I had forgotten the feeling of hopelessness

[Guest guest]

My husband I recently moved and the house although what we wanted,

was filthy, I did not notice all the DIRT when we looked at it, I

quess that is why they had all the nice low mood lighting.

Once we took possession, the first thing I did was look at the

curtains in the living room, YUCK, I don't think anything had been

cleaned the whole time they lived here. Come on, there was animal

feces in the basement behind an old couch they left here.

My husband and I went on vacation in August, my pain levels had

increased about 2 weeks prior to our leave. I had just had my pump

filled and could not understand the increase in pain. During our

trip I just could not understand why I felt so bad. I know we all

understand about increasing pain with increasing activity, something

we will NEVER get the Drs. to understand.

I had my pump refilled Nov.12th and the Dr. increased the rate. It

helped for a few days. I know that physically I am doing too much,

but what are we suppose to do. We have families and obligations, and

I for one refuse to live my life lying on the couch or sitting again

for 24 hours a day. I do not consider that living, I have things

that need to be done and so does everyone eles on this board.

I called for a refill of Actiq, of course my pm Dr. is in Las Vegas

this week, usually all I need to do is call my family Dr. and he

will write the script of course he is out too. I called at 10:00 am

on Wed. thinking that maybe they would be closing early. I explained

I have enough to make it through until probably Friday ( not knowing

if they will be open on Friday) I was trying to cook most of our

Thanksgiving dinner so I wouldn't have soo much to do today.

The nurse said " Dr. Epperson is out today, but I'll ask one of the

other Dr. " They have all taken care of me in the past, either in the

office or hospital. I wait all day, thinking what will I do this

week-end with NO pain meds. Even though I have the intrathecal pump

I still have breakthru pain. I worry all day, I don't want to make

ER visits, I used to work in that ER.

Finally, in misery I lay down to take a nap, and the phone rings, I

had given up on them even calling me back. " Dr. Richely has agreed

to give you some Actiq but you can't pick the script up until

Friday, and we are only open until 12:00, so you will have to get

here early. Alright, I will do what ever you want.

My husband and I refer to my pain meds like other people air. For

those of us with pancreatitis, our meds are like air.

I have been dealing with my pm Dr. for over a year, and had

forgotten the feeling of am I going to get my RX are they going to

give me a hard time this time. I forgot the stress associated with

going through family pratice Dr. My question to those Drs. " are you

aware that any added stress increases our pain levels, I have come

to the conclusion they don't care.

I have told my husband that this week I plan on making an

appointment to see my family Dr. and that I don't appreciate this

and that if his partners are not willing to help me, then I will

find a Dr. office that will. This situation has only occured about 3

times since August 2003, where my pm Dr. was gone, and they had to

provide the meds. I know this seems a little over the top, but

again, for those of us with pancreatitis again, our meds are like

our air, I wonder how these Drs. would feel if someone kept them

waiting for air, bet they wouldn't like it at all.

Atwell LPN