Re: Revisions, out of town Surgeons and family

[Guest guest]

(((((((((((((Cindy))))))))))))))))

You know I'm behind you sweetie. You ARE a warm, caring and very smart

person. You know that... deep down I know you know that! Unfortunately, we

can't fix the past. We need to go on with the present and future. It's time

for you to do things for YOU, don't worry about anyone else. Just think,

they could lose everything they have (all those " tangible " things) in just

one moment.... you'll still be smart, beautiful, witty and creative... and

above all else you will survive better than anyone.

love,

Tigger

Revisions, out of town Surgeons and family

> I'm having a revison next month in Washington with Dr. Oh and I'm so

> excited I can hardly stand it. I have a few questions thought and I was

> wondering what insights some of you wise ones can share with me.

>

> My sister is freaking out. I just told her last night that I'm going.

> I tried to talk to her this summer when I first started looking into a

> revision, (my first surgery was a RNY proximal and weighing almost 350

> at the time, I only lost 70 pounds and that was in the first few months

> following surgery) but the first thing out of her mouth at the time was

> something like this:

> " You know what your problem is? You didn't exercise like you were

> supposed to. "

>

> I was devastated for two years that I failed after my surgery to get to

> a normal or even close to normal weight and my family didn't help.

> Well, I'm almost 50 years old, what do I want from them anyway? They

> have beautiful families, are all successful and appear to be happy. I'm

> the one who has the problem.....blah blah blah....I'm sure a lot of you

> understand. Although there are big people in my family, no one has the

> weight problem I do.

>

> I was surprised at her response to my going away from surgery. She's

> upset that I can't have it here and worried about the fact that my

> surgeon will be so far away. My question is, how do people cope with

> that? What happens down the road when you need a surgeon and no one

> locally will talk to you because they don't understand the weight loss

> surgery? I recently had trouble finding a doctor who would give me a

> scope because they weren't familiar with my surgery.

>

> I know that I'm going to be well looked after when I'm in Washington,

> thanks to and a wonderful support network. I also know that I

> will be looked after better there than I would be at home. Of course my

> mother has offered to let me stay with her but I'd be better off at

> home. I'll stay in Washington till I'm able to come home and I've

> struggled with that as well. It's hard to think about strangers taking

> care of me and yet, my heart is so full of the generousity I've felt

> from people I've seen online and never met. I know that I would do the

> same for someone else if the opportunity presented itself because I am a

> warm giving person but like a lot of us, it's easier to give than receive.

>

> When it comes to my family, I can't win. They don't understand why I

> can't lose weight and they don't understand why I want to have

> surgery. I sat at dinner with them last night and it took all the

> energy I could muster to keep my mouth shut. I listened as they talked

> about my neices and nephews, proms and dresses, colleges and social

> lives....I listened as my sister talked about buying a new house in a

> country club and all the trips they've been taking and all I could think

> about was how empty my life is and how my weight has held me back my

> whole life. I'm self employed and taking a trip for surgery and not

> working will probably push my financial situation over the edge...If is

> was this it would be something else, but I know I'm headed for bankruptcy.

>

> I don't know why I'm going on like this but I need to get it out. They

> make me feel stupid and inadequate and have for most of my life. I need

> to do this for me but I need to show my sister that I'm doing it

> wisely. I think what she is feeling right now is guilt, but that isn't

> what I need. I need someone to understand or I need them to just leave

> me alone. My therapist told me the other day that when I lose weight,

> the whole dynamics of my family will change. I don't want to deal with

> that now. I don't want to deal with them. I almost didn't tell them I

> was going at all. It's not that they don't love me, but they don't know

> me and they certainly don't understand me. I've always been the weird

> one in their eyes.

>

> All the good feelings I have for myself disintegrate when I'm around

> them. They don't see me as the alive, vibrant, funny person my friends

> see and I fall right into it because all the old patterns come up when

> I'm around them. It sucks.

>

> I love my sister. She is the only one of my siblings that I have any

> regular contact with, and it is limited. I do know that she is there

> when I really need her. I just have never felt that I had anything to

> offer her, other than to listen when she is having a hard time. In

> site of the fact that she can be very short sighted, she is a warm,

> generous person when she wants to be.

>

> All I know for sure right now is that I need to do this. In spite of my

> fears, I need to get myself on a plane at the end of the month and have

> the surgery with a surgeon who I can trust to give me the kind of

> surgery that will make a difference in my life. I know I can do what it

> takes to make it work with the right tools. I need to do this for

> myself and I need to do it alone. All my life, I've let my fear hold me

> back. I can't do that anymore, and I can't let family, my feelings

> about them and theirs about me, stand in my way anymore.

>

> I keep telling myself, I'm not the same person they see. I have to get

> past all the things I didn't get from them from my weight. The sweater

> my mother never knitted for me because I was " too big " to knit a sweater

> for. The bribes to lose weight with promises of presents so far down

> the road I could never get there. I don't want my anger and resentment

> to stop me anymore. As I was growing up, I think my weight was an

> unconscious way of me trying to say, " LOOK AT ME, I " M HERE.....I'M SMART

> AND FUNNY AND BEAUTIFUL, STOP IGNORING ME. " It's taken me half a

> lifetime to realize that all it did was make me more invisible to them

> than I already was.

>

> When I'm with them, all I see is what is missing from my life, all the

> missed opportunities. There was no prom dress for me. There were no

> parties, no sorrority houses, no one fixing me up with the great guys.

> There are no children and a divorce from a man who hated my body as much

> as I did. I forget about the fact that I am a writer and a quilter and

> a warm, caring, compassionate person. I can't be those things to people

> who see me as pathetic and depressing.

>

> Thanks for letting me vent....what started out as a simple question

> about surgeons out of town has turned into quite a dump....but I know

> many of you have been there and understand.

>

> Cindy

>

>

> Homepage: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Graduate-OSSG

>

> Unsubscribe: mailto:Graduate-OSSG-unsubscribe

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

You know, I know how odd it is for people to leave their families to

come here. The families do not " see " the network of people around

here, nor those Out There, who would be willing to protect you from

" us " .

It is interesting that the first phone call we get not FOR our

person is someone back home who is checking us out. Once they are

certain we're nuts, they seem somewhat reassured, actually. I doubt

that I would be comfy with my loved one undergoing surgery " there " ,

when I am familiar with " here " , even if the surgery " here " had not

gone well. However, when we send them home in good spirits and body,

the families are ok with letting them come back to visit!

Thanks,

Vitalady, Inc. T

www.vitalady.com

If you are interested in PayPal, please click here:

https://www.paypal.com/affil/pal=orders%40vitalady.com

Revisions, out of town Surgeons and family

> I'm having a revison next month in Washington with Dr. Oh and I'm

so

> excited I can hardly stand it. I have a few questions thought and

I was

> wondering what insights some of you wise ones can share with me.

>

> My sister is freaking out. I just told her last night that I'm

going.

> I tried to talk to her this summer when I first started looking

into a

> revision, (my first surgery was a RNY proximal and weighing almost

350

> at the time, I only lost 70 pounds and that was in the first few

months

> following surgery) but the first thing out of her mouth at the

time was

> something like this:

> " You know what your problem is? You didn't exercise like you were

> supposed to. "

>

> I was devastated for two years that I failed after my surgery to

get to

> a normal or even close to normal weight and my family didn't help.

> Well, I'm almost 50 years old, what do I want from them anyway?

They

> have beautiful families, are all successful and appear to be

happy. I'm

> the one who has the problem.....blah blah blah....I'm sure a lot

of you

> understand. Although there are big people in my family, no one

has the

> weight problem I do.

>

> I was surprised at her response to my going away from surgery.

She's

> upset that I can't have it here and worried about the fact that my

> surgeon will be so far away. My question is, how do people cope

with

> that? What happens down the road when you need a surgeon and no

one

> locally will talk to you because they don't understand the weight

loss

> surgery? I recently had trouble finding a doctor who would give

me a

> scope because they weren't familiar with my surgery.

>

> I know that I'm going to be well looked after when I'm in

Washington,

> thanks to and a wonderful support network. I also know

that I

> will be looked after better there than I would be at home. Of

course my

> mother has offered to let me stay with her but I'd be better off

at

> home. I'll stay in Washington till I'm able to come home and I've

> struggled with that as well. It's hard to think about strangers

taking

> care of me and yet, my heart is so full of the generousity I've

felt

> from people I've seen online and never met. I know that I would

do the

> same for someone else if the opportunity presented itself because

I am a

> warm giving person but like a lot of us, it's easier to give than

receive.

>

> When it comes to my family, I can't win. They don't understand

why I

> can't lose weight and they don't understand why I want to have

> surgery. I sat at dinner with them last night and it took all

the

> energy I could muster to keep my mouth shut. I listened as they

talked

> about my neices and nephews, proms and dresses, colleges and

social

> lives....I listened as my sister talked about buying a new house

in a

> country club and all the trips they've been taking and all I could

think

> about was how empty my life is and how my weight has held me back

my

> whole life. I'm self employed and taking a trip for surgery and

not

> working will probably push my financial situation over the

edge...If is

> was this it would be something else, but I know I'm headed for

bankruptcy.

>

> I don't know why I'm going on like this but I need to get it out.

They

> make me feel stupid and inadequate and have for most of my life.

I need

> to do this for me but I need to show my sister that I'm doing it

> wisely. I think what she is feeling right now is guilt, but that

isn't

> what I need. I need someone to understand or I need them to just

leave

> me alone. My therapist told me the other day that when I lose

weight,

> the whole dynamics of my family will change. I don't want to deal

with

> that now. I don't want to deal with them. I almost didn't tell

them I

> was going at all. It's not that they don't love me, but they

don't know

> me and they certainly don't understand me. I've always been the

weird

> one in their eyes.

>

> All the good feelings I have for myself disintegrate when I'm

around

> them. They don't see me as the alive, vibrant, funny person my

friends

> see and I fall right into it because all the old patterns come up

when

> I'm around them. It sucks.

>

> I love my sister. She is the only one of my siblings that I have

any

> regular contact with, and it is limited. I do know that she is

there

> when I really need her. I just have never felt that I had

anything to

> offer her, other than to listen when she is having a hard time.

In

> site of the fact that she can be very short sighted, she is a

warm,

> generous person when she wants to be.

>

> All I know for sure right now is that I need to do this. In spite

of my

> fears, I need to get myself on a plane at the end of the month and

have

> the surgery with a surgeon who I can trust to give me the kind of

> surgery that will make a difference in my life. I know I can do

what it

> takes to make it work with the right tools. I need to do this for

> myself and I need to do it alone. All my life, I've let my fear

hold me

> back. I can't do that anymore, and I can't let family, my

feelings

> about them and theirs about me, stand in my way anymore.

>

> I keep telling myself, I'm not the same person they see. I have

to get

> past all the things I didn't get from them from my weight. The

sweater

> my mother never knitted for me because I was " too big " to knit a

sweater

> for. The bribes to lose weight with promises of presents so far

down

> the road I could never get there. I don't want my anger and

resentment

> to stop me anymore. As I was growing up, I think my weight was an

> unconscious way of me trying to say, " LOOK AT ME, I " M HERE.....I'M

SMART

> AND FUNNY AND BEAUTIFUL, STOP IGNORING ME. " It's taken me half a

> lifetime to realize that all it did was make me more invisible to

them

> than I already was.

>

> When I'm with them, all I see is what is missing from my life, all

the

> missed opportunities. There was no prom dress for me. There were

no

> parties, no sorrority houses, no one fixing me up with the great

guys.

> There are no children and a divorce from a man who hated my body

as much

> as I did. I forget about the fact that I am a writer and a

quilter and

> a warm, caring, compassionate person. I can't be those things to

people

> who see me as pathetic and depressing.

>

> Thanks for letting me vent....what started out as a simple

question

> about surgeons out of town has turned into quite a dump....but I

know

> many of you have been there and understand.

>

> Cindy

>

>

> Homepage: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Graduate-OSSG

>

> Unsubscribe: mailto:Graduate-OSSG-unsubscribe

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

you are right to go and have the surgery and to take care of what you need

to do for u for a change

all the best of luck

janice

Revisions, out of town Surgeons and family

I'm having a revison next month in Washington with Dr. Oh and I'm so

excited I can hardly stand it. I have a few questions thought and I was

wondering what insights some of you wise ones can share with me.

[Guest guest]

Tig,

My sweet friend. I wish you were going with me. Thank you for your

support and friendship. I will be fine. I just need to get past the

family thing and the neurotic fear, and I will...well...as much as a

crazy person like me can...hahaha

You know that I " m not a materialistic person...the things in my life

that mean the most to me are people like you, and you can't buy

friendship with all the money in the world.

Thanks for being there for me...I love you...

Cindy

Tigger wrote:

(((((((((((((Cindy))))))))))))))))

You know I'm behind you sweetie.

[Guest guest]

Having been one of the revisions that went to Washington state, I can honestly

say that my hubby freaked out when he was told that I was staying with

and Don, whom I had met online. After talking to each of them, he became calm,

and when I returned home, he was very happy that I had been taken such good

care of and was in such good spirits and health. You will have wonderful ,

caring supportive people surround you while you are in Washington.

Peachy hugs,

[Guest guest]

I wish I was going too! As for the support, that's what friends are for;

even if they are halfway across the country. I know you aren't

materialistic, I just wish your family could see you the way the res of us

can.... as a warm, smart, funny, creative person. I know that and

Don will take good care of you. We are all here for support, let them

support you a bit. O.k.? I know that's hard for the control freaks we are. I

still don't know who's more excited for you, me or you.

Hugs,

Tigger

Re: Revisions, out of town Surgeons and family

> Tig,

>

> My sweet friend. I wish you were going with me. Thank you for your

> support and friendship. I will be fine. I just need to get past the

> family thing and the neurotic fear, and I will...well...as much as a

> crazy person like me can...hahaha

>

> You know that I " m not a materialistic person...the things in my life

> that mean the most to me are people like you, and you can't buy

> friendship with all the money in the world.

>

> Thanks for being there for me...I love you...

>

> Cindy

>

>

> Tigger wrote:

>

> (((((((((((((Cindy))))))))))))))))

> You know I'm behind you sweetie.

>

>

>

> Homepage: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Graduate-OSSG

>

> Unsubscribe: mailto:Graduate-OSSG-unsubscribe

>

>

>

>

>