Re: Palin's choice puts her under 20%

September 1, 2008

I don't think it's bringing up anger against working mothers--after all

many of us work because we have to on top of all we do--- I realized that in

fact I still work too, just from home and differently, not at all in my training

and not what I would have chosen as a career, but I do it because I have to.

I think to me it is an " anger " against those who do not understand the true

needs of a special needs child and the reality that even with good money spent

left and right, (as related in her post earlier) there are no guarantees

and the parents still need to put in a lot of extra effort everyday to help that

child reach their potential and stay healthy or stabilize in their condition as

special needs are often very complex to deal with. It's really all about

acknowledging what is involved to properly care for a special needs child. And

when someone through their behavior doesn't it makes us wonder.

And yes many of us have chosen to give up our careers, others just modified them

to better fit the needs or others yet may have completly stayed on track and

somehow managed it all. But my guess is those moms with demanding careers and

special needs children do not have the time to be on this list. Not that they

wouldn't want to, but is that really realistically possible given their careers.

And there is also a difference between just having a job to help pay the bills

and a demanding career that obviously requires more than 8 hours on the job and

constantly thinking about it even when off the job. I think those of us who

have taken issue with this are taking issue with the fact that our children's

true needs so often go unrecognized and we're told the Early Intervention and

the school district can do it for them when we clearly know how much more is

needed.

We want more recognition of their needs and our efforts, not less. It seems to

me that when we hear that this woman can do it all and more, it actually says

something about our children not needing all we do and ask for in their name and

when in our hearts we know that they need even more but we can't give it it does

press a button indeed. So this is where the

conflict is, it's not her being a working mom, or career woman or being a good

or bad mom. Her choices are hers alone, but we react to the implications they

have for ours, and the struggles we go though that leave us exhausted at the end

of the day regretting that we couldn't do even more and wondering where else we

could turn to to better meet their needs.

All I am saying is that on the face of it this doesn't seem to acknowledge what

the true needs of most Down children are, or most special needs kids for that

matter and that's the part we're reacting against. I get enough of that from my

husband's family and from neighbors even who all feel I should just let her be

and she'll start talking, they know so-and-so child's did and what am I so

worried about, etc. Or the school district who says 2 group therapy sessions are

fine to meet her speech needs and that placement in an all autistic preschool

class will meet her needs very well too. Even the doctors who look at me like

I'm crazy when I mention fatty acid malabsorption and I look at them thinking

why weren't they the ones to tell me about it first?

These are our daily struggles and when we hear of someone who is obviously

choosing not deal with them herself, or may have another family member deal with

them as you well said, it just makes us wonder how this could be helping the

special needs cause when it is actually saying all our struggles are not needed

because look, this mother gets along fine and her children and special needs

child will be fine without her doing so much and going crazy over it like most

of us here do.

Ever since I had my child what I want for myself or aspire to, became

irrelevant, even before I ever knew she had special needs it was only a matter

of what she needs and what I HAVE to do to get her there. And if some women have

to work or want to and somehow manage to that's all perfectly fine, as I said I

have to also but do it in a more flexible night mornings/evenings schedule. But

to hear that someone chooses to work and in a high profile demanding career when

her child has obvious special needs, to me does not contribute to my cause it

challenges it and can potentially threaten the acknowledgment of special needs

in society and in the type of services I can expect my child to receive in the

future.

I could be wrong, it could be she may actually want to become a spokesperson for

special needs and chooses to dedicate her efforts to be able to influence

legislation that will enable more special needs children to receive the services

they need from their schools and special programs so their parents can get on

with their lives and work too, but I don't see that happening given the other

clues I have about her. I do not see her as trying to raise awareness of what

our special needs children go through or what we go through to provide for them

since she obviously has a different financial situation as well and will never

need to battle the school district to get appropriate services. But that doesn't

mean her special needs child will have all he needs either. Her situation is

obviously a very special one, and Liz is right, the vice presidency may be no

different than the governor position for her family. And I'm not judging her,

I'm just thinking what

the potential implications are for ,e. for my child's needs.

When most of us know what we're struggling with, we just want more

acknowledgment of our kid's true needs and on the face of it Palin's example

seems to sweep all the struggles of special needs kids and parents under the

rug. This is why some of us are reacting this way, it's not about working moms

it's about acknowledging the struggles and ever growing complexities of special

needs kids.

-Elena

From: kiddietalk <kiddietalk@...>

Subject: [ ] Re: Palin's choice puts her under 20%

Date: Monday, September 1, 2008,

4:33 PM

I'm sure those of us, including me, that were able to make that

choice to stay home with our children with or without special needs

did so because we decided what was best in our situation. We have

quite a few working mothers in this group who did/could not give

up their career and the direction of these messages (forget very

narrow minded) is very hurtful in my opinion. Yes there are bad

parents out there but you can't guess who they are just based on if

they work or not when they have a special needs child! That's just

ridiculous. If you are angry at me for saying this or angry at Palin

or the media for bringing this up then you have to look within

yourself and ask why. If others are happy with their decision it's

not right for others to judge that they are wrong. On the other

extreme parents that chose to stay home and home school have been

attacked for being on the

opposite side. What are we ants?

Forget VP (which again in my opinion if elected that child will have

more then any of our children do and did whether you stay home or

not!) I don't know why this topic is bringing so much anger against

working mothers -but it's a bit barbaric. As one parent said what

about all the parents here that are doctors or researchers who in

addition to working and raising a special needs child volunteer here

to answer other's questions and help. Let's raise the level of

acceptance here. There is no right or wrong -there is the right to

personal decision as to what is best for each individual's

situation. If you are not that person it's just your opinion. And

you know what they say about opinions -so stop being one!

=====

September 1, 2008

I think that it is one thing to be a working parent of a special needs child and

quite another to be VP of the United States.

As Shriver so aptly put it; (I paraphrase since I don't have the exact

quote). Woman can have it all; just not all at once.

I personally believe that Palin is probably a wonderful mom and a wonderful,

successful, dedicated career woman. But..... did you have any idea how hard

this was going to be when you started?

I don't think that anyone doubts that you can work and have a child who is

special needs. But I don't think that there is a mom here who completely

understood the demands and the needs.... how steep this mountain actually was

when she started! Caring for a special needs child is truly a unique calling;

we were all chosen for this task by a power higher then ourselves.... It is a

calling that no one should take lightly.

I don't see anyone as putting Palin down but I think we are just skeptical. We

'know' that it is the extra time that we spend with our children..... time that

no other person possibly could do as well as us.... that makes the difference

between high-functioning special needs child and low-functioning special needs

child. In particular, it is in those early years where so many miles can be

bridged between delayed and neurotypical.

Palin had a choice and she chose to have this baby knowing that he was special.

Now it is time to put her money where her mouth is and do her best by this

child. It is not enough just to have a baby for the sake of having it. We all

have a moral contract to providing the best and most opportunities for our

children once they are born.

How can you possibly focus on the demands of being VP and caring for the United

States of America and at the same time.... do the research, do the therapy, do

the 'little' things every single day that a little DS baby requires? It is a

tough choice for a mom to make. My country or my son? But, I sincerely do not

believe that Palin truly 'knows' this yet. Most of us really didn't know how

steep the demands of parenting a special needs child were going to be until we

were in the 2nd or 3rd year.

However, knowing what she will face.... is it really prudent that she be the

next VP of the United States? I have my doubts and I sincerely hope that she is

able to do it all but I shake my head.... knowing what challenges lie ahead of

her on the personal front.

Janice

[sPAM][ ] Re: Palin's choice puts her under 20%

As a group of parents on this board I find it amazing that we can be

so negative and critical towards somone's decision on how to parent a

special needs child, whether to work or stay at home. We all know

that what works for one parent doesn't necessarily mean that it will

work for another. What works for one child doens't necessarily work

for another. We try not to critize each other when it comes to

particular treatments but when it comes to whether a mother choses to

work for pay that seems okay to critize.

Although I chose to stay at home with my special needs child (b/c I

also wanted to be available to volunteer in my other children's

classrooms) I know that services would have come to my child's day

care and/or to my office if I had been working. I have seen it with

other working moms in my area. Some work places in my area allow

children to be brought until they are mobile. Others have onsite

child care. When I requested EI services they asked if I would like

to have the services brought to the home, child care center, place of

work, or even at my other children's school site while I volunteered.

I would think that as VP, Palin would have some of these services

available to her.

Todd Palin works on the North slope. Living in AK, I have many

neighbours who also work on the slope. They usually work two weeks

on, two weeks off type of schedules. Why can't Todd be with Trig

during his weeks off to take him to therapy? Then on the weeks he

works the slope other arrangements be made. Working parents do this

all the time, whether they work because they want to or work because

they have to.

Maybe the Palin family is in denial about how much it takes to raise

a special needs child but I think we all were. Whether a republican

or democrat, we should remember that we have all been there. After

all, isn't that why so many of us are on this board...to help support

the parents of newly diagnosed children, whether working parents or

not, becuase we know how hard it is. Let's not bash parenting styles

of special needs children or whether she should work or not. Leave

that to the media.

September 1, 2008

WOW!!! Is that true? Am I understanding this correctly? Palin has a pregnant

17 year old daughter? If this is true, I cannot agree with you more

..... someone needs to step up in that family. (It's beginning to remind

me of the Spears family..... tell me it isn't so...)

With so many top-notch women out there 'ready' to take part in the political

arena, it saddens me greatly to hear this. I so want our sex to be recognized

but I really want it to be someone who is ready to do the job and to show the

world how wonderful we are....

Janice

[ ] Re: Palin's choice puts her under 20%

Date: Monday, September 1, 2008, 2:51 PM