Re: 2nd Time Mom Feeling Horrible Guilt

[Guest guest]

Hello and welcome to the group. We all have felt guilty, but really most of us

just didn't know about this. Even when I asked my daughter's ped at 2 mo she

said " don't worry about it " . By 4 mo it was quite bad - guess I should have

worried! It might partially correct on its own, but at 14 mm with brachy I

think you absolutely made the riht decision to band. I think you'll feel better

when his head starts improving, and I bet your family will be impressed by the

changes too. Don't doubt yourself, just do what is best for him now.

-christine

sydney, 4.5 yrs, starband grad

>

> Our 4 month old son was diagnosed with brachycephaly & moderate plagiocephaly

(14 mm)on the left side at 3 months old and we're currently waiting to hear back

from Anthem Blue Cross to see whether they'll cover his CT helmet. I first

noticed his flat spot around 11 weeks old, when his thick head of hair started

falling out. His pediatrician gave us referrals for an orthotic immediately but

recommended trying a few weeks of repositioning--which we did-- to no avail.

>

> The hardest part of all this is the horrible guilt I'm feeling since he had a

perfectly round head as a newborn. I go back through all his old photos to try

to see where it all went wrong. Since we also have an energetic 2 year old son

who demands a lot of attention, our baby spent a lot of time in the first 2

months hanging out in the bouncer, swing, or on his play mat. He also napped

well in the car seat, which I thought was great, since we we're always on the go

doing activities with our older son in the mornings. Of course, I held the baby

a lot too and did tummy time with him, but it absolutely never crossed my mind

that his head would develop a flat spot. Our baby is so mellow, happy, and was

such a great sleeper from the start that I felt incredibly lucky that he was the

polar opposite of our older son, who had colic, didn't sleep, and required hours

of bouncing or rocking in our arms.

>

> So in addition to the guilt I feel that our baby now has to wear a helmet

(much to the chagrin of our family members-- who all say it'll correct itself

with time and think we're obsessing about it unnecessarily), I feel really

stupid that, as a second-time parent, I wasn't more aware of the fact that he

would develop a flat head and not notice it before it was too late to alter

through repositioning. As much as I try not to, I just can't get rid of that

horrible, sinking feeling of guilt that it's my fault. He also has slight facial

and ear asymmetry, which only makes me feel worse. A few moms in our baby play

group have asked about his flat spot and I've even lied and said he was born

with it since I felt like they were judging me, as though I don't hold my baby

or give him tummy time.

>

> I know I'm lucky that he's a healthy baby and that (hopefully) he'll only have

to wear the helmet for a short while, but I just can't seem to let go of the

guilt.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi! Your story is so similar to mine. My oldest was 15 months old when our 2nd

son was born. Same thing, chasing around the toddler, the younger one spent a

lot of time in the bouncer, swing, etc. I felt that same guilt. I understand

how that guilt is magnified since this is your 2nd and we " should have known

what to do by now! " . My son developed a severe case of brachy. Good job on

doing something about it now, at 4 months. There is a lot of time for

correction for him. My son was banded at 8 months, and although we saw a lot of

improvement, it could have been more.

It does get better. What you can do is try to embrace the helmet as an

accessory, instead of a medical device. Decorate it, use themes, etc. He'll

look so cute in it. I took lots of pictures. And also, finding lots of support

is crucial. This group and others, for example. Hang out with friends/family

who won't give you crap about it. The guilt will lessen as you see improvements

happen. Do not beat yourself up, you're being proactive!

Send me a message if you need anything. Good luck!

Fran

>

> Our 4 month old son was diagnosed with brachycephaly & moderate plagiocephaly

(14 mm)on the left side at 3 months old and we're currently waiting to hear back

from Anthem Blue Cross to see whether they'll cover his CT helmet. I first

noticed his flat spot around 11 weeks old, when his thick head of hair started

falling out. His pediatrician gave us referrals for an orthotic immediately but

recommended trying a few weeks of repositioning--which we did-- to no avail.

>

> The hardest part of all this is the horrible guilt I'm feeling since he had a

perfectly round head as a newborn. I go back through all his old photos to try

to see where it all went wrong. Since we also have an energetic 2 year old son

who demands a lot of attention, our baby spent a lot of time in the first 2

months hanging out in the bouncer, swing, or on his play mat. He also napped

well in the car seat, which I thought was great, since we we're always on the go

doing activities with our older son in the mornings. Of course, I held the baby

a lot too and did tummy time with him, but it absolutely never crossed my mind

that his head would develop a flat spot. Our baby is so mellow, happy, and was

such a great sleeper from the start that I felt incredibly lucky that he was the

polar opposite of our older son, who had colic, didn't sleep, and required hours

of bouncing or rocking in our arms.

>

> So in addition to the guilt I feel that our baby now has to wear a helmet

(much to the chagrin of our family members-- who all say it'll correct itself

with time and think we're obsessing about it unnecessarily), I feel really

stupid that, as a second-time parent, I wasn't more aware of the fact that he

would develop a flat head and not notice it before it was too late to alter

through repositioning. As much as I try not to, I just can't get rid of that

horrible, sinking feeling of guilt that it's my fault. He also has slight facial

and ear asymmetry, which only makes me feel worse. A few moms in our baby play

group have asked about his flat spot and I've even lied and said he was born

with it since I felt like they were judging me, as though I don't hold my baby

or give him tummy time.

>

> I know I'm lucky that he's a healthy baby and that (hopefully) he'll only have

to wear the helmet for a short while, but I just can't seem to let go of the

guilt.

>

[Guest guest]

Aww don't be so hard on yourself. You are a proactive mom that wants the best for your kids and loves them very much! You should feel guilty if you weren't even trying but you are!Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerryFrom: "mizzfran17" <mizzfran17@...>Sender: Plagiocephaly Date: Wed, 06 Oct 2010 15:10:51 -0000<Plagiocephaly >Reply Plagiocephaly Subject: Re: 2nd Time Mom Feeling Horrible Guilt Hi! Your story is so similar to mine. My oldest was 15 months old when our 2nd son was born. Same thing, chasing around the toddler, the younger one spent a lot of time in the bouncer, swing, etc. I felt that same guilt. I understand how that guilt is magnified since this is your 2nd and we " should have known what to do by now! " . My son developed a severe case of brachy. Good job on doing something about it now, at 4 months. There is a lot of time for correction for him. My son was banded at 8 months, and although we saw a lot of improvement, it could have been more.It does get better. What you can do is try to embrace the helmet as an accessory, instead of a medical device. Decorate it, use themes, etc. He'll look so cute in it. I took lots of pictures. And also, finding lots of support is crucial. This group and others, for example. Hang out with friends/family who won't give you crap about it. The guilt will lessen as you see improvements happen. Do not beat yourself up, you're being proactive! Send me a message if you need anything. Good luck!Fran>> Our 4 month old son was diagnosed with brachycephaly & moderate plagiocephaly (14 mm)on the left side at 3 months old and we're currently waiting to hear back from Anthem Blue Cross to see whether they'll cover his CT helmet. I first noticed his flat spot around 11 weeks old, when his thick head of hair started falling out. His pediatrician gave us referrals for an orthotic immediately but recommended trying a few weeks of repositioning--which we did-- to no avail. > > The hardest part of all this is the horrible guilt I'm feeling since he had a perfectly round head as a newborn. I go back through all his old photos to try to see where it all went wrong. Since we also have an energetic 2 year old son who demands a lot of attention, our baby spent a lot of time in the first 2 months hanging out in the bouncer, swing, or on his play mat. He also napped well in the car seat, which I thought was great, since we we're always on the go doing activities with our older son in the mornings. Of course, I held the baby a lot too and did tummy time with him, but it absolutely never crossed my mind that his head would develop a flat spot. Our baby is so mellow, happy, and was such a great sleeper from the start that I felt incredibly lucky that he was the polar opposite of our older son, who had colic, didn't sleep, and required hours of bouncing or rocking in our arms. > > So in addition to the guilt I feel that our baby now has to wear a helmet (much to the chagrin of our family members-- who all say it'll correct itself with time and think we're obsessing about it unnecessarily), I feel really stupid that, as a second-time parent, I wasn't more aware of the fact that he would develop a flat head and not notice it before it was too late to alter through repositioning. As much as I try not to, I just can't get rid of that horrible, sinking feeling of guilt that it's my fault. He also has slight facial and ear asymmetry, which only makes me feel worse. A few moms in our baby play group have asked about his flat spot and I've even lied and said he was born with it since I felt like they were judging me, as though I don't hold my baby or give him tummy time.> > I know I'm lucky that he's a healthy baby and that (hopefully) he'll only have to wear the helmet for a short while, but I just can't seem to let go of the guilt.>

[Guest guest]

I also had no idea that a baby could develop a flat spot from sleeping in a car

seat, etc. I felt guilty as well and also noticed the flat spot around 10 weeks.

But, consider yourself lucky that you don't have to fight for a script for a

band. You are doing a good job by addressing it early. Unfortunately, I listened

to the people who told me that the flat head would round out on its own and it

didn't. We didn't get a band until it was too late to get full correction. My

daughter was 14.5 months old and only got partial correction after 6 plus months

of wear.

With catching it so early, the amount of time in the band will be less. So, try

not to feel so bad and just move forward with addressing the problem. It will go

by faster than you think. And, the band isn't so bad for most of the babies.

It's harder on the parents.

, mom to , 3 years

STARband grad May 2009

>

> Our 4 month old son was diagnosed with brachycephaly & moderate plagiocephaly

(14 mm)on the left side at 3 months old and we're currently waiting to hear back

from Anthem Blue Cross to see whether they'll cover his CT helmet. I first

noticed his flat spot around 11 weeks old, when his thick head of hair started

falling out. His pediatrician gave us referrals for an orthotic immediately but

recommended trying a few weeks of repositioning--which we did-- to no avail.

>

> The hardest part of all this is the horrible guilt I'm feeling since he had a

perfectly round head as a newborn. I go back through all his old photos to try

to see where it all went wrong. Since we also have an energetic 2 year old son

who demands a lot of attention, our baby spent a lot of time in the first 2

months hanging out in the bouncer, swing, or on his play mat. He also napped

well in the car seat, which I thought was great, since we we're always on the go

doing activities with our older son in the mornings. Of course, I held the baby

a lot too and did tummy time with him, but it absolutely never crossed my mind

that his head would develop a flat spot. Our baby is so mellow, happy, and was

such a great sleeper from the start that I felt incredibly lucky that he was the

polar opposite of our older son, who had colic, didn't sleep, and required hours

of bouncing or rocking in our arms.

>

> So in addition to the guilt I feel that our baby now has to wear a helmet

(much to the chagrin of our family members-- who all say it'll correct itself

with time and think we're obsessing about it unnecessarily), I feel really

stupid that, as a second-time parent, I wasn't more aware of the fact that he

would develop a flat head and not notice it before it was too late to alter

through repositioning. As much as I try not to, I just can't get rid of that

horrible, sinking feeling of guilt that it's my fault. He also has slight facial

and ear asymmetry, which only makes me feel worse. A few moms in our baby play

group have asked about his flat spot and I've even lied and said he was born

with it since I felt like they were judging me, as though I don't hold my baby

or give him tummy time.

>

> I know I'm lucky that he's a healthy baby and that (hopefully) he'll only have

to wear the helmet for a short while, but I just can't seem to let go of the

guilt.

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you all for your thoughtful messages and words of support!

Anthem approved our claim for the helmet, so Luca went in yesterday afternoon

for his DSI scan and will get his helmet on Thursday. I feel better now that

things are moving forward and that his treatment is starting soon so we can get

it over with.

> >

> > Our 4 month old son was diagnosed with brachycephaly & moderate

plagiocephaly (14 mm)on the left side at 3 months old and we're currently

waiting to hear back from Anthem Blue Cross to see whether they'll cover his CT

helmet. I first noticed his flat spot around 11 weeks old, when his thick head

of hair started falling out. His pediatrician gave us referrals for an orthotic

immediately but recommended trying a few weeks of repositioning--which we did--

to no avail.

> >

> > The hardest part of all this is the horrible guilt I'm feeling since he had

a perfectly round head as a newborn. I go back through all his old photos to try

to see where it all went wrong. Since we also have an energetic 2 year old son

who demands a lot of attention, our baby spent a lot of time in the first 2

months hanging out in the bouncer, swing, or on his play mat. He also napped

well in the car seat, which I thought was great, since we we're always on the go

doing activities with our older son in the mornings. Of course, I held the baby

a lot too and did tummy time with him, but it absolutely never crossed my mind

that his head would develop a flat spot. Our baby is so mellow, happy, and was

such a great sleeper from the start that I felt incredibly lucky that he was the

polar opposite of our older son, who had colic, didn't sleep, and required hours

of bouncing or rocking in our arms.

> >

> > So in addition to the guilt I feel that our baby now has to wear a helmet

(much to the chagrin of our family members-- who all say it'll correct itself

with time and think we're obsessing about it unnecessarily), I feel really

stupid that, as a second-time parent, I wasn't more aware of the fact that he

would develop a flat head and not notice it before it was too late to alter

through repositioning. As much as I try not to, I just can't get rid of that

horrible, sinking feeling of guilt that it's my fault. He also has slight facial

and ear asymmetry, which only makes me feel worse. A few moms in our baby play

group have asked about his flat spot and I've even lied and said he was born

with it since I felt like they were judging me, as though I don't hold my baby

or give him tummy time.

> >

> > I know I'm lucky that he's a healthy baby and that (hopefully) he'll only

have to wear the helmet for a short while, but I just can't seem to let go of

the guilt.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I totally understand where you are coming from. I blamed myself for weeks and

sat up crying trying to figure out what I did wrong and how could I have missed

something so big. My husband and I even cried the day they told us he was on

the more severe side.

Being a first time mom we also let our son sleep in his carseat (since they said

to let a baby sleep where they want to sleep). We too had people that did not

think we should do the band or physical therapy. However we have gone through

one band and are heading into our second (since our son was on the severe side).

But let me say how quickly we quit blaming ourselves when we saw the progress.

Within the first 7-10 days we saw a change. Our physical therapist is also

wonderful with our son and he has come so far from working with her.

Please don't blame yourself. I know it is easier said than done, but you are a

fantastic mom:) I look forward to changing the stickers every week to give him

a new look, and when we go out so many people know what the band is all about.

It may be weird at first, but it does get easier. I wish you luck with your

journey and you will be pleased with the progress.

Best of luck,

> >

> > Our 4 month old son was diagnosed with brachycephaly & moderate

plagiocephaly (14 mm)on the left side at 3 months old and we're currently

waiting to hear back from Anthem Blue Cross to see whether they'll cover his CT

helmet. I first noticed his flat spot around 11 weeks old, when his thick head

of hair started falling out. His pediatrician gave us referrals for an orthotic

immediately but recommended trying a few weeks of repositioning--which we did--

to no avail.

> >

> > The hardest part of all this is the horrible guilt I'm feeling since he had

a perfectly round head as a newborn. I go back through all his old photos to try

to see where it all went wrong. Since we also have an energetic 2 year old son

who demands a lot of attention, our baby spent a lot of time in the first 2

months hanging out in the bouncer, swing, or on his play mat. He also napped

well in the car seat, which I thought was great, since we we're always on the go

doing activities with our older son in the mornings. Of course, I held the baby

a lot too and did tummy time with him, but it absolutely never crossed my mind

that his head would develop a flat spot. Our baby is so mellow, happy, and was

such a great sleeper from the start that I felt incredibly lucky that he was the

polar opposite of our older son, who had colic, didn't sleep, and required hours

of bouncing or rocking in our arms.

> >

> > So in addition to the guilt I feel that our baby now has to wear a helmet

(much to the chagrin of our family members-- who all say it'll correct itself

with time and think we're obsessing about it unnecessarily), I feel really

stupid that, as a second-time parent, I wasn't more aware of the fact that he

would develop a flat head and not notice it before it was too late to alter

through repositioning. As much as I try not to, I just can't get rid of that

horrible, sinking feeling of guilt that it's my fault. He also has slight facial

and ear asymmetry, which only makes me feel worse. A few moms in our baby play

group have asked about his flat spot and I've even lied and said he was born

with it since I felt like they were judging me, as though I don't hold my baby

or give him tummy time.

> >

> > I know I'm lucky that he's a healthy baby and that (hopefully) he'll only

have to wear the helmet for a short while, but I just can't seem to let go of

the guilt.

> >

>