Re: Non-RSS ? -- anyone with older girls?

March 14, 2006

Hi

It's not specific to girls let me tell you!!! Having one of each, I have heard

that tone of voice and those comments from both sexes. You know it seems that

one day I was THE number one person in their lives, and I woke one day to find

out I was relegated to " dinosaur " status, and was treated like dirt.

It comes from both sides, but I have to say, while Adam (once he calms down)

will hug and kiss and apologize, Colette never would. Shades of how I treated my

own mother!!!

That being said, I find that without lecturing or making a big " to-do " when I am

spoken to disrespectfully, I will cut them off and curtly say " excuse me? this

is not how we speak in this family to each other; try again " . We learned when

our kids were young, that the least amount of words the better, and the same

holds true for this age group as well.

I actually use that with students in my school. Anywhere from grade 5 and up you

can get attitude. The kids have learned now, I only have to say " excuse me? " in

a real short, curt voice and they stop cold and then apologize and rephrase in a

better voice.

It works 90% of the time at home too! I find the constant reminders, nothing

that will start a war, but enough to get the point across, helps lessen the

number of times you are hit with 'the attitude'.

Now here's a thought for you Jen. Adam behaves this way and has for a year or so

now. Yet I know beyond a shadow of a doubt (as it's been tested) this is NOT

hormonal. So what is it? I have had many conversations with professionals in our

school about this. Is it the t.v.? Is it learned from their peers? It's rare for

a parent to know, beyond a doubt, that there is absolutely no " hormones " being

produced, but Adam can act (and does act) like a typical teenage boy.

Fascinating eh?

Call her on it Jen, but do it in a non emotional, bland tone of voice. It will

make a difference for some of the time. But it takes time to " train " them!!!

Just as when they were 2 years old!!!

Good luck with it Jen.

Debby B

Non-RSS ? -- anyone with older girls?

OK, I am at my wits end and have no idea how I will survive 8+ more

years.

My RSS 10-year-old daughter, and this problem clearly has NOTHING to

do with her RSS, and everything to do with the hormonal changes

happening in her body. Her emotions are all over the map!!!! One

minute she is happy and the next I am the meanest mom, we are

ruining her day, her world, etc.

And boy, the " whatever " tone of voice she can get???? ARGHHHH -- I

actually want to slap her sometimes!

So, my question is this. Do I make a big deal out of it when she

uses that " whatever " tone of voice with me? Do I ignore it? On the

one hand, disrespect is NOT allowed in our house. On the other

hand, I also don't want to be on her back all the time. I also

realize that her life is very different than other kids -- the

stressors of all the doctors, meds, etc. but it does NOT give her

permission to be rude.

Help!!! Anyone with older daughters, how have you handled this

teenager mood swing???

(, age 10, RSS)

March 14, 2006

Hi Jenn,

Boy do I know where you're coming from! has just turned 11

and can have tears, hysterical laughing, snottiness, sweetly smiling

all in the span of 5 minutes!!

We've got an ok handle on it for the moment (oh, I can't wait for

the teen years) by using gentle reminders as a follow up from a

discussion we had quite a few months ago about how hormones can make

you do and say things you wouldn't normally do. Quite a basic

discussion about the start of puberty and PMS. Now we just stop in

our tracks when something is said and ask if she really meant that

or maybe it was said out of uncontrolled feelings. Control is the

key with her (granted all kids are different) so she does a lot of

deep breathing, counting, etc... to get back on an even keel. I

think it's important for her to be able to recognize when things are

getting out of control and I know just how it feels.

I know home is a safe outlet for kids who need to vent also after

a big day but another eyeopener for was when I said, " Why do

you hurt the ones most who you love the best? " It had an impact and

I don't have to say it very often.

Too bad this won't work forever but it's a start for us!

Good Luck!

Leah, mom to 11 and Olivia 6 (RSS)

>

> OK, I am at my wits end and have no idea how I will survive 8+

more

> years.

>

> My RSS 10-year-old daughter, and this problem clearly has NOTHING

to

> do with her RSS, and everything to do with the hormonal changes

> happening in her body. Her emotions are all over the map!!!! One

> minute she is happy and the next I am the meanest mom, we are

> ruining her day, her world, etc.

>

> And boy, the " whatever " tone of voice she can get???? ARGHHHH --

I

> actually want to slap her sometimes!

>

> So, my question is this. Do I make a big deal out of it when she

> uses that " whatever " tone of voice with me? Do I ignore it? On

the

> one hand, disrespect is NOT allowed in our house. On the other

> hand, I also don't want to be on her back all the time. I also

> realize that her life is very different than other kids -- the

> stressors of all the doctors, meds, etc. but it does NOT give her

> permission to be rude.

>

> Help!!! Anyone with older daughters, how have you handled this

> teenager mood swing???

>

> (, age 10, RSS)

>

March 15, 2006

Hey Jenn

believe me this is NOT an RSS thing - I have 1 boy 19yrs, 2 girls -

Jacquelyn 16yrs and tte 11yrs RSS - -

If I could find someone to take my 16yr old and finish raising her

I would gladly PAY!!!! - The attitude is horrible - but as long as I

am buying her things and doing things for her life is great - but

when she doesn't need me - forget it - Absolutely do NOT let the

disrespect go. I believe a lot of Jacquelyn's attitude is because

we did not stop it in the beginning - I always felt bad because

tte needed so much attention and I just thought it was J's was

of " EXPRESSING " herself. Well, believe me, I'd like to express

myself.....

- I have many

friends with tween/teenage girls and we are all walking this very

trying path...

I guess we have to believe it does get better - RIGHT -

Hang in there - you are a great mom and this too will pass (i think)

March 15, 2006

I agree with Debby, and it is almost exactly what I do when faced with

disrespectful and/or demanding attitudes in my girls. The only difference is,

when I interrupt the attitude I also add that they need to wait 5 minutes and

then they can ask again in an appropriate manner. That serves 2 purposes - they

have time to cool off & think about what the want to say & how to say it, and I

don't end up " reacting " to the attitude (with a lecture or whatever) and not

responding to the actual thought being communicated. If they don't WANT to wait

5 minutes (if they think they need an answer to their question *right now*) then

they know that the automatic answer is no (as in, " No, you cannot go to the mall

RIGHT NOW.) Charissa needs this 5 minutes more than , probably because

Charissa does not " switch gears " very well. is MUCH more thoughtful - I

rarely have to cut her off like that....except when PMS strikes.