Guest guest Posted December 31, 2005 Report Share Posted December 31, 2005 I'm still sad. Lot's of thoughts I'm trying to deal with. You are all so gracious for your kind words and thoughts. I appreciate the support you are giving me and your kindness towards Ian's health. I truly truly appreciate it. I'm sorry I have not been able to support others here lately and I hope you will find it in your hearts to give me a little more time to find the strength necessary to communicate better with all of you. There is just so much to think about and say and considering how much I like to write - I can't even find the words to express my feelings. That's how I know I need more time. There were people that let us down during the treatment process of Ian, mistakes were made and touch decisions were made. There were sleepless nights (7), arguments with physicians, emotional moments, and of course difficult treatments like 3 IVs, ng tubes, and probably one of the hardest to swallow was when we woke up Christmas morning in the Hosptial - instead of running down to see a Christmas tree where presents waited to be opened - Ian had nurses surrounding him to draw his blood. That was the first thing he had Christmas morning. It was very sad. I finally smiled a little today. Ian runs and cries when it's time for a feeding - he tells me to go away and then tells me he doesn't love me. He does this every time - 4 times a day. He hasn't sat on my lap since we got home. I don't think he has even shared a hug or kiss. Xander has been very crabby, telling me no, whining, smarting off.....it's not been easy dealing with his temperment. I told my mother I would have him straightened out before she came for Ian's surgery - let's hope it happens. He hit a neighbor the other day when she woke him from his nap in the car - she had taken him to the grocery store for me so I could get in a nap. I'm shocked by his behavior. It just seems like our lives are all upside down - over a silly thing like eating. Well, speaking of feedings - it's time to argue with Ian about his 8pm feeding and argue with Xander about getting to bed. I wish I could just close my eyes and wake up in the morning happy again. Thanks again everyone for letting me ramble. Sorry for being such a downer. It's not like me to be so negative. I just need a little more time - then, I can hopefully help others who I know greatly need the support that we all so desperately need. Thinking of you all. - H Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 1, 2006 Report Share Posted January 1, 2006 hey h!! you take as long as you need, we will all still be here for you when you are ready sweetie!! ((HUGS)) you guys have been through alot!! maybe when you are up to it you should give chrissy a call, it would probably be good for you both to talk since you are going through similar things esp. with your older kids!! ((HUGS)) love you guys!! jodie c Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 1, 2006 Report Share Posted January 1, 2006 We understand. Know that we are all here for you, and don't feel bad about writing your feelings here. It may be better for you to pour it all out to us. You know I know what you have been through. It was hard, tiring, disappointing and so much more. I wish I could have done more for you and you know I wish I was closer, because, dear, I would be right there whenever you needed someone. I emailed you just a minute ago, too. I miss talking to you. I am so sorry you were let down and had to go through all that. So sorry. Love you, Jodi R. > > I'm still sad. Lot's of thoughts I'm trying to deal with. You are > all so gracious for your kind words and thoughts. I appreciate the > support you are giving me and your kindness towards Ian's health. I > truly truly appreciate it. > > I'm sorry I have not been able to support others here lately and I > hope you will find it in your hearts to give me a little more time > to find the strength necessary to communicate better with all of you. > > There is just so much to think about and say and considering how > much I like to write - I can't even find the words to express my > feelings. That's how I know I need more time. > > There were people that let us down during the treatment process of > Ian, mistakes were made and touch decisions were made. There were > sleepless nights (7), arguments with physicians, emotional moments, > and of course difficult treatments like 3 IVs, ng tubes, and > probably one of the hardest to swallow was when we woke up Christmas > morning in the Hosptial - instead of running down to see a Christmas > tree where presents waited to be opened - Ian had nurses surrounding > him to draw his blood. That was the first thing he had Christmas > morning. It was very sad. > > I finally smiled a little today. Ian runs and cries when it's time > for a feeding - he tells me to go away and then tells me he doesn't > love me. He does this every time - 4 times a day. He hasn't sat on > my lap since we got home. I don't think he has even shared a hug or > kiss. Xander has been very crabby, telling me no, whining, smarting > off.....it's not been easy dealing with his temperment. I told my > mother I would have him straightened out before she came for Ian's > surgery - let's hope it happens. He hit a neighbor the other day > when she woke him from his nap in the car - she had taken him to the > grocery store for me so I could get in a nap. I'm shocked by his > behavior. It just seems like our lives are all upside down - over a > silly thing like eating. > > Well, speaking of feedings - it's time to argue with Ian about his > 8pm feeding and argue with Xander about getting to bed. > > I wish I could just close my eyes and wake up in the morning happy > again. > > Thanks again everyone for letting me ramble. Sorry for being such a > downer. It's not like me to be so negative. I just need a little > more time - then, I can hopefully help others who I know greatly > need the support that we all so desperately need. > > Thinking of you all. > > - H > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 1, 2006 Report Share Posted January 1, 2006 H, You ramble on anytime you want and more if it helps. Getting things out helps to heal. Take care of you and your wonderful family! Dawna > > I'm still sad. Lot's of thoughts I'm trying to deal with. You are > all so gracious for your kind words and thoughts. I appreciate the > support you are giving me and your kindness towards Ian's health. I > truly truly appreciate it. > > I'm sorry I have not been able to support others here lately and I > hope you will find it in your hearts to give me a little more time > to find the strength necessary to communicate better with all of you. > > There is just so much to think about and say and considering how > much I like to write - I can't even find the words to express my > feelings. That's how I know I need more time. > > There were people that let us down during the treatment process of > Ian, mistakes were made and touch decisions were made. There were > sleepless nights (7), arguments with physicians, emotional moments, > and of course difficult treatments like 3 IVs, ng tubes, and > probably one of the hardest to swallow was when we woke up Christmas > morning in the Hosptial - instead of running down to see a Christmas > tree where presents waited to be opened - Ian had nurses surrounding > him to draw his blood. That was the first thing he had Christmas > morning. It was very sad. > > I finally smiled a little today. Ian runs and cries when it's time > for a feeding - he tells me to go away and then tells me he doesn't > love me. He does this every time - 4 times a day. He hasn't sat on > my lap since we got home. I don't think he has even shared a hug or > kiss. Xander has been very crabby, telling me no, whining, smarting > off.....it's not been easy dealing with his temperment. I told my > mother I would have him straightened out before she came for Ian's > surgery - let's hope it happens. He hit a neighbor the other day > when she woke him from his nap in the car - she had taken him to the > grocery store for me so I could get in a nap. I'm shocked by his > behavior. It just seems like our lives are all upside down - over a > silly thing like eating. > > Well, speaking of feedings - it's time to argue with Ian about his > 8pm feeding and argue with Xander about getting to bed. > > I wish I could just close my eyes and wake up in the morning happy > again. > > Thanks again everyone for letting me ramble. Sorry for being such a > downer. It's not like me to be so negative. I just need a little > more time - then, I can hopefully help others who I know greatly > need the support that we all so desperately need. > > Thinking of you all. > > - H > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 1, 2006 Report Share Posted January 1, 2006 Hi , The saying below is one of my favorites, I guess moms of special kids are an " elite " group.... I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much. Mother > > I'm still sad. Lot's of thoughts I'm trying to deal with. You are > all so gracious for your kind words and thoughts. I appreciate the > support you are giving me and your kindness towards Ian's health. I > truly truly appreciate it. > > I'm sorry I have not been able to support others here lately and I > hope you will find it in your hearts to give me a little more time > to find the strength necessary to communicate better with all of you. > > There is just so much to think about and say and considering how > much I like to write - I can't even find the words to express my > feelings. That's how I know I need more time. > > There were people that let us down during the treatment process of > Ian, mistakes were made and touch decisions were made. There were > sleepless nights (7), arguments with physicians, emotional moments, > and of course difficult treatments like 3 IVs, ng tubes, and > probably one of the hardest to swallow was when we woke up Christmas > morning in the Hosptial - instead of running down to see a Christmas > tree where presents waited to be opened - Ian had nurses surrounding > him to draw his blood. That was the first thing he had Christmas > morning. It was very sad. > > I finally smiled a little today. Ian runs and cries when it's time > for a feeding - he tells me to go away and then tells me he doesn't > love me. He does this every time - 4 times a day. He hasn't sat on > my lap since we got home. I don't think he has even shared a hug or > kiss. Xander has been very crabby, telling me no, whining, smarting > off.....it's not been easy dealing with his temperment. I told my > mother I would have him straightened out before she came for Ian's > surgery - let's hope it happens. He hit a neighbor the other day > when she woke him from his nap in the car - she had taken him to the > grocery store for me so I could get in a nap. I'm shocked by his > behavior. It just seems like our lives are all upside down - over a > silly thing like eating. > > Well, speaking of feedings - it's time to argue with Ian about his > 8pm feeding and argue with Xander about getting to bed. > > I wish I could just close my eyes and wake up in the morning happy > again. > > Thanks again everyone for letting me ramble. Sorry for being such a > downer. It's not like me to be so negative. I just need a little > more time - then, I can hopefully help others who I know greatly > need the support that we all so desperately need. > > Thinking of you all. > > - H > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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