Chat : Thoughts about Ian and G-Tube

[Guest guest]

Well, I'm not going to write anything " pretty " this evening. LOL I

don't have it in me. But, if you will allow me, I'd like to share a

few thoughts I've had about Ian's G-tube placement.

I finally got a response from Dr. H yesterday. Short and sweet and

albeit comforting to hear something, quite frustrating nonethless

since it was very brief. However, I'm fortunate to have such

beautiful, warm and overly generous people who were able to provide

some feedback and " read between the lines " so-to-speak so that I

could discern a bit more about what it is that I have to look

forward to with respect to Ian getting a G-tube. Of course, this

extra information, although quite informative and very useful, was

still a bit overwhelming to hear. I finally felt that the decision

to have a g-tube done for Ian was the right decision and now I may

have more things to ponder about. More tests to rule things out -

undoubtedly will be uncomfortable for Ian - and possibly even

inconclusive based on what I've read from others' posts. So, if he

does have reflux and/or delayed gastric emptying - does this make me

a negligent mother for not having these tests done sooner? Did I

mention Ian is eating rather well again - much better than in

previous weeks or months? Oh, it's probably another hunger stint

he's on - he's only gained 1 pound in 5 months. So, the decision is

still the right one because when he gets sick it will help with

blood sugars and eating issues. But, he has a pretty nasty cold now

and his blood sugars are great. Okay, so.....the questions

continually encircle my mind, the debates make my head spin and then

the all out wars start to make me exhausted. I've been reading the

posts about the new G-tubes that have been placed in other children

recently. Problems at the hospital, tissue granulation (is that

right?), leakage, seepage, cleaning, wiping, infections, concerns,

worry, fear, frustration........OKAY. Now, is this what I was

excited about? I thought I was going to make things easier because

my child would get more calories, he would be healthier, and

everyone could finally be happy and relaxed. I've been trying to

hide those darn rose colored glasses since I was 21. They keep

popping out of my drawer onto my head. I'm rambling. Then, I talk

to someone who I know has way more issues than I do and I wonder -

am I making more problems for all of us? Am I doing something to

Ian that is based on a good decision - or out of fear? Is my

judgement skewed from one hospital stay - that could have been

avoided had I known a little more (or listened to the appropriate

information I was given at the time)? Why is it that my questions

are constantly whirling in my head and there never seems to be

answers. I remember being here before. There have been many

decisions in my life that could have been made differently, thereby

creating a different path that I always thought would have changed

my life in many ways. But, is this like that? Is this decision a

life-altering moment? Whew. That's a loaded question. Time to

sleep on it - again. Maybe tomorrow there will be more answers -

hopefully, aimed at helping me answer mine.

Thanks for listening.

- H ()