WAS: New Topics NOW: Siblings

[Guest guest]

I can speak to the sibling issue -- sorta. I can't say we've had total

success in managing this, but things do work pretty well here most of

the time. Things are hardest on my eight year old daughter -- she

owned me for three years before was born, and she still thinks

she owns me even though I have three others now. She is extremely

mature and rational, so bargaining works well. I make a point of

scheduling " just us " time when possible. During the week can be rough,

so I like to make up little excuses to leave the boys behind for a few

hours -- we run errands to the mall and go to lunch at PF Chang's, that

kind of thing.

The thing that used to be most difficult is the extra tolerance for

's behavior. To her, he was just being naughty -- she doesn't

care about sensory issues, immaturity, etc. All she wants to know is

why she has do something and he doesn't. Now that he's older and doing

great, it's much easier to hold him to a high standard. In the old

days, my mantra was " we can have it fair, or we can have fun. "

Also, is really helpful watching the little guys while I work

with , so I try to reward her for that, too. Hanging out in her

room for 15 minutes after the boys are in bed works wonders.

The little guys don't give a hoot -- they have me all day long while

he's at school, and Spencer (3) sometimes likes to watch us do program

anyway. He wants his own program!

The bottom line is, it can be really hard on the others, especially

during those times when the affected child is particularly difficult to

be around. Hopefully, they will develop empathy over time and be

better adults for it.

Also, I don't think any of us should be too hard on ourselves. We

probably all spend more time with our kids than our parents spent with

us. It's just the current parenting culture.

Probably not too helpful -- I've asked this question before, with no

magic answers given. Sorry!

in NJ

>

> How do people work through the unique sibling issues surrounding an

apraxic child? By this I mean how does one facilitate--but not direct--

free play? Help siblings with jealousy over attention paid to the

apraxic sibling? Convey to siblings that therapy is work--not something

they would desire to do themselves (ie: siblings think that going

to " play " is fun and not an outgrowth of developemental delay), Help

siblings to not talk for apraxic sibling in social and home situations?

>

[Guest guest]

I think this is an important topic. I have a 22 month old with

apraxia/global dyspraxia- cause still unknown. I also have a very

verbal, highly coordinated 4 year old. We have been very sensitive to

the sibling issue from the beginning as one of my dear friends had

years of speech therapy as a child/teen. Her older sister did as well

only she improved much more quickly than did my friend. Only recently

did my friend learn her sister had only pretended to have problems in

order to get the same attention and " rewards " she was given when she

did well in therapy. Obviously this was a long time ago, and with a

clearly incompetent therapist who could be fooled by a pre-teen

(albeit a very bright one) but the underlying issues of perception and

attention are the same. I don't have answers, but for now, we try to

schedule as many of Syd's appointments and therapy sessions in the

morning when is in preschool and when that isn't possible, we

arrange playdates or bring her along. When I'm working at home with

Syd, I try to do 1-1 stuff when isn't around and then try to

involve her when she is. So much of the " therapy " is play-based so it

is still just fun for a 4 year old, too.

We also try not to talk about Syd's issues/appts too much around

but I noticed even today this is something we need to be more aware

of. Today, fell and we had to go to the dentist to have a tooth

examined/repaired. When Daddy came home I told him what happened and

how brave was, etc., but then she said, " No, Mom, tell him

everything that happened like when Boo (her sister's nickname) sees

the doctor. " Okay, I do try to be very detailed when relaying

information about her sessions because he needs to know them, but I

see that sees those conversations and the details - be them the

amount of time we talk or the emphasis placed on the details, I don't

know, but she perceives these conversations as attention. So there

you have it- from the mouth of a 4 year old. They notice EVERYTHING.

Looking forward to hearing advice from others with older kids.

Thanks for suggesting the topic,

> >

> > How do people work through the unique sibling issues surrounding an

> apraxic child? By this I mean how does one facilitate--but not direct--

> free play? Help siblings with jealousy over attention paid to the

> apraxic sibling? Convey to siblings that therapy is work--not something

> they would desire to do themselves (ie: siblings think that going

> to " play " is fun and not an outgrowth of developemental delay), Help

> siblings to not talk for apraxic sibling in social and home situations?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

,

Yes, already the little mother! And that is okay, for now.... Most older

siblings are the care-takers of their younger siblings but for the non-dyspraxic

older sibling this responsiblity takes on a much more serious role. This is

especially true if the second child has global issues for a child with global

dyspraxia is almost always in peril.... and the older child intuitively KNOWS

it!

Again, my NT daughter has grown up to be the 'extra' perfect one. She makes

school lunches in the morning and always does extra around the house. Of

course.... as Mark is getting better, she is slacking off more and more and

beginning to relax. Yet I do notice that she wants to go across the country

away to University..... which saddens me. She is only in grade 9 and has her

future mapped out. I never thought about my future at that age..... not at

all.....

I try to be really open and supportive of both the kids and it works for the

most part. The reality is that we cannot protect them from the dyspraxia and it

is always an open subject in our house. I don't know if this was a mistake or

not but it was the only way I could cope with the demands of dyspraxia and stay

relatively sane.

Janice

Mother of Mark, 13