Guest guest Posted December 31, 2003 Report Share Posted December 31, 2003 Miracle Toddler Diet ==================== Losing weight is the number New Year's Resolution. The problem is, hardly anything works. Well, I found this one diet that will absolutely shed the pounds. Read it and see if you don't agree, it works for my two-year-old. Miracle Toddler Diet! Guaranteed Results!!! People are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), you don't get enough variation (the liquid diet) or you go broke (the all-meat diet). Consequently, people tend to cheat on their diets, or quit after 3 days. Well, now there's the new Toddler Miracle Diet. Over the years you may have noticed that most two-year-olds are trim. Now the formula to their success is available to all in this new diet. You may want to consult your doctor before embarking on this diet, otherwise, you may be seeing him afterwards. Good Luck !!! DAY ONE: Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take 1 bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and clothes. Lunch: Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, and a glass of milk (3 sips only, then spill the rest). Dinner: A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips of flat Sprite. Bedtime snack: Throw a piece of toast on the kitchen floor. DAY TWO: Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye. Lunch: Half tube of " Pulsating Pink " lipstick and a handful of Purina Dog Chow (any flavor). One ice cube, if desired. Afternoon snack: Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again. Then bring inside and drop on rug. Dinner: A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left nostril. Pour Grape Kool-Aid over mashed potatoes; eat with spoon. DAY THREE: Breakfast: Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat one with fingers, rub in hair. Glass of milk; drink half, stuff other pancake in glass. After breakfast, pick up yesterdays sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, put it on the cushion of best chair. Lunch: Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spit several bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up. Dinner: Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some red punch. Try to laugh some punch through your nose, if possible. FINAL DAY: Breakfast: A quarter tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of cornflakes, add half a cup of sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog. Lunch: Eat bread crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that sucker and finish eating it. Dinner: A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball on plate. Stick of mascara for dessert. Enjoy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 31, 2003 Report Share Posted December 31, 2003 Jacque, you are so funny! I remember, when I was MUCH younger, and living at home, my dad would always say, when they went out, and left me in charge (0ldest of 5), " Don't put any beans up your nose! " Well, of course, one of my little sisters didn't understand why. She did stick a bean up her nose. Dry pinto. Had to call my folks out of a movie theatre (pre-cell phone days), and they had to come home and take her to the ER to get it extracted...She didn't get that " blow " didn't equal " sniff " either, and sucked it straight up into her nasal cavity. LOL Jac Friends are angels who lift you up, when your wings have forgotten how to fly. http://www.pictureitdigitaldesigns.com/ http://members.cox.net/XXXFARMPAINTS mail to: jholdaway@... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 31, 2003 Report Share Posted December 31, 2003 >> She did stick a bean up her nose. Dry pinto. A couple years ago, a guy I worked with got called home to Arizona because his 3 year old was in the hospital. This kid had been having nosebleeds and some sort of odd sinus infection for months, and one pediatrician after another was stumped by it. Well he started having a horrible odor, and really blocked up breathing passages, and his mom finally took him to the ER and begged them to DO something, so they took an x-ray of his head -- a bean he'd stuck WAY up there had gotten just enough moisture and warmth to sprout. The sprout had grown up into both sinuses and had to be surgically removed! Poor little guy. I didn't even know this was possible, and if I hadn't know the father (shared a cubicle with him for 6 months) I'd have never believed it. He came out ok, but the doc said it could have been fatal if it had grown another week or two and gotten into his cranium. whoa. ~~ Lyn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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