Confessions of an autism mother: Why I'll never homeschool

[Guest guest]

Confessions of an autism mother: Why I'll never homeschool

December 15, 8:12 AM

by Kathleen Byrne, NY School Examiner

I know. I know. Never say never. I feel so strongly about this

topic that I honestly think that I'll always hold our local school

system responsible for the education of my children, including my

daughter on the spectrum. Notice I didn't write local " public " school

system. I'm open to private, parochial, or some in-between " non-

public " school, another category that we have here in New York.

We Americans pay taxes, a lot of taxes, to provide every child an

education. From a purely financial point of view, paying taxes for

public education and then keeping your child home and bearing the

financial burden of educating them simply doesn't make sense. New

York City Schools alone has a $21 billion dollar annual budget. Why

write a school tuition check and then keep your child home?

We Americans also have FAPE, a federal law guaranteeing all students

with disabilities a Free Appropriate Public Education. Granted, I'm a

newbie; my daughter has been going to publicly funded special-

education schools for only 2 years. I work within the system to find

suitable, appropriate placements. Often it is necessary to remind my

school system of their obligation under the law. I have to do my own

research, decide on a treatment plan and work from there. I never

take the word of a school official as final. Sometimes it means

paying for legal advice. Day to day, it's stressful and a lot of work

to navigate the special education system. Always, it feels great to

get my child into the best possible school for her needs.

I'm as anxious as the next mother about dropping my children off at

school and placing their education into the hands of others, some

capable, some not so capable. It seems inevitable that our children

will experience some bad teaching, just as they will have to cope

with bad bosses, bad public servants and other incompetents in

positions of power. Shielding them from bad authority figures will

make the transition into adulthood harder than it has to be.

Finally, I am dismayed that, when faced with fighting the system and

making it better or fleeing the system to make the same mistakes on

someone else's children, homeschooling parents choose the latter.

Schools are our children's first civics lessons, citizens coming

together and pooling resources for the common good. Homeschooled kids

learn that it's better to take care of your own than to fight for a

common cause.

http://www.examiner .com/x-949- NY-School- Examiner~ y2008m12d15-

Confessions- of-an-autism- mother-Why- Ill-never- homeschool

[Guest guest]

I checked out the author and of course we are not all going to agree

with all she says -even the " about " section

" Kathleen Byrne is a Brooklyn mother of three. She is determined to

make New York schools work because she'll do anything not to move to

the suburbs. Cutting through spin and hype, she'll get to the heart

of the matter—what's best for our children. "

-what does she mean by " she'll do anything not to move to the

suburbs? " !! How is that " best " for 'her' child?!! Or is it all

about what's best for Kathleen Byrne who in her own mind is too cool

to be caught dead in suburbia in a minivan? See? We can argue about

anything but let's not argue -let's discuss.

It appears that sometimes she writes about facts -but mainly she has

her opinion added to the facts. It's just her opinion and we can

agree or disagree with it. Posting an article here to me doesn't

mean we agree with it -we can post to discuss it -share it.

I just have this one article because I love Montessori schools -but

her article exposes a huge flaw -and that's a good thing!

Elitist Brooklyn Heights Montessori evicts special education students

3 comments December 19, 11:30 AM

by Kathleen Byrne, NY School Examiner

I hate to do this to my nephew's alma mater, but this story is so

ugly it turns my stomach.

Earlier this month, Brooklyn Heights Montessori School (which is not

even located in Brooklyn Heights but in the less affluent Cobble

Hill) announced a decision by its 23-member Board of Trustees to

evict the Little Room, the gold standard of special-needs education

housed inside the school building. The Little Room did not fit in to

the school's future plans, said the trustees.

The Little Room began operating out of Brooklyn Heights Montessori in

1970, and since then it has served the special needs of Brooklyn and

Manhattan preschoolers with speech delays. The program, which

receives $1.2 million annually from the state, uses another $100,000

of the general education students' tuition to help keep class sizes

below the state requirements and to pay the special education

teachers a salary equal to the general education teachers.

There are several alternatives to moving the school: The Little Room

can apply for more funding from the state; it can raise its class

size from 9 to 12 students; it can recruit parents to organize

fundraising efforts; it can pay the special education teachers less

than the general education teachers. These are only some of the more

obvious solutions.

The simple, stomach churning fact of the Little Room's eviction is

this: The Board of Trustee parents who can afford to spend $25,000 a

year in tuition to send their child to school don't want that school

to also house special-needs students. It makes the parents

uncomfortable. They don't want their child to be confused with a

child having a language delay.

I say to the school's trustees, Get over it! If you are really

concerned with diversity and the future of the school, as you say,

then you will help teach your children that with privilege comes

responsibility. A truly diverse education can not be taught; it can

only be exemplified through our acts and words.

http://www.examiner.com/x-949-NY-School-Examiner

And here's a complete list of her articles:

Elitist Brooklyn Heights Montessori evicts special education students

Should Obama's free pre-K serve everyone or only the neediest of

children?

Long Island PTA mom found half-naked with 13-year-old boy

Arne Duncan appointment is great news for NYC schools

Confessions of an autism mother: Why I'll never homeschool

For many struggling students, teachers are the problem

Adventures of a PTA Volunteer: In which the author attends the school

fundraiser

Best books for teacher gifts

Harvey Milk High School, a NYC public school model of human rights

Holiday gifts for children on the autism spectrum

Confessions of an autism mother: Despite the harebrained theory

behind it, I'm trying GF/CF

Adventures of a PTA volunteer: In which the author goes to her first

Executive Board meeting

Teacher of the Month: T.A. Figueroa of the Helen Keller

Children's Learning Center

Best autism special education program in NYC public schools

Confessions of an autism mother: I am not a warrior mom, revisited

Best holiday teacher gifts

Confessions of an autism mother: I am not a warrior mom

Black Friday alternatives to dragging the kids around shopping

NYC students protest NYPD misconduct in schools

Donate to your school without spending a dime

Should the state budget cut more deeply into the sick or the young?

Freak flags fly at Miss Vera's Finishing School

The shot heard around the world: Randi Weingarten open to reform

The truth about bullying at school

Adventures of a PTA volunteer: In which the school Grant Writing

Committee has a meeting

D. C. makes a move to abolish teacher tenure, NYC watches closely

Confessions of an autism mother: I slipped my daughter a mickey last

night

Chancellor Klein defends NYC school budget cuts to parents

California schools ban bake sales: Is New York next?

Rezoning is doable, with the right parent outreach

Obama wins ... at Townsend High School

Teacher of the Month: Carolyn Saffady of P.S. 8 in Brooklyn

Research Alliance for New York City Schools: a nonpartisan think

tank?

Confessions of an autism mother: I agree with Palin on special

education vouchers

Urban fiction in urban schools: A no-brainer, right?

NYC education and the next president

Should schools close on Election Day for safety considerations?

Confessions of an autism mother: I don't trust that surly bus driver

and grumpy matron

Want your child recruited by the military at school? Opt out now

before it's too late

And laptops for all

Top ten Halloween costumes for school

Obama vs. McCain? More like vs. Randi

Children in handcuffs: NYPD's books-to-bars pipeline

Plenty of room at the inn: 6,000 unfilled seats in NYC free Universal

Pre-K?

New York City's testing paradox

Confessions of an autism mother: I'm afraid I know more than our

Special Ed DoE official

Best New York field trips

NYC teachers getting paid to be absent

Don't touch education: an open letter to Mayor Bloomberg

Wall Street meltdown? Iraq war? Presidential elections? Nahhhhh,

Preschool admissions!

PTA fund-raising: an end run around Brown v. Board of Education?

McCain/Palin: a special-needs ticket?

=====

[Guest guest]

Hey Maureen

I love this group! It's so great to hear all sides. My *side* may be a bit

different than yours altho we're not homeschooling this year. However I learned

a whole lot from homeschooling and I'd like to share a bit...

You're right! Why homeschool when the state should be educating our kids?

Absolutely! The age old question... However, with states cutting budgets related

to education on an hourly basis it seems.,. esp when in spite of IDEA.. our

kids' special education programs and services are being cut at alarming rates

(to the point of having to spend thousands to hire the appropriate attorneys to

fight for our children's IEP rights).. YES.. for some of us homeschooling makes

sense! It does. But not for all of us.

I didnt set out to homeschool. We live in a remote area and when the out of

district school that my son had attended wouldnt take my dd when she entered K,

we had to re-think things. We opted to homeschool and went with a Charter; With

the Charter she was still a public school student and got AMAZING 1:1 therapies

with therapists she's seen for years! (they had contracts with the school).

And another answer to " why homeschool " ..... in many ways, it's a lot less work..

yes your children are home all the time which can be difficult on various fronts

but for my special needs dd who learns by reading - she *read* much of each day.

She's a 1st grader now reading at a 6th grade level - altho that's her total

strong suit and nothing we helped her with, yet she did what she loved and she

got really good at her love : reading!

We spent not more than a few hours each day and my kids now in 2nd and 1st grade

(my dd who is autistic is the first grader) are scoring in the 90% with spelling

and math. We opted to return them to school as I thought I'd need to return to

work. Thusfar I havent had to but at that point when I know I dont have to my

kids might return to homeschooling. For me.. it's soooo much less work... my

kids seem to learn more... we do a ton more science and social studies.. music,

etc. I' very concerned with what's going to happen (we're in CA) once the huge

budget cuts come. With the Charter we were with, we had access to soooo many

great programs..

I admit.. while I love having my kids home.. I also love having them at school

for a chunk of the day. However at that point where I feel that they're not

learning or being stifled in their learning (they're being tested ad nauseum to

the point where my 2nd grader is getting so anxious over stupid stuff as he's

scoring in the high 90% but he doesnt know that and feels very anxious about it

all)... well, we'll see.. There are so many reasons for folks (who can) to

homeschool . The key however, is that many parents have no desire to... and

that's important. The author of your article clearly does not want to

homeschool . She feels the system owes her child an education and that's true..

BUT what kind of education? All our kids learn differently. Some SN kids will

learn well in the system, some wont!

If the parent doesnt want to.. you've got to find a public school system that

works. Homeschooling a special needs child by a parent who wants to.. can be

incredible.. To truly embrace their strengths and to carefully attack their

challenges in ways you know will work (when finding a math program for my dd

last year we went thru 5 before finding what worked!.. You dont get that chance

in public school!)....well, it's amazing!

So yes.. the global answer is that the state - wherever you live- owes your

child an education. If that education is less than you expect or want.. if

enforcing your IEP is going to cost you more in attorney's fees than what it's

worth to have your child in school (yes.. if you do it right.. they have to

pay.. but it's a LONG, icky battle)...yes.. some of us with SN kids throw in the

towel and are thrilled for having done solll Great services.. Happy kids.. Kids

who are learning WAY more than their NT peers and have way more time just to be

kids (my kids currently are in school til 3 and still have an hour every night

of homework which is absolutely ridiculous!)....

Anyway, just my take!

Leigh

[Guest guest]

I can see both sides of this arguement. All parents should fight for

what's best for their children. Even if that means not using the

publicly funded education that our tax dollars pay for. IMO,

homeschooling is the best option for our family. I hate the

mandatory state testing they put these poor kids thru every year and

it seems like all year. The education is almost sub-par and leaves

the kids tired and cranky at the end of the day. Which makes doing

the dreaded homework that much harder because they've just spent 7

hours in school why do they need to do more?

Yes, every child deserves a quality education and I feel I'm doing my

part by keeping my children home and educating them in a classroom

where they get the attention they need and deserve. The schools are

overcrowded, underfunded, and increasingly more dangerous. Are there

times when I use school as a threat to get my 6.5yo to finish his

math? You betcha! There are also times when I'd love to have them in

school just so I can clean the house or watch some tv and have 5

minutes of quiet. But when I think of all the precious time I'd be

giving up and all the fun memories we make everyday, I know I " m doing

the right thing.

As for my 3.5yo with speech delays (no formal dx) he asks for school

everyday. He's taking an interest in learning to read. He does

science with his older brother and is included in any educational (or

just plain fun) games that I set out for school time. His speech has

progressed from 3 words a year ago to 3 word phrases currently. I'm

not sure if that would have happened as quickly in a preschool

setting. As it is now, he plays with kids of all ages and needs to

communicate effectively with them all and manages it well.

I think how one educates their child is as personal a choice as

religious teachings. I think there's a lot homeschoolers could teach

the school system if they weren't so afraid of us. What amazes me

the most though is that most homeschoolers (depending on the state

requirements) are held to a higher standard than the schools are. We

have to prove that we're educating our kids while the schools merely

have to prove that the kids can pass a test. How fair is that?!

Kim

[Guest guest]

ummmm.......I did not write that! My children attend public school

including my special needs daughter. The author is someone in NYC!!

Glad you enjoyed the information I was just passing along. Please

believe me - I DO NOT have a side in this in any way shape or form- no

one needs to defend their decisions to me and whatever you do is good

for your family.

Happy Holidays!!

>

> Hey Maureen

>

> I love this group! It's so great to hear all sides. My *side* may be

a bit different

[Guest guest]

My daughter is not autistic- again- I was just passing along an

article I thought was interesting. My sister has homeschooled her

kids. I saw the challenges she faced and she does not have any special

needs children!! maybe thats why it caught my attention. the author of

the article is clearly stated. I have no opinion in this matter in the

tiniest little way and was not trying to take sides in any way shape

or form!!!!!

[Guest guest]

Sorry Maureen

think I realized this mid-way thru my response but didnt change start

of it. Too much multi-tasking (insert embarrassed face here).

One other thing - and this really just was *our* situation but for

anyone who has to get their children to many therapies, I know this

can be an issue regardless of where you live. We're an hour from town.

Getting our therapies done in the AM and doing some work in the car

to/fro just gave us more time so we weren't over-scheduled/stressed.

Now school is out at 3, we race to town for a 4 PM therapy appt (that

school pays for but it's still an hour away), and then home by 6 PM.

Then the homework battles start and we still have at least an hour of

homework and dinner/baths sometimes/reading to get in. It's just

really stressful for all of us. That part of homeschooling was

something I really loved. We got the majority of our work done in the

time we do all our homework, reading etc done (but they were just in K

and 1st)

I love the school my kids are in now and it's a really good fit for

now in spite of some of those awful late nights (thank goodness for

crock pots). We also try to tackle some of my dd's lengthy writing

projects in OT otherwise, I might have 2 hours of stuff each night as

she has such fine motor issues. But the kids see their friends every

day vs. just a few each day like before and for my oldest, esp I think

he responds better to someone else teaching. The thing I like best

I can actually clean out the ol' toy box without WW3 starting and

stash the stuff before they get home! Again, sorry for my confusion

Leigh

>

> My daughter is not autistic- again- I was just passing along an

> article I thought was interesting. My sister has homeschooled her

> kids. I saw the challenges she faced and she does not have any special

> needs children!! maybe thats why it caught my attention. the author of

> the article is clearly stated. I have no opinion in this matter in the

> tiniest little way and was not trying to take sides in any way shape

> or form!!!!!

>