Joni from Blair, re: friends

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 11/12/00 8:29:27 PM Eastern Standard Time,

MiniGastricBypass (AT) egroups (DOT) com writes:

> She said she will not support me and that I should use willpower. I tried to

> explain myself and she said I was taking the " EASY way out " . Of course I

> told

> her this is definitely NOT the easy way out. She is sooooooo stubborn and

> opinionated. I finally said " let's not discuss it then. We can agree to

> disagree and remain friends " . She said " I guess so. bye " and hug up.

> Both my hubby and daughter are excited about it and very supportive. Should

> I

> write her off for the time being? Guess I am feeling sorry for myself at

> the

>

Hi, Joni -

I imagine that you are feeling sorry for yourself at the moment! It's

difficult to have a close friend rain on a decision as personal and major and

life-changing as this surgery. For one thing, it throws the whole concept of

a close friendship into confusion. We SHOULD get blanket approval from our

friends for everything, right? They're there to support us, right?

I went through a similar situation after first deciding to have the surgery.

I was visiting a friend at the time, staying at her house, and she announced

to a gathering of our friends that " Blair's made a REALLY STUPID DECISION,

and what did everybody think about that, huh? "

It took me a while to forgive her for that.

So I decided to sidestep that friendship issue when I made the final decision

to have this surgery. For one thing, no one else in my life - not my

husband, nor any friend - was going to be having the surgery. Just me. So

that meant it was really up to me - I had to want it for myself so much that

it really didn't matter who else approved or disapproved of it. I NEEDED

this surgery for my health's sake. I'm the only guardian of that, and the

only one able to make decisions for it. I can take suggestions, I can take

criticism (god knows, I took plenty of that when I was fat), but the final

decision rests with me about whether or not to have this surgery.

So I just told everybody all at once, in an email - " here's what I'm going to

do, here's the story, here's the website, if you're concerned, go read about

it. " I got some phone calls (not from my tactless friend) - and everyone was

polite, curious, concerned...but they could tell from the way that I

announced it, that it was my decision, and that I knew what was best for me.

Okay, I've struggled over the friendship question since the surgery. I am

living in a new town, most of my good friends are back up in the DC area,

where we came from, and my biggest support for this surgery comes from my

husband and my MGB friends. Do I wish I had a good girlfriend here to share

the trials and the tribulations of all of this with? You bet I do. Recently

I've gotten to know Margaret Hamilton and Betty Harrill, a preop and postop

who are in my area, and they're becoming my good friends here. That's a

wonderful blessing to come from this surgery. They're very supportive and

loving.

But I renew my belief in my quest to have a better life physically and

emotionally every day, when I get up and go exercise, which I didn't do at

all prior to surgery. When I can fix a wonderful meal for my family, and not

sabotage myself by eating 3/4's of it. When I have the stamina to get

through the past few days, which have been horrific - we've had to move out

of our house while they refinish our floors, my husband's car completely

broke down, and the rest you don't want to know about...

I'm really proud of myself. I've used this surgery as the tool I perceived

it to be, and I make choices every day to support it. Some days are better

than others. I can't go exercise every day lately, and I've been know to dip

into some sweets...but I don't beat myself up over it.

I hope you'll forgive your friend for her lack of faith in your ability to

choose for yourself, and let it wash over you, if possible. You have friends

here who will support you, and you'll be supporting yourself, even more

importantly.

xoxo

Blair

MGB 8/9/00