Old Family Dynamics

[Guest guest]

It sounds to me like you are trapped in the old family of origin

dynamics.

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Jacque you've made such a great point here. Although I miss my mother

very much, we had a lot of great times together, she could also be very

controlling and had a big influence on my life and my decisions.

Sometimes I think about what my life would be like right now if she had

not died. I don't think I would be anywhere near where I am now. I'm in

charge of what I do, when I do it and how I raise my children. Although

she would have been a wonderful grandmother, I also think she would have

had a bit too much to say on the topic too. I watch my friends now and

how they are with their parents and sometimes it makes me sad my mother

is not around and sometimes something happens and I'm thinking that

though I'm not happy she is gone, I'm happy that there are no control

issues. My father in-law tries, but he learned a long time ago, as far

as my kids go he has nothing to say at all.

When I decided to go back to school a lot of people were asking me what

Tim thought about my major and I told them that when I had the

discussion with Tim about returning to school the first thing I said to

him was " listen, the two most influential people in my life, my mother

and my father are both gone (they were so against me going for mortuary

science, my father didn't want me going to college at all) and I really

don't give a sh-- what you think, so I'm going back to school for this

and that is final " . I never would have said that to my mother. Tim is

very supportive and proud, but thinks I should go into a different

major. LOL Personally, I think he's tired of sleeping with one eye

open.

Thanks for the great insight Jacque.

Regina

[Guest guest]

Boy, do I hear that. Sometimes I get the guilts for being relieved that my

mom isn't here to place demands on me..and make my decisions for me. I do

miss her, but don't miss the influence she had on me.

Now, if I were Tim, I'd have my eyes open too...since he never knows when he

will become a " class project! " LOL!

Regards~

Jacque

" My cat knows the song in my heart and purrs it to me when my memory fails

me. "

I never would have said that to my mother. Tim is

very supportive and proud, but thinks I should go into a different

major. LOL Personally, I think he's tired of sleeping with one eye

open.

[Guest guest]

Jacque;

Yes I am trapped in the old family of origin dynamics. I have been my whole

life. It's the child in me that responds as a reactor. I take it and say

nothing. When I am in better shape emotionally, I understand that I no longer

am 5 years old and I don't have to allow myself to feel the way I do when they

say things I find hurtful when what I really need is support. This isn't an old

issue for me but years of reacting the same way are a hard habit to break, just

like smoking and all the other bad habits I am trying to let go of.

This morning, thanks to all of your support and responses to my email yesterday,

it dawned on me once again...I cannot change my family, I can however, change

the way I react to them. They are not bad people and I know they love me. What

I need to do is to understand that I can control how I feel. I'm working on

that. I know in my heart that when I come to respect myself as much as I

respect those around me, I won't need their approval.

Thank you for sharing,

Cindy

ds to me like you are trapped in the old family of origin dynamics.

You probably feel like a child when with your family, and the adult you

really are needs some recognition outside this attitude that is displayed

toward you.