Guest guest Posted January 15, 2004 Report Share Posted January 15, 2004 Hi all, Okay, I have a question. I remember researching years ago and heard that after WL surgery relationships change. I thought that me and mine was fine. In fact, the one relationship that was stressed was my mother and myself. I am now about to be smaller than she. HOWEVER, now I see that my marriage is not what I thought it was. I see the constant negative remarks, put downs, bashing with no offsetting compliments and now I no longer have my food and fat to hide in... and I notice that I have choices for other relationships. We now live where no one knows me as previously obese, so I am treated " in the rest of the world " as somewhat normal... in other words, people are generally nice to me. My question is: how have some of the old timers handled their relationships? Did we put up with abuse? I thought the put downs and un-niceness was livable and now I am not so sure.... Thanks, J.J. Medial Lap RNY May 10, 2000 300/179/160 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 15, 2004 Report Share Posted January 15, 2004 No one, anywhere, any time, EVER needs to put up with abuse! There is a book that I buy by the dozen and hand out when it seems that it would be appropriate. I highly recommend that anyone who is unhappy in a relationship read this book. Many people think that if they aren't being hit, they aren't being abused - WRONG! The book is _The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to recognize it and how to respond_, by . You can buy it through Amazon or at your local bookstore ($10.95 in the U.S. at a bookstore, less at Amazon). It is a real eye-opener. When you finish reading it, you will wonder why you ever thought it was in any way your fault. She has written another book called _Controlling People_ that I just bought and read, and I found it to be disappointing - a lot of verbiage for a few gems of wisdom. Abuse is always about control. If you are being abused, it's because someone is trying to control you, not because you deserve it. Off my soapbox, now... --- 365/194/160 Lap RnY, Distal - Dr. s Vanderbilt University Hospital Surgery date June 3, 2002 ----- Original Message ----- > My question is: how have some of the old timers handled their relationships? > Did we put up with abuse? I thought the put downs and un-niceness was > livable and now I am not so sure.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 15, 2004 Report Share Posted January 15, 2004 JJ asked: " My question is: how have some of the old timers handled their relationships? Did we put up with abuse? I thought the put downs and un-niceness was livable and now I am not so sure.... " JJ, put-downs and other forms of emotional abuse are just as damaging as physical abuse and have absolutely no place in a loving relationship. There are wonderful organizations you can call to talk privately about this. I used to do volunteer work as a victim's advocate for sexual abuse and am a survivor myself. It took me a long time to learn that emotional abuse is so damaging, is violence of it's own kind, and is WRONG. Look up the local Domestic Violence organization in your community and they will listen without prejudice and help you decide what your options are. @-}Cheri Lap RNY 6/23/2000 lost 140 lbs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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