Re: Fitting, scan scheduled, but still many questions and doubts

[Guest guest]

I'm the same as you...I fixate and worry until it consumes me. Although my son

started much earlier, I went through the same questioning when we received our

last band. I finally made a decision to get that last band because I knew I

would doubt myself for the rest of my life. Could I have done more? Could he

had more correction? If I didn't take the chance, I never would have found out.

Honestly, I don't think helmet therapy is that big of a deal for 95% of kids.

It's not painful and he will likely adjust just fine. At his age you will be

fighting him trying to take it off, but it's not like you are entering him into

some sort of painful surgery or similar. If it doesn't work you will be out

some time and money. Only you can decide if this time and money spent is going

to be " worth it. "

Good luck. I hope you can find an answer you can make peace with.

[Guest guest]

Thanks, I appreciate your time and consideration.  On Sun, Dec 19, 2010 at 10:32 PM, helmetheadmomma <candicno@...> wrote:

I'm the same as you...I fixate and worry until it consumes me.  Although my son started much earlier, I went through the same questioning when we received our last band.  I finally made a decision to get that last band because I knew I would doubt myself for the rest of my life.  Could I have done more?  Could he had more correction?  If I didn't take the chance, I never would have found out.

Honestly, I don't think helmet therapy is that big of a deal for 95% of kids.  It's not painful and he will likely adjust just fine.  At his age you will be fighting him trying to take it off, but it's not like you are entering him into some sort of painful surgery or similar.  If it doesn't work you will be out some time and money.  Only you can decide if this time and money spent is going to be " worth it. "

Good luck.  I hope you can find an answer you can make peace with.

------------------------------------

For more plagio info

[Guest guest]

10mm can look different on each child, but it is a pretty good number for

banding. I think you will see improvement, and you'll also know you did what you

could. If you want opinions on his specific head, please post his photos or

email to me, and I can give your my perspective.

-christine

sydney, 5 yrs, starband grad

>

> My son is having his DSI scan Wednesday at Cranial Tech after which he will

receive his DOC band. Something about it just feels wrong, though. He's almost

18 months, full of talking, dancing, and personality. I keep telling myself

that it's no big deal, he will get used to it. His mom has finally given in,

though she still says, soberly and with quiet conviction, " He doesn't need it. "

Basically, she's doing it for me, which also feels wrong. At his evaluation the

Cranial Tech clinician said, " Most likely, no one will ever notice...but he is

within treatment range (approx 10mm). " She also characterized treatment at his

age a " crap shoot " for various reasons, not the least of which is that he could

remove the helmet if he wanted to.

> I'm not sure if I've become so head-obsessed that I'm losing objectivity. I'm

trying to keep an open mind, looking at both sides of the argument. I'm right

at the doorstep of this thing, but something is telling me that, though his head

is flat in one spot, I'm making way too big a deal out of this.

> Not sure how anyone can respond to this. It's not really a question per se.

I'm just a bit torn. I really don't like the idea of my boy in a helmet for

four (or more) months, and I'm not sure he really needs it.

> I should add that I tend to fixate on things in a big way...to the point where

it's all-consuming. Always have. I don't want to make the mistake of entering

my son into a course of therapy to satisfy my compulsion.

> Words of wisdom?

>

[Guest guest]

I was planning a response to your earlier post about the problem that you wife

was not on side about the helmet. It's a relief to hear that she gave in. Let

her. Don't apologize and don't keep trying to convince her that it's the right

thing to do. Just go ahead and quietly do it. If you have stresses and worries

about the process, get right back on this group and post: you have many people

here who can offer support.

From what you wrote, I believe that you NEED to do this. Yes, it is partly to

satisfy a compulsion of yours, and if you have a tendency to obsess you need to

keep an eye on that kind of thing. However, this is a compulsion to fix

something that is objectively wrong with your son and that can be fixed at

relatively little expense and inconvenience. If you don't do it, you will keep

thinking about it and it will drive you crazy and possibly harm your marriage.

Three or four months will fly by. Even if the helmet helps only a little you

will be able to rest assured that you did what you could.

One last thought---if your son should inherit your tendency to obsess, then you

wouldn't want to leave him with a physical defect that could have been fixed!

Good luck! Stop trying to talk yourself out of following your instinct. Your

son is lucky to have someone attending to the details for him.

>

> My son is having his DSI scan Wednesday at Cranial Tech after which he will

receive his DOC band. Something about it just feels wrong, though. He's almost

18 months, full of talking, dancing, and personality. I keep telling myself

that it's no big deal, he will get used to it. His mom has finally given in,

though she still says, soberly and with quiet conviction, " He doesn't need it. "

Basically, she's doing it for me, which also feels wrong. At his evaluation the

Cranial Tech clinician said, " Most likely, no one will ever notice...but he is

within treatment range (approx 10mm). " She also characterized treatment at his

age a " crap shoot " for various reasons, not the least of which is that he could

remove the helmet if he wanted to.

> I'm not sure if I've become so head-obsessed that I'm losing objectivity. I'm

trying to keep an open mind, looking at both sides of the argument. I'm right

at the doorstep of this thing, but something is telling me that, though his head

is flat in one spot, I'm making way too big a deal out of this.

> Not sure how anyone can respond to this. It's not really a question per se.

I'm just a bit torn. I really don't like the idea of my boy in a helmet for

four (or more) months, and I'm not sure he really needs it.

> I should add that I tend to fixate on things in a big way...to the point where

it's all-consuming. Always have. I don't want to make the mistake of entering

my son into a course of therapy to satisfy my compulsion.

> Words of wisdom?

>

[Guest guest]

It's called buyers remorse. It's normal, but not necessarily rational. You feel

you have no perspective on whether he really needs it or maybe are just

obsessing. You also have no perspective on whether being in the helmet will be

difficult for him or you or your wife. You need to just do it and see. It's not

all or nothing as in 4 months or not at all. Why not put it on for a month and

see how you all feel then. You don't have the data yet to determine one way or

the other so why try to draw a conclusion ahead of time.

As for your son taking it off himself, it's really some fierce velcro in an

awkward position, but best to prepare ahead of time. Start talking to him about

the cool hat he's getting. Maybe wear a hat around yourself for the next week or

so. Create the story that hats and helmets are cool. Take him out to pick out

stickers to put on his cool new hat when it's ready. Buy a few hairclips that

you can snap around the velcro to add to the security.

The fact is the 'terrible 2s' start before two. You are probably already seeing

it at moments. Don't let your fear or guilt let you think the helmet is bad for

him when he gets upset. My 20 month old pitches a fit at least half the time I

try to brush her teeth. It doesn't make it wrong. I take a deep breath, make a

game out of it, sing songs, and we get it done. Toddlers ride a roller coaster

of emotion and take us along for the ride. Sometimes all you can do is go with

it and trust that the upswing is coming.

>

> My son is having his DSI scan Wednesday at Cranial Tech after which he will

receive his DOC band. Something about it just feels wrong, though. He's almost

18 months, full of talking, dancing, and personality. I keep telling myself

that it's no big deal, he will get used to it. His mom has finally given in,

though she still says, soberly and with quiet conviction, " He doesn't need it. "

Basically, she's doing it for me, which also feels wrong. At his evaluation the

Cranial Tech clinician said, " Most likely, no one will ever notice...but he is

within treatment range (approx 10mm). " She also characterized treatment at his

age a " crap shoot " for various reasons, not the least of which is that he could

remove the helmet if he wanted to.

> I'm not sure if I've become so head-obsessed that I'm losing objectivity. I'm

trying to keep an open mind, looking at both sides of the argument. I'm right

at the doorstep of this thing, but something is telling me that, though his head

is flat in one spot, I'm making way too big a deal out of this.

> Not sure how anyone can respond to this. It's not really a question per se.

I'm just a bit torn. I really don't like the idea of my boy in a helmet for

four (or more) months, and I'm not sure he really needs it.

> I should add that I tend to fixate on things in a big way...to the point where

it's all-consuming. Always have. I don't want to make the mistake of entering

my son into a course of therapy to satisfy my compulsion.

> Words of wisdom?

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the calm, measured words of advice.  I have thought about the possibility of my son inheriting my less than desirable qualities.  Hopefully, he'll be more like his mom.  I just hope that the doc band works and that I'm not putting him through this for nothing.

On Mon, Dec 20, 2010 at 1:16 PM, R <sadietheseamstrix@...> wrote:

I was planning a response to your earlier post about the problem that you wife was not on side about the helmet.  It's a relief to hear that she gave in.  Let her.  Don't apologize and don't keep trying to convince her that it's the right thing to do.  Just go ahead and quietly do it.  If you have stresses and worries about the process, get right back on this group and post:  you have many people here who can offer support.

From what you wrote, I believe that you NEED to do this.  Yes, it is partly to satisfy a compulsion of yours, and if you have a tendency to obsess you need to keep an eye on that kind of thing.  However, this is a compulsion to fix something that is objectively wrong with your son and that can be fixed at relatively little expense and inconvenience.  If you don't do it, you will keep thinking about it and it will drive you crazy and possibly harm your marriage.  Three or four months will fly by.  Even if the helmet helps only a little you will be able to rest assured that you did what you could.

One last thought---if your son should inherit your tendency to obsess, then you wouldn't want to leave him with a physical defect that could have been fixed!

Good luck!  Stop trying to talk yourself out of following your instinct.  Your son is lucky to have someone attending to the details for him.

>

> My son is having his DSI scan Wednesday at Cranial Tech after which he will receive his DOC band.  Something about it just feels wrong, though. He's almost 18 months, full of talking, dancing, and personality.  I keep telling myself that it's no big deal, he will get used to it.  His mom has finally given in, though she still says, soberly and with quiet conviction, " He doesn't need it. "  Basically, she's doing it for me, which also feels wrong.  At his evaluation the Cranial Tech clinician said, " Most likely, no one will ever notice...but he is within treatment range (approx 10mm). "  She also characterized treatment at his age a " crap shoot " for various reasons, not the least of which is that he could remove the helmet if he wanted to.

> I'm not sure if I've become so head-obsessed that I'm losing objectivity.  I'm trying to keep an open mind, looking at both sides of the argument.  I'm right at the doorstep of this thing, but something is telling me that, though his head is flat in one spot, I'm making way too big a deal out of this.

> Not sure how anyone can respond to this.  It's not really a question per se.  I'm just a bit torn.  I really don't like the idea of my boy in a helmet for four (or more) months, and I'm not sure he really needs it.

> I should add that I tend to fixate on things in a big way...to the point where it's all-consuming.  Always have.  I don't want to make the mistake of entering my son into a course of therapy to satisfy my compulsion.

> Words of wisdom?

>

------------------------------------

For more plagio info

[Guest guest]

- I've been thinking about your situation. What have you decided, if you

don't mind my asking? I wish you peace whatever your decision is. There is no

right or wrong answer here, just what your family decides is best. Hang in

there!

>

> My son is having his DSI scan Wednesday at Cranial Tech after which he will

receive his DOC band. Something about it just feels wrong, though. He's almost

18 months, full of talking, dancing, and personality. I keep telling myself

that it's no big deal, he will get used to it. His mom has finally given in,

though she still says, soberly and with quiet conviction, " He doesn't need it. "

Basically, she's doing it for me, which also feels wrong. At his evaluation the

Cranial Tech clinician said, " Most likely, no one will ever notice...but he is

within treatment range (approx 10mm). " She also characterized treatment at his

age a " crap shoot " for various reasons, not the least of which is that he could

remove the helmet if he wanted to.

> I'm not sure if I've become so head-obsessed that I'm losing objectivity. I'm

trying to keep an open mind, looking at both sides of the argument. I'm right

at the doorstep of this thing, but something is telling me that, though his head

is flat in one spot, I'm making way too big a deal out of this.

> Not sure how anyone can respond to this. It's not really a question per se.

I'm just a bit torn. I really don't like the idea of my boy in a helmet for

four (or more) months, and I'm not sure he really needs it.

> I should add that I tend to fixate on things in a big way...to the point where

it's all-consuming. Always have. I don't want to make the mistake of entering

my son into a course of therapy to satisfy my compulsion.

> Words of wisdom?

>

[Guest guest]

No, I don't mind.  I had his scan and measurements for a doc band scheduled for today and cancelled it.  It feels wrong.  I wish I had the conviction that others seem to have regarding the right choice.   Support goes a long way, too.  I don't have much of that. 

I can still take him tomorrow.

 

On Wed, Dec 22, 2010 at 9:24 PM, stephaniebilliel <SBilliel@...> wrote:

- I've been thinking about your situation. What have you decided, if you don't mind my asking? I wish you peace whatever your decision is. There is no right or wrong answer here, just what your family decides is best. Hang in there!

>> My son is having his DSI scan Wednesday at Cranial Tech after which he will receive his DOC band.  Something about it just feels wrong, though. He's almost 18 months, full of talking, dancing, and personality.  I keep telling myself that it's no big deal, he will get used to it.  His mom has finally given in, though she still says, soberly and with quiet conviction, " He doesn't need it. "  Basically, she's doing it for me, which also feels wrong.  At his evaluation the Cranial Tech clinician said, " Most likely, no one will ever notice...but he is within treatment range (approx 10mm). "  She also characterized treatment at his age a " crap shoot " for various reasons, not the least of which is that he could remove the helmet if he wanted to.

> I'm not sure if I've become so head-obsessed that I'm losing objectivity.  I'm trying to keep an open mind, looking at both sides of the argument.  I'm right at the doorstep of this thing, but something is telling me that, though his head is flat in one spot, I'm making way too big a deal out of this.

> Not sure how anyone can respond to this.  It's not really a question per se.  I'm just a bit torn.  I really don't like the idea of my boy in a helmet for four (or more) months, and I'm not sure he really needs it.

> I should add that I tend to fixate on things in a big way...to the point where it's all-consuming.  Always have.  I don't want to make the mistake of entering my son into a course of therapy to satisfy my compulsion.

> Words of wisdom?>------------------------------------For more plagio info

[Guest guest]

Did you choose not to use a helmet, or did it not work as you had hoped?  What I have realized, is that I've had a year to make this decision, and only recently, now that he's close to the end of insurance coverage and the window of opportunity is nearly shut, have I actively pursued this.  Something about the helmet has never felt right to me, even if my boy does have some skull asymmetry. 

Every time I see a picture of myself, I see how totally different I look to the world compared to how I see myself in the mirror.  I have 2 distinctly different profiles, which I noticed as a teen.  I also have a HUGE head.  My " unique " looks are the least of my cares, and I'm pretty obsessive. 

But lately, I've been insane about " fixing " my son's head, to the point where it has consumed me at all times.  Instead of keeping an open mind, I've been looking at the worst case scenarios for his future.

I saw a St. Jude's commercial last night that featured little kids with brain tumors.  At that moment, I felt like a giant idiot.  What the hell am I obsessing about?  My son is healthy, happy, sleeps 12 hours a night since 3 months old, smart as a whip, and I'm preoccupied with a slightly crooked head. 

  The Ctech clinician said that we may not see results (a " crap shoot " she said)  but that I could feel okay about it because I tried.  That doesn't resonate with me at all.  It's not about me trying and feeling better.  I didn't put my boy in a helmet a year ago because it didn't feel right, and I can't justify doing it now to assuage my guilt. 

All the arguments for the helmet are sensible and I don't disagree with them.  I won't say that I'm not bothered that my boy's head isn't perfect, but that's my problem.  When his sister was a baby, I obsessed that her forehead wouldn't flatten out.  Totally nuts. 

I don't know.  When I see him, I think, " He doesn't need that thing. "   When I'm alone and thinking about it I get all worked up because I'm ruining his life, which is totally irrational.  Yes, my worries have a basis in fact (my son has a flat spot), but the degree to which these worries escalate are out of proportion to reality. 

What do you wish you had done differently?On Thu, Dec 23, 2010 at 11:20 AM, caden_mom <dlcfamily1@...> wrote:

,

I was sad to read that you cancelled your appointment yesterday. Not because I think I am right and you are wrong, but because you write with such anguish in your emails. I honestly hope that you are able to make peace with this decision because the regret definitely stinks.

Our plagio story is much longer than I posted previously and I won't get into all the details, but I will say that I wish I had done a lot of things differently. Hindsight is always 20/20.

The times that my son's plagio glares back at me now, is when I am bent over the tub washing his hair or when he gets out of the swimming pool. He has beautiful hair and wears it a bit longer than most, and honestly, unless he asked me to, I don't think I would ever consider a buzz cut for him. Also, we are a Hockey loving family and I wonder if a heavy hockey helmet will hurt his head......or even fit properly, once he is old enough to get out on the ice. I imagine it resting on the side that is a bit more prominent and causing him pain because the weight isn't evenly distributed.

So, there is a partial list of my regrets. I hope and pray that in time, you won't feel the same way.

If you reconsider your decicion and choose to move forward with this opportunity for your son, please keep posting. We will support you to the end.

> > >

> > > My son is having his DSI scan Wednesday at Cranial Tech after which he

> > will receive his DOC band.  Something about it just feels wrong, though.

> > He's almost 18 months, full of talking, dancing, and personality.  I keep

> > telling myself that it's no big deal, he will get used to it.  His mom has

> > finally given in, though she still says, soberly and with quiet conviction,

> > " He doesn't need it. "  Basically, she's doing it for me, which also feels

> > wrong.  At his evaluation the Cranial Tech clinician said, " Most likely, no

> > one will ever notice...but he is within treatment range (approx 10mm). "  She

> > also characterized treatment at his age a " crap shoot " for various reasons,

> > not the least of which is that he could remove the helmet if he wanted to.

> > > I'm not sure if I've become so head-obsessed that I'm losing objectivity.

> >  I'm trying to keep an open mind, looking at both sides of the argument.

> >  I'm right at the doorstep of this thing, but something is telling me that,

> > though his head is flat in one spot, I'm making way too big a deal out of

> > this.

> > > Not sure how anyone can respond to this.  It's not really a question per

> > se.  I'm just a bit torn.  I really don't like the idea of my boy in a

> > helmet for four (or more) months, and I'm not sure he really needs it.

> > > I should add that I tend to fixate on things in a big way...to the point

> > where it's all-consuming.  Always have.  I don't want to make the mistake of

> > entering my son into a course of therapy to satisfy my compulsion.

> > > Words of wisdom?

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ------------------------------------

> >

> > For more plagio info