Re: damage to school relationship-long

February 27, 2009

Sherry:

I hear you loud and clear! We experience similar things with Ethan. He wakes

up in the mornings and tells me his is " sick " " stay home " . I have done all

kinds of things with the school to help minimize his stress there. So far,

honestly we are still working on it. We have tried transitional items - we send

something to school with Ethan that makes him more comfortable. It changes from

week to week sometimes depending on what he is into. He carries it with him

into the building and has it in his book bag if needed. This seems to be the

most effective idea we have come up with so far.

It is not full proof but it does help.

~

Helping Parents of Children with Apraxia~

www.ethanslifewithapraxia.com

________________________________

From: sherry silvern <srsilvern@...>

Sent: Friday, February 27, 2009 9:19:57 PM

Subject: [ ] damage to school relationship-long

Hi All -

Weird goings-on here in Josh-land. For those who have been online, you probably

remember that I've talked about Josh and his " fight " response (as opposed to the

" flight " response) to sensory stuff/overwhelming sensory input/etc. Josh has

always done that and we/I have always been able to talk to teachers about it and

come up with strategies to minimize it or, in most school years, eliminate it.

It takes time, but it works. This year, there was something that happened

during the Fall and I have yet to find out exactly what it was. Josh had an

extraordinarily difficult time afterward - he was even having nightmares and

getting up in the morning saying " tummy hurt, I stay home, Mommy stay home. "

Obviously something was not right on the school front. I had gotten word from

Josh's bus driver that one of the classroom aides had pulled Josh off the bus

one morning - the principal had come on the bus causing all the kids to bunch up

right by

Josh's seat and, with Josh's space issues and the change in routine, he pulled a

girl's hair. The aide on the bus said he could have handled the whole thing

just fine but the classroom aide jumped on the bus, pulled Josh off, and stood

outside the bus yelling at him face to face. Of course, the principal denied

anything like that happening, and the classroom aide said it simply didn't

happen and he had no problems with Josh. The bus driver, on the other hand,

said she was so upset by it that she was practically in tears by the time she

returned the bus to the garage, and the bus aide said he was so disturbed and

appalled by how the other aide handled things that he was furious. I called a

meeting. I said, by the time the meeting took place, I didn't care what happened

really since there were so many different versions of what happened coming my

way and there was no way to really know. What I did care about was it not

happening again so we

talked about strategies, etc. I also said that the classroom aide should not be

near Josh unless he does something major to change how he deals with my son.

The aide still is working with Josh. The bus driver was pulled off the route.

Go figure.

There was also a conversation with Josh's teacher that I had last Fall where she

said Josh was acting out so much that it took two people to hold him down.

Gotta tell ya, Josh has never acted out like that - never! So my gut was

telling me that they simply didn't have a clue what to do with Josh. We had

another meeting and reviewed strategies, methods, words, trigger words, how to

understand " Josh-speak, " all of that.

School decided it was necessary to do a functional behavior analysis. OK, I'm

all for that, let's work together to come up with a plan and actually write down

the strategies we had discussed and others. My ex and I also said we would take

Josh to a therapist/counselor to see what that private sector professional could

add to the mix. After every session, I would (and still do - the ex has yet to

participate in the sessions) send long emails detailing all the ideas and

suggestions from the counselor - none of them were ever implemented at school -

it was always " well we haven't.... " I take part of that back, school did try

one or two ideas but determined they were not working (OK, Josh processes things

in his own time - a week or two trying a strategy is not enough for Josh to

internalize it and learn it) so stopped doing the couple they tried after only a

couple of attempts.

Holiday break came in - absolutely no more nightmares, Josh did great over the

holiday season, we had tons of fun and did some school work along the way.

School started in January and things were good for a couple of weeks. Then Josh

started with the " tummy hurt " thing again, or his head hurt, or whatever (there

is nothing physically wrong that would cause any of that).

We had our p-t conference two weeks ago. Josh has progressed in math and

literacy skills, but has regressed in social and self-help skills. Hhhmmm...

They also presented us with the functional behavior analysis and behavior plan.

The assessment, from my understanding, was supposed to be across environments -

take into account things from home, sleep patterns, school things, curriculum

things, and so on. Nope. This assessment pretty much said Josh is hitting.

Period. Oh, it did say when and where. Pretty much nothing about all the

circumstances that surround an incident, no mention (that I can recall) in the

analysis of Josh having sensory integration dysfunction and cognitive delays

(along with the apraxia, global dyspraxia, and so on). We finished talking

about the analysis - the ex sucked up and said he was really impressed with the

assessment and thought they did a marvelous job. The plan included different

behaviors that they

wanted to stop and, under each one, a series of methods for dealing with the

behavior. For example, under hitting, there was a continuum from pretty much

saying cut it out, to blocking him from view of the other kids with a movable

baffle (there were also things like holding his hands, to using a " wrong hands "

card that was put on his desk and the baffle put up - you get the idea.) We

talked about some of the various strategies/methods for the various behaviors,

and moved on to another subject (whether to send Josh to jr. h.s. a year early

so he'd be there for 3 years instead of 2 - can help him with the transition and

then the transition to h.s. later but he is pretty immature so the decision is

difficult). We never talked about the last page of the behavior plan. During

the course of the conference, the PT and OT both had constructive input, the

school psych was diplomatic and had good input, the teacher limited her comments

to academic

assessment results, school principal had opinion on jr h.s. (he thinks extra

year would be good for a kid with Josh's particular needs), speech therapist

didn't say a word, and school social worker said a couple of things but I can't

remember what they were.

The ex and I left the conference, went our separate ways, and we both happened

to look at the last page of the plan and were both horrified. The last strategy

was that if staff and teacher believe Josh is a danger or harm to himself or

other kids, they can use " CPI restraints and holds. " OMG!!! If you don't know

what those are, plug that phrase into the search engine. You'll be horrified as

well. So, I went to bridges4kids. org and found a " no-restraint " letter

(wrightslaw has the same letter). I did put in the letter that I didn't think

the assessment was done as fully and adequately as it should have been and, if

the Dist. agreed, it could consider the letter as consent to conduct another

assessment that would include input from the ex and me, and be done across

environments and times. The ex and I both signed it. I mailed the letter to

the heads of special ed for the district and the school principal. (oh, during

all this,

I've been working with the head of special ed to arrange a visit to the jr h.s.

Josh would go to - I started out gung ho on the idea because of the extra

transition time but now I'm really torn on the issue and want to see firsthand

what it would be like; the ex is adamantly opposed because of Josh's maturity

level but has said he doesn't want to be " obstructionist " and would go along

with whatever Josh's teacher and the school psychologist said because " they

would be most objective " - I seem to be getting along fine with the head of

special ed even in light of my no-restraint letter.)

Well, the teacher is now either not communicating with me or is minimally/snippy

in her communications. She wrote on Monday that Josh went to OT/PT (it's a

combined group thing that the ex and I never thought was appropriate for Josh

but couldn't get the Dist to give him what he was supposed to have which was 1:1

OT and 1:1 PT - the 1:1 OT finally started in October - after fighting for

sensory based OT for over a year, and 1:1 PT just started yesterday after the PT

" reluctantly " decided the group thing wasn't working for Josh - duh!), he hit

someone and then laid down on the floor refusing to participate. In the margin

of the notebook, I wrote " How was it handled? " and " What was the activity? " and

another question that I can't remember right now. Her response was " We followed

the behavior plan. " I was livid but calmed down before I wrote back that

perhaps I didn't ask the question properly since the behavior plan shows a

continuum of methods and

I was wondering which method was used, and that I would like to know so that I

can get a better handle on just what Josh's behaviors are and whether the

methods are being successful. She wrote back that if I read the behavior plan

it would show 7 different strategies for dealing with Josh hitting and they

have, a lot of the time, success with method #1 (the least invasive/restrictiv

e) although they use different ones depending on Josh's mood.

So, I thanked her for letting me know, that it means a lot to understand the

situation (as if her response actually answered the question I posed). No

communication from her Wed., yesterday, or today even though there were things

that I had written to her that would have prompted a response (totally not

behavior stuff - a funny thing that happened with Josh, notice that the ex was

picking him up yesterday for a visit, an apology for sending an oversized book

for a book thing they were doing today, wishing a good weekend, that kind of

thing). I'm thinking the relationship with the teacher, what there was of one,

has now gone down the toilet.

Anyone have any suggestions or comments on any of this? I would ask for a

meeting but the state standardized testing is starting on Monday and I know

everyone at school is stressing out about it and I don't think I should add to

the stress level - testing will be over soon enough. I'm really at my wit's end

with all of this so I'm open to all suggestions (including ones that include " go

get a massage and relax! " LOL!)

Thanks for listening!

Sherry and Josh

February 27, 2009

Wow, sorry you are going through all that! I don't have an answer to all

the issues you have presented. Since you are open to ideas I thought I

would suggest homeschooling and private therapists if possible.

Amy

www.helpmychildtalk.com

On Fri, Feb 27, 2009 at 10:19 PM, sherry silvern <srsilvern@...>wrote:

> Hi All -

>

> Weird goings-on here in Josh-land. For those who have been online, you

> probably remember that I've talked about Josh and his " fight " response (as

> opposed to the " flight " response) to sensory stuff/overwhelming sensory

> input/etc. Josh has always done that and we/I have always been able to talk

> to teachers about it and come up with strategies to minimize it or, in most

> school years, eliminate it. It takes time, but it works. This year, there

> was something that happened during the Fall and I have yet to find out

> exactly what it was. Josh had an extraordinarily difficult time afterward -

> he was even having nightmares and getting up in the morning saying " tummy

> hurt, I stay home, Mommy stay home. " Obviously something was not right on

> the school front. I had gotten word from Josh's bus driver that one of the

> classroom aides had pulled Josh off the bus one morning - the principal had

> come on the bus causing all the kids to bunch up right by

> Josh's seat and, with Josh's space issues and the change in routine, he

> pulled a girl's hair. The aide on the bus said he could have handled the

> whole thing just fine but the classroom aide jumped on the bus, pulled Josh

> off, and stood outside the bus yelling at him face to face. Of course, the

> principal denied anything like that happening, and the classroom aide said

> it simply didn't happen and he had no problems with Josh. The bus driver,

> on the other hand, said she was so upset by it that she was practically in

> tears by the time she returned the bus to the garage, and the bus aide said

> he was so disturbed and appalled by how the other aide handled things that

> he was furious. I called a meeting. I said, by the time the meeting took

> place, I didn't care what happened really since there were so many different

> versions of what happened coming my way and there was no way to really

> know. What I did care about was it not happening again so we

> talked about strategies, etc. I also said that the classroom aide should

> not be near Josh unless he does something major to change how he deals with

> my son. The aide still is working with Josh. The bus driver was pulled off

> the route. Go figure.

>

> There was also a conversation with Josh's teacher that I had last Fall

> where she said Josh was acting out so much that it took two people to hold

> him down. Gotta tell ya, Josh has never acted out like that - never! So my

> gut was telling me that they simply didn't have a clue what to do with

> Josh. We had another meeting and reviewed strategies, methods, words,

> trigger words, how to understand " Josh-speak, " all of that.

>

> School decided it was necessary to do a functional behavior analysis. OK,

> I'm all for that, let's work together to come up with a plan and actually

> write down the strategies we had discussed and others. My ex and I also

> said we would take Josh to a therapist/counselor to see what that private

> sector professional could add to the mix. After every session, I would (and

> still do - the ex has yet to participate in the sessions) send long emails

> detailing all the ideas and suggestions from the counselor - none of them

> were ever implemented at school - it was always " well we haven't.... " I

> take part of that back, school did try one or two ideas but determined they

> were not working (OK, Josh processes things in his own time - a week or two

> trying a strategy is not enough for Josh to internalize it and learn it) so

> stopped doing the couple they tried after only a couple of attempts.

>

> Holiday break came in - absolutely no more nightmares, Josh did great over

> the holiday season, we had tons of fun and did some school work along the

> way. School started in January and things were good for a couple of weeks.

> Then Josh started with the " tummy hurt " thing again, or his head hurt, or

> whatever (there is nothing physically wrong that would cause any of that).

>

> We had our p-t conference two weeks ago. Josh has progressed in math and

> literacy skills, but has regressed in social and self-help skills.

> Hhhmmm... They also presented us with the functional behavior analysis and

> behavior plan. The assessment, from my understanding, was supposed to be

> across environments - take into account things from home, sleep patterns,

> school things, curriculum things, and so on. Nope. This assessment pretty

> much said Josh is hitting. Period. Oh, it did say when and where. Pretty

> much nothing about all the circumstances that surround an incident, no

> mention (that I can recall) in the analysis of Josh having sensory

> integration dysfunction and cognitive delays (along with the apraxia, global

> dyspraxia, and so on). We finished talking about the analysis - the ex

> sucked up and said he was really impressed with the assessment and thought

> they did a marvelous job. The plan included different behaviors that they

> wanted to stop and, under each one, a series of methods for dealing with

> the behavior. For example, under hitting, there was a continuum from pretty

> much saying cut it out, to blocking him from view of the other kids with a

> movable baffle (there were also things like holding his hands, to using a

> " wrong hands " card that was put on his desk and the baffle put up - you get

> the idea.) We talked about some of the various strategies/methods for the

> various behaviors, and moved on to another subject (whether to send Josh to

> jr. h.s. a year early so he'd be there for 3 years instead of 2 - can help

> him with the transition and then the transition to h.s. later but he is

> pretty immature so the decision is difficult). We never talked about the

> last page of the behavior plan. During the course of the conference, the PT

> and OT both had constructive input, the school psych was diplomatic and had

> good input, the teacher limited her comments to academic

> assessment results, school principal had opinion on jr h.s. (he thinks

> extra year would be good for a kid with Josh's particular needs), speech

> therapist didn't say a word, and school social worker said a couple of

> things but I can't remember what they were.

>

> The ex and I left the conference, went our separate ways, and we both

> happened to look at the last page of the plan and were both horrified. The

> last strategy was that if staff and teacher believe Josh is a danger or

> harm to himself or other kids, they can use " CPI restraints and holds. "

> OMG!!! If you don't know what those are, plug that phrase into the search

> engine. You'll be horrified as well. So, I went to bridges4kids.org and

> found a " no-restraint " letter (wrightslaw has the same letter). I did put

> in the letter that I didn't think the assessment was done as fully and

> adequately as it should have been and, if the Dist. agreed, it could

> consider the letter as consent to conduct another assessment that would

> include input from the ex and me, and be done across environments and

> times. The ex and I both signed it. I mailed the letter to the heads of

> special ed for the district and the school principal. (oh, during all this,

> I've been working with the head of special ed to arrange a visit to the jr

> h.s. Josh would go to - I started out gung ho on the idea because of the

> extra transition time but now I'm really torn on the issue and want to see

> firsthand what it would be like; the ex is adamantly opposed because of

> Josh's maturity level but has said he doesn't want to be " obstructionist "

> and would go along with whatever Josh's teacher and the school psychologist

> said because " they would be most objective " - I seem to be getting along

> fine with the head of special ed even in light of my no-restraint letter.)

>

> Well, the teacher is now either not communicating with me or is

> minimally/snippy in her communications. She wrote on Monday that Josh went

> to OT/PT (it's a combined group thing that the ex and I never thought was

> appropriate for Josh but couldn't get the Dist to give him what he was

> supposed to have which was 1:1 OT and 1:1 PT - the 1:1 OT finally started in

> October - after fighting for sensory based OT for over a year, and 1:1 PT

> just started yesterday after the PT " reluctantly " decided the group thing

> wasn't working for Josh - duh!), he hit someone and then laid down on the

> floor refusing to participate. In the margin of the notebook, I wrote " How

> was it handled? " and " What was the activity? " and another question that I

> can't remember right now. Her response was " We followed the behavior

> plan. " I was livid but calmed down before I wrote back that perhaps I

> didn't ask the question properly since the behavior plan shows a continuum

> of methods and

> I was wondering which method was used, and that I would like to know so

> that I can get a better handle on just what Josh's behaviors are and whether

> the methods are being successful. She wrote back that if I read the

> behavior plan it would show 7 different strategies for dealing with Josh

> hitting and they have, a lot of the time, success with method #1 (the least

> invasive/restrictive) although they use different ones depending on Josh's

> mood.

>

> So, I thanked her for letting me know, that it means a lot to understand

> the situation (as if her response actually answered the question I posed).

> No communication from her Wed., yesterday, or today even though there were

> things that I had written to her that would have prompted a response

> (totally not behavior stuff - a funny thing that happened with Josh, notice

> that the ex was picking him up yesterday for a visit, an apology for sending

> an oversized book for a book thing they were doing today, wishing a good

> weekend, that kind of thing). I'm thinking the relationship with the

> teacher, what there was of one, has now gone down the toilet.

>

> Anyone have any suggestions or comments on any of this? I would ask for a

> meeting but the state standardized testing is starting on Monday and I know

> everyone at school is stressing out about it and I don't think I should add

> to the stress level - testing will be over soon enough. I'm really at my

> wit's end with all of this so I'm open to all suggestions (including ones

> that include " go get a massage and relax! " LOL!)

>

> Thanks for listening!

>

> Sherry and Josh

>

February 28, 2009

Have you talked with a special education attorney? I'd consult and know

what your/Josh's rights are. One of my biggest fears is having things

happen in school and my sons not being able to tell us about it.

The attorney can tell you whether it's legal for your son to wear a

wire (I'd even go for a pen-camera, but I'm paranoid, and I know some

FBI agents!)

Theresa

Mom to three boys, two with PDD-Nos, Apraxia, ADHD, Dysphagia, sensory

integration and motor planning issues

>

> Hi All -

>

> Weird goings-on here in Josh-land. For those who have been online,

you probably remember that I've talked about Josh and his " fight "

response (as opposed to the " flight " response) to sensory

stuff/overwhelming sensory input/etc. Josh has always done that and

we/I have always been able to talk to teachers about it and come up

with strategies to minimize it or, in most school years, eliminate it.

It takes time, but it works. This year, there was something that

happened during the Fall and I have yet to find out exactly what it

was. Josh had an extraordinarily difficult time afterward - he was

even having nightmares and getting up in the morning saying " tummy

hurt, I stay home, Mommy stay home. "

<<snip>>

February 28, 2009

Hi Sherry-

I would say to take a VERY deep breath. The stress and anxiety that

you are feeling is something that your son does notice. I know this

because my son just yesterday said " that's enough " when I was talking

to his special ed teacher in front of him. And he has never said

either of those words ever!

I'm not saying it is easy, but the number one goal should be to

remain focused on the goal of helping your son. And YOU are the

number one person helping your son. You can tell that him being at

school is not healthy for him. You are just trying to figure out

why. And that is where you could put your energy. But, you could

also take all that energy and focus on your son and what he needs

when he is around you, recreate the postive experience you had over

the holidays. I'm not saying ignore what is happening at school, but

you are currently not getting the response you want from them using

current communication methods. Take your time to see what is working

at home, and take him out to crowded places and see how he reacts to

the stimuli and what you do to minimize a negative response, and then

share all those strategies with the school.

I'm not trying to diminish how hard this is, and how easy it is for

me to say from the outside. Just know you are not the only one

dealing with this, but we all have to stay focused on what is healthy

for us and our kids.

Take care,

Penny

http://twoplusoneequalsfive.blogspot.com/

>

> Hi All -

>

> Weird goings-on here in Josh-land. For those who have been online,

you probably remember that I've talked about Josh and his " fight "

response (as opposed to the " flight " response) to sensory

stuff/overwhelming sensory input/etc. Josh has always done that and

we/I have always been able to talk to teachers about it and come up

with strategies to minimize it or, in most school years, eliminate

it. It takes time, but it works. This year, there was something

that happened during the Fall and I have yet to find out exactly what

it was. Josh had an extraordinarily difficult time afterward - he

was even having nightmares and getting up in the morning

saying " tummy hurt, I stay home, Mommy stay home. " Obviously

something was not right on the school front. I had gotten word from

Josh's bus driver that one of the classroom aides had pulled Josh off

the bus one morning - the principal had come on the bus causing all

the kids to bunch up right by

> Josh's seat and, with Josh's space issues and the change in

routine, he pulled a girl's hair. The aide on the bus said he could

have handled the whole thing just fine but the classroom aide jumped

on the bus, pulled Josh off, and stood outside the bus yelling at him

face to face. Of course, the principal denied anything like that

happening, and the classroom aide said it simply didn't happen and he

had no problems with Josh. The bus driver, on the other hand, said

she was so upset by it that she was practically in tears by the time

she returned the bus to the garage, and the bus aide said he was so

disturbed and appalled by how the other aide handled things that he

was furious. I called a meeting. I said, by the time the meeting

took place, I didn't care what happened really since there were so

many different versions of what happened coming my way and there was

no way to really know. What I did care about was it not happening

again so we

> talked about strategies, etc. I also said that the classroom aide

should not be near Josh unless he does something major to change how

he deals with my son. The aide still is working with Josh. The bus

driver was pulled off the route. Go figure.

>

> There was also a conversation with Josh's teacher that I had last

Fall where she said Josh was acting out so much that it took two

people to hold him down. Gotta tell ya, Josh has never acted out

like that - never! So my gut was telling me that they simply didn't

have a clue what to do with Josh. We had another meeting and

reviewed strategies, methods, words, trigger words, how to

understand " Josh-speak, " all of that.

>

> School decided it was necessary to do a functional behavior

analysis. OK, I'm all for that, let's work together to come up with

a plan and actually write down the strategies we had discussed and

others. My ex and I also said we would take Josh to a

therapist/counselor to see what that private sector professional

could add to the mix. After every session, I would (and still do -

the ex has yet to participate in the sessions) send long emails

detailing all the ideas and suggestions from the counselor - none of

them were ever implemented at school - it was always " well we

haven't.... " I take part of that back, school did try one or two

ideas but determined they were not working (OK, Josh processes things

in his own time - a week or two trying a strategy is not enough for

Josh to internalize it and learn it) so stopped doing the couple they

tried after only a couple of attempts.

>

> Holiday break came in - absolutely no more nightmares, Josh did

great over the holiday season, we had tons of fun and did some school

work along the way. School started in January and things were good

for a couple of weeks. Then Josh started with the " tummy hurt " thing

again, or his head hurt, or whatever (there is nothing physically

wrong that would cause any of that).

>

> We had our p-t conference two weeks ago. Josh has progressed in

math and literacy skills, but has regressed in social and self-help

skills. Hhhmmm... They also presented us with the functional

behavior analysis and behavior plan. The assessment, from my

understanding, was supposed to be across environments - take into

account things from home, sleep patterns, school things, curriculum

things, and so on. Nope. This assessment pretty much said Josh is

hitting. Period. Oh, it did say when and where. Pretty much

nothing about all the circumstances that surround an incident, no

mention (that I can recall) in the analysis of Josh having sensory

integration dysfunction and cognitive delays (along with the apraxia,

global dyspraxia, and so on). We finished talking about the

analysis - the ex sucked up and said he was really impressed with the

assessment and thought they did a marvelous job. The plan included

different behaviors that they

> wanted to stop and, under each one, a series of methods for

dealing with the behavior. For example, under hitting, there was a

continuum from pretty much saying cut it out, to blocking him from

view of the other kids with a movable baffle (there were also things

like holding his hands, to using a " wrong hands " card that was put on

his desk and the baffle put up - you get the idea.) We talked about

some of the various strategies/methods for the various behaviors, and

moved on to another subject (whether to send Josh to jr. h.s. a year

early so he'd be there for 3 years instead of 2 - can help him with

the transition and then the transition to h.s. later but he is pretty

immature so the decision is difficult). We never talked about the

last page of the behavior plan. During the course of the conference,

the PT and OT both had constructive input, the school psych was

diplomatic and had good input, the teacher limited her comments to

academic

> assessment results, school principal had opinion on jr h.s. (he

thinks extra year would be good for a kid with Josh's particular

needs), speech therapist didn't say a word, and school social worker

said a couple of things but I can't remember what they were.

>

> The ex and I left the conference, went our separate ways, and we

both happened to look at the last page of the plan and were both

horrified. The last strategy was that if staff and teacher believe

Josh is a danger or harm to himself or other kids, they can use " CPI

restraints and holds. " OMG!!! If you don't know what those are, plug

that phrase into the search engine. You'll be horrified as well.

So, I went to bridges4kids.org and found a " no-restraint " letter

(wrightslaw has the same letter). I did put in the letter that I

didn't think the assessment was done as fully and adequately as it

should have been and, if the Dist. agreed, it could consider the

letter as consent to conduct another assessment that would include

input from the ex and me, and be done across environments and times.

The ex and I both signed it. I mailed the letter to the heads of

special ed for the district and the school principal. (oh, during

all this,

> I've been working with the head of special ed to arrange a visit

to the jr h.s. Josh would go to - I started out gung ho on the idea

because of the extra transition time but now I'm really torn on the

issue and want to see firsthand what it would be like; the ex is

adamantly opposed because of Josh's maturity level but has said he

doesn't want to be " obstructionist " and would go along with whatever

Josh's teacher and the school psychologist said because " they would

be most objective " - I seem to be getting along fine with the head of

special ed even in light of my no-restraint letter.)

>

> Well, the teacher is now either not communicating with me or is

minimally/snippy in her communications. She wrote on Monday that

Josh went to OT/PT (it's a combined group thing that the ex and I

never thought was appropriate for Josh but couldn't get the Dist to

give him what he was supposed to have which was 1:1 OT and 1:1 PT -

the 1:1 OT finally started in October - after fighting for sensory

based OT for over a year, and 1:1 PT just started yesterday after the

PT " reluctantly " decided the group thing wasn't working for Josh -

duh!), he hit someone and then laid down on the floor refusing to

participate. In the margin of the notebook, I wrote " How was it

handled? " and " What was the activity? " and another question that I

can't remember right now. Her response was " We followed the behavior

plan. " I was livid but calmed down before I wrote back that perhaps

I didn't ask the question properly since the behavior plan shows a

continuum of methods and

> I was wondering which method was used, and that I would like to

know so that I can get a better handle on just what Josh's behaviors

are and whether the methods are being successful. She wrote back

that if I read the behavior plan it would show 7 different strategies

for dealing with Josh hitting and they have, a lot of the time,

success with method #1 (the least invasive/restrictive) although they

use different ones depending on Josh's mood.

>

> So, I thanked her for letting me know, that it means a lot to

understand the situation (as if her response actually answered the

question I posed). No communication from her Wed., yesterday, or

today even though there were things that I had written to her that

would have prompted a response (totally not behavior stuff - a funny

thing that happened with Josh, notice that the ex was picking him up

yesterday for a visit, an apology for sending an oversized book for a

book thing they were doing today, wishing a good weekend, that kind

of thing). I'm thinking the relationship with the teacher, what

there was of one, has now gone down the toilet.

>

> Anyone have any suggestions or comments on any of this? I would

ask for a meeting but the state standardized testing is starting on

Monday and I know everyone at school is stressing out about it and I

don't think I should add to the stress level - testing will be over

soon enough. I'm really at my wit's end with all of this so I'm open

to all suggestions (including ones that include " go get a massage and

relax! " LOL!)

>

> Thanks for listening!

>

> Sherry and Josh

>

February 28, 2009

Hi Sherry

Do you have an attorney/advocate or even an ed consultant? I personally think

you need some support here, espcialliy if you and your ex are not really

united. Believe me I have been through it and the more people you can get on

your team the better you will be received by the dist. Also, the more initials

after their name, in my experience, the better your professionals will be

received.

dr susan crum, able2learn@... is a retired phd in neuropsychology and works

as a special needs coach-- cross between and ed consultant and a tutor. I

believe you could not go wrong with her. she will do everything via

teleconference for you, so she can work anywhere.

Good luck. Personall, I would spend my time building a team. IMHO, it is a

chess game and right now you need some more pieces on your team. I don't think

you can fly solo on this.

When I saw teachers with special ed children of their own,hire former directors

of special ed for advocates and attorneys who have special needs kids of their

own, hiring other attorneys to advocate for their child, I realized that this

would not work flying solo. You need a team.

Yes, the school has a long memory, and my real concern would be whether they

take it out on your child, but if your gut says that they won't, then I try to

remember that it is not my job to be liked, but to get her needs met.

Hope that helped in some way. I am not an advocate or attorny, just a parent

relaying my personal experiences.

sl

The information transmitted is intended only for the person or entity to which

it is addressed and may contain confidential, proprietary, and/or privileged

material. Any review, retransmission, dissemination or other use of, or taking

of any action in reliance upon, this information by persons or entities other

than the intended recipient is prohibited. If you receive this in error, please

contact the sender and delete the material from all computers.

Sharon Lang

From: pdearmin <pdearmin@...>

Subject: [ ] Re: damage to school relationship-long

Date: Saturday, February 28, 2009, 9:27 AM