Re: Feeling depressed and discouraged!!!

[Guest guest]

>To all who are discussing this subject :

I too understand only so well !!!

I have diabetes on an insulin pump, CP, thyroid(low), hyponatremia,

hypertension as well as Bi-polar. I am on SSDI now.

My hubby and daughter act like I am on disability because I " want to

be " Like one could get approved first time up because " we want it "

My SSDI last a week if I am lucky ! Can't afford to buy meds

sometimes!!! And hubby makes me feel bad when I ask to borrow $10.

I too am pretty discussed with life !!!

Lets all keep in touch. Love Cyndi

[Guest guest]

Janet.

I'm sorry that you had such a bad day. I know how awful that feels, when it

seems as though the weight of the world is on your shoulders, which are too

tired to begin with. Being tired and worried about it doesn't help, either.

Adjusting to new meds can be a real hassle. I know when I made all my

adjustments early this year, I was falling asleep all the time, too, in the

middle

of conversations.....and yes, once I caught myself nodding in the mirror when I

was putting on makeup! I just wanted to put my head down on my hands and

sleep the day away. I complained about it to my doctor, and he put me on

Provigil to combat against all the additional sleepiness, and that did seem to

help, as well as time. Provigil is a medication that's supposed to create more

awareness, and I do think it's helped me because I ran out of it last weekend

and once again found myself falling asleep at inopportune times. I also found

that after the first month of my med change, when my body had become better

adjusted to the meds, that I didn't have the same problems with keeping

myself awake. Different meds affect each of us differently, too, so it might

not

be something that your doctor would feel was suitable for you, but you should

try to explain the problems you've been having with him and see if he can find

something that will help you. It could be really dangerous if you're losing

awareness that easily.

What were you taking before that now seems to be so objectionable? Is it

something that your doctor won't reconsider? I'm sorry, too, that you've had

loved ones that don't understand your medication needs and try to discredit

your pain. That's really adding salt to the wound, and it must make you feel

like you'd like to have that person walk a day or two in your shoes and then

see what they'd say. If anyone doubted us, I'm sure that would be the remedy

that would work best.

Talk to your doctor about your abnormal fatigue as soon as you can. It's really

not something that you should have to live with. I hope he can find a solution

for you soon.

With love, hope and prayers,

Heidi

Heidi H. Griffeth

South Carolina State Rep.

SE Regional Rep., PAI

http://pancassociation.org/anthology.htm#Heidi

Note: All comments or advice are based on personal experience or opinion,

and should not be substituted for consultation with a medical professional.

[Guest guest]

Cyndi wrote;

> > I too understand only so well !!! I have diabetes on an insulin

pump, CP, thyroid(low), hyponatremia,hypertension as well as Bi-polar.

I am on SSDI now.

My hubby and daughter act like I am on disability because I " want

to be " Can't afford to buy meds sometimes!!! And hubby makes me feel

bad when I ask to borrow $10.

Any advice on what I should do would be appreciated/

Dear Cyndi,

I really do wish that I had some advice for you that I thought could

be helpful with the non-understanding attitudes of your daughter and

husband regarding your being on disability, but I don't.

My story reads similar to yours, I have type 1 brittle diabetes,

chronic pancreatitis, low thyroid, osteopenia, COPD and Carpel Tunnel

Syndrome. But I am not on SSDI.....yet!

I think for many " normal " people who don't have all these chronic

physical problems like ours, they think going on disability is just an

easy way out and something that we really WANT to do. These people

don't wake up in pain in the middle of the night or have worries about

even being able to sleep at all. They don't know what it's really

like to have a low where your glucometer reads 29 and you're incapable

of speech because the low causes your brain to malfunction. Their

hair wasn't falling out in clumps in the shower and they weren't

falling asleep with fatique at 1:00 in the afternoon because their

thyroid levels were out of whack. They don't know how it feels to

have to turn their backs on work that they love, that they had pride

in and that stimulated their minds and gave them a personal sense of

purpose and fulfillment....because their mind's fogged up with

medication, their fingers are in pain and cramp up so they can't hold

a pen or type on a keyboard, or their belly keeps them doubled over in

pain so often that they can't sit at a desk. They haven't been given

their walking papers because they spent more time in the bathroom with

disabiling diarrhea than they did at their desk, or on the floor

working. They aren't afraid to eat, and afraid of how they're going

to feel after they eat. I could go on and on, about the differences

between those people, and us.

And sometimes, those people, even those closest to us, people that we

think would understand.....don't. And that's what hurts the most.

All I can suggest is that you sit down with them and try to quietly

and calmly discuss how this makes you feel, and explain to them that

it's really important to you that you have their support to help you

through this horribly difficult time of loss that you're experiencing.

I don't know if you feel this way about it, but I do. To not be able

to work at what I loved most makes me feel a terrific sense of loss,

and I imagine that there's a lot of others here that feel that same

way. I actually mourn the fact that I can't sit down at that drafting

board, turn on my two over head lamps, slide a new sheet of vellum

underneath the level, pick up the pen, start those first new lines on

that blank sheet of paper and draw for four or five hours straight

without interruption. It's very depressing to have to accept that you

can't do what you were trained to do, what you loved to do, and what

you earned money doing.

The loss of income, too, is devastating, and a hard adjustment for

anyone who's spent years in the workforce. Your husband shouldn't make

you feel quilty for having to ask for money now, and that, too, is

something you should try to talk over privately with him because it's

not fair for him to treat you this way after the many years that you

contributed your income into the family. Ask him how he'd feel if the

situation were reversed, would he want you to make HIM feel that way?

I do know what you're saying, though, because I feel quilty asking my

husband for money, too. We've always had our own incomes, our own

individual checking and savings accounts, and never even had a joint

checking account until two years ago. It is very difficult for me to

ask him for money, even though he gives it to me willingly and regularly.

While others may not understand, we do, I do, Cyndi. All I can do is

offer my shoulder to lean on and my ears to listen. Try to talk to

your familyabout your feelings, too, and see if they can try to see it

through your eyes, or feel it through your heart, and help share the

load, instead of making you feel like you're the one who's getting all

the breaks.

With love, hope and prayers,

Heidi

Heidi H. Griffeth

South Carolina State Rep.

SE Regional Rep., PAI

http://pancassociation.org/anthology.htm#Heidi

Note: All comments or advice are based on personal experience or

opinion, and should not be substituted for consultation with a medical

professional.