Re: 2nd Time Mom Feeling Horrible Guilt

[Guest guest]

Hello,Your feelings are right in line with the moms and dads on this board. I still look back at pictures at my newborn baby's round head and regret that I didn't stand up to the ped(who just brushed off my concerns time after time) sooner.Although my baby got really good correction, the regret is still there and I suspect will be until another challenge comes up along this parenting journey.You will feel better once your baby is banded and you begin to see his head round out. You will work through your feelings of guilt and although it will take some time, things will get better. You are doing the best thing for your child and that is something that you should feel good about. Good luck and keep us posted!-AmyFrom: ciao_bellina26 <adriennesuster@...>Plagiocephaly Sent: Wed, October 6, 2010 2:41:54 AMSubject: 2nd Time Mom Feeling Horrible Guilt

Our 4 month old son was diagnosed with brachycephaly & moderate plagiocephaly (14 mm)on the left side at 3 months old and we're currently waiting to hear back from Anthem Blue Cross to see whether they'll cover his CT helmet. I first noticed his flat spot around 11 weeks old, when his thick head of hair started falling out. His pediatrician gave us referrals for an orthotic immediately but recommended trying a few weeks of repositioning--which we did-- to no avail.

The hardest part of all this is the horrible guilt I'm feeling since he had a perfectly round head as a newborn. I go back through all his old photos to try to see where it all went wrong. Since we also have an energetic 2 year old son who demands a lot of attention, our baby spent a lot of time in the first 2 months hanging out in the bouncer, swing, or on his play mat. He also napped well in the car seat, which I thought was great, since we we're always on the go doing activities with our older son in the mornings. Of course, I held the baby a lot too and did tummy time with him, but it absolutely never crossed my mind that his head would develop a flat spot. Our baby is so mellow, happy, and was such a great sleeper from the start that I felt incredibly lucky that he was the polar opposite of our older son, who had colic, didn't sleep, and required hours of bouncing or rocking in our arms.

So in addition to the guilt I feel that our baby now has to wear a helmet (much to the chagrin of our family members-- who all say it'll correct itself with time and think we're obsessing about it unnecessarily), I feel really stupid that, as a second-time parent, I wasn't more aware of the fact that he would develop a flat head and not notice it before it was too late to alter through repositioning. As much as I try not to, I just can't get rid of that horrible, sinking feeling of guilt that it's my fault. He also has slight facial and ear asymmetry, which only makes me feel worse. A few moms in our baby play group have asked about his flat spot and I've even lied and said he was born with it since I felt like they were judging me, as though I don't hold my baby or give him tummy time.

I know I'm lucky that he's a healthy baby and that (hopefully) he'll only have to wear the helmet for a short while, but I just can't seem to let go of the guilt.

[Guest guest]

Hi! I totally understand where you are coming from! Imagine how I feel with a

second son who needs a cranial remolding device! Our first son needed one back

in 2007, but I didn't feel too bad about it since I had never heard of

plagiocephaly and had no idea I needed to pay attention to the back of his head.

My second son was just born in March 2010, so you can imagine how determined I

was to reposition him so he didn't need a helmet. My husband and I were so

diligent with turning his head, and we also made sure he got tons of tummy time!

Well, it happened anyway! We took him for his 4 month check up and we got

referred to Cranial Technologies. I was so upset! So, it just goes to show you

can be super diligent about it, and there are just some kids who have softer

heads than others. I think it was going to happen no matter what we did, and it

sounds like you experienced the same thing.

Don't get me wrong, it is a huge blow since we thought we were being so good

about it, but as the doctor explained, 1 in 50 kids has a softer head than

others, and I guess ours was that 1 kid.

Don't be hard on yourself. I completely understand why you feel the way you do,

but there was nothing you could have done. It was probably just going to happen

no matter what you did.

Hang in there! I'm now fighting the battle with the insurance company because

they denied our claim. Good luck!

Jen

>

> Hello,

>

> Your feelings are right in line with the moms and dads on this board. I still

> look back at pictures at my newborn baby's round head and regret that I didn't

> stand up to the ped(who just brushed off my concerns time after time)

> sooner.Although my baby got really good correction, the regret is still there

> and I suspect will be until another challenge comes up along this parenting

> journey.

>

> You will feel better once your baby is banded and you begin to see his head

> round out. You will work through your feelings of guilt and although it will

> take some time, things will get better. You are doing the best thing for your

> child and that is something that you should feel good about. Good luck and

keep

> us posted!

> -Amy

>

>

>

>

> ________________________________

> From: ciao_bellina26 <adriennesuster@...>

> Plagiocephaly

> Sent: Wed, October 6, 2010 2:41:54 AM

> Subject: 2nd Time Mom Feeling Horrible Guilt

>

>

> Our 4 month old son was diagnosed with brachycephaly & moderate plagiocephaly

> (14 mm)on the left side at 3 months old and we're currently waiting to hear

back

> from Anthem Blue Cross to see whether they'll cover his CT helmet. I first

> noticed his flat spot around 11 weeks old, when his thick head of hair started

> falling out. His pediatrician gave us referrals for an orthotic immediately

but

> recommended trying a few weeks of repositioning--which we did-- to no avail.

>

>

> The hardest part of all this is the horrible guilt I'm feeling since he had a

> perfectly round head as a newborn. I go back through all his old photos to try

> to see where it all went wrong. Since we also have an energetic 2 year old son

> who demands a lot of attention, our baby spent a lot of time in the first 2

> months hanging out in the bouncer, swing, or on his play mat. He also napped

> well in the car seat, which I thought was great, since we we're always on the

go

> doing activities with our older son in the mornings. Of course, I held the

baby

> a lot too and did tummy time with him, but it absolutely never crossed my mind

> that his head would develop a flat spot. Our baby is so mellow, happy, and was

> such a great sleeper from the start that I felt incredibly lucky that he was

the

> polar opposite of our older son, who had colic, didn't sleep, and required

hours

> of bouncing or rocking in our arms.

>

>

> So in addition to the guilt I feel that our baby now has to wear a helmet

(much

> to the chagrin of our family members-- who all say it'll correct itself with

> time and think we're obsessing about it unnecessarily), I feel really stupid

> that, as a second-time parent, I wasn't more aware of the fact that he would

> develop a flat head and not notice it before it was too late to alter through

> repositioning. As much as I try not to, I just can't get rid of that horrible,

> sinking feeling of guilt that it's my fault. He also has slight facial and ear

> asymmetry, which only makes me feel worse. A few moms in our baby play group

> have asked about his flat spot and I've even lied and said he was born with it

> since I felt like they were judging me, as though I don't hold my baby or give

> him tummy time.

>

> I know I'm lucky that he's a healthy baby and that (hopefully) he'll only have

> to wear the helmet for a short while, but I just can't seem to let go of the

> guilt.

>