Fliss

[Guest guest]

Thank you for you kind words of support. Dr. feels very

strongly that my problems are pancreatic. He held my panc in his

hands and knows what he saw. He said it looked like a walnut, the

head that is. I know the pathologist at my hospital and she is

excellent. However, I dont know the patholgist in cinci. I have

asked Dr. to please request another pathologist in cinci to

read the slides for another opinion there.

It is very confusing to have people who are professionals in the

field tell us so many different things. I think all we really want

is to be pain free, healthy and strong, as we possibly can be. I

was beginning to think all this was in my head. That I was

obsessing and manifesting the pain. That is until after the mrcp

yesterday. I came home and slept and had the worse night last night

that Ihave had in quite some time. I was trying to hold off on th

epain meds as long as possible. I have been trying not to take the

meds unless absolutely necessary. Trying to overcome any

phychosomatic condition. Well it took forever for me to get relief

and a lot of meds. So I Doubt very seriously thaat this is all in

my head now. One good thing I guess, that I'm not completely off my

rocker.

I understand that this surgery is nothing to take lightly by any

means. It will change all of our lives forever. It is not

something any of us should jump into. It is a difficult enough

decision to make without professionals that we respect and look up

to for advise telling us so many different things. I guess you and

I are in that same rocky boat. Weighing the pros and cons. I guess

we will just have to put our faith in God and trust that he will

guide us in the right direction. Maybe thats why the doc in cinci

is so reluctant. God doesn't think I am ready.

Sure wish I knew what to do with myself though. I was telling Billy

I want to go back to work. There must be something I can do with

that nursing degree I have. Financially things are a mess. He is

working 6 and sometimes 7 days a week. I worry about the old boy,

he will be 49 in a few weeks and I will be 43. Fliss I cant even

give my kids $10 to go to a movie. Do you know how ahard that is?

Well he doesn't want me to go back anytime soon at all, and is quite

insistent on that. It didn't help matters that I kept him up last

night rocking back and forth on the bed moaning and groaning.

Well we do have a difficult path Fliss and I wish I knew the answer

for both of us. Its not easy for us or our families. We just need

to have faith, something I have had difficulty with but am working

on it. I know there is a reason for all this, there is a reason for

everything, and I am trying to be patient and let things take their

course; but I just want to be pain free and regain my strength. I

dont see why that is so much to ask and so difficult to obtain. I

am still so depressed and cry all the time, I just dont see a happy

ending coming any time soon.

Sorry to be so pessimistic, but it is just how I feel. But do trust

that I understand how you feel with all the conflicting opinions and

how confusing and frustrating it is. You just want somebody to

say " Do this " and be done with it. I'm sorry that it is not that

easy, for any of us. Your in my prayers and always have been.

Please give my best to Jim and the boys.

Love,

Chrissy