Fw: Holiday Diet Tips

[Guest guest]

FW: Holiday Diet Tips

Happy Holidays to all my friends!!!

1. About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who puts carrots

on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In

fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they

serve rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine

single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than

single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but

now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip??

It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnogaholic or something.

It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you

think.

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of

gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of

your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim

milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a

sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to

control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is

to eat other people's food. Lots of it. Hellloo?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New

Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.

This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the

buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of

eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like

frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position

yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before

becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of

shoes. You can't leave them behind. You're not going to see them again.

8. Same for pies? Apple? Pumpkin? Mincemeat. Have a slice of each.

Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin.

Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert??

Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the

mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have

some standards.

10. And one final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave

the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention.

Reread tips. Start over.

But hurry! Cookieless January is just around the corner.