 415.I am telling you I am sick and in alot of pain and

I dont know what to do. I mean they say policy but everyone is

different and it pissess me off. I mean I watch things and favorites

are around and its not fair and I can honestly say that I think they

are making me worse. Is there anything that I can do either legally

or something else does anyone have any ideas? I need something

because I am so so upset I mean I have this disease and they are

makign it worse adn they know that. Can anyone suggest anything what

can I do besides quit because then they will win and I will loose. I

was thinking about going to their boses but their bosses love them

adn they get along the best like best friends and i know if I do i

will be the one that is getting the short end of the stick,I Mean I

am an outstanding worker I am the best and the only problem is that I

call in alot because of my sickness but that is going to happend

their is nothing I can do about that and she said we have to obide

with teh policies. So now I am upset and I am in pain so I am at a

loose loose and I have to work tonite until tomorrow this weekend I

have off. I mean I was thinking of either going to the hospital even

though I dont want to or I was thinking of asking the Doctor for a

few weeks off and take a sabatical or somthing like that, I am open

to all ideas and anything even if you have an encouraging word or

something bad to say whatever, I just have to get rid of this pain

and what not and I know for a fact that if I go to the hospital and

get admitted I will not have a job when I come back they will fire me

of course they will say its something else someone called to complain

or something stupid like that, THey will make something up. Does

anyone have any ideas or suggestions? PLEASE well anyways I have to

go an lay down now because I am in so so much pain and I feel like i

am going to pass out. Oh one last thing you know when we say I dont

wish this on anyone I have to say that I do wish it upon those 3

women adn see how they are for 24 hours and see if they are crying to

get our and be like themselves again. Anyways im sorry again for the

so long I am just so so so upset. I hope all are ok, and everyone

else me is having a pain free day, thanks again,,

Gio