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Well lets stop and think here a minute. Did you know that the vast majority

of people on the poverty level are obese? why? because they can't afford the

" right " foods, they live on pasta, I know, I've been there done that, thank

the Lord I no longer have to! I agree there is no reason not to be clean and

neat, but I find myself running to the store because I need something I

didn't realize I was out of when I have been in the middle of cleaning

house. I do NOT shower before I go. Clothes sizes, again, they may not be

able to afford new clothes as they gain weight, or lose weight. I have

almost NO clothes! It is too expensive to refurbish, and frankly in my small

town, goodwill is not a great selection. Make-up. I don't wear make-up or

jewelry due to religious reasons (ok, for the Holiday Party, I did! and felt

guilty I might add) Also for religious reasons I do not cut my hair (again I

did after the great hair loss post-op, but from waist length to shoulder

only). My religion also frowns on women wearing pants of any kind, (here I

disagree, and my pastor and I have locked horns over it) dresses should be

well beneath the knees, necklines should be no lower then just beneath the

collarbones, and sleeves should come down to the elbows. I do not follow all

of these " suggestions " and frankly as I am short, I don't look real put

together in long skirts but I do respect the guidelines most of the time. It

is a modesty thing. Now I say all that just to have you think abit about why

some people dress the way they do. Again, I agree, there is no excuse for an

ADULT not to be clean. Kids are only as well kept as their parents make them

(as in clean clothes and bodies) soap is cheap. Just another point of view,

not trying to flame or start an argument.

Phyllis

dressing up to go out

The talk about going out properly dressed, with earrings, hair combed,

etc. reminds me of myself.

As a child, my mother was very concious about making sure my clothes fit

well, my hair combed, and that I looked my best. She said because I was

chubby people would notice me more and she wanted them to say nice

things about me. I kept this thought in mind my whole life. As an obese

adult, I made sure my clothes were nice, clean, pressed, not too tight

or too large. I wore nice jewelry, polished nails, and styled hair. I

felt I needed to try extra hard to look my best.

This is not the way many obese people look. They don't seem to care how

they dress. I have seen them without bras, stained clothes, torn

sweatpants, rundown shoes, no make up, unkempt hair, etc. It is sad that

they have lost their pride. Unfortunately that is why others do not

treat the obese nicely.

I try very hard to encourage my Support Group of Pre-ops to take pride

in the way they look and dress. It makes a difference in the way you are

treated. Even little obese children need to have properly fitting

clothes that are not too tight, or that look like they are their

father's pants rolled up or their mother's sweats.

I hope I don't sound critical. I am not. I just want the discriminaton

and cruelty to stop. I am an obese person in a smaller body. Even at a

size 8, I still feel like I have to look as good as I can so that no one

say I am a " slob " . That is a cruel word that I have heard my whole life.

Sheila

Homepage: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Graduate-OSSG

Unsubscribe: mailto:Graduate-OSSG-unsubscribe

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Okay, after reading this I had to respond as NON-judgmentally as possibly.

I, too, was raised like Sheila. I, too, was raised that appearance matters.

However, my observation is that it's an " accross-the-board " issue ... in

that, pride in appearance or lack thereof, is an EXTREMELY diverse issue.

It's NOT just the obese. It happens to all races, ethnicities, and sizes of

human kind. In my opinion, not just the obese have this appearance issue.

I wish all of society could take a more presentable approach to their

appearance. I am just 48, and may sound like a geezer of yesteryear, but I

believe

our " standards " of dress have diminished appallingly.

So, in my opinion, and for whatever reason, maybe the over-weight are just

NOTICED more.

Just my $0.02.

Bobbie

Anchorage, AK

Open Proximal RNY: 5-11-01

> <<This is not the way many obese people look. They don't seem to care how

> they dress. I have seen them without bras, stained clothes, torn

> sweatpants, rundown shoes, no make up, unkempt hair, etc. It is sad that

> they have lost their pride. Unfortunately that is why others do not

> treat the obese nicely.>>

>

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Phyllis,

I do so agree with you. If we don't know someone's situation,

how can we possibly judge them. There is one more thing I would like to

mention. I was homeless for several months a couple of years back. I

did not always have access to a shower or bath so it was sometimes hard

to get clean. I was unemployed and only making about $395 a month from

unemployment. Buying soap, laundry detergent, quarters for the

washateria, etc. were often hard decisions to make when you are worried

about finding a job AND trying to figure out where to sleep that night

without being arrested. Again, if we don't know where someone is coming

from, can we honestly say that we would do better?

Lori Owen - Denton, Texas

SRVG 7/16/01

Dr. Ritter/Dr. Bryce

479/356/hoping for close to 200

On Sat, 17 Jan 2004 08:04:27 -0500 " Phyllis Seager "

writes:

> Well lets stop and think here a minute. Did you know that the vast

> majority

> of people on the poverty level are obese? why? because they can't

> afford the

> " right " foods, they live on pasta, I know, I've been there done

> that, thank

> the Lord I no longer have to! I agree there is no reason not to be

> clean and

> neat, but I find myself running to the store because I need

> something I

> didn't realize I was out of when I have been in the middle of

> cleaning

> house. I do NOT shower before I go. Clothes sizes, again, they may

> not be

> able to afford new clothes as they gain weight, or lose weight. I

> have

> almost NO clothes! It is too expensive to refurbish, and frankly in

> my small

> town, goodwill is not a great selection. Make-up. I don't wear

> make-up or

> jewelry due to religious reasons (ok, for the Holiday Party, I did!

> and felt

> guilty I might add) Also for religious reasons I do not cut my hair

> (again I

> did after the great hair loss post-op, but from waist length to

> shoulder

> only). My religion also frowns on women wearing pants of any kind,

> (here I

> disagree, and my pastor and I have locked horns over it) dresses

> should be

> well beneath the knees, necklines should be no lower then just

> beneath the

> collarbones, and sleeves should come down to the elbows. I do not

> follow all

> of these " suggestions " and frankly as I am short, I don't look real

> put

> together in long skirts but I do respect the guidelines most of the

> time. It

> is a modesty thing. Now I say all that just to have you think abit

> about why

> some people dress the way they do. Again, I agree, there is no

> excuse for an

> ADULT not to be clean. Kids are only as well kept as their parents

> make them

> (as in clean clothes and bodies) soap is cheap. Just another point

> of view,

> not trying to flame or start an argument.

> Phyllis

> dressing up to go out

>

>

> The talk about going out properly dressed, with earrings, hair

> combed,

> etc. reminds me of myself.

> As a child, my mother was very concious about making sure my clothes

> fit

> well, my hair combed, and that I looked my best. She said because I

> was

> chubby people would notice me more and she wanted them to say nice

> things about me. I kept this thought in mind my whole life. As an

> obese

> adult, I made sure my clothes were nice, clean, pressed, not too

> tight

> or too large. I wore nice jewelry, polished nails, and styled hair.

> I

> felt I needed to try extra hard to look my best.

> This is not the way many obese people look. They don't seem to care

> how

> they dress. I have seen them without bras, stained clothes, torn

> sweatpants, rundown shoes, no make up, unkempt hair, etc. It is sad

> that

> they have lost their pride. Unfortunately that is why others do not

> treat the obese nicely.

>

> I try very hard to encourage my Support Group of Pre-ops to take

> pride

> in the way they look and dress. It makes a difference in the way you

> are

> treated. Even little obese children need to have properly fitting

> clothes that are not too tight, or that look like they are their

> father's pants rolled up or their mother's sweats.

>

> I hope I don't sound critical. I am not. I just want the

> discriminaton

> and cruelty to stop. I am an obese person in a smaller body. Even at

> a

> size 8, I still feel like I have to look as good as I can so that no

> one

> say I am a " slob " . That is a cruel word that I have heard my whole

> life.

>

> Sheila

>

>

> Homepage: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Graduate-OSSG

>

> Unsubscribe: mailto:Graduate-OSSG-unsubscribe

>

>

>

>

>

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OMG That was me all over. I wasn't obese as a child (well I was " chubby " as

a baby...but in the 50's who's baby WASN'T!) but as an adult....I saw the

way other obese people dressed and said...NOT me!!!! Never went out with out

hair done, make-up on and jewelry all in place. My by-line was accessorize,

accessorize, accessorize! I understood NOT being able to AFFORD the type of

clothes I wore (I spent a small fortune on my clothes), but I figured your

hair, body and clothes should be clean. Unfortunately, MANY of the obese I

saw didn't seem to care. And MAYBE I didn't see the ones that did....because

they looked normal to me...nicely dressed, clean and confident. I can't say

I was ALWAYS confident, but NO ONE would have ever known. I was good at

portraying myself as a very confident person (while inside I was dying...and

scared someone would find out that I was just ACTING!).

Debbie &

in Gig Harbor

(170cm medial)

ladybostons@...

http://www.cafeshops.com/copsstore

http://www.marykay.com/debbiemcneice

-----Original Message-----

From: sabaroni@...

The talk about going out properly dressed, with earrings, hair combed, etc.

reminds me of myself. As a child, my mother was very concious about making

sure my clothes fit well, my hair combed, and that I looked my best. She

said because I was chubby people would notice me more and she wanted them to

say nice things about me. I kept this thought in mind my whole life. As an

obese adult, I made sure my clothes were nice, clean, pressed, not too tight

or too large. I wore nice jewelry, polished nails, and styled hair. I felt I

needed to try extra hard to look my best.

This is not the way many obese people look. They don't seem to care how they

dress. I have seen them without bras, stained clothes, torn sweatpants,

rundown shoes, no make up, unkempt hair, etc. It is sad that they have lost

their pride. Unfortunately that is why others do not treat the obese nicely.

I try very hard to encourage my Support Group of Pre-ops to take pride in

the way they look and dress. It makes a difference in the way you are

treated. Even little obese children need to have properly fitting clothes

that are not too tight, or that look like they are their father's pants

rolled up or their mother's sweats.

I hope I don't sound critical. I am not. I just want the discriminaton and

cruelty to stop. I am an obese person in a smaller body. Even at a size 8, I

still feel like I have to look as good as I can so that no one

say I am a " slob " . That is a cruel word that I have heard my whole life.

Sheila

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I agree, and I am so sorry! Coming from a small town, it is all to easy to

remember that there are homeless people everywhere and for all reasons! I

know I have been inprayer this winter especially. The cold here in the

Northeast is deadly! The local channels and the national ones showing

volunteers and police out rounding up all of the homeless that they can find

to get them out of the cold. And whole FAMILIES are homeless, even when one

of the parents is working, cause there just are no decent paying jobs

available. Thank you for reminding me to always be non-judgemental. There

but for the grace of God go I!

Phyllis

dressing up to go out

>

>

> The talk about going out properly dressed, with earrings, hair

> combed,

> etc. reminds me of myself.

> As a child, my mother was very concious about making sure my clothes

> fit

> well, my hair combed, and that I looked my best. She said because I

> was

> chubby people would notice me more and she wanted them to say nice

> things about me. I kept this thought in mind my whole life. As an

> obese

> adult, I made sure my clothes were nice, clean, pressed, not too

> tight

> or too large. I wore nice jewelry, polished nails, and styled hair.

> I

> felt I needed to try extra hard to look my best.

> This is not the way many obese people look. They don't seem to care

> how

> they dress. I have seen them without bras, stained clothes, torn

> sweatpants, rundown shoes, no make up, unkempt hair, etc. It is sad

> that

> they have lost their pride. Unfortunately that is why others do not

> treat the obese nicely.

>

> I try very hard to encourage my Support Group of Pre-ops to take

> pride

> in the way they look and dress. It makes a difference in the way you

> are

> treated. Even little obese children need to have properly fitting

> clothes that are not too tight, or that look like they are their

> father's pants rolled up or their mother's sweats.

>

> I hope I don't sound critical. I am not. I just want the

> discriminaton

> and cruelty to stop. I am an obese person in a smaller body. Even at

> a

> size 8, I still feel like I have to look as good as I can so that no

> one

> say I am a " slob " . That is a cruel word that I have heard my whole

> life.

>

> Sheila

>

>

> Homepage: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Graduate-OSSG

>

> Unsubscribe: mailto:Graduate-OSSG-unsubscribe

>

>

>

>

>

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In a message dated 1/17/04 8:34:40 PM Eastern Standard Time,

loriowen@... writes:

> I have been told that

> what one fears the most is the one thing mostly likely to happen to you

Lori,

this is such an interesting thought you shared...and it

brings to mind a recent experience i had (nothing to do with weight, or the

heavy

hearted feeling i have for your going through the devastation of homelessness

as i have often wondered how many paychecks away from such a situation we all

are)...

now back to what one fears happening...i attend a women's

meeting once a week that is held in the basement of a brownstone. building..the

stone stairs though not steep are at an odd angle without handrails...whenever i

go down them i feel afraid...and finally did actually fall down landing on my

bum...no injuries, but i was unsettled as if i knew this was going to happen,

just didn't know when....

i still do not totally understand, but i think my fears

created some sort of a magnetic force that i was not in control of...

and Lori i think you must be an incredible woman to have

overcome such harsh a time....

warmly,

laura

i am still afraid of the stairs, but i just don't wear heels to

walk down them anymore...

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And you know, it just occurred to me that I was raised as a child and lived

as an adult a very isolated life. Rarely lived near big cities where there

were homeless and the small areas I did live in were usually Navy

bases...living on bases tends to isolate you greatly. I think it gave me

tunnel vision. I remember when I saw my first homeless person...it scared

me. Now, after reading that someone I like and respect on the list was

homeless for a period of time, I am horrified that I might have been afraid

of her. How awful. It is a form of discrimination and I am ashamed of

myself. My life has not been perfect, but compared to some....it was as

close as it could get to perfect. I think it takes hearing/reading someone

else's story to open your eyes and let you see what you have not seen

before.

Debbie &

in Gig Harbor

(170cm medial)

ladybostons@...

http://www.cafeshops.com/copsstore

http://www.marykay.com/debbiemcneice

-----Original Message-----

From: Debbie McNeice

OMG That was me all over. I wasn't obese as a child (well I was " chubby " as

a baby...but in the 50's who's baby WASN'T!) but as an adult....I saw the

way other obese people dressed and said...NOT me!!!! Never went out with out

hair done, make-up on and jewelry all in place. My by-line was accessorize,

accessorize, accessorize! I understood NOT being able to AFFORD the type of

clothes I wore (I spent a small fortune on my clothes), but I figured your

hair, body and clothes should be clean. Unfortunately, MANY of the obese I

saw didn't seem to care. And MAYBE I didn't see the ones that did....because

they looked normal to me...nicely dressed, clean and confident. I can't say

I was ALWAYS confident, but NO ONE would have ever known. I was good at

portraying myself as a very confident person (while inside I was dying...and

scared someone would find out that I was just ACTING!).

Debbie &

in Gig Harbor

(170cm medial)

ladybostons@...

http://www.cafeshops.com/copsstore

http://www.marykay.com/debbiemcneice

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Please don't feel ashamed. The only reason I mentioned it was to

hopefully open some eyes. It opened yours and that is great. All of us

have our own cross to bear. I am just grateful I don't have to do that

phase of my life over again. It is rather ironic. I have been told that

what one fears the most is the one thing mostly likely to happen to you.

I was always afraid of being homeless and I became homeless. I was

afraid of looking like all those severly overweight people with huge

ankles that have to use a scooter. I became one of those too. I would

never wish either one on my worst enemy.

Lori Owen - Denton, Texas

SRVG 7/16/01

Dr. Ritter/Dr. Bryce

479/356/hoping for close to 200

On Sat, 17 Jan 2004 16:36:00 -0800 " Debbie McNeice "

writes:

> And you know, it just occurred to me that I was raised as a child and

> lived

> as an adult a very isolated life. Rarely lived near big cities where

> there

> were homeless and the small areas I did live in were usually Navy

> bases...living on bases tends to isolate you greatly. I think it

> gave me

> tunnel vision. I remember when I saw my first homeless person...it

> scared

> me. Now, after reading that someone I like and respect on the list

> was

> homeless for a period of time, I am horrified that I might have been

> afraid

> of her. How awful. It is a form of discrimination and I am ashamed

> of

> myself. My life has not been perfect, but compared to some....it was

> as

> close as it could get to perfect. I think it takes hearing/reading

> someone

> else's story to open your eyes and let you see what you have not

> seen

> before.

>

> Debbie &

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Well, Lori I have to say that I have nothing but the utmost respect for you

and what you have done. Not to mention I like your sense of humor and zest

for life! I will definitely view people with a different eye now. All

people. I have always felt that I did not discriminate between colors so I

wasn't a bigot. But bigotry and discrimination come in all forms. And a day

where I can learn valuable lessons is a GREAT day! Thank you so much.

Debbie &

in Gig Harbor

(170cm medial)

ladybostons@...

http://www.cafeshops.com/copsstore

http://www.marykay.com/debbiemcneice

-----Original Message-----

From: loriowen@...

Please don't feel ashamed. The only reason I mentioned it was to hopefully

open some eyes. It opened yours and that is great. All of us have our own

cross to bear. I am just grateful I don't have to do that phase of my life

over again. It is rather ironic. I have been told that what one fears the

most is the one thing mostly likely to happen to you.

I was always afraid of being homeless and I became homeless. I was afraid

of looking like all those severly overweight people with huge ankles that

have to use a scooter. I became one of those too. I would never wish

either one on my worst enemy. Lori Owen - Denton, Texas SRVG 7/16/01 Dr.

Ritter/Dr. Bryce 479/356/hoping for close to 200

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I can't say I was ALWAYS confident, but NO ONE would have ever known. I

was good at

portraying myself as a very confident person (while inside I was

dying...and

scared someone would find out that I was just ACTING!).

==================================================

Same here. I was lying and acting to my husband and friends for years.

He had no idea how much I was waiting and hoping to die until after I

had the surgery. It broke his heart that he didn't " see it " . Told him

nobody did. I spent a lifetime perfecting my act. Had lots of friends,

great at my job, life of the party. Nobody ever noticed that I never sat

at those parties for fear of not fitting into the chairs or breaking

them (thank God that never happened). Buying all kinds of clothes and

matching shoes and jewelry, always had the hair done. Always been a

minimalist with the make-up and still am, so that hasn't changed. Always

making sure everything was just so to try and compensate for feeling so

inadequate. I had the most beautiful wedding gown, but I was 272 lbs

when I got married and it was a size 24. Would love to go have that

dress altered someday to my present size 12/14 and renew our vows. I

don't display a wedding photo of us. The only photos I have of us

together are over the last few years that I would allow pictures of me

being taken.

Regina

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I've been doing a lot of reading and listening to audio books. One in

particular is called the Psychology of Change by . He says to

always tell yourself things in a positive way, such as I will be on time for

work, instead of I will not be late for work. Something to do with the

brain focusing on the task at hand and not paying attention to the fact that

it is not what you want to do.

Lori, my hat is off to you . . . I am so sorry for being homeless at a point

in time of your life. I was raised in a small town and never really

understood how someone became homeless until I moved to Portland Oregon. I

will always remember the first time I realized that someone was asleep on

the sidewalk and the sadness I felt inside for them. This poor elderly man

had his shoes stolen while he was sleeping, and he was crying his eyes out

over the loss of his shoes. I've worked hard in every town I've lived in

since to help the homeless, I've done some really stupid things and learned

the hard way. But, to this day, I would rather be taken advantage of, than

miss helping someone who would truly benefit from it. I also don't carry

cash, as I always give it away if I see someone who I think could use it . .

.. missed paying my own rent before and had to borrow it from a friend.

Joanie

Re: dressing up to go out

> In a message dated 1/17/04 8:34:40 PM Eastern Standard Time,

> loriowen@... writes:

>

>

> > I have been told that

> > what one fears the most is the one thing mostly likely to happen to you

>

> Lori,

>

> this is such an interesting thought you shared...and it

> brings to mind a recent experience i had (nothing to do with weight, or

the heavy

> hearted feeling i have for your going through the devastation of

homelessness

> as i have often wondered how many paychecks away from such a situation we

all

> are)...

>

> now back to what one fears happening...i attend a women's

> meeting once a week that is held in the basement of a brownstone.

building..the

> stone stairs though not steep are at an odd angle without

handrails...whenever i

> go down them i feel afraid...and finally did actually fall down landing on

my

> bum...no injuries, but i was unsettled as if i knew this was going to

happen,

> just didn't know when....

> i still do not totally understand, but i think my fears

> created some sort of a magnetic force that i was not in control of...

>

> and Lori i think you must be an incredible woman to

have

> overcome such harsh a time....

>

> warmly,

>

> laura

>

> i am still afraid of the stairs, but i just don't wear heels

to

> walk down them anymore...

>

>

>

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My self esteem problems were always my personality.

In fact when my daughter was 16 I asked her to finish the sentence " If I

were thin. " She said " I wouldn't have an excuse for not having a

boyfriend. " I hope this makes sense.

===============================

Fay: This makes perfect sense. My self esteem problems were always my

own too. I lost 60 lbs while in high school (going from 9th to 10th

grade over the summer) and had all the guys looking at me different and

asking me out on dates. Thank God I was smart enough and not desperate

enough to go out with any of them. It wasn't that I was being stuck up,

it was just in my mind I was the same person I was 60 lbs ago and even

though they were my friends when I was big, they never asked me out on

dates and it never occurred to them that I wasn't doing anything on the

weekend and would have loved to have gone to some of those parties. I

made it my own personal policy back then that I wouldn't date anyone who

knew me when I was heavy and now drooling over my size 9 body.

Also, the girls were horrible when I went back to school thin. They were

pissed that their boyfriends thought I looked so good and they set out

to get me for sure. Can't tell you how many times I was pregnant in high

school according to some of these girls. But will assure all of you that

it was none. : ) That experience gave me such a mistrust most of women

that took me into adulthood. It wasn't until I was in my 30's that are

started developing TRUE friendships with women. I always had

girlfriends, but never confided anything to them because of the crap

they pulled on me in high school. No scars, no damage, just got smart

very early on.

Regina

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Boy do I understand about giving my money away. I finally starte

carrying gift certificates to local hamburger places and giving those

out. At least that way I knew that the money would be spent on food and

not drugs or alcohol. It is sometimes hard to know who is truly needy

and who is trying to use the system. It truly is sad since I have been

there and done that.

Lori Owen - Denton, Texas

SRVG 7/16/01

Dr. Ritter/Dr. Bryce

479/356/hoping for close to 200

On Sun, 18 Jan 2004 15:51:38 -0700 " Joanie " writes:

>> Lori, my hat is off to you . . . I am so sorry for being homeless at

> a point

> in time of your life. I was raised in a small town and never

> really

> understood how someone became homeless until I moved to Portland

> Oregon. I

> will always remember the first time I realized that someone was

> asleep on

> the sidewalk and the sadness I felt inside for them. This poor

> elderly man

> had his shoes stolen while he was sleeping, and he was crying his

> eyes out

> over the loss of his shoes. I've worked hard in every town I've

> lived in

> since to help the homeless, I've done some really stupid things and

> learned

> the hard way. But, to this day, I would rather be taken advantage

> of, than

> miss helping someone who would truly benefit from it. I also don't

> carry

> cash, as I always give it away if I see someone who I think could

> use it . .

> . missed paying my own rent before and had to borrow it from a

> friend.

>

> Joanie

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That is a fantastic idea! I'm going to pick some up for the fast food

places, that is so wonderful . . . . Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Joanie

Re: dressing up to go out

> Boy do I understand about giving my money away. I finally starte

> carrying gift certificates to local hamburger places and giving those

> out. At least that way I knew that the money would be spent on food and

> not drugs or alcohol. It is sometimes hard to know who is truly needy

> and who is trying to use the system. It truly is sad since I have been

> there and done that.

> Lori Owen - Denton, Texas

> SRVG 7/16/01

> Dr. Ritter/Dr. Bryce

> 479/356/hoping for close to 200

>

> On Sun, 18 Jan 2004 15:51:38 -0700 " Joanie " writes:

> >> Lori, my hat is off to you . . . I am so sorry for being homeless at

> > a point

> > in time of your life. I was raised in a small town and never

> > really

> > understood how someone became homeless until I moved to Portland

> > Oregon. I

> > will always remember the first time I realized that someone was

> > asleep on

> > the sidewalk and the sadness I felt inside for them. This poor

> > elderly man

> > had his shoes stolen while he was sleeping, and he was crying his

> > eyes out

> > over the loss of his shoes. I've worked hard in every town I've

> > lived in

> > since to help the homeless, I've done some really stupid things and

> > learned

> > the hard way. But, to this day, I would rather be taken advantage

> > of, than

> > miss helping someone who would truly benefit from it. I also don't

> > carry

> > cash, as I always give it away if I see someone who I think could

> > use it . .

> > . missed paying my own rent before and had to borrow it from a

> > friend.

> >

> > Joanie

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