Another Perspective - Re: From new guy

[Guest guest]

So, I thought I'd jump into the fray....

Welcome to the group firstly...

About braces and appearance. Here is my little story for what it's

worth....

I was 24 (I think) when I first started looking into getting braces a

second time to resolve the functional problems that braces the first

time around didn't help. I consulted with an orthodontist and surgeon

and started considering everything.... At the time I was single. Then

I happened to meet someone I really, really liked- right before I was

planning to undertake this entire process. It was rather nerve

wracking sitting down with my new boyfriend of maybe one or two weeks

and asking him what he thought and how he felt about my plans. He

wanted me to do whatever I wanted to do and was supportive either

way. I was hoping to not scare him off! I went into the entire

venture for long-run results sacrificing short-term " set-backs " .

Personally, I decided for my own confidence and comfort in the

process to have ceramic brackets put on because they are much less

noticeable and I knew I would feel more comfortable in them. Some

people don't even care about that, but I didn't have THAT much

confidence! My job also involved day in and out, up close and

personal interaction with the public. No one even noticed or cared

about my braces. Actually, as my smile improved, so has my confidence

with my appearance improved and I think I've become more attractive-

WITH the braces. My boyfriend LIKES my braces (the same boyfriend I

mentioned earlier- we are still together today even through all of

this). He likes the look and thinks they are really CUTE! Sometimes I

feel insecure whether he'll like me without them! But, ultimately, I

know that he likes ME so I know he'll like me with or without them. I

know that you can counter- stating that I met him prior to having the

braces. But I think this dialogue has missed an essential element of

attraction between people:

Half of appearance is your attitude about yourself and others. It is

an intangible that comes through in your demeanor, your composure,

how you interact with others, how you carry yourself, how you walk,

how you treat other people, etc... Appearance alone does NOT equal

attractivness.... Confidence is important. Your personality radiates

through your appearance- and the qualities of that personality are

important because they show through. People are not opaque. Shallow

people aside, many, many individuals find " pretty " and " handsome "

unattractive because of what accompanies that person in regards to

their attitude and everything else I just mentioned (personality,

etc). In other words, relying on appearance alone does not get a

person through. Furthermore, I am NOT denying that attractiveness is

VERY important. I AM denying that attractiveness is based solely

on " appearance " . There are many, many good-looking guys that

project " asshole " or " arrogant " or who knows whatelse. I don't find

them remotely attractive, regardless of their " handsome " appearance.

They are a turn-off. Reciprocally, people who obviously are not very

confident or comfortable with themselves project " unattractive " based

simply on other aspects coming through in their appearance-

regardless of the actual attractiveness of that appearance.

So, I had braces put on right after my 25th birthday, they were on

for about a year, and I had my surgery right before my 26th birthday.

My motivations for surgery were functional AND cosmetic improvement.

I would not have had the surgery solely for cosmetic improvement

because I could not personally justify it to myself without the

functional justification. Anyway, I am presently 26 (and 1/2!) and

still have the braces. I'm hoping to have them removed in time for my

27th birthday. I am looking forward to the best times in my life yet

to come. How depressing to think that the best times are in my

twenties. I'm hoping to make the best of my whole life... and don't

perceive my life ending after my twenties. Maybe it's a matter of

your perception about age and the " best " times. One friend of mine

has considered her thirties her best time- her twenties sucked and

she is happily married and consideres the time she's spending with

her husband the best time in her life. I don't know, different

perspectives and stages in life and maturity. As I said before, I

sacrificed the short-term to feel confidently about myself and

appearance for the long term, not to mention the functional

advantages. What's one or two years compared to the positive

difference it's going to make on 30,40,50+ years in my future??

ly, I was excited to get the braces on... the sooner they were

on, the sooner they would be off again and the sooner I could get on

with the rest of my life. The sooner, the better!

I would add that in my experience, very shortly after my surgery...

still a little swollen and discolored, braces and all, I started

getting double-takes. Not because I looked like a freak!... I had

never gotten this reaction before. It was because I looked cute and

it showed that I felt cute and better about my appearance. So, I've

been getting everything from smiles and hellos to the updown and a

second look ever since then- I still am getting them (and I'm still

in those blasted braces remember).

So, a lot depends on your perception of yourself and how you project

it to others... and then how they respond to that information- not

necessarily processed overtly, but maybe intuitively. My point simply

is that braces haven't been a hindrance. The results of my braces and

surgery has dramatically affected my appearance and my perception of

my appearance for the better, which has translated into an improved

perception of my appearance by those around me. I KNOW of a couple

datable guys I've met AFTER having the braces put on that would

definitely date me if I were available.

About travel: I went to Paris, France for 10 days right after having

my braces put on and it wasn't an issue. I have no idea how they

would keep you homebound. If you take care to follow the instructions

for care, eating, and maintenance, you shouldn't have any problems.

And braces in Europe are definitely more unusual than braces here- on

anyone at any age. But I was fine and nobody cared or made any notice

of them. Furthermore, I spent a month in St. sburg, Russia -

going just shy of 3 months after my surgery. I had some eating

restrictions to work around, but I was totally fine. If I thought

braces in Paris were unusual and a sight to be seen, they are even

LESS of a presence in Russia. And STILL, nobody noticed or cared if

they did. I had a great reception and rapport with the people with

whom I was interacting there. The surgery and braces didn't prevent

me travelling at all. In fact I went with a " loose " upper jaw that

wasn't yet solidly healed yet and I was then possibly facing a second

surgery. I guess it's a matter of what you let hold you back.... That

said, I did not go without first confirming with my surgeon that he

thought it was fine for me to go. So, you don't have to be an invalid

if you don't want to be. You can be what you want. And don't be a

slave to other people or what their opinions of you might be! And, I

personally plan on traveling for the rest of my life, not just in my

twenties! Your life is what you make of it and what you want out of

it. It is an opportunity for you to take advantage of actively.....

not just to let it happen to you passively.

Ok, I'm off my soap box! (I haven't been to Hyde Park if you can

believe it!)

To mirror what everyone else has said- this is a personal decision

that no one else can make for you. I always tell people who are in

the decision making process to consider how you imagine you might

feel if you decide to NOT have the surgery done? Would you regret

never trying for it? Try to imagine which decision you might regret

more or which you would regret at all. There ARE those who've

regretted having the surgery done... it's a cost/benefit/risk

consideration that needs to be carefully considered and weighed. And

there are those who've regretted not having the surgery done. And

there are those older individuals who are finally having it done and

regret not having had it done earlier. I personally would have

regretted it if I had never tried and lived my life without the

dramatic improvement this surgery and braces have meant for me. That

is not to say I had an easy time of it, or am having as easy time

even now at 6 months out. It's just been worth it for me. Maybe it

would or would not be worth it for you. Only you can weigh what your

potential regrets and motivations might be. Every decision has its

costs and consequences to be evaluated by the decision maker.

I will close with an indirect quote by Twain: In twenty or thirty

years, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than

the things you did do. So, will that be the dating you didn't do or

the braces (and surgery?) you didn't have?? Only you can discern that!

Good luck and we'll all be interested to hear what you decide. I

would encourage you to research this thoroughly to make an informed

decision.

I apologize to all of my dear readers for ever always being verbose!

Katja

> Thanks everyone for your responses.

>

> It's really terribly difficult to make a decision regarding whether

> or not to do this surgery.

>

> Look at it this way. I'm a guy in his mid-20s, enjoying his youth,

> going out, dating, etc. I'll have to sacrifice 2-3 years of the

best

> time of my life to this immense project. As I get closer to

surgery,

> I will start looking progressively worse (i.e. teeth realigned),

AND

> wearing braces before AND after, for months and months.

>

> Even Apart from the weeks or months immediately following surgery,

I

> will be throwing away 2 years (!) of the best time of my life. Why

> throwing away, you ask? Because throughout that long period I won't

> be confident enough to go out, meet girls, talk to them, etc. due

to

> wearing braces and any other hardware.

>

> Now if I had done this at let's say 15-16, maybe the sacrifice and

> commitment would have been tolerable. If I was a married 40-year-

old

> living with wife and children, maybe it wouldn't be that bad. But

at

> 25, when I literally need to " present my best face " to women and

> enjoy dating, the personal side of it is extreme. What do you all

> say.