Old Family Dynamics

[Guest guest]

Cindy,

It sounds to me like you are trapped in the old family of origin dynamics.

You probably feel like a child when with your family, and the adult you

really are needs some recognition outside this attitude that is displayed

toward you. I have a sister who stayed back there with the way the family

worked " ....or actually didn't work! I moved on with therapy. I tried very

hard to develop some sort of adult relationship with her, and it just wouldn

t work, no matter how hard *I* tried. Fact is, she doesn't know how to

function any other way. I felt belittled and horrible whenever I had any

interaction with her. Finally the day came when I had had enough....drew my

boundaries, and told her she was not allowed to cross them. She immediately

bulldozed right past my boundaries, and that was the day I said goodbye to

her. Not that I never speak to her, but like you, I have friends that see

me as the person I am..not the little kid that I was. Why would I choose to

put myself in harms way emotionally? I have found it really matters little

to me anymore whether or not I have her approval. That was a huge step for

me. Life is too short to be made to feel so awful about yourself. You are

doing something healthy for YOU and that's what counts, not someone's

opinion of what you are doing. Sometimes other people are healthier family

for you. My sister kept throwing the cliche' at me... " Blood is thicker than

water. " Well...bull potty on that! I chose to be with people that treat me

like the human being that I am...and not in an abusive manner. Sad to say,

she is the lonely old woman..having her perpetual pity party. I've gotten

on with my life. Won't go there anymore!

Regards~

Jacque

Thanks for letting me vent....what started out as a simple question

about surgeons out of town has turned into quite a dump....but I know

many of you have been there and understand.

Cindy