Guest guest Posted November 29, 2005 Report Share Posted November 29, 2005 Jeanie Thank you for sharing that. It must not have been easy but it is so comforting when we find we are not alone with our thoughts, feelings and emotions (good and bad). You said it very well......we have a lot to be grateful for and yet our roads are never smoothly paved! Thanks again Jeanie! Debby Re: Chat : Thoughts about Ian and G-Tube Wow. I am so touched by this email. I know exactly how you feel. It's like a roller coaster that you never get off! Speading out of control.......and just when you think it might slow down enough for your mind to catch up.......WHOOSH! You're off again! Life is hard. Hard and painful and alot of times you just want to give up. When I was 19 I tried to commit suicide. I was overwhelmed with the pressures of having to grow up. Every time I feel overwhelmed now.......I look at what I would have missed if I had succeeded. All of the wonderful friendships that have come and gone and the few really good ones that stayed. The births of my two children and all of my nieces and nephews. The difference I've made in all the lives of the little ones I've cared for in my childcare......not to mention all of the developmentally handicapped adults who trusted their lives to me. Although I have had more than my share of heartache and dispair at 40 yrs. old, I also am SO BLESSED to have met this man that loves me despite my faults, to still have my mother, to have 3 siblings that mean so much to me. . Email me about the blessings in your life. I would love to hear about them too!!! I'm praying for God to bring you some peace. You are a wonderful person and you help so many! Be good to yourself. You are LOVED! Jeanie advocate22003 wrote: Well, I'm not going to write anything " pretty " this evening. LOL I don't have it in me. But, if you will allow me, I'd like to share a few thoughts I've had about Ian's G-tube placement. I finally got a response from Dr. H yesterday. Short and sweet and albeit comforting to hear something, quite frustrating nonethless since it was very brief. However, I'm fortunate to have such beautiful, warm and overly generous people who were able to provide some feedback and " read between the lines " so-to-speak so that I could discern a bit more about what it is that I have to look forward to with respect to Ian getting a G-tube. Of course, this extra information, although quite informative and very useful, was still a bit overwhelming to hear. I finally felt that the decision to have a g-tube done for Ian was the right decision and now I may have more things to ponder about. More tests to rule things out - undoubtedly will be uncomfortable for Ian - and possibly even inconclusive based on what I've read from others' posts. So, if he does have reflux and/or delayed gastric emptying - does this make me a negligent mother for not having these tests done sooner? Did I mention Ian is eating rather well again - much better than in previous weeks or months? Oh, it's probably another hunger stint he's on - he's only gained 1 pound in 5 months. So, the decision is still the right one because when he gets sick it will help with blood sugars and eating issues. But, he has a pretty nasty cold now and his blood sugars are great. Okay, so.....the questions continually encircle my mind, the debates make my head spin and then the all out wars start to make me exhausted. I've been reading the posts about the new G-tubes that have been placed in other children recently. Problems at the hospital, tissue granulation (is that right?), leakage, seepage, cleaning, wiping, infections, concerns, worry, fear, frustration........OKAY. Now, is this what I was excited about? I thought I was going to make things easier because my child would get more calories, he would be healthier, and everyone could finally be happy and relaxed. I've been trying to hide those darn rose colored glasses since I was 21. They keep popping out of my drawer onto my head. I'm rambling. Then, I talk to someone who I know has way more issues than I do and I wonder - am I making more problems for all of us? Am I doing something to Ian that is based on a good decision - or out of fear? Is my judgement skewed from one hospital stay - that could have been avoided had I known a little more (or listened to the appropriate information I was given at the time)? Why is it that my questions are constantly whirling in my head and there never seems to be answers. I remember being here before. There have been many decisions in my life that could have been made differently, thereby creating a different path that I always thought would have changed my life in many ways. But, is this like that? Is this decision a life-altering moment? Whew. That's a loaded question. Time to sleep on it - again. Maybe tomorrow there will be more answers - hopefully, aimed at helping me answer mine. Thanks for listening. - H () Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 29, 2005 Report Share Posted November 29, 2005 Deb - you know - that was well said too. Thank you. - H > Well, I'm not going to write anything " pretty " this evening. LOL I > don't have it in me. But, if you will allow me, I'd like to share a > few thoughts I've had about Ian's G-tube placement. > > I finally got a response from Dr. H yesterday. Short and sweet and > albeit comforting to hear something, quite frustrating nonethless > since it was very brief. However, I'm fortunate to have such > beautiful, warm and overly generous people who were able to provide > some feedback and " read between the lines " so-to-speak so that I > could discern a bit more about what it is that I have to look > forward to with respect to Ian getting a G-tube. Of course, this > extra information, although quite informative and very useful, was > still a bit overwhelming to hear. I finally felt that the decision > to have a g-tube done for Ian was the right decision and now I may > have more things to ponder about. More tests to rule things out - > undoubtedly will be uncomfortable for Ian - and possibly even > inconclusive based on what I've read from others' posts. So, if he > does have reflux and/or delayed gastric emptying - does this make me > a negligent mother for not having these tests done sooner? Did I > mention Ian is eating rather well again - much better than in > previous weeks or months? Oh, it's probably another hunger stint > he's on - he's only gained 1 pound in 5 months. So, the decision is > still the right one because when he gets sick it will help with > blood sugars and eating issues. But, he has a pretty nasty cold now > and his blood sugars are great. Okay, so.....the questions > continually encircle my mind, the debates make my head spin and then > the all out wars start to make me exhausted. I've been reading the > posts about the new G-tubes that have been placed in other children > recently. Problems at the hospital, tissue granulation (is that > right?), leakage, seepage, cleaning, wiping, infections, concerns, > worry, fear, frustration........OKAY. Now, is this what I was > excited about? I thought I was going to make things easier because > my child would get more calories, he would be healthier, and > everyone could finally be happy and relaxed. I've been trying to > hide those darn rose colored glasses since I was 21. They keep > popping out of my drawer onto my head. I'm rambling. Then, I talk > to someone who I know has way more issues than I do and I wonder - > am I making more problems for all of us? Am I doing something to > Ian that is based on a good decision - or out of fear? Is my > judgement skewed from one hospital stay - that could have been > avoided had I known a little more (or listened to the appropriate > information I was given at the time)? Why is it that my questions > are constantly whirling in my head and there never seems to be > answers. I remember being here before. There have been many > decisions in my life that could have been made differently, thereby > creating a different path that I always thought would have changed > my life in many ways. But, is this like that? Is this decision a > life-altering moment? Whew. That's a loaded question. Time to > sleep on it - again. Maybe tomorrow there will be more answers - > hopefully, aimed at helping me answer mine. > Thanks for listening. > - H () > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 29, 2005 Report Share Posted November 29, 2005 LOL.........I just noticed all my type-o's! advocate22003 wrote: Deb - you know - that was well said too. Thank you. - H > Well, I'm not going to write anything " pretty " this evening. LOL I > don't have it in me. But, if you will allow me, I'd like to share a > few thoughts I've had about Ian's G-tube placement. > > I finally got a response from Dr. H yesterday. Short and sweet and > albeit comforting to hear something, quite frustrating nonethless > since it was very brief. However, I'm fortunate to have such > beautiful, warm and overly generous people who were able to provide > some feedback and " read between the lines " so-to-speak so that I > could discern a bit more about what it is that I have to look > forward to with respect to Ian getting a G-tube. Of course, this > extra information, although quite informative and very useful, was > still a bit overwhelming to hear. I finally felt that the decision > to have a g-tube done for Ian was the right decision and now I may > have more things to ponder about. More tests to rule things out - > undoubtedly will be uncomfortable for Ian - and possibly even > inconclusive based on what I've read from others' posts. So, if he > does have reflux and/or delayed gastric emptying - does this make me > a negligent mother for not having these tests done sooner? Did I > mention Ian is eating rather well again - much better than in > previous weeks or months? Oh, it's probably another hunger stint > he's on - he's only gained 1 pound in 5 months. So, the decision is > still the right one because when he gets sick it will help with > blood sugars and eating issues. But, he has a pretty nasty cold now > and his blood sugars are great. Okay, so.....the questions > continually encircle my mind, the debates make my head spin and then > the all out wars start to make me exhausted. I've been reading the > posts about the new G-tubes that have been placed in other children > recently. Problems at the hospital, tissue granulation (is that > right?), leakage, seepage, cleaning, wiping, infections, concerns, > worry, fear, frustration........OKAY. Now, is this what I was > excited about? I thought I was going to make things easier because > my child would get more calories, he would be healthier, and > everyone could finally be happy and relaxed. I've been trying to > hide those darn rose colored glasses since I was 21. They keep > popping out of my drawer onto my head. I'm rambling. Then, I talk > to someone who I know has way more issues than I do and I wonder - > am I making more problems for all of us? Am I doing something to > Ian that is based on a good decision - or out of fear? Is my > judgement skewed from one hospital stay - that could have been > avoided had I known a little more (or listened to the appropriate > information I was given at the time)? Why is it that my questions > are constantly whirling in my head and there never seems to be > answers. I remember being here before. There have been many > decisions in my life that could have been made differently, thereby > creating a different path that I always thought would have changed > my life in many ways. But, is this like that? Is this decision a > life-altering moment? Whew. That's a loaded question. Time to > sleep on it - again. Maybe tomorrow there will be more answers - > hopefully, aimed at helping me answer mine. > Thanks for listening. > - H () > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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