Guest guest Posted January 12, 2004 Report Share Posted January 12, 2004 In a message dated 1/12/2004 10:12:44 PM Eastern Standard Time, 1angelar@... writes: I have cried more tears this past year than at any other time in my life. ==================================== It may be about the meds. Timed release meds sometimes don't work. I have changed to a different med. Tried a variety until one worked. Fay Bayuk **300/171 10/23/01 Dr. Open RNY 150 cm Click for My Profile http://obesityhelp.com/morbidobesity/profile.phtml?N=Bayuk951061008 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 12, 2004 Report Share Posted January 12, 2004 >> Why then is this such a painful time? Is there anyone else > out there that has experienced this? I have cried more tears this > past year than at any other time in my life. I should be > ecstatically happy but am sad a great deal of the time. I should > caveat this by saying I have lived with genetic depression all of my > life but am controlling it through medicine. Even so, I was never > ever this sad in the 20 years that I was overweight. Wow, you said a mouthful there -- and I started at over 400 too, so I can identify. I think part of it is a physical thing -- you are on medication, but that much weight loss releases tons of hormones, and you know how they can play with your head. That's one part. Another part is that you are in mourning but don't realize it. You are probably mourning your old best friend, food. I know I do. And sometimes I give in and go back to him. You're probably mourning the person you were, too. We know who we are when we are obese. We may not be entirely happy with how big we are, but we know ourselves. After we lose a great deal of weight, we feel like we are someone else, and we don't know that person yet. The old " me " was hidden behind 400 pounds. Like you, the new me is out there for the world to judge on her own merits. Nothing to hide behind. Nothing to blame. It's scary. But hang on to the new you. You will learn to love her. And hopefully, you'll stop mourning your old friend, and fill your life with other things. Keep talking to the therapist -- I so often wish I had one. ~~ Lyn G Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 12, 2004 Report Share Posted January 12, 2004 , I think you answered your own questions in your post: I wanted to be insulated...childhood trauma...etc...these are all things that can draw someone to derive comfort from food, from insulating oneself from the cruelties of the outside world with a wall of fat...both physically and emotionally. The emotional pain that you are feeling now is long overdue; something that was blunted by the shelter of food. You are now dealing with these emotions head on, and it isn't pretty. It never is. This is why food played a role in detouring these emotions. It seems like you have a genuine grasp on the root of your problems, or at least you are working towards that, and look how far you have come!!! You have been seeking help in all the right places and are on your way to a new way of dealing with things. You will gain new skills in time, once you have learned to deal with your emotional pain in a new way. I know this. I have far to go in this journey, and I admire your progress and wish you all the luck in the world! Keep on keepin'on!! Deanna > It has been 2 years and 3 months since I had a proximal RNY. I am > down 208 lbs with about 42 to go. I have lost 53 lbs in the past 6 > months and feel very confident that I will lose the last 42 and get > to my goal. I am exercising and eating like a normal person for the > first time ever in my life. I don't even worry about over eating and > have some sort of strange iron clad grip on it. A lot of this has > been possible because I have worked with a gifted psychologist who is > slowly helping me understand that my love affair with food was never > really about the food at all. It was about comfort, building a wall, > boredom, loneliness, childhood trauma, etc. > > Here is my question... The past year has probably been the most > mentally painful period of my life. I wanted so desperately (or > thought I did) to lose weight, to be thin and to be perceived as > normal and attractive. Although I still need to get this last bit of > weight off, I have been told by my psychologist that I do look normal > and I am no longer the 400 lb fat person that I was for so many > years. Why then is this such a painful time? Is there anyone else > out there that has experienced this? I have cried more tears this > past year than at any other time in my life. I should be > ecstatically happy but am sad a great deal of the time. I should > caveat this by saying I have lived with genetic depression all of my > life but am controlling it through medicine. Even so, I was never > ever this sad in the 20 years that I was overweight. You would think > though that this would be a wonderful time in my life? I sometimes > feel that it was almost easier to be 400 lbs and insulated from the > world. I feel like many days that I lost my shield and my coping > mechanism and am so painfully vulnerable its agonizing. Has anyone > else felt like this? How did you overcome it? > > Looking for answers.... > R in Nashville > > > Homepage: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Graduate-OSSG > > Unsubscribe: mailto:Graduate-OSSG-unsubscribe > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 13, 2004 Report Share Posted January 13, 2004 Our weight is still not controllable (by us) in full. Never will be. Scares the daylights out of me. It's easy to forget what IS vs what WAS, but the yearning to just have been normal, no sags, no bags,no years of physical and mental agony, and no food issues, whether cause or result can be overwhelming at times. Thanks, Vitalady, Inc. T www.vitalady.com If you are interested in PayPal, please click here: https://www.paypal.com/affil/pal=orders%40vitalady.com About the food... > It has been 2 years and 3 months since I had a proximal RNY. I am > down 208 lbs with about 42 to go. I have lost 53 lbs in the past 6 > months and feel very confident that I will lose the last 42 and get > to my goal. I am exercising and eating like a normal person for the > first time ever in my life. I don't even worry about over eating and > have some sort of strange iron clad grip on it. A lot of this has > been possible because I have worked with a gifted psychologist who is > slowly helping me understand that my love affair with food was never > really about the food at all. It was about comfort, building a wall, > boredom, loneliness, childhood trauma, etc. > > Here is my question... The past year has probably been the most > mentally painful period of my life. I wanted so desperately (or > thought I did) to lose weight, to be thin and to be perceived as > normal and attractive. Although I still need to get this last bit of > weight off, I have been told by my psychologist that I do look normal > and I am no longer the 400 lb fat person that I was for so many > years. Why then is this such a painful time? Is there anyone else > out there that has experienced this? I have cried more tears this > past year than at any other time in my life. I should be > ecstatically happy but am sad a great deal of the time. I should > caveat this by saying I have lived with genetic depression all of my > life but am controlling it through medicine. Even so, I was never > ever this sad in the 20 years that I was overweight. You would think > though that this would be a wonderful time in my life? I sometimes > feel that it was almost easier to be 400 lbs and insulated from the > world. I feel like many days that I lost my shield and my coping > mechanism and am so painfully vulnerable its agonizing. Has anyone > else felt like this? How did you overcome it? > > Looking for answers.... > R in Nashville > > > Homepage: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Graduate-OSSG > > Unsubscribe: mailto:Graduate-OSSG-unsubscribe > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 13, 2004 Report Share Posted January 13, 2004 In a message dated 1/13/2004 9:55:54 AM Eastern Standard Time, terry@... writes: > I don't remember any wrinkles on your face actually, just the > little bit of looseness that most of us get as we lose weight. > Yep, that looseness sucks! we had family pictures taken (first time since our almost 10 yr old son has been born!) this past Christmas for cards and the first thing I noticed was the loose neck skin...YUCK! As my father in law said to me though " Sherry, just how many miracles did you expect with this surgery? " hmmmmmm!! I feel better, I can do soooo much more, my self esteem has seen new heights, I enjoy clothes shopping (thats a good thing, right?! LOL!), I'm VERY thankful for the 150lbs I've lost...so I guess a little (okay, alot!) loose skin is no big deal in the grand scheme of things...now trying to get myself to REALLY think/believe that!!! Sherry www.picturetrail.com/sherrylw (view Military Ball Album) Lap RNY 11/15/02 Dr. O'Malley-Rochester, NY 334/182.5 " Don't ask that it be easy, ask that it be worth it. " " In life we all have ups and downs. It is your choice of whether you stand up to the downs or sit down and enjoy the ups. " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 13, 2004 Report Share Posted January 13, 2004 Amen to that! I am getting tons of complements on how I look, but all I see is that I wasted my youth, and now that I am a " normal " weight, I still can't go sleeveless or wear shorts due to excessive sags and bags. I feel 20 years younger then I did MO, but I LOOK 20 years older with the facial wrinkles from sagging skin and I have the body of an 80 year old woman! I am so thankful for this surgery and yes I had it to be healthier and to live longer. But dang! Just one time in my life I wish there wasn't something wrong with me! LOL glad I am not in the dating market!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Phyllis About the food... > It has been 2 years and 3 months since I had a proximal RNY. I am > down 208 lbs with about 42 to go. I have lost 53 lbs in the past 6 > months and feel very confident that I will lose the last 42 and get > to my goal. I am exercising and eating like a normal person for the > first time ever in my life. I don't even worry about over eating and > have some sort of strange iron clad grip on it. A lot of this has > been possible because I have worked with a gifted psychologist who is > slowly helping me understand that my love affair with food was never > really about the food at all. It was about comfort, building a wall, > boredom, loneliness, childhood trauma, etc. > > Here is my question... The past year has probably been the most > mentally painful period of my life. I wanted so desperately (or > thought I did) to lose weight, to be thin and to be perceived as > normal and attractive. Although I still need to get this last bit of > weight off, I have been told by my psychologist that I do look normal > and I am no longer the 400 lb fat person that I was for so many > years. Why then is this such a painful time? Is there anyone else > out there that has experienced this? I have cried more tears this > past year than at any other time in my life. I should be > ecstatically happy but am sad a great deal of the time. I should > caveat this by saying I have lived with genetic depression all of my > life but am controlling it through medicine. Even so, I was never > ever this sad in the 20 years that I was overweight. You would think > though that this would be a wonderful time in my life? I sometimes > feel that it was almost easier to be 400 lbs and insulated from the > world. I feel like many days that I lost my shield and my coping > mechanism and am so painfully vulnerable its agonizing. Has anyone > else felt like this? How did you overcome it? > > Looking for answers.... > R in Nashville > > > Homepage: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Graduate-OSSG > > Unsubscribe: mailto:Graduate-OSSG-unsubscribe > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 13, 2004 Report Share Posted January 13, 2004 You know Phyllis, I think a lot of our opinions about how we look are skewed to some extent. Now, I haven't seen you naked, but your face is not as bad as you think. I don't even think that you look your age. When we look at ourselves, we only focus on the worst parts - the only thing I see when I'm wearing shorts are my inner thighs - and for you, you're seeing the wrinkles on your face. I don't remember any wrinkles on your face actually, just the little bit of looseness that most of us get as we lose weight. ---------------------------------------- Terry Mayers 5DollarHosting.com http://www.5dollarhosting.com .... because it shouldn't cost a fortune to make a fortune! Re: About the food... Amen to that! I am getting tons of complements on how I look, but all I see is that I wasted my youth, and now that I am a " normal " weight, I still can't go sleeveless or wear shorts due to excessive sags and bags. I feel 20 years younger then I did MO, but I LOOK 20 years older with the facial wrinkles from sagging skin and I have the body of an 80 year old woman! I am so thankful for this surgery and yes I had it to be healthier and to live longer. But dang! Just one time in my life I wish there wasn't something wrong with me! LOL glad I am not in the dating market!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Phyllis About the food... > It has been 2 years and 3 months since I had a proximal RNY. I am > down 208 lbs with about 42 to go. I have lost 53 lbs in the past 6 > months and feel very confident that I will lose the last 42 and get > to my goal. I am exercising and eating like a normal person for the > first time ever in my life. I don't even worry about over eating and > have some sort of strange iron clad grip on it. A lot of this has > been possible because I have worked with a gifted psychologist who is > slowly helping me understand that my love affair with food was never > really about the food at all. It was about comfort, building a wall, > boredom, loneliness, childhood trauma, etc. > > Here is my question... The past year has probably been the most > mentally painful period of my life. I wanted so desperately (or > thought I did) to lose weight, to be thin and to be perceived as > normal and attractive. Although I still need to get this last bit of > weight off, I have been told by my psychologist that I do look normal > and I am no longer the 400 lb fat person that I was for so many > years. Why then is this such a painful time? Is there anyone else > out there that has experienced this? I have cried more tears this > past year than at any other time in my life. I should be > ecstatically happy but am sad a great deal of the time. I should > caveat this by saying I have lived with genetic depression all of my > life but am controlling it through medicine. Even so, I was never > ever this sad in the 20 years that I was overweight. You would think > though that this would be a wonderful time in my life? I sometimes > feel that it was almost easier to be 400 lbs and insulated from the > world. I feel like many days that I lost my shield and my coping > mechanism and am so painfully vulnerable its agonizing. Has anyone > else felt like this? How did you overcome it? > > Looking for answers.... > R in Nashville > > > Homepage: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Graduate-OSSG > > Unsubscribe: mailto:Graduate-OSSG-unsubscribe > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 13, 2004 Report Share Posted January 13, 2004 , I could have written this message myself. Being overweight was my excuse for not living. People expected less from me, I could be lazy. Men didn't look at me. Children were embarrassed to be seen with me, (or so I perceived) so I stayed home. All those excuses have been stripped away, now I have to deal with the fact that maybe some of these things are my fault. (ouch) How do you get over it? Maybe you never completely do, but with your therapist and some effective meds, life can be livable and actually fun. (what a novel concept) One day at a time, that's how. Now go out and live. Margie in NM Open RNY 9-7-01 252/135ish About the food... It has been 2 years and 3 months since I had a proximal RNY. I am down 208 lbs with about 42 to go. I have lost 53 lbs in the past 6 months and feel very confident that I will lose the last 42 and get to my goal. I am exercising and eating like a normal person for the first time ever in my life. I don't even worry about over eating and have some sort of strange iron clad grip on it. A lot of this has been possible because I have worked with a gifted psychologist who is slowly helping me understand that my love affair with food was never really about the food at all. It was about comfort, building a wall, boredom, loneliness, childhood trauma, etc. Here is my question... The past year has probably been the most mentally painful period of my life. I wanted so desperately (or thought I did) to lose weight, to be thin and to be perceived as normal and attractive. Although I still need to get this last bit of weight off, I have been told by my psychologist that I do look normal and I am no longer the 400 lb fat person that I was for so many years. Why then is this such a painful time? Is there anyone else out there that has experienced this? I have cried more tears this past year than at any other time in my life. I should be ecstatically happy but am sad a great deal of the time. I should caveat this by saying I have lived with genetic depression all of my life but am controlling it through medicine. Even so, I was never ever this sad in the 20 years that I was overweight. You would think though that this would be a wonderful time in my life? I sometimes feel that it was almost easier to be 400 lbs and insulated from the world. I feel like many days that I lost my shield and my coping mechanism and am so painfully vulnerable its agonizing. Has anyone else felt like this? How did you overcome it? Looking for answers.... R in Nashville Homepage: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Graduate-OSSG<http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Gradua\ te-OSSG> Unsubscribe: mailto:Graduate-OSSG-unsubscribe <mailto:Graduate-OSSG-unsubscrib\ e > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 13, 2004 Report Share Posted January 13, 2004 I can relate to your problems in some way, however, regarding depression, I am not really in the same boat. I will say this, we always go into a situation, like wls, with high hopes. We hope that if we lose all of our weight and become normal that it will fix the problems we are having. It does, healthwise. What it doesn't fix is all the years of insecurity and fear, or whatever negative problems we have had that were either hidden under our fat or were there but never dealt with. For myself, I thought, naively I admit, that fat was my only problem. " If I could just lose this weight I could...... " There was always that unrealistic and fantasitical aspect of attaining a goal of being normal in size. I never thought about the repercussions because I never perceived there were going to be any. We never do, do we? I blamed my lack of social life, dating, on being fat. Not succeeding at work? Because I was fat. Not succeeding in life? You guessed, because I was fat. I realize now that the fat for some is a symptom, not the problem itself. For me, while it wasn't a symptom, it did keep me from dealing with the damage being fat did me as a child and as an adult. I don't know how to relate to men because I never fully developed my social skills. Don't get me wrong, I have dated, but intimacy (not physical, mental,) forget it. Never would happen. I carried around 130+lbs of shell for years that protected me, but now that it's gone I have no scapegoat. If a man doesn't like me, I know it's because of me now, (though I know now it was always that way.) For me fat was the ultimate excuse. Now that I am normal, I have nothing to fall back on but me. That's tough to deal with. Maybe if I were married and had the security of a loving husband and children I wouldn't be so timid. Now, my biggest obstacle is overcoming that fear. I want to be married, to have kids. I am 34, not yet too old. But, at the rate I am going I won't be married until I am 40. I know what I need to do, it's getting myself to do it that is the problem. I have started looking at myself with eyes that don't see the sagging skin, etc. I look at myself and tell myself that I am beautiful. End of story. And, you know what? It's working! I am not saying this fixes everything, I am saying that I have to start somewhere. There are years of negative thoughts and perceptions floating around inside my head that have to be silenced or dealt with and dismantled. If I have to scream it to myself I will: I am beautiful. Period. I guess after all the rambling I am hoping you see my point. The surgery, the weight loss, all of that is actually the easiest part. It's the work after that will determine whether we grow and improve as people. Hopefully, when I am married with kids I'll be able to look back on myself now and say, wow, she had a lot of work to do and thank God she did it! M Amarillo, Tx > It has been 2 years and 3 months since I had a proximal RNY. I am > down 208 lbs with about 42 to go. I have lost 53 lbs in the past 6 > months and feel very confident that I will lose the last 42 and get > to my goal. I am exercising and eating like a normal person for the > first time ever in my life. I don't even worry about over eating and > have some sort of strange iron clad grip on it. A lot of this has > been possible because I have worked with a gifted psychologist who is > slowly helping me understand that my love affair with food was never > really about the food at all. It was about comfort, building a wall, > boredom, loneliness, childhood trauma, etc. > > Here is my question... The past year has probably been the most > mentally painful period of my life. I wanted so desperately (or > thought I did) to lose weight, to be thin and to be perceived as > normal and attractive. Although I still need to get this last bit of > weight off, I have been told by my psychologist that I do look normal > and I am no longer the 400 lb fat person that I was for so many > years. Why then is this such a painful time? Is there anyone else > out there that has experienced this? I have cried more tears this > past year than at any other time in my life. I should be > ecstatically happy but am sad a great deal of the time. I should > caveat this by saying I have lived with genetic depression all of my > life but am controlling it through medicine. Even so, I was never > ever this sad in the 20 years that I was overweight. You would think > though that this would be a wonderful time in my life? I sometimes > feel that it was almost easier to be 400 lbs and insulated from the > world. I feel like many days that I lost my shield and my coping > mechanism and am so painfully vulnerable its agonizing. Has anyone > else felt like this? How did you overcome it? > > Looking for answers.... > R in Nashville Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 13, 2004 Report Share Posted January 13, 2004 , You have gotten some wonderful replies. I weighed 479 lbs when I started this process. I got down to about 305 and then started gaining again. Talk about frustrating. We have discovered the problem and it will be corrected the end of the month. I mention this because I have not gotten nearly as close to my goal weight as you so some of the feelings may not be exactly the same. There are two things I need to remember - my medication may need to be adjusted as I loose weight. The second one is that I am so much healthier now then I was 2.5 years ago. I have to adjust my thinking sometimes because I get real stinking thinking. It helps to remember what I can do now that I couldn't do then. Maybe getting a little therapy would be worth considering. It doesn't have to be a lifetime commitment but it may help during this transition. Lori Owen - Denton, Texas SRVG 7/16/01 Dr. Ritter/Dr. Bryce 479/356/hoping for close to 200 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 13, 2004 Report Share Posted January 13, 2004 awwwwwww shucks Terry thanks! I know exactly what you mean, and with further thought, I bet if I had the entire plastic surgery gamut, I would still find " something " wrong. It is just the way we are. But I am so much happier now then I was 15months ago, with me personally. Now life? hey, I never expected the surgery to fix ALL my problems! LOL Phyllis About the food... > It has been 2 years and 3 months since I had a proximal RNY. I am > down 208 lbs with about 42 to go. I have lost 53 lbs in the past 6 > months and feel very confident that I will lose the last 42 and get > to my goal. I am exercising and eating like a normal person for the > first time ever in my life. I don't even worry about over eating and > have some sort of strange iron clad grip on it. A lot of this has > been possible because I have worked with a gifted psychologist who is > slowly helping me understand that my love affair with food was never > really about the food at all. It was about comfort, building a wall, > boredom, loneliness, childhood trauma, etc. > > Here is my question... The past year has probably been the most > mentally painful period of my life. I wanted so desperately (or > thought I did) to lose weight, to be thin and to be perceived as > normal and attractive. Although I still need to get this last bit of > weight off, I have been told by my psychologist that I do look normal > and I am no longer the 400 lb fat person that I was for so many > years. Why then is this such a painful time? Is there anyone else > out there that has experienced this? I have cried more tears this > past year than at any other time in my life. I should be > ecstatically happy but am sad a great deal of the time. I should > caveat this by saying I have lived with genetic depression all of my > life but am controlling it through medicine. Even so, I was never > ever this sad in the 20 years that I was overweight. You would think > though that this would be a wonderful time in my life? I sometimes > feel that it was almost easier to be 400 lbs and insulated from the > world. I feel like many days that I lost my shield and my coping > mechanism and am so painfully vulnerable its agonizing. Has anyone > else felt like this? How did you overcome it? > > Looking for answers.... > R in Nashville > > > Homepage: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Graduate-OSSG > > Unsubscribe: mailto:Graduate-OSSG-unsubscribe > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 13, 2004 Report Share Posted January 13, 2004 very profound and apt janice Re: About the food... I can relate to your problems in some way, however, regarding depression, I am not really in the same boat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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