Re: ()Why did I have Kids?

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/24/03 8:17:02 AM Eastern Standard Time,

barb2743@... writes:

> Hello, child you don't get rewarded by not doing your school work. Why did

> I have children? Life was so much easier when I was single. Had a nice,

> clean apartment, good job, time to soak in the tub when needed etc. I

> should have listened to my Mom lol. Barbara

>

Oh my, Barbara!! Hang in there!! I hope is not seriously hurt. How

will they replace his card collection? Those are expensive! I know my ds

would have done the same as in that situation.

Roxanna ô¿ô

Autism Happens...

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/24/03 8:56:31 AM Eastern Standard Time, kneeleee@...

writes:

> Hello, child you don't get rewarded by not doing your school work. Why did

> >I have children? Life was so much easier when I was single. Had a nice,

> >clean apartment, good job, time to soak in the tub when needed etc. I

> >should have listened to my Mom lol. Barbara

> >

>

> Oh my, Barbara!! Hang in there!! I hope is not seriously hurt. How

> will they replace his card collection? Those are expensive! I know my ds

> would have done the same as in that situation.

> Roxanna ô¿ô

>

>

Yep, MY too! If you mess with is cards, you're DEAD.

Since my has been hospitalized for psych issues, I can tell you that

the adolescent units are WOEFULLY uneducated about Autsim issues. THey have

NO CLUE that what, to them, is uncooperative and oppositional behavior is

PART of the child's diagnosis. Something that isn't " treatable " but

uncontrollable. BTDT. was disciplined, basically for BEING

" Asperger-ish " . One of the staff actually had the cajones to tell me that

she " was trained " in dealing with Aspergers. I told her she better go back

and get more training.

I TOTALLY sympathize with you. Having worked in a psychiatric setting

myself, I know that many of the behaviors that our kids have ARE disruptive

to the therapeutic millieu, and can cause problems for the other residents. <

sigh> There needs to be a place that ADS kids can get treatment for their

pyschiatric comorbidites in a safe manner, without having to be MORE upset by

the other things that happen.

Throwing aggressive personalities in with our (mostly) OCD personality kids

is a recipe for disaster.

Hope I said that so everyone could understand. I'm not as well spoken

(written? LOL) as I would like to be.

Connie

[Guest guest]

It ain't easy! I consider myself someone who can handle a HUGE amount and

still function, yet.... there are days that I have defintely met my match

with my three children/husband!!! On those hard days I dream of my little

cottage house decorated just the way I want with a beautiful garden out

back.....peaceful, tranquil, and calm, and everything left just where I put

it! Also, in this fantasy I can eat whatever I want and NEVER gain!

Whatever it takes to get me through.

Hang in there..... Personal TLC needed

Johanna

In a message dated 3/24/2003 8:48:12 AM Pacific Standard Time,

rwinters@... writes:

>

> Why did I have children? Life was so much easier when I was

> single. Had a nice, clean apartment, good job, time to soak in the

> tub when needed etc. I should have listened to my Mom lol. Barbara

>

>

> Barbara,

> I know how you feel, believe me! With two sons with neurological

> conditions whose biggest symptoms revolve around their behavior, I've

> had weeks like yours too, when it feels like life is just spinning

> out of control and it's all you can do to keep from losing it

> yourself. I have a cat that I used to breed years ago (in her

> younger days). I started breeding and showing her before the kids

> came along. Once - years ago - after a particularly harrowing

> meeting at the school, I walked out to see a neighbor who

> said, " Kathy, you look beat. " I just rolled my eyes and

> said, " Donna, I should have stuck with breeding cats. " To this day

> she repeats that line to me and tells me how funny she thought it

> was. Hmmmm...I wasn't trying to be funny!! LOL! Well, ok, yes I

> was, but many a truth is said in jest!!!

>

> Kathy

>

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/24/03 12:53:47 PM Eastern Standard Time,

beitchazen@... writes:

> <>It doesn't mean that they don't love their children.>>

>

> absolutely NOT !!! it means you are honest to yourself....

>

>

>

>

So true---- BUT-----there are too many parents, special needs parents

INCLUDED who still want to judge us for not doing it " their " way. Gee,

Roxanna, any ideas who I might mean? <neigh> ROFL

They might hear what we say when we're having those days and it will

irrepairably harm their fragile psyches! <gag> Our children are special

gifts form God and He doesn't give us any more than we can handle. <wanna

BET????>

Sorry, I just get annoyed when we have those days and some people want to

tell us we're being selfish. When you have chidren, you no longer come

first-- it's all about the children.

<insert more sarcasm here>

Connie, who is happy that her children are at school right now.

[Guest guest]

Why did I have children? Life was so much easier when I was

single. Had a nice, clean apartment, good job, time to soak in the

tub when needed etc. I should have listened to my Mom lol. Barbara

Barbara,

I know how you feel, believe me! With two sons with neurological

conditions whose biggest symptoms revolve around their behavior, I've

had weeks like yours too, when it feels like life is just spinning

out of control and it's all you can do to keep from losing it

yourself. I have a cat that I used to breed years ago (in her

younger days). I started breeding and showing her before the kids

came along. Once - years ago - after a particularly harrowing

meeting at the school, I walked out to see a neighbor who

said, " Kathy, you look beat. " I just rolled my eyes and

said, " Donna, I should have stuck with breeding cats. " To this day

she repeats that line to me and tells me how funny she thought it

was. Hmmmm...I wasn't trying to be funny!! LOL! Well, ok, yes I

was, but many a truth is said in jest!!!

Kathy

[Guest guest]

<> It doesn't mean that they don't love their children.>>

absolutely NOT !!! it means you are honest to yourself....

[Guest guest]

Barbara,

I think any kid would have reacted with some type of anger. Hope

that other got knocked down to level one also!

I know you've having a REALLY bad day/time of it now but I actually

had to smile. You sounded so similar to some of my past events with

everything happening " at once " and, well - I'm still here! You'll

survive but try and find some breathing room for yourself today, do

something nice for yourself!!

- single mom, 3 sons -

> In a message dated 3/24/03 8:17:02 AM Eastern Standard Time,

> barb2743@y... writes:

>

> > Hello, child you don't get rewarded by not doing your school

work. Why did

> > I have children? Life was so much easier when I was single. Had

a nice,

> > clean apartment, good job, time to soak in the tub when needed

etc. I

> > should have listened to my Mom lol. Barbara

> >

>

[Guest guest]

> I know you've having a REALLY bad day/time of it now but I actually

> had to smile. You sounded so similar to some of my past events with

> everything happening " at once " and, well - I'm still here! >>

things always come in bunches !!!

Fania

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/24/2003 7:44:47 PM Eastern Standard Time, lbohn@...

writes:

> since S is such a good friend. I don't know how much of this to tell her.

> (He apparently

> gets bullied a fair amount at school)

>

> Liz the Uncertain

> Liz my son has a friend also that live a couple of houses from us and

he is actually only 10 but I can see clearly that he is different. Especially

since he actually is very close to my son. He acts up quite frequently when

he is at our house and is very young for his age. I decided his parents know

what he is like just like I know what my son is like so I have never

discussed it with them. I am sure your friends son is no different for his

mother so I am sure she knows what he is like anyway my two cents worth lol.

[Guest guest]

>

> So true---- BUT-----there are too many parents, special needs

parents

> INCLUDED who still want to judge us for not doing it " their " way.

Gee,

> Roxanna, any ideas who I might mean? <neigh> ROFL

>

> They might hear what we say when we're having those days and it

will

> irrepairably harm their fragile psyches! <gag> Our children are

special

> gifts form God and He doesn't give us any more than we can handle.

<wanna

> BET????>

>

> Sorry, I just get annoyed when we have those days and some people

want to

> tell us we're being selfish. When you have chidren, you no longer

come

> first-- it's all about the children.

>

> <insert more sarcasm here>

>

> Connie, who is happy that her children are at school right now.

I agree. We all have mixed emotions about parenting our children

(unless we're saints...which I definitely am not!!) and should have a

safe place to express the negative ones too. Raising special needs

children is hard, frightening as He## and lonely. And we all have

our negative moments. Even parents of normal kids do. I have always

said (to my friends) that I know my " real " friends because they're

the ones I can say, " I hate my kids, " in front of and they won't

judge me at all. I have been fortunate to have a few friends like

that.

The article I wrote that is going to be in the book about special

needs kids - that I posted here a few months back - addresses those

emotions. I think we have to admit that, even if we do see the

gifts, there are some days when we say, " ENOUGH!!! I don't want this

anymore. " There are days when we are angry and jealous of the

parents who seem to have it so much easier, and resentful of them for

thinking that it is all so simple and they could raise our kids

better than we do. This is hard and, even if it's made me a better

person, some days I just don't want the burden.

Kathy

[Guest guest]

Okay, I had a different sort of problem yesterday. My good friend S was going

out of town

and didn't have a place for her 13 year old son J to stay on Sat. night. She

was going

to leave him home alone, so I said, " Oh, don't worry about it, I'll pick

him up and he can stay here Sat. night until you pick him up on Sun. afternoon. "

Well, has not been terribly interested in playing with J lately, but he

didn't put

up too

much of a stink, and he was a good sport about it. But J, oh my gosh! They

played

video games and every time Josh lost, he'd get upset. He's reset the game every

time he

showed signs of being behind. He threatened to give a bloody nose more

than once.

Finally he ran off to " his " room to cool off. was pretty patient with him

throughout. I was proud of him.

So, it's a dilemma. is really in the middle of adolescence and J clearly

hasn't

started yet. He's 13, but he's acts like he's about 8. After I witnessed what I

did

yesterday, I understand why doesn't want to play with him. But it's

awkward for me,

since S is such a good friend. I don't know how much of this to tell her. (He

apparently

gets bullied a fair amount at school)

Liz the Uncertain

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/24/03 9:06:45 AM Eastern Standard Time, Dawahooz@...

writes:

> Throwing aggressive personalities in with our (mostly) OCD personality kids

> is a recipe for disaster.

>

> Hope I said that so everyone could understand. I'm not as well spoken

> (written? LOL) as I would like to be.

>

> Connie

>

You expressed it just fine, Connie. We had two teen Aspies speak at our

local autism group last night. The one is in high school and was put in a

MBH classroom. He said that every day practically, the teacher would call

him into his office and get right in his face and scream at him until he

cried.

This is our high school. I am totally incensed by this and don't know what

we could do about it. I just feel like making this school wake up and while

I work actively to do this all the time anyway, it's never fast enough or

enough.

Roxanna ôô

What doesn't kill us

Makes us really mean.

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/24/03 3:22:10 PM Eastern Standard Time, Dawahooz@...

writes:

> So true---- BUT-----there are too many parents, special needs parents

> INCLUDED who still want to judge us for not doing it " their " way. Gee,

> Roxanna, any ideas who I might mean? <neigh> ROFL

>

It is interesting that this also exists in our little piece of the world.

But there are really people like this. My theory is that they have found

success doing something and then tend to believe that if it worked for them,

it would work for everyone. I don't think these kinds of people have that

much to deal with or they wouldn't be so proud of themselves. lol.

As most of us know already, some days ain't pretty...and we are still pleased

that we got through the day in one piece!

Roxanna ô¿ô

Autism Happens...

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/24/03 7:43:11 PM Eastern Standard Time, lbohn@...

writes:

> So, it's a dilemma. is really in the middle of adolescence and J

> clearly hasn't

> started yet. He's 13, but he's acts like he's about 8. After I witnessed

> what I did

> yesterday, I understand why doesn't want to play with him. But it's

> awkward for me,

> since S is such a good friend. I don't know how much of this to tell her.

> (He apparently

> gets bullied a fair amount at school)

>

> Liz the Uncertain

>

yikes. Do you think she'd get mad at you if you said something? You might

just mention casually that he seemed to get so stressed out when he wasn't

winning the game. And if she wants to discuss it further, she will say

something. Otherwise, you can just go on and talk about something else. ???

Roxanna

ò¿ò

It makes sense to go up the molehill

dressed for the mountain

Nan, the Wiser

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/25/03 8:32:49 AM Eastern Standard Time, kneeleee@...

writes:

> As most of us know already, some days ain't pretty...and we are still

> pleased

> that we got through the day in one piece

You couldn't possibly mean that you......<gasp> COPE, could you? <eg>

Connie

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/25/03 8:27:42 AM Eastern Standard Time, kneeleee@...

writes:

> This is our high school. I am totally incensed by this and don't know what

> we could do about it. I just feel like making this school wake up and

> while

> I work actively to do this all the time anyway, it's never fast enough or

> enough.

>

<sigh> So true....... I hope the parents of the younger ASD kids in our

school system appreciate what I have been through. It will make THEIR

journey so much easier. I didn't have anyone to pave the way for us.

There are (to my knowledge) only about 3-4 kids that are/were ahead of .

There are a couple HUNDRED behind him. And 3-4 going TO the HS with him next

year. I think just the idea that there are other kids like him going through

it with him will help tremendously.

Connie

Connie

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/25/03 11:32:50 AM Eastern Standard Time,

Dawahooz@... writes:

> >As most of us know already, some days ain't pretty...and we are still

> >pleased

> >that we got through the day in one piece

>

> You couldn't possibly mean that you......<gasp> COPE, could you? <eg>

>

> Connie

>

Well, uhm...I don't mean to imply that...er...my child isn't completely

wonderful the way he is....but...er....SOMEDAYS HE IS NOT WONDERFUL. LOL.

Roxanna ô¿ô

Autism Happens...

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/25/03 11:35:36 AM Eastern Standard Time,

kneeleee@... writes:

> Well, uhm...I don't mean to imply that...er...my child isn't completely

> wonderful the way he is....but...er....SOMEDAYS HE IS NOT WONDERFUL

I'm telling......ROFLMAO!

Connie

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/25/2003 8:35:41 AM Pacific Standard Time,

kneeleee@... writes:

> Well, uhm...I don't mean to imply that...er...my child isn't completely

> wonderful the way he is....but...er....SOMEDAYS HE IS NOT WONDERFUL. LOL.

>

> Roxanna ô¿ô

>

OH YEAH! Like yesterday for us..... driving down the road, Joe decides to

crumble and distribute throughout the van the Ritz Bits cheese crackers!!!!

Looking in my rear view mirror I'm seeing small pieces of cheese/crackers

flying through the air! Yelling at him to stop and telling him I'm really

mad produces reams of LAUGHTER!!!!! Oh, boy sometimes I wish he could read

me!!!! Plus my younger one started laughing too as laughter IS contagious.

Funny, that he can look at pictures of people showing emotion and can tell me

what they are feeling....

Johanna adding another task to her day! Vacuuming a van while watching a 2

and 4 yr old whining all the way.

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/25/03 11:46:14 AM Eastern Standard Time,

sjparvin@... writes:

>

> OH YEAH! Like yesterday for us..... driving down the road, Joe decides to

>

> crumble and distribute throughout the van the Ritz Bits cheese crackers!!!!

>

> Looking in my rear view mirror I'm seeing small pieces of cheese/crackers

> flying through the air! Yelling at him to stop and telling him I'm really

> mad produces reams of LAUGHTER!!!!! Oh, boy sometimes I wish he could read

>

> me!!!! Plus my younger one started laughing too as laughter IS

> contagious.

> Funny, that he can look at pictures of people showing emotion and can tell

> me

> what they are feeling....

> Johanna adding another task to her day! Vacuuming a van while watching a 2

> and 4 yr old whining all the way.

>

>

>

Mental note-- NO MORE CRACKERS in the van!

Connie

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/25/2003 9:14:47 AM Pacific Standard Time,

Dawahooz@... writes:

> Mental note-- NO MORE CRACKERS in the van!

>

> Connie

>

LOL!!! This was expressed yesterday albeit yelling, but yes, no food in car!

Johanna

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/25/03 11:36:26 AM Eastern Standard Time,

Dawahooz@... writes:

> <sigh> So true....... I hope the parents of the younger ASD kids in our

> school system appreciate what I have been through. It will make THEIR

> journey so much easier. I didn't have anyone to pave the way for us.

>

At our school, unfortunately, paving the way is not always benefitting

others. They try to hush everything up and not provide the same programming

again. I even have had to sign 2 confidentiality clauses just to get a

particular service. Can you imagine?

Roxanna ôô

What doesn't kill us

Makes us really mean.

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/25/03 1:09:34 PM Eastern Standard Time, lbohn@...

writes:

> What's MBH??? Nobody should get screamed at until they cry. That's inhumane.

> Poor kid. Are

> his parents making a stink? Can you keep your ds out of the MBH class? What

> are your

> options? Don't let them run you over,

> Liz

>

It's a class for severe mental/behavioral problems.

" Mental/Behavior Handicap " I don't know how he got there except his mother

said they were told it was " the only place " to put a kid with AS. And then

she couldn't get him out. She just got him out a few weeks ago and he's in

regular ed now. But frankly, the damage is done, IMO.

Yes, I can keep Royce out of there. Once in grade 7, they had put him in a

" LD " class that turned out to be more like a behavior disorder class (no

learning, mostly messing around.) It took me a while to figure it all out

because Royce doesn't tell me what is wrong. Eventually I figured it out and

we got him out of there in the 2 seconds it took me to yell, " He's out of

this class! " I won't let him go to any sped classes without a detailed

" report " on the class anymore.

But I would keep him at home before I let him go to a class like that.

:::shudder::: I have a hard time figuring out why this is okay for kids who

are behavior problems but some people tell me they are really bad kids who

spend half their time in juvenile hall. Still....

Roxanna ô¿ô

Autism Happens...

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/25/03 1:37:32 PM Eastern Standard Time, kneeleee@...

writes:

> At our school, unfortunately, paving the way is not always benefitting

> others. They try to hush everything up and not provide the same

> programming

> again. I even have had to sign 2 confidentiality clauses just to get a

> particular service. Can you imagine?

>

Well, now I didn't say it was always EASY! LOL

Our school system is pretty good. They fight now and then, and some of the

staff is still ignorant of special needs, but overall they do a good job. We

have a Parent Mentor, and she is very helpful. I know we have had our SPED

director at a large number of meetings concerning . <said the squeeky

wheel as she coughed> LOL I ahvent had ANY trouble getting things approved

for him as long as she has been there.

Connie

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/25/03 1:44:43 PM Eastern Standard Time, kneeleee@...

writes:

> But I would keep him at home before I let him go to a class like that.

> :::shudder::: I have a hard time figuring out why this is okay for kids

> who

> are behavior problems but some people tell me they are really bad kids who

> spend half their time in juvenile hall. Still....

>

That's the class . Fortunately (or unfortunately) HE is the teachers

biggest problem right now. But I worry about when he gets to middle school.

MANY of those kids have been in DH. And worse. I know there was one that

had attacked at one time AND he had tried to kill his mother. Just

freaking peachy....

Connie