Becoming peaceful -- continued.

[Guest guest]

Darn it - that sent before it was supposed to!

I was going to go on to say this: I am trying to be peaceful with the asymmetry

I can see now. But it is upsetting. It is not " in your face " - again - it's

only visible from certain angles, in some photos (not all - in some photos you

can't really tell at all), and in the mirror. Sometimes it jumps out at me and

looks REALLY obvious - sometimes I look at him and almost can't see it.

I try to tell myself - so what? So what, his eyes aren't perfectly symmetrical

- they're a little off. Maybe it will get better. (Of course my fear is it will

get worse - there is no way to know as his facial bones grow and develop.)

I am angry about his plagiocephaly - a condition that I feel was preventable IF

I'D HAD THE RIGHT INFORMATION. I am also unimpressed with his orthotist - 2mm

correction in 15 weeks? He grew more than that during that time, a lot more.

So why the minimal correction? I question if his helmet ever really fit

correctly (and we took him out of it because one of the sideburns was pressing

into his face.) No one at the time suggested a second helmet (starband) was

necessary, and so I never pursued it (and was in fact advised not to by his

specialist.)

I know I've done the best I can. I have investigated some alternative therapies

locally - but so far have been unimpressed (with the local providers, a general

lack of knowledge, etc.) I think that where we are - is where we are.

And I'm not sure how to come to terms with it. And move on. And stop looking -

LOOKING at my son's face, his eyes, his forehead. At some point, he'll notice,

and wonder why and what I'm looking at. And I don't want to do that to him,

ever - maybe it will never bother him. So I don't want to plant a poison seed.

I just feel RESPONSIBLE - and like I failed him. And I feel like others failed

him too. And HE has to live with our failings - because it's had a physical

effect - on his face. And it's painful.

Thanks for reading.