Guest guest Posted January 16, 2004 Report Share Posted January 16, 2004 I look at this picture of a beautiful lady and tears just come to my eyes realizing that IT IS ME! (See the pics of my journey in the photo section under Suzanne). I feel so blessed to have had gastric bypass surgery, to no longer be imprisoned by a wall of fat. I am grateful. It has almost been 2 yrs since my surgery which drastically improved the quality of my life. Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like if I had had the surgery 30 yrs ago as a teen prior to a lifetime of physical & emotional pain inflicted by obesity, damaging my self esteem over the years. I'll never know what could have been. But today I have a new lease on life and am happier than I've been in many, many years. I like the lady looking back at me in the mirror! Becoming a normal weight hasn't cured all of my " issues " though. I have still been unable to feel confident enough as a " sexual woman " to seek out an intimate relationship. I am just still so insecure in that area of my life after a lifetime of feeling sexually repulsive due to my morbid obesity. I just never was one of those who could accept herself OBESE. My self worth & desirability as a woman was so tied into the way I looked on the outside. So how do I manage to overcome my intimacy fears, to take a risk, to learn to flirt, etc? Do I take the risk and join Eharmony.com online or other potential partner meeting sites? I just don't know many single men and I'm not exactly a social butterfly who likes a lot of single social scenes. I've been in this thinner body now for about 1 1/2 yrs (give or take 30 lbs). No, I am not at an ideal weight (I could stand to lose about 10-15 more lbs.), but I pass for NORMAL. I have loose skin but I look fine in clothes. So why am I so scared and insecure regarding my desirabitlity as a sexual woman? I need to just take the risk and " go for it " , yet I feel a bit paralyzed in fear & insecurity. DAMN IT! Thanks for letting me share my innermost thoughts with all of you. I know that many of you can relate to these feelings. Changing my thoughts, my actions, and self-talk takes time and work. I'm doing great overall. I'm sooooooo proud of myself! Hugs, Suzanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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