Can't Stop Fretting

[Guest guest]

Thank you for your comments to my other post. I've been told by people around

me, whether they've seen my son or not, that he's fine, it'll be fine as he

grows. These people don't know. We have general pictures of him (not for plagio

documentation), and he has an engaging smile and gaze, so it's easy not to

notice his headshape. It also depends on the angle of the photo. The problem is,

I can't not see it anymore, and I'm always looking to see if I'm really seeing

what I think I'm seeing. In fact, it's affecting our relationship, b/c

breastfeeding is the perfect angle to see the misshapen area, and whereas I

should be talking to/singing to him, I find myself turning inwards and thinking

about this whole regrettable situation.

We have used a Britax Chaperone, and that is the main contributing factor, I

believe, because I think what's happening is that it is bottle-necking him to

fit into the headrest. This sickens me. This is not the beautifully round head

he was born with, and I WANT IT BACK! (SCREAM, SCREAM, SCREAM) My husband

basically rolls his eyes when I say that I want to consider getting another

carseat. We spent a lot of money and did a lot of research b/c I'm so concerned

about safety for my son. I just didn't know the trade-off. I feel guilt-ridden,

and I'm the only parent who feels bad about this. Just because he doesn't feel

this way/acknowledge it/whatever, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. I found out

that our insurance does not require referrals to specialists. So, I am going to

schedule that soon. 2 1/2 months old is not too late, right? Please tell me it's

not too late. I don't want to spend $3000, but I also just want my baby's head

back. I now have regrets, and he's less than 3 months old. And, I feel

paralyzed, like I shouldn't trust what I am seeing because others around me

think I'm overreacting, so I'm biding my time, just 'hoping' it will go away.

Sadly, it has not.

I feel like I have to go through a grieving process about this whole situation.

Grieving over the loss of the head he was born with. I don't want to sound vain.

If he had been born with a differently shaped head, I would have dealt with

that. It's so bothersome knowing that I caused this problem in my beautiful boy,

no matter how unintentional it was, I caused it.

Does anyone have recommendations for carseats? We settled on Britax and I never

looked at anything else.