Almost 2 yrs. postop

[Guest guest]

I look at this picture of a beautiful lady and tears just come to

my eyes realizing that IT IS ME! (See the pics of my journey in the

photo section under " A new Suzanne " ). I feel so blessed to have had

gastric

bypass surgery, to no longer be imprisoned by a wall of fat. I am

grateful. It has almost been 2 yrs since my surgery which

drastically improved the quality of my life.

Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like if I had

had the surgery 30 yrs ago as a teen prior to a lifetime of physical

& emotional pain inflicted by obesity, damaging my self esteem over

the years. I'll never know what could have been. But today I

have a new lease on life and am happier than I've been in many, many

years. I like the lady looking back at me in the mirror!

Becoming a normal weight hasn't cured all of my " issues "

though. I have still been unable to feel confident enough as

a " sexual woman " to seek out an intimate relationship. I am just

still so insecure in that area of my life after a lifetime of

feeling sexually repulsive due to my morbid obesity. I just never

was one of those who could accept herself OBESE. My self worth &

desirability as a woman was so tied into the way I looked on the

outside.

So how do I manage to overcome my intimacy fears, to take a

risk, to learn to flirt, etc? Do I take the risk and join

Eharmony.com online or other potential partner meeting sites? I

just don't know many single men and I'm not exactly a social

butterfly who likes a lot of single social scenes. I've been in

this thinner body now for about 1 1/2 yrs (give or take 30 lbs).

No, I am not at an ideal weight (I could stand to lose about 10-15

more lbs.), but I pass for NORMAL. I have loose skin but I look

fine in clothes. So why am I so scared and insecure regarding my

desirabitlity as a sexual woman? I need to just take the risk

and " go for it " , yet I feel a bit paralyzed in fear & insecurity.

DAMN IT!

Thanks for letting me share my innermost thoughts with all of

you. I know that many of you can relate to these feelings.

Changing my thoughts, my actions, and self-talk takes time and work.

I'm doing great overall. I'm sooooooo proud of myself!

Hugs, Suzanne

[Guest guest]

Suzanne, I am just a few weeks away from 2 years post op too and I

can so relate to liking what we see staring back at us in the mirror

now. I can't however, relate to your dating issues-my weight

struggles, while I always had them and fought them, didn't turn to

obesity until after I married. But I would suggest that the only way

you are going to feel more comfortable in the dating scene is to

start. Eharmony or one of the other online dating services or even a

private dating service (though they are expensive), or placing an ad

yourself in the personals of your local newspaper. Just be careful

with those to ensure that you meet the person after extensive

conversations and in a very public place,and ensure that friends know

where you are at all times. Tips from when I played the dating ad

scene. You can start out by meeting for coffee..I think if you take

it slow and just let it happen you may even enjoy it. Also hit up

your friends, to introduce you to their single guy friends. I met my

hubby thru a good friend of mine!

Cindy in Va

lap RNY 2/8/02

> I look at this picture of a beautiful lady and tears just come to

> my eyes realizing that IT IS ME! (See the pics of my journey in

the

> photo section under " A new Suzanne " ). I feel so blessed to have

had

> gastric

> bypass surgery, to no longer be imprisoned by a wall of fat. I am

> grateful. It has almost been 2 yrs since my surgery which

> drastically improved the quality of my life.

> Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like if I had

> had the surgery 30 yrs ago as a teen prior to a lifetime of

physical

> & emotional pain inflicted by obesity, damaging my self esteem over

> the years. I'll never know what could have been. But today I

> have a new lease on life and am happier than I've been in many,

many

> years. I like the lady looking back at me in the mirror!

> Becoming a normal weight hasn't cured all of my " issues "

> though. I have still been unable to feel confident enough as

> a " sexual woman " to seek out an intimate relationship. I am just

> still so insecure in that area of my life after a lifetime of

> feeling sexually repulsive due to my morbid obesity. I just never

> was one of those who could accept herself OBESE. My self worth &

> desirability as a woman was so tied into the way I looked on the

> outside.

> So how do I manage to overcome my intimacy fears, to take a

> risk, to learn to flirt, etc? Do I take the risk and join

> Eharmony.com online or other potential partner meeting sites? I

> just don't know many single men and I'm not exactly a social

> butterfly who likes a lot of single social scenes. I've been in

> this thinner body now for about 1 1/2 yrs (give or take 30 lbs).

> No, I am not at an ideal weight (I could stand to lose about 10-15

> more lbs.), but I pass for NORMAL. I have loose skin but I look

> fine in clothes. So why am I so scared and insecure regarding my

> desirabitlity as a sexual woman? I need to just take the risk

> and " go for it " , yet I feel a bit paralyzed in fear & insecurity.

> DAMN IT!

> Thanks for letting me share my innermost thoughts with all of

> you. I know that many of you can relate to these feelings.

> Changing my thoughts, my actions, and self-talk takes time and

work.

> I'm doing great overall. I'm sooooooo proud of myself!

> Hugs, Suzanne