2nd Time Mom Feeling Horrible Guilt

October 6, 2010

Our 4 month old son was diagnosed with brachycephaly & moderate plagiocephaly

(14 mm)on the left side at 3 months old and we're currently waiting to hear back

from Anthem Blue Cross to see whether they'll cover his CT helmet. I first

noticed his flat spot around 11 weeks old, when his thick head of hair started

falling out. His pediatrician gave us referrals for an orthotic immediately but

recommended trying a few weeks of repositioning--which we did-- to no avail.

The hardest part of all this is the horrible guilt I'm feeling since he had a

perfectly round head as a newborn. I go back through all his old photos to try

to see where it all went wrong. Since we also have an energetic 2 year old son

who demands a lot of attention, our baby spent a lot of time in the first 2

months hanging out in the bouncer, swing, or on his play mat. He also napped

well in the car seat, which I thought was great, since we we're always on the go

doing activities with our older son in the mornings. Of course, I held the baby

a lot too and did tummy time with him, but it absolutely never crossed my mind

that his head would develop a flat spot. Our baby is so mellow, happy, and was

such a great sleeper from the start that I felt incredibly lucky that he was the

polar opposite of our older son, who had colic, didn't sleep, and required hours

of bouncing or rocking in our arms.

So in addition to the guilt I feel that our baby now has to wear a helmet (much

to the chagrin of our family members-- who all say it'll correct itself with

time and think we're obsessing about it unnecessarily), I feel really stupid

that, as a second-time parent, I wasn't more aware of the fact that he would

develop a flat head and not notice it before it was too late to alter through

repositioning. As much as I try not to, I just can't get rid of that horrible,

sinking feeling of guilt that it's my fault. He also has slight facial and ear

asymmetry, which only makes me feel worse. A few moms in our baby play group

have asked about his flat spot and I've even lied and said he was born with it

since I felt like they were judging me, as though I don't hold my baby or give

him tummy time.

I know I'm lucky that he's a healthy baby and that (hopefully) he'll only have

to wear the helmet for a short while, but I just can't seem to let go of the

guilt.

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