Chat: Jodi R

[Guest guest]

Okay, now that I am wiping the tears from my eyes, I will try to let

you know how much you touched me with your post about your

feelings. You nailed them right on the head. You are so good with

words.

Jodi, there is some truth to the thought that our kids don't know

life any differently from what they are experiencing. It is us who

know that life can be different and it is us who feel for them,

knowing what our hopes and dreams are/were changed in a heartbeat.

It is NOT FAIR that they have to go through what they do, but this

is their lives. What we have to do is try to make the lives that

they have been given better ones. We have to be careful not to

project our feelings of grief and loss on them.

I have been struggling with this for weeks now. It has been a

setback with Max and his hiccups and stresses. It scares me to

think of what will be for him in the future. When he was born, my

husband and I wanted him to go to college, to have a professional

career, to marry a wonderful woman and have a family. It looks like

college is not in his near future, although that could change. He

won't be that lawyer or doctor that we had hoped. He claims that he

is never getting married, but that does not worry us because what 17

year old boy wants to think about marriage? And if he decides not

to marry and have kids, that is his decision. It has nothing to do

with RSS. We just don't want him to be lonely.

Sometimes, however, I get so angry at the fact that Max has RSS. I

get angry at the doctors who did not know he was hypoglycemic and

the fact that it could have affected his brain and learning

capacity. I am furious and always will be with that obnoxious GI who

first treated him and said, " He has reflux. He'll outgrow it.

There is nothing that can be done. " Yet I try to keep the feelings

in the background and not let them surface too often.

Remember that Trip to Holland story? We ALL were ready to go to

Italy. We were all packed and at the airport. We thought we were

on the plane. Now we are in Holland and we have to look at the

wonderful tulips, windmills and other great things they have there.

(You can smoke pot in Amsterdam!!!! Sorry, I never tried it, but

there are those who enjoy it....) We won't know what Italy is like,

but those who are in Italy will never know Holland, either.

Jodi Z