Re: Classroom problems (need fast response)

[Guest guest]

> >

> > About a week ago, Raven told me that some of the classmates were

> > telling her she was too small. I promptly gave her a pep talk, and

> > explained that kids are not trying to be mean, (she is truly loved

> in

> > her school), but that they don't think. I explained she is speacial

> > and smart, and really built her up.

> >

> > I thought this would have been the end of it b/c she didn't say

> > anything else. This child reports EVERYTHING to me: who ate what for

> > lunch, class work, games and so on.... However, her teacher informed

> > me that Raven refused to try to tell time. Her excuse was that she

> is

> > too small.

> >

> > This is a child who wanted to surf in North Shore last week, but

> > fought with me yesterday when she had to go to the community pool

> for

> > swim lessons. I didn't connect the dots, but I think this has

> > something to do with her size. She never claimed to be too small

> until

> > she started school. When confronted this morning, Raven said the

> class

> > is still telling her she is " too small " .

> >

> > I know I have a problem here, and I am speaking to the teacher after

> > school today. We will not tolerate this. My question to anyone out

> > there is what do I suggest to the teacher? Raven said the " name

> > calling " is not only her class, but older classes as well.

> >

> > The teacher is great, but my husband is concerned that if the staff

> > speaks to the children about Raven, this will only single her out

> even

> > more. My opinion is that she is already " singled out " and

> therefore a

> > talk to the kids at this point can't do more damage. Or can it? She

> > can't be left to handle this on her own because it has become clear

> to

> > me that her confidence is shot.

> >

> > If anyone has any suggestions, please feel free to share. Thanks!

> > Mollison (Raven age 5 RSS)

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I would stress to Raven that everyone is different, and that it is those

differences that make us unique and special. Maybe have her name some of the

differences in the kids that make up her base group of friends. Hair color,

eye color, weight, glasses, etc....

As far as the teacher goes, I would first ask her if she's aware of the

problem. If she isn't, then I would explain it to her. If she is, then

explain to her how it is affecting Raven, how you feel that something needs

to be done about it, and why.

Maybe she could talk to the class as a whole about everyone's differences,

so that Raven doesn't feel " singled out " , and how because of these

differences, each of them is unique with special advantages. Trying, of

course, to keep it all on the positive side of things.

I know that several parents from the list serve have addressed their

childrens' classes, and explained why their child is different, and how

those issues are handled. The one that comes to mind is Leah. Her daughter,

Olivia, not only has RSS, but also brittle bone disease, so the kids need to

be extra careful around her.

In my opinion, it would be better to deal with this issue now, while Raven

is young. If your school system is anything like ours, Raven will be

attending school with the same group of kids for a while. Once they

understand that Raven's unique size is just part of her, and that it has

it's advantages (she could be gymnast, a jockey, etc...she will always get

to be in the front row for pictures) maybe they will be less likely to

tease.

Hope this helps!

Pat (g-ma to , RSS, 4yrs 2m old, 28# 10oz, 35 " , G-tube, GHT)

[Guest guest]

This is bullying no matter what age the children are and should not be accepted

or tolerated.

You need to speak to the teacher, of course, but since it is happening from

other students, you need to explain to the principal your concerns. It's

important, believe it or not the principal is often not aware these things are

going on.

You can't let this continue. In the classroom, the teacher could do one of two

things.

She could find a book about differences (some have blue eyes, some wear glasses,

some print well, some don't etc) and have a long discussion with the entire

class about being accepting of differences as we are all different.

She could also choose a time when Raven is not at school (perhaps work it out in

advance that Raven is helping in another class or some such thing) and have a

long talk with the class. I have seen both methods done, I have used both

methods myself as a teacher and it helps.

Also , and phrase this carefully, maybe by telling the teacher that you have to

catch yourself all the time (it's always best when we blame ourselves) that you

don't use words like " little " or " when you grow bigger " . We ALL say to children

" when you are bigger you can have lunch at school " or whatever. I have trained

myself to NEVER use those words around Adam, now it's always " when you are

older " . The teacher may be inadvertently fuelling this by her choice of words.

But again, instead of accusing, if you say that you find it very difficult to be

cautious of your words but you wanted to help her with strategies you use at

home---it won't sound challenging to her.

After years of Adam hearing this kind of stuff, and my inability to get it

stopped, has led to Adam having some real hard problems socially and

emotionally. He has such little self esteem right now, it's just sad. I

understand your husband's fears, but this is one of those times when things need

to be nipped in the bud.

The principal may try to get Raven to identify which kids, tell her/him that you

would prefer that someone come in and speak to the entire school or a few of the

classes. That you don't want her singled out anymore and the anti-bullying

message is an important message that should be delivered often anyway.

Neighbourhood groups often have anti-bullying programs that will come into the

schools and make presentations. I would call your public health department for

some names or the principal may already have someone in mind for that.

Document what happens. You may never need it, but if it continues you can have

some written back up to take to the principal if things don't improve.

I would start by being a concerned parent that wants to work " with " the school.

Threats don't work at the beginning, give them a chance to do something about it

first. The teachers are close enough to the ground (so to speak) that they often

hear/see this stuff and need reminders that it is not acceptable.

Try not to grill Raven, you don't want to make her hyper-sensitive. I have seen

kids (my own included) who grew to just expect no matter what, someone was going

to say something upsetting to the point that they misread minor, non offensive

cues (body language, words) as being more than they are which creates even more

of a problem.

You have started beautifully by your talks with Raven. If she doesn't want to

tell time, do it at home, very non-challently. Maybe ask her to tell you when

the big hand gets on the 12 so that you can take out the dinner or turn the

channel. And after a day or two of this, you could (again non challently) point

out to her that she IS telling time.

Good luck

Debby B.

Classroom problems (need fast response)

About a week ago, Raven told me that some of the classmates were

telling her she was too small. I promptly gave her a pep talk, and

explained that kids are not trying to be mean, (she is truly loved in

her school), but that they don't think. I explained she is speacial

and smart, and really built her up.

I thought this would have been the end of it b/c she didn't say

anything else. This child reports EVERYTHING to me: who ate what for

lunch, class work, games and so on.... However, her teacher informed

me that Raven refused to try to tell time. Her excuse was that she is

too small.

This is a child who wanted to surf in North Shore last week, but

fought with me yesterday when she had to go to the community pool for

swim lessons. I didn't connect the dots, but I think this has

something to do with her size. She never claimed to be too small until

she started school. When confronted this morning, Raven said the class

is still telling her she is " too small " .

I know I have a problem here, and I am speaking to the teacher after

school today. We will not tolerate this. My question to anyone out

there is what do I suggest to the teacher? Raven said the " name

calling " is not only her class, but older classes as well.

The teacher is great, but my husband is concerned that if the staff

speaks to the children about Raven, this will only single her out even

more. My opinion is that she is already " singled out " and therefore a

talk to the kids at this point can't do more damage. Or can it? She

can't be left to handle this on her own because it has become clear to

me that her confidence is shot.

If anyone has any suggestions, please feel free to share. Thanks!

Mollison (Raven age 5 RSS)

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Yes, she can present RSS as topic in show and tell.

We have plans to do that with if the same situation arises with

him in his school.

Ken M

> > >

> > > About a week ago, Raven told me that some of the classmates were

> > > telling her she was too small. I promptly gave her a pep talk,

and

> > > explained that kids are not trying to be mean, (she is truly

loved

> > in

> > > her school), but that they don't think. I explained she is

speacial

> > > and smart, and really built her up.

> > >

> > > I thought this would have been the end of it b/c she didn't say

> > > anything else. This child reports EVERYTHING to me: who ate

what for

> > > lunch, class work, games and so on.... However, her teacher

informed

> > > me that Raven refused to try to tell time. Her excuse was that

she

> > is

> > > too small.

> > >

> > > This is a child who wanted to surf in North Shore last week, but

> > > fought with me yesterday when she had to go to the community

pool

> > for

> > > swim lessons. I didn't connect the dots, but I think this has

> > > something to do with her size. She never claimed to be too

small

> > until

> > > she started school. When confronted this morning, Raven said

the

> > class

> > > is still telling her she is " too small " .

> > >

> > > I know I have a problem here, and I am speaking to the teacher

after

> > > school today. We will not tolerate this. My question to anyone

out

> > > there is what do I suggest to the teacher? Raven said the " name

> > > calling " is not only her class, but older classes as well.

> > >

> > > The teacher is great, but my husband is concerned that if the

staff

> > > speaks to the children about Raven, this will only single her

out

> > even

> > > more. My opinion is that she is already " singled out " and

> > therefore a

> > > talk to the kids at this point can't do more damage. Or can it?

She

> > > can't be left to handle this on her own because it has become

clear

> > to

> > > me that her confidence is shot.

> > >

> > > If anyone has any suggestions, please feel free to share.

Thanks!

> > > Mollison (Raven age 5 RSS)

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

, This is a tough one, and it makes me want to scream!

However, you are right, everyone already knows that Raven is

different; she IS smaller than anyone else. Sometimes kids say

things without actually teasing, especially at the younger ages.

They may say things about being smaller, without malice, just

because they don't realize that it is mean, or hurts someone's

feelings.

Our social worker talked to us when was in kindergarten, and

said that most teasing or ignorant talk comes from ignorance....

and she recommended that with kids under age 10 or so, that parents

take the bull by the horn and educate our child's classroom

Carmen Snyder did this every year with her son, Storm. I have her

story saved somewhere, but basically she and Storm did a kind

of " show and tell " to the classroom. Carmen asked the kids in the

classroom " how many of you have noticed that Storm is smaller than

all of you? " Honest question. Everyone raised their hand. So

Carmen and Storm talked about -Silver syndrome, and how it

isn't " contagious " but that is why he is smaller. I believe they

talked about how he needs extra food, and extra medicine.

We took her advice and did this with 's class; even brought

an example of 's shot. The kids were SOO amazed that

was brave enough to take a shot each night. She became a hero. For

the rest of kindergarten, her classmates no longer teased or made

comments, if someone slipped, another child would remind them, and

even the older kids began to learn. Rather than making feel

strange, she felt special. After several weeks, it all went away,

they stopped paying her special attention, but the teasing stopped.

Now in our case, also grew so much over the next few years

that her height is no longer an issue. But every year, we do " show

and tell " to her classmates about why she needs to have a snack bag

on her desk, and why it is important if one of them has had the

stomach flu, to tell so she can make sure to stay healthy.

I don't know if you and your husband will want to do this, but

figured I would tell your our story. But at the least, you

definitely should talk to the teacher.

Will you keep us posted?

>

> About a week ago, Raven told me that some of the classmates were

> telling her she was too small. I promptly gave her a pep talk, and

> explained that kids are not trying to be mean, (she is truly loved

in

> her school), but that they don't think. I explained she is speacial

> and smart, and really built her up.

>

> I thought this would have been the end of it b/c she didn't say

> anything else. This child reports EVERYTHING to me: who ate what

for

> lunch, class work, games and so on.... However, her teacher

informed

> me that Raven refused to try to tell time. Her excuse was that she

is

> too small.

>

> This is a child who wanted to surf in North Shore last week, but

> fought with me yesterday when she had to go to the community pool

for

> swim lessons. I didn't connect the dots, but I think this has

> something to do with her size. She never claimed to be too small

until

> she started school. When confronted this morning, Raven said the

class

> is still telling her she is " too small " .

>

> I know I have a problem here, and I am speaking to the teacher

after

> school today. We will not tolerate this. My question to anyone out

> there is what do I suggest to the teacher? Raven said the " name

> calling " is not only her class, but older classes as well.

>

> The teacher is great, but my husband is concerned that if the staff

> speaks to the children about Raven, this will only single her out

even

> more. My opinion is that she is already " singled out " and

therefore a

> talk to the kids at this point can't do more damage. Or can it? She

> can't be left to handle this on her own because it has become

clear to

> me that her confidence is shot.

>

> If anyone has any suggestions, please feel free to share. Thanks!

> Mollison (Raven age 5 RSS)

>

[Guest guest]

Good evening !

Thanks for your advice. We (the teacher and Jon and I) have decided to let Raven

give a poster board presentation. Include baby hospital pictures, mixed with

pictures of Raven body surfing, her business, and hiking. We have framed some of

her doll-sized baby outfits, and we have her feeding machine. The teacher is

very excited. A letter will go out with the entire student body about RSS as

well. Still working on that.

The honest Q & A with the class is a great idea. I'll have to use that.

I'm glad is doing so well. Is she still playing soccer, or is the season

over? Any other sports?

It was good to hear from you again , take care and have a great night.

Mollison

Salem wrote: , This is a tough one,

and it makes me want to scream!

However, you are right, everyone already knows that Raven is

different; she IS smaller than anyone else. Sometimes kids say

things without actually teasing, especially at the younger ages.

They may say things about being smaller, without malice, just

because they don't realize that it is mean, or hurts someone's

feelings.

Our social worker talked to us when was in kindergarten, and

said that most teasing or ignorant talk comes from ignorance....

and she recommended that with kids under age 10 or so, that parents

take the bull by the horn and educate our child's classroom

Carmen Snyder did this every year with her son, Storm. I have her

story saved somewhere, but basically she and Storm did a kind

of " show and tell " to the classroom. Carmen asked the kids in the

classroom " how many of you have noticed that Storm is smaller than

all of you? " Honest question. Everyone raised their hand. So

Carmen and Storm talked about -Silver syndrome, and how it

isn't " contagious " but that is why he is smaller. I believe they

talked about how he needs extra food, and extra medicine.

We took her advice and did this with 's class; even brought

an example of 's shot. The kids were SOO amazed that

was brave enough to take a shot each night. She became a hero. For

the rest of kindergarten, her classmates no longer teased or made

comments, if someone slipped, another child would remind them, and

even the older kids began to learn. Rather than making feel

strange, she felt special. After several weeks, it all went away,

they stopped paying her special attention, but the teasing stopped.

Now in our case, also grew so much over the next few years

that her height is no longer an issue. But every year, we do " show

and tell " to her classmates about why she needs to have a snack bag

on her desk, and why it is important if one of them has had the

stomach flu, to tell so she can make sure to stay healthy.

I don't know if you and your husband will want to do this, but

figured I would tell your our story. But at the least, you

definitely should talk to the teacher.

Will you keep us posted?

>

> About a week ago, Raven told me that some of the classmates were

> telling her she was too small. I promptly gave her a pep talk, and

> explained that kids are not trying to be mean, (she is truly loved

in

> her school), but that they don't think. I explained she is speacial

> and smart, and really built her up.

>

> I thought this would have been the end of it b/c she didn't say

> anything else. This child reports EVERYTHING to me: who ate what

for

> lunch, class work, games and so on.... However, her teacher

informed

> me that Raven refused to try to tell time. Her excuse was that she

is

> too small.

>

> This is a child who wanted to surf in North Shore last week, but

> fought with me yesterday when she had to go to the community pool

for

> swim lessons. I didn't connect the dots, but I think this has

> something to do with her size. She never claimed to be too small

until

> she started school. When confronted this morning, Raven said the

class

> is still telling her she is " too small " .

>

> I know I have a problem here, and I am speaking to the teacher

after

> school today. We will not tolerate this. My question to anyone out

> there is what do I suggest to the teacher? Raven said the " name

> calling " is not only her class, but older classes as well.

>

> The teacher is great, but my husband is concerned that if the staff

> speaks to the children about Raven, this will only single her out

even

> more. My opinion is that she is already " singled out " and

therefore a

> talk to the kids at this point can't do more damage. Or can it? She

> can't be left to handle this on her own because it has become

clear to

> me that her confidence is shot.

>

> If anyone has any suggestions, please feel free to share. Thanks!

> Mollison (Raven age 5 RSS)

>