Please help me

September 24, 2007

Contact your local Parent Information Training Center: They should be able to guide you through your next steps. Pam

PARENT TRAINING AND INFORMATION PROJECTCherie Takemoto, Executive Director Parent Educational Advocacy Training Center (PEATC) 10340 Democracy Lane, Suite 206 Fairfax, VA 22030 (703) 691-7826; (800) 869-6782 E-mail: peatcinc@... URL: http://www.peatc.org/ See what's new at AOL.com and Make AOL Your Homepage.

September 24, 2007

Hello Alyssa, you have your own answer right here. You wrote: ****I feel helpless becouse I do not know what to do for him I try to punish him for what he does, but he does not see that he has done anything wrong**** He doesn't know...(he doesn't understand that what he did is wrong). Start with just baby steps. Pick one thing that he does inappropriately. (I know you have many). but lets start with just one. instead of giving him a punishment. show him the acceptable way he should act. example: If he hits another child for taking his favorite toy, explain to him - we don't hit, but can you ask your friend to give you the toy back..{ we use our hands for helping not hurting }. I know that's a poor example (of what your experiencing) but I don't know what kind

of concerns you are having and I missed your post on what his age is. but my point is: if you tell your child not to do something because it's wrong, follow up by showing your child what he should be doing. try not to look at everything that needs to be addressed. just start with one and take baby steps. when he accomplished that, move on to the next. step by step seems to work best with our children. I see it like this: first the child does these concerns because of the type of diagnosis he has, then it becomes a habit, then manipulation, then a learned skill. Now all this has to get undone and a new appropriate habit in its place. this takes time and patients. almost like a temper tantrum. When the child starts to cry because he wants his toy back and we tell the sibling to "give him his toy", now! and he gets it

back. he has learned if he screams loud enough and long enough we will get tired of hearing that and give him what he wants to avoid all that stress & noise. the next time it might be for extra sweets, when you say no, (wait till after dinner) the screaming starts and the outbursts. its easier to give the sweets to avoid all that crying. now when we're out in public we give in quicker so the crying doesn't distract the public and all eyes on us. but, what we're teaching the child is: When I cry loud, I get what I want. that's a learned habit which is hard to break. these examples might not be relating to what your going through. but things do take long to teach new ways of learning new appropriate behaviors. with the right strategies, being consistent, and time, It's well worth it and it does work. boy oh boy, I've been there. hugs & smiles Rose P.S. I hope nothing said was offensive. I've just based this on my own experience and what I've seen with others., not yours. I don't know you. but wishing you the best. hugs alyssaandreen <alyssaandreen@...> wrote: My son was diagnosed with aspergers last Febuary, but I have not been able to get on to see any specialists

yet. We have an appointment next week, but I am loosing my mind. The school is telling me something has to be done becouse he cannot stay in the class the way he is, I don't know what to do. He is getting harder and harder to handle. He cannot pay attention to anything his odd habits are getting more frequent and he is becoming angry becouse he has no friends, becouse he cannot seem ton play apropriatly with them. I am scared and feeling realy alone, I do not know where to turn I feel helpless becouse I do not know what to do for him I try to punish him for what he does, but he does not see that he has done anything wrong, so punishments have become more of a torcher. Please tell me I am not alone- I do not know where to turn.Alyssa

Boardwalk for $500? In 2007? Ha! Play Monopoly Here and Now (it's updated for today's economy) at Games.

September 24, 2007

Hi Alyssa,

First of all, lets start off by assuring you that you must be a good

mom because you are actively seeking ways to help your son. You are

right that typical punishment is going to fuel, rather than alleviate

problems. It will be a bit of a road to learn strategies that will

help your son - and you - cope.

First off, you may wish to telephone to where your appointment is

next week and explain the situation that is happening at school and

their reaction. Ask, if they might be able to offer a some solutions

in the interim if they are unable to see you immediately.

Next, yes, the poster is correct, medications can and do help many

children (my son included) HOWEVER, I find it necessary to reiterate:

Not all medications - or children - are created equal; what may be a

good fit for one, may be miserable for another. Respirdal was good

for my daughter at one time, but she later did not require any. My

son used to take Concerta, but then he became melancholy (you need to

watch for mood differences and be alert to negative changes) and now

he currently takes Strattera.

About medicine: NOT TO FRIGHTEN, but, I hear many people praising

these without mentioning beforehand the importance of having a

child's heart checked for pre-existing condtions such as a structural

or rhythm defect. I know this from personal experience! My daughter

had a bicuspid aortic valve that no one knew about until she fell

gravely ill. She should never have been on any stimulant meds. Just

be careful... ask for a cardio workup that includes an ultrasound if

you are going to pursue meds.

There are a lot of steps, but your son is worth it. It will get

easier. There is assistance. Ask, ask, and ask some more... the

squeeky wheel gets the grease, or so the saying goes!

Good-luck,

Velvet

> My son was diagnosed with aspergers last Febuary, but I

have not been

> able to get on to see any specialists yet. We have an appointment

has

> to be done becouse he cannot stay in the class the way he is, I

don't

> know what to do. He is getting harder and harder to handle. He

cannot

> pay attention to anything his odd habits are getting more frequent

and

> he is becoming angry becouse he has no friends, becouse he cannot

seem

> ton play apropriatly with them. I am scared and feeling realy

alone, I

> do not know where to turn I feel helpless becouse I do not know

what to

> do for him I try to punish him for what he does, but he does not

see

> that he has done anything wrong, so punishments have become more of

a

> torcher. Please tell me I am not alone- I do not know where to turn.

> Alyssa

>

> ---------------------------------

> Boardwalk for $500? In 2007? Ha!

> Play Monopoly Here and Now (it's updated for today's economy) at

Games.

>

September 24, 2007

No, ROSE, that was excellent advise; I know when I was younger and so was my son (ha ha)....I felt...'how dare you.......blame me.....' Please know ROSE IS NOT BLAMING YOU....Alyssa, you were responding how MOST PARENTS DO with their child... that just does not work with our kiddos....you are a great mom, and your child needs YOU to make some adjustments of what is typically 'normal' so you can help him.....so, if you feel like 'Rose' is 'blaming you, she is NOT---once you do what she suggested, you will see how great her advise works.----hang in there, Alyssa---you can do this!!!! You REALLY CAN!!

Ruthie

Re: ( ) PLEASE HELP ME

Hello Alyssa,

you have your own answer right here. You wrote:

****I feel helpless becouse I do not know what to do for him I try to punish him for what he does, but he does not see that he has done anything wrong****

He doesn't know...(he doesn't understand that what he did is wrong). Start with just baby steps. Pick one thing that he does inappropriately. (I know you have many). but lets start with just one. instead of giving him a punishment. show him the acceptable way he should act. example: If he hits another child for taking his favorite toy, explain to him - we don't hit, but can you ask your friend to give you the toy back..{ we use our hands for helping not hurting }. I know that's a poor example (of what your experiencing) but I don't know what kind of concerns you are having and I missed your post on what his age is. but my point is: if you tell your child not to do something because it's wrong, follow up by showing your child what he should be doing.

try not to look at everything that needs to be addressed. just start with one and take baby steps. when he accomplished that, move on to the next. step by step seems to work best with our children. I see it like this: first the child does these concerns because of the type of diagnosis he has, then it becomes a habit, then manipulation, then a learned skill. Now all this has to get undone and a new appropriate habit in its place. this takes time and patients. almost like a temper tantrum. When the child starts to cry because he wants his toy back and we tell the sibling to "give him his toy", now! and he gets it back. he has learned if he screams loud enough and long enough we will get tired of hearing that and give him what he wants to avoid all that stress & noise. the next time it might be for extra sweets, when you say no, (wait till after dinner) the screaming starts and the outbursts. its easier to give the sweets to avoid all that crying. now when we're out in public we give in quicker so the crying doesn't distract the public and all eyes on us. but, what we're teaching the child is: When I cry loud, I get what I want. that's a learned habit which is hard to break. these examples might not be relating to what your going through. but things do take long to teach new ways of learning new appropriate behaviors. with the right strategies, being consistent, and time, It's well worth it and it does work.

boy oh boy, I've been there.

hugs & smiles

Rose

P.S. I hope nothing said was offensive. I've just based this on my own experience and what I've seen with others., not yours. I don't know you. but wishing you the best.

hugs

alyssaandreen <alyssaandreen > wrote:

My son was diagnosed with aspergers last Febuary, but I have not been able to get on to see any specialists yet. We have an appointment next week, but I am loosing my mind. The school is telling me something has to be done becouse he cannot stay in the class the way he is, I don't know what to do. He is getting harder and harder to handle. He cannot pay attention to anything his odd habits are getting more frequent and he is becoming angry becouse he has no friends, becouse he cannot seem ton play apropriatly with them. I am scared and feeling realy alone, I do not know where to turn I feel helpless becouse I do not know what to do for him I try to punish him for what he does, but he does not see that he has done anything wrong, so punishments have become more of a torcher. Please tell me I am not alone- I do not know where to turn.Alyssa

Boardwalk for $500? In 2007? Ha! Play Monopoly Here and Now (it's updated for today's economy) at Games.

September 24, 2007

Rose, You did great explaining this. I just want to add one thing. When he learns some new behavior......remind him of it before he steps into another 'location'. If he learns it at home, remind him about what he knows just before you enter a friends house or you enter a store. Our kids have a hard time taking what they learn and doing this in another location.

-GA

Re: ( ) PLEASE HELP ME

Hello Alyssa,

you have your own answer right here. You wrote:

****I feel helpless becouse I do not know what to do for him I try to punish him for what he does, but he does not see that he has done anything wrong****

He doesn't know...(he doesn't understand that what he did is wrong). Start with just baby steps. Pick one thing that he does inappropriately. (I know you have many). but lets start with just one. instead of giving him a punishment. show him the acceptable way he should act. example: If he hits another child for taking his favorite toy, explain to him - we don't hit, but can you ask your friend to give you the toy back..{ we use our hands for helping not hurting }. I know that's a poor example (of what your experiencing) but I don't know what kind of concerns you are having and I missed your post on what his age is. but my point is: if you tell your child not to do something because it's wrong, follow up by showing your child what he should be doing.

try not to look at everything that needs to be addressed. just start with one and take baby steps. when he accomplished that, move on to the next. step by step seems to work best with our children. I see it like this: first the child does these concerns because of the type of diagnosis he has, then it becomes a habit, then manipulation, then a learned skill. Now all this has to get undone and a new appropriate habit in its place. this takes time and patients. almost like a temper tantrum. When the child starts to cry because he wants his toy back and we tell the sibling to "give him his toy", now! and he gets it back. he has learned if he screams loud enough and long enough we will get tired of hearing that and give him what he wants to avoid all that stress & noise. the next time it might be for extra sweets, when you say no, (wait till after dinner) the screaming starts and the outbursts. its easier to give the sweets to avoid all that crying. now when we're out in public we give in quicker so the crying doesn't distract the public and all eyes on us. but, what we're teaching the child is: When I cry loud, I get what I want. that's a learned habit which is hard to break. these examples might not be relating to what your going through. but things do take long to teach new ways of learning new appropriate behaviors. with the right strategies, being consistent, and time, It's well worth it and it does work.

boy oh boy, I've been there.

hugs & smiles

Rose

P.S. I hope nothing said was offensive. I've just based this on my own experience and what I've seen with others., not yours. I don't know you. but wishing you the best.

hugs

alyssaandreen <alyssaandreen > wrote:

My son was diagnosed with aspergers last Febuary, but I have not been able to get on to see any specialists yet. We have an appointment next week, but I am loosing my mind. The school is telling me something has to be done becouse he cannot stay in the class the way he is, I don't know what to do. He is getting harder and harder to handle. He cannot pay attention to anything his odd habits are getting more frequent and he is becoming angry becouse he has no friends, becouse he cannot seem ton play apropriatly with them. I am scared and feeling realy alone, I do not know where to turn I feel helpless becouse I do not know what to do for him I try to punish him for what he does, but he does not see that he has done anything wrong, so punishments have become more of a torcher. Please tell me I am not alone- I do not know where to turn.Alyssa

Boardwalk for $500? In 2007? Ha! Play Monopoly Here and Now (it's updated for today's economy) at Games.

September 24, 2007

, the location this is right. I hate going to the store with my kids. They are really great kids and I love them more than life. but going shopping is so stressful. I do remind them on how they are suppose to behave before we go in the store, but somehow it's just not working!! they argue and fight over everything from who will push the wagon. and If my son gets another wagon he will spin it. or push it too fast. ugh! they fight that he/she touched me. etc... it just doesn't end. I show them, look at those other children (that are much younger) mine are 9 & 10. they are behaving well. but for some reason, going shopping with both my kids is stressful. once we leave the store, they clam down again. Now that they are in school, I do my shopping alone. but, I know (avoiding) is not helping them and I need to teach them how to behave in the store. But

nothing is working. OH, if I tell my son, Don't touch anything. He will say: touch, touch, touch and be touching each and everything in each row we go into. at 10 years old. Ugh!!! So, the shopping is still a challenge for us. or Steve <4ganas@...> wrote: Rose, You did great explaining this. I just want to add one thing. When he learns some new behavior......remind him of it before he steps into another 'location'. If he learns it at home, remind him

about what he knows just before you enter a friends house or you enter a store. Our kids have a hard time taking what they learn and doing this in another location. -GA Re: ( ) PLEASE HELP ME Hello Alyssa, you have your own answer right

here. You wrote: ****I feel helpless becouse I do not know what to do for him I try to punish him for what he does, but he does not see that he has done anything wrong**** He doesn't know...(he doesn't understand that what he did is wrong). Start with just baby steps. Pick one thing that he does inappropriately. (I know you have many). but lets start with just one. instead of giving him a punishment. show him the acceptable way he should act. example: If he hits another child for taking his favorite toy, explain to him - we don't hit, but can you ask your friend to give you the toy back..{ we use our hands for helping not hurting }. I know that's a poor example (of what your experiencing) but I don't know what kind of concerns you are having and I missed your post on what his age is. but

my point is: if you tell your child not to do something because it's wrong, follow up by showing your child what he should be doing. try not to look at everything that needs to be addressed. just start with one and take baby steps. when he accomplished that, move on to the next. step by step seems to work best with our children. I see it like this: first the child does these concerns because of the type of diagnosis he has, then it becomes a habit, then manipulation, then a learned skill. Now all this has to get undone and a new appropriate habit in its place. this takes time and patients. almost like a temper tantrum. When the child starts to cry because he wants his toy back and we tell the sibling to "give him his toy", now! and he gets it back. he has learned if he screams loud enough and long enough we will get

tired of hearing that and give him what he wants to avoid all that stress & noise. the next time it might be for extra sweets, when you say no, (wait till after dinner) the screaming starts and the outbursts. its easier to give the sweets to avoid all that crying. now when we're out in public we give in quicker so the crying doesn't distract the public and all eyes on us. but, what we're teaching the child is: When I cry loud, I get what I want. that's a learned habit which is hard to break. these examples might not be relating to what your going through. but things do take long to teach new ways of learning new appropriate behaviors. with the right strategies, being consistent, and time, It's well worth it and it does work. boy oh boy, I've been there. hugs & smiles Rose P.S. I hope nothing said was offensive. I've just based this on my own experience and what I've seen with others., not yours. I don't know you. but wishing you the best. hugs alyssaandreen <alyssaandreen > wrote: My son was diagnosed with aspergers last Febuary, but I have not been able to get on to see any specialists yet. We have an appointment next week, but I am loosing my mind. The school is telling me something has to be done becouse he cannot stay in the class the way he is, I don't know what to do. He is getting harder and harder to handle. He cannot pay attention to anything his odd habits are getting more frequent and he is becoming angry becouse he has no

friends, becouse he cannot seem ton play apropriatly with them. I am scared and feeling realy alone, I do not know where to turn I feel helpless becouse I do not know what to do for him I try to punish him for what he does, but he does not see that he has done anything wrong, so punishments have become more of a torcher. Please tell me I am not alone- I do not know where to turn.Alyssa Boardwalk for $500? In 2007? Ha! Play Monopoly Here and Now (it's updated for today's economy) at Games.

Boardwalk for $500? In 2007? Ha! Play Monopoly Here and Now (it's updated for today's economy) at Games.

September 24, 2007

Have you tried telling them that if they misbehave, you will just take them home.

THat is the only thing that worked for us when it came to eating out at a family restaurant....if Adam misbehaved we just up and left whether we had eaten or not, we paid our bill of course but our attitude was "too bad , so sad" Adam, I guess you don't want to eat out tonite.

love and hugs

, wife, mom and grandma to my beloved aspies

Wags! Wags! Wags!

Lowry

"There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."

Author Ben

From: beachbodytan2002@...Date: Mon, 24 Sep 2007 09:46:20 -0700Subject: Re: ( ) PLEASE HELP ME

,

the location this is right.

I hate going to the store with my kids. They are really great kids and I love them more than life. but going shopping is so stressful. I do remind them on how they are suppose to behave before we go in the store, but somehow it's just not working!! they argue and fight over everything from who will push the wagon. and If my son gets another wagon he will spin it. or push it too fast. ugh! they fight that he/she touched me. etc... it just doesn't end. I show them, look at those other children (that are much younger) mine are 9 & 10. they are behaving well. but for some reason, going shopping with both my kids is stressful. once we leave the store, they clam down again. Now that they are in school, I do my shopping alone. but, I know (avoiding) is not helping them and I need to teach them how to behave in the store. But nothing is working.

OH, if I tell my son, Don't touch anything. He will say: touch, touch, touch and be touching each and everything in each row we go into. at 10 years old. Ugh!!!

So, the shopping is still a challenge for us. or Steve <4ganascomcast (DOT) net> wrote:

Rose, You did great explaining this. I just want to add one thing. When he learns some new behavior......remind him of it before he steps into another 'location'. If he learns it at home, remind him about what he knows just before you enter a friends house or you enter a store. Our kids have a hard time taking what they learn and doing this in another location.

-GA

Re: ( ) PLEASE HELP ME

Hello Alyssa,

you have your own answer right here. You wrote:

****I feel helpless becouse I do not know what to do for him I try to punish him for what he does, but he does not see that he has done anything wrong****

He doesn't know...(he doesn't understand that what he did is wrong). Start with just baby steps. Pick one thing that he does inappropriately. (I know you have many). but lets start with just one. instead of giving him a punishment. show him the acceptable way he should act. example: If he hits another child for taking his favorite toy, explain to him - we don't hit, but can you ask your friend to give you the toy back..{ we use our hands for helping not hurting }. I know that's a poor example (of what your experiencing) but I don't know what kind of concerns you are having and I missed your post on what his age is. but my point is: if you tell your child not to do something because it's wrong, follow up by showing your child what he should be doing.

try not to look at everything that needs to be addressed. just start with one and take baby steps. when he accomplished that, move on to the next. step by step seems to work best with our children. I see it like this: first the child does these concerns because of the type of diagnosis he has, then it becomes a habit, then manipulation, then a learned skill. Now all this has to get undone and a new appropriate habit in its place. this takes time and patients. almost like a temper tantrum. When the child starts to cry because he wants his toy back and we tell the sibling to "give him his toy", now! and he gets it back. he has learned if he screams loud enough and long enough we will get tired of hearing that and give him what he wants to avoid all that stress & noise. the next time it might be for extra sweets, when you say no, (wait till after dinner) the screaming starts and the outbursts. its easier to give the sweets to avoid all that crying. now when we're out in public we give in quicker so the crying doesn't distract the public and all eyes on us. but, what we're teaching the child is: When I cry loud, I get what I want. that's a learned habit which is hard to break. these examples might not be relating to what your going through. but things do take long to teach new ways of learning new appropriate behaviors. with the right strategies, being consistent, and time, It's well worth it and it does work.

boy oh boy, I've been there.

hugs & smiles

Rose

P.S. I hope nothing said was offensive. I've just based this on my own experience and what I've seen with others., not yours. I don't know you. but wishing you the best.

hugs

alyssaandreen <alyssaandreen > wrote:

My son was diagnosed with aspergers last Febuary, but I have not been able to get on to see any specialists yet. We have an appointment next week, but I am loosing my mind. The school is telling me something has to be done becouse he cannot stay in the class the way he is, I don't know what to do. He is getting harder and harder to handle. He cannot pay attention to anything his odd habits are getting more frequent and he is becoming angry becouse he has no friends, becouse he cannot seem ton play apropriatly with them. I am scared and feeling realy alone, I do not know where to turn I feel helpless becouse I do not know what to do for him I try to punish him for what he does, but he does not see that he has done anything wrong, so punishments have become more of a torcher. Please tell me I am not alone- I do not know where to turn.Alyssa

Boardwalk for $500? In 2007? Ha! Play Monopoly Here and Now (it's updated for today's economy) at Games.

Boardwalk for $500? In 2007? Ha! Play Monopoly Here and Now (it's updated for today's economy) at Games. Discover the new Windows Vista Learn more!

September 24, 2007

, I did think of that (leaving the store) but they don't want to go food shopping anyway. its boring. If I were to just leave, they wouldn't mind at all. BUT when we get home and I cook the foods they don't like, and it was because I couldn't finish the shopping. Hummm. but my N.T. daughter will get it right away and feel bad. My son won't. it won't connect. out of site/out of mind. I'll try to think of something. thanks Rose Lowry <flyballmom@...> wrote: Have you tried telling them that if they misbehave, you will just take them home. THat is the only thing that worked for us when it came to eating out at a family restaurant....if Adam misbehaved we just up and left whether we had eaten or not, we paid our bill of course but our attitude was "too bad , so sad" Adam, I guess you don't want to eat out tonite. love and hugs, wife, mom and grandma to my beloved aspies Wags! Wags! Wags! Lowry "There is no

psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face." Author Ben From: beachbodytan2002 Date: Mon, 24 Sep 2007 09:46:20 -0700Subject: Re: ( ) PLEASE HELP ME , the location this is right. I hate going to the store with my kids. They are really great kids and I love them more than life. but going shopping is so stressful. I do remind them on how they are suppose to behave before we go in the store, but somehow it's just not working!! they argue and fight over everything from who will push the wagon. and If my son gets another wagon he will spin it. or push it too fast. ugh! they fight that

he/she touched me. etc... it just doesn't end. I show them, look at those other children (that are much younger) mine are 9 & 10. they are behaving well. but for some reason, going shopping with both my kids is stressful. once we leave the store, they clam down again. Now that they are in school, I do my shopping alone. but, I know (avoiding) is not helping them and I need to teach them how to behave in the store. But nothing is working. OH, if I tell my son, Don't touch anything. He will say: touch, touch, touch and be touching each and everything in each row we go into. at 10 years old. Ugh!!! So, the shopping is still a challenge for us. or Steve <4ganascomcast (DOT) net> wrote: Rose, You did great explaining this.

I just want to add one thing. When he learns some new behavior......remind him of it before he steps into another 'location'. If he learns it at home, remind him about what he knows just before you enter a friends house or you enter a store. Our kids have a hard time taking what they learn and doing this in another location. -GA Re:

( ) PLEASE HELP ME Hello Alyssa, you have your own answer right here. You wrote: ****I feel helpless becouse I do not know what to do for him I try to punish him for what he does, but he does not see that he has done anything wrong**** He doesn't know...(he doesn't understand that what he did is wrong). Start with just baby steps. Pick one thing that he does inappropriately. (I know you have many). but lets start with just one. instead of giving him a punishment. show him the acceptable way he should act. example: If he hits another child for taking his favorite toy, explain to him - we don't hit, but can you ask your friend to give you the toy back..{ we use our hands for helping not hurting }. I

know that's a poor example (of what your experiencing) but I don't know what kind of concerns you are having and I missed your post on what his age is. but my point is: if you tell your child not to do something because it's wrong, follow up by showing your child what he should be doing. try not to look at everything that needs to be addressed. just start with one and take baby steps. when he accomplished that, move on to the next. step by step seems to work best with our children. I see it like this: first the child does these concerns because of the type of diagnosis he has, then it becomes a habit, then manipulation, then a learned skill. Now all this has to get undone and a new appropriate habit in its place. this takes time and patients. almost like a temper tantrum. When the child starts to cry because he wants his

toy back and we tell the sibling to "give him his toy", now! and he gets it back. he has learned if he screams loud enough and long enough we will get tired of hearing that and give him what he wants to avoid all that stress & noise. the next time it might be for extra sweets, when you say no, (wait till after dinner) the screaming starts and the outbursts. its easier to give the sweets to avoid all that crying. now when we're out in public we give in quicker so the crying doesn't distract the public and all eyes on us. but, what we're teaching the child is: When I cry loud, I get what I want. that's a learned habit which is hard to break. these examples might not be relating to what your going through. but things do take long to teach new ways of learning new appropriate behaviors. with the right strategies, being consistent, and time, It's well worth it and it does

work. boy oh boy, I've been there. hugs & smiles Rose P.S. I hope nothing said was offensive. I've just based this on my own experience and what I've seen with others., not yours. I don't know you. but wishing you the best. hugs alyssaandreen <alyssaandreen > wrote: My son was diagnosed with aspergers last Febuary, but I have not been able to get on to see any specialists yet. We have an appointment next week, but I am loosing my mind. The school is telling me something has to be done becouse he cannot stay in the class the way he is, I don't know what to do. He is

getting harder and harder to handle. He cannot pay attention to anything his odd habits are getting more frequent and he is becoming angry becouse he has no friends, becouse he cannot seem ton play apropriatly with them. I am scared and feeling realy alone, I do not know where to turn I feel helpless becouse I do not know what to do for him I try to punish him for what he does, but he does not see that he has done anything wrong, so punishments have become more of a torcher. Please tell me I am not alone- I do not know where to turn.Alyssa Boardwalk for $500? In 2007? Ha! Play Monopoly Here and Now (it's updated for today's economy) at Games. Boardwalk for $500? In 2007? Ha! Play Monopoly Here and Now (it's updated for today's economy) at Games. Discover the new Windows Vista Learn more!

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September 24, 2007

We live in an area where there are lots of restaurants within walking distance off our house. So if ds complains too much while we're eating out, we just tell him, "Fine. Go home then." He doesn't like to walk home by himself, but he knows he has a choice -- either go home or stop complaining.LizOn Sep 24, 2007, at 1:20 PM, Lowry wrote:Have you tried telling them that if they misbehave, you will just take them home. THat is the only thing that worked for us when it came to eating out at a family restaurant....if Adam misbehaved we just up and left whether we had eaten or not, we paid our bill of course but our attitude was "too bad , so sad" Adam, I guess you don't want to eat out tonite. love and hugs, wife, mom and grandma to my beloved aspies

September 24, 2007

Liz, that's an idea!!!! I don't live in an area where anything is close to anything. But I can say If I have to tell you to "stop arguing" or to "act right, behave" in the store again. They can sit right at the customer service area. (it won't take long for them to leave that spot, and come to me and tell on each other) but, I can always send them back. I wish I thought of this during the summer. {great idea} - Do you live in New York City? I miss it there so much. I was born and raised there and then moved to the middle of no where. LOL thanks Liz RoseLiz Bohn <lbohn@...> wrote: We live in an area where there are lots of restaurants within walking distance off our house. So if ds complains too much while we're eating out, we just tell him, "Fine. Go home then." He doesn't like to walk home by himself, but he knows he has a choice -- either go home or stop complaining. Liz On Sep 24, 2007, at 1:20 PM, Lowry wrote: Have you tried telling them that if they misbehave, you will just take them home. THat is the only thing that worked for us when it came to eating out at a family restaurant....if Adam misbehaved we just up and left whether we had eaten or not, we paid our bill of course but our attitude was "too bad , so sad" Adam, I guess you don't want to eat out tonite. love and hugs, wife, mom and grandma to my beloved aspies

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September 24, 2007

You will figure out what to do, we moms are a resourceful lot :-)

love and hugs

brenda, wife, mom and grandma to my beloved aspies

Wags! Wags! Wags!

Lowry

"There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."

Author Ben

From: beachbodytan2002@...Date: Mon, 24 Sep 2007 10:32:45 -0700Subject: RE: ( ) PLEASE HELP ME

,

I did think of that (leaving the store) but they don't want to go food shopping anyway. its boring. If I were to just leave, they wouldn't mind at all. BUT when we get home and I cook the foods they don't like, and it was because I couldn't finish the shopping. Hummm.

but my N.T. daughter will get it right away and feel bad. My son won't. it won't connect. out of site/out of mind.

I'll try to think of something.

thanks

Rose Lowry <flyballmomhotmail> wrote:

Have you tried telling them that if they misbehave, you will just take them home. THat is the only thing that worked for us when it came to eating out at a family restaurant....if Adam misbehaved we just up and left whether we had eaten or not, we paid our bill of course but our attitude was "too bad , so sad" Adam, I guess you don't want to eat out tonite. love and hugs, wife, mom and grandma to my beloved aspies

Wags! Wags! Wags!

Lowry

"There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."

Author Ben

From: beachbodytan2002 Date: Mon, 24 Sep 2007 09:46:20 -0700Subject: Re: ( ) PLEASE HELP ME

,

the location this is right.

I hate going to the store with my kids. They are really great kids and I love them more than life. but going shopping is so stressful. I do remind them on how they are suppose to behave before we go in the store, but somehow it's just not working!! they argue and fight over everything from who will push the wagon. and If my son gets another wagon he will spin it. or push it too fast. ugh! they fight that he/she touched me. etc... it just doesn't end. I show them, look at those other children (that are much younger) mine are 9 & 10. they are behaving well. but for some reason, going shopping with both my kids is stressful. once we leave the store, they clam down again. Now that they are in school, I do my shopping alone. but, I know (avoiding) is not helping them and I need to teach them how to behave in the store. But nothing is working.

OH, if I tell my son, Don't touch anything. He will say: touch, touch, touch and be touching each and everything in each row we go into. at 10 years old. Ugh!!!

So, the shopping is still a challenge for us. or Steve <4ganascomcast (DOT) net> wrote:

Rose, You did great explaining this. I just want to add one thing. When he learns some new behavior......remind him of it before he steps into another 'location'. If he learns it at home, remind him about what he knows just before you enter a friends house or you enter a store. Our kids have a hard time taking what they learn and doing this in another location.

-GA

Re: ( ) PLEASE HELP ME

Hello Alyssa,

you have your own answer right here. You wrote:

****I feel helpless becouse I do not know what to do for him I try to punish him for what he does, but he does not see that he has done anything wrong****

He doesn't know...(he doesn't understand that what he did is wrong). Start with just baby steps. Pick one thing that he does inappropriately. (I know you have many). but lets start with just one. instead of giving him a punishment. show him the acceptable way he should act. example: If he hits another child for taking his favorite toy, explain to him - we don't hit, but can you ask your friend to give you the toy back..{ we use our hands for helping not hurting }. I know that's a poor example (of what your experiencing) but I don't know what kind of concerns you are having and I missed your post on what his age is. but my point is: if you tell your child not to do something because it's wrong, follow up by showing your child what he should be doing.

try not to look at everything that needs to be addressed. just start with one and take baby steps. when he accomplished that, move on to the next. step by step seems to work best with our children. I see it like this: first the child does these concerns because of the type of diagnosis he has, then it becomes a habit, then manipulation, then a learned skill. Now all this has to get undone and a new appropriate habit in its place. this takes time and patients. almost like a temper tantrum. When the child starts to cry because he wants his toy back and we tell the sibling to "give him his toy", now! and he gets it back. he has learned if he screams loud enough and long enough we will get tired of hearing that and give him what he wants to avoid all that stress & noise. the next time it might be for extra sweets, when you say no, (wait till after dinner) the screaming starts and the outbursts. its easier to give the sweets to avoid all that crying. now when we're out in public we give in quicker so the crying doesn't distract the public and all eyes on us. but, what we're teaching the child is: When I cry loud, I get what I want. that's a learned habit which is hard to break. these examples might not be relating to what your going through. but things do take long to teach new ways of learning new appropriate behaviors. with the right strategies, being consistent, and time, It's well worth it and it does work.

boy oh boy, I've been there.

hugs & smiles

Rose

P.S. I hope nothing said was offensive. I've just based this on my own experience and what I've seen with others., not yours. I don't know you. but wishing you the best.

hugs

alyssaandreen <alyssaandreen > wrote:

My son was diagnosed with aspergers last Febuary, but I have not been able to get on to see any specialists yet. We have an appointment next week, but I am loosing my mind. The school is telling me something has to be done becouse he cannot stay in the class the way he is, I don't know what to do. He is getting harder and harder to handle. He cannot pay attention to anything his odd habits are getting more frequent and he is becoming angry becouse he has no friends, becouse he cannot seem ton play apropriatly with them. I am scared and feeling realy alone, I do not know where to turn I feel helpless becouse I do not know what to do for him I try to punish him for what he does, but he does not see that he has done anything wrong, so punishments have become more of a torcher. Please tell me I am not alone- I do not know where to turn.Alyssa

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September 24, 2007

Could you possibly make your kids their own list of things? Maybe say something like, "as soon as I get the things we need to get, lets go check out your lists?" I have no clue as to where this idea came from......I don't use lists for them. I'm usually the one leaving my cart and leaving early. It works for my kids. BUt,,,,,maybe I'll try the list thing. Let me know if you try it.RobinRose <beachbodytan2002@...> wrote: , I did think of that

(leaving the store) but they don't want to go food shopping anyway. its boring. If I were to just leave, they wouldn't mind at all. BUT when we get home and I cook the foods they don't like, and it was because I couldn't finish the shopping. Hummm. but my N.T. daughter will get it right away and feel bad. My son won't. it won't connect. out of site/out of mind. I'll try to think of something. thanks Rose Lowry <flyballmomhotmail> wrote: Have you tried telling them that if they misbehave, you will just take them home. THat is the only thing that worked for us when it came to eating out at a family restaurant....if Adam misbehaved we just up and left whether we had eaten or not, we paid our bill of course but

our attitude was "too bad , so sad" Adam, I guess you don't want to eat out tonite. love and hugs, wife, mom and grandma to my beloved aspies Wags! Wags! Wags! Lowry "There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face." Author Ben From: beachbodytan2002 Date: Mon, 24 Sep 2007 09:46:20 -0700Subject:

Re: ( ) PLEASE HELP ME , the location this is right. I hate going to the store with my kids. They are really great kids and I love them more than life. but going shopping is so stressful. I do remind them on how they are suppose to behave before we go in the store, but somehow it's just not working!! they argue and fight over everything from who will push the wagon. and If my son gets another wagon he will spin it. or push it too fast. ugh! they fight that he/she touched me. etc... it just doesn't end. I show them, look at those other children (that are much younger) mine are 9 & 10. they are behaving well. but for some reason, going shopping with both my kids is stressful. once we leave the store, they clam down again. Now that they are in school, I do my shopping alone.

but, I know (avoiding) is not helping them and I need to teach them how to behave in the store. But nothing is working. OH, if I tell my son, Don't touch anything. He will say: touch, touch, touch and be touching each and everything in each row we go into. at 10 years old. Ugh!!! So, the shopping is still a challenge for us. or Steve <4ganascomcast (DOT) net> wrote: Rose, You did great explaining this. I just want to add one thing. When he learns some new behavior......remind him of it before he steps into another 'location'. If he learns it at home, remind him about what he knows just before you enter a friends house or you enter a store. Our kids have a hard time taking what they learn and doing this in another location. -GA Re: ( ) PLEASE HELP ME Hello Alyssa, you have your own answer right here. You wrote: ****I feel helpless becouse I do not know what to do for him I try to punish him for what he does, but he does not see

that he has done anything wrong**** He doesn't know...(he doesn't understand that what he did is wrong). Start with just baby steps. Pick one thing that he does inappropriately. (I know you have many). but lets start with just one. instead of giving him a punishment. show him the acceptable way he should act. example: If he hits another child for taking his favorite toy, explain to him - we don't hit, but can you ask your friend to give you the toy back..{ we use our hands for helping not hurting }. I know that's a poor example (of what your experiencing) but I don't know what kind of concerns you are having and I missed your post on what his age is. but my point is: if you tell your child not to do something because it's wrong, follow up by showing your child what he should be doing. try not to

look at everything that needs to be addressed. just start with one and take baby steps. when he accomplished that, move on to the next. step by step seems to work best with our children. I see it like this: first the child does these concerns because of the type of diagnosis he has, then it becomes a habit, then manipulation, then a learned skill. Now all this has to get undone and a new appropriate habit in its place. this takes time and patients. almost like a temper tantrum. When the child starts to cry because he wants his toy back and we tell the sibling to "give him his toy", now! and he gets it back. he has learned if he screams loud enough and long enough we will get tired of hearing that and give him what he wants to avoid all that stress & noise. the next time it might be for extra sweets, when you say no, (wait till after dinner) the screaming

starts and the outbursts. its easier to give the sweets to avoid all that crying. now when we're out in public we give in quicker so the crying doesn't distract the public and all eyes on us. but, what we're teaching the child is: When I cry loud, I get what I want. that's a learned habit which is hard to break. these examples might not be relating to what your going through. but things do take long to teach new ways of learning new appropriate behaviors. with the right strategies, being consistent, and time, It's well worth it and it does work. boy oh boy, I've been there. hugs & smiles Rose P.S. I hope nothing said was offensive. I've just based this on my own experience and what I've seen with others., not yours. I don't know

you. but wishing you the best. hugs alyssaandreen <alyssaandreen > wrote: My son was diagnosed with aspergers last Febuary, but I have not been able to get on to see any specialists yet. We have an appointment next week, but I am loosing my mind. The school is telling me something has to be done becouse he cannot stay in the class the way he is, I don't know what to do. He is getting harder and harder to handle. He cannot pay attention to anything his odd habits are getting more frequent and he is becoming angry becouse he has no friends, becouse he cannot seem ton play apropriatly with them. I am scared and feeling realy alone, I do not know where to turn I feel helpless becouse I do not know what to do for him I try to punish him

for what he does, but he does not see that he has done anything wrong, so punishments have become more of a torcher. Please tell me I am not alone- I do not know where to turn.Alyssa Boardwalk for $500? In 2007? Ha! Play Monopoly Here and Now (it's updated for today's economy) at Games. Boardwalk for $500? In 2007? Ha! Play Monopoly Here and Now (it's updated for today's economy) at Games. Discover the new Windows Vista Learn more! Be a better Heartthrob. Get better relationship answers from someone who knows. Answers - Check it out.

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September 24, 2007

If they are acting inappropriate, I will bring them out to the car if we are in a restaurant and talk to them until they are ready to go back in. Then as further issues arize, I mention that they will go to the car again and that usually works. Every now and again they need a reminder because you need to follow through or else they know you are bluffin'

From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of RoseSent: Monday, September 24, 2007 3:01 PM Subject: Re: ( ) PLEASE HELP ME

Liz,

that's an idea!!!! I don't live in an area where anything is close to anything. But I can say If I have to tell you to "stop arguing" or to "act right, behave" in the store again. They can sit right at the customer service area. (it won't take long for them to leave that spot, and come to me and tell on each other) but, I can always send them back. I wish I thought of this during the summer.

{great idea} - Do you live in New York City? I miss it there so much. I was born and raised there and then moved to the middle of no where. LOL

thanks Liz

RoseLiz Bohn <lbohn@...> wrote:

We live in an area where there are lots of restaurants within walking distance off our house. So if ds complains too much while we're eating out, we just tell him, "Fine. Go home then." He doesn't like to walk home by himself, but he knows he has a choice -- either go home or stop complaining.

Liz

On Sep 24, 2007, at 1:20 PM, Lowry wrote:

Have you tried telling them that if they misbehave, you will just take them home. THat is the only thing that worked for us when it came to eating out at a family restaurant....if Adam misbehaved we just up and left whether we had eaten or not, we paid our bill of course but our attitude was "too bad , so sad" Adam, I guess you don't want to eat out tonite. love and hugs, wife, mom and grandma to my beloved aspies

Luggage? GPS? Comic books? Check out fitting gifts for grads at Search.

September 24, 2007

Rose,Usually, I live in San Diego, but for last year and this year, we're living in Cambridge (Boston) Massachusetts. My dh took a sabbatical and my son is finishing up his second year at a junior college near here. We lived here before we moved to San Diego 15 years ago, so it's been like coming home.LizOn Sep 24, 2007, at 3:00 PM, Rose wrote:Liz,that's an idea!!!! I don't live in an area where anything is close to anything. But I can say If I have to tell you to "stop arguing" or to "act right, behave" in the store again. They can sit right at the customer service area. (it won't take long for them to leave that spot, and come to me and tell on each other) but, I can always send them back. I wish I thought of this during the summer.{great idea} - Do you live in New York City? I miss it there so much. I was born and raised there and then moved to the middle of no where. LOLthanks LizRose

September 25, 2007

Liz, do you plan on staying there? where would you like to live? I would like to live in like NYC. where you can walk out your door and shop right on your block. for food, clothes, anything. You don't even have to walk into a store. they have sidewalk shopping. If you don't like the price of something, just go across the street and see who's cheaper. For transportation, you can hop on a train or a bus. a bike or Rollerblades work fine too. But, I'm staying where we are now because the schools are better and its not as overwhelming as the big apple for my kids..They have the best therapist, and the social skills class is awesome. RoseLiz Bohn <lbohn@...> wrote: Rose, Usually, I live in San Diego, but for last year and this year, we're living in Cambridge (Boston) Massachusetts. My dh took a sabbatical and my son is finishing up his second year at a junior college near here. We lived here before we moved to San Diego 15 years ago, so it's been like coming home. Liz On Sep 24, 2007, at 3:00 PM, Rose wrote: Liz, that's an idea!!!! I don't live in an area where anything is close to anything. But I can say If I have to tell you to "stop arguing" or to "act right, behave" in the store again. They can sit right at the customer service area. (it won't take long for them to leave that spot, and come to me and tell on each other) but, I can always send them back. I wish I thought of this during the summer. {great idea} - Do you live in New York City? I miss it there so much. I was born and raised there and then moved to the middle of no where. LOL thanks Liz Rose

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September 25, 2007

I never take my kids shopping! Just asking for stress there. NO WAY!

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September 25, 2007

Rose,No, we won't stay in Cambridge. We'll go back to San Diego in June. Dh has a tenured position at the University of California, and we'll return to it. We have good support systems there, though I sure wish we had a group in San Diego like the Asperger Association of New England (AANE). They are in Watertown, and are just awesome. They run all sorts of groups for kids and parents and are a great resource. But we are not so "with it" in the willd, wild west.LizOn Sep 24, 2007, at 7:45 PM, Rose wrote:Liz,do you plan on staying there? where would you like to live? I would like to live in like NYC. where you can walk out your door and shop right on your block. for food, clothes, anything. You don't even have to walk into a store. they have sidewalk shopping. If you don't like the price of something, just go across the street and see who's cheaper. For transportation, you can hop on a train or a bus. a bike or Rollerblades work fine too. But, I'm staying where we are now because the schools are better and its not as overwhelming as the big apple for my kids..They have the best therapist, and the social skills class is awesome. RoseLiz Bohn <lbohn@...> wrote:Rose,Usually, I live in San Diego, but for last year and this year, we're living in Cambridge (Boston) Massachusetts. My dh took a sabbatical and my son is finishing up his second year at a junior college near here. We lived here before we moved to San Diego 15 years ago, so it's been like coming home.LizOn Sep 24, 2007, at 3:00 PM, Rose wrote:Liz,that's an idea!!!! I don't live in an area where anything is close to anything. But I can say If I have to tell you to "stop arguing" or to "act right, behave" in the store again. They can sit right at the customer service area. (it won't take long for them to leave that spot, and come to me and tell on each other) but, I can always send them back. I wish I thought of this during the summer.{great idea} - Do you live in New York City? I miss it there so much. I was born and raised there and then moved to the middle of no where. LOLthanks LizRosePinpoint customers who are looking for what you sell.

September 25, 2007

Liz can you check now for a better location in San Diego, like where the services are better for your son? maybe check out from "parent to parent", if there is anything similar to what you have now. moving stinks!!! its like always starting over again. its hard on our kids too. would you be living in San Diego for a while? or would you be moving again depending on your husbands job? wishing you the best Rose Liz Bohn <lbohn@...> wrote: Rose, No, we won't stay in Cambridge. We'll go back to San Diego in June. Dh has a tenured position at the University of California, and we'll return to it. We have good support systems there, though I sure wish we had a group in San Diego like the Asperger Association of New England (AANE). They are in Watertown, and are just awesome. They run all sorts of groups for kids and parents and are a great resource. But we are not so "with it" in the willd, wild west. Liz On Sep 24, 2007, at 7:45 PM, Rose wrote: Liz, do you plan on staying there? where would you like to live? I would like to live in like NYC. where you can walk out your door and shop right on your block. for food, clothes, anything. You don't even have to walk into a store. they have sidewalk shopping. If you don't like the price of something, just go across the street and see who's cheaper. For

transportation, you can hop on a train or a bus. a bike or Rollerblades work fine too. But, I'm staying where we are now because the schools are better and its not as overwhelming as the big apple for my kids..They have the best therapist, and the social skills class is awesome. RoseLiz Bohn <lbohn@...>

wrote: Rose, Usually, I live in San Diego, but for last year and this year, we're living in Cambridge (Boston) Massachusetts. My dh took a sabbatical and my son is finishing up his second year at a junior college near here. We lived here before we moved to San Diego 15 years ago, so it's been like coming home. Liz On Sep 24, 2007, at 3:00 PM, Rose wrote: Liz, that's an idea!!!! I don't live in an area where anything is close to anything. But I can say If I have to tell you to "stop arguing" or to "act right, behave" in the store again. They can sit right at the customer service area. (it won't take long for them to leave that spot, and come to me and tell on each other) but, I can always send them back. I wish I thought of this during the summer. {great idea} - Do you live in New York

City? I miss it there so much. I was born and raised there and then moved to the middle of no where. LOL thanks Liz Rose Pinpoint customers who are looking for what you sell.

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September 25, 2007

Rose, Keep at it. Mine is 14 and does not do these things now. Now he is asking my 400 times if he can have something....gum, candy, pack of trading cards. Anything! He just wants to buy, buy, buy.

I know how you are frustrated. I'm with ya!

-GA

Re: ( ) PLEASE HELP ME

Hello Alyssa,

you have your own answer right here. You wrote:

****I feel helpless becouse I do not know what to do for him I try to punish him for what he does, but he does not see that he has done anything wrong****

He doesn't know...(he doesn't understand that what he did is wrong). Start with just baby steps. Pick one thing that he does inappropriately. (I know you have many). but lets start with just one. instead of giving him a punishment. show him the acceptable way he should act. example: If he hits another child for taking his favorite toy, explain to him - we don't hit, but can you ask your friend to give you the toy back..{ we use our hands for helping not hurting }. I know that's a poor example (of what your experiencing) but I don't know what kind of concerns you are having and I missed your post on what his age is. but my point is: if you tell your child not to do something because it's wrong, follow up by showing your child what he should be doing.

try not to look at everything that needs to be addressed. just start with one and take baby steps. when he accomplished that, move on to the next. step by step seems to work best with our children. I see it like this: first the child does these concerns because of the type of diagnosis he has, then it becomes a habit, then manipulation, then a learned skill. Now all this has to get undone and a new appropriate habit in its place. this takes time and patients. almost like a temper tantrum. When the child starts to cry because he wants his toy back and we tell the sibling to "give him his toy", now! and he gets it back. he has learned if he screams loud enough and long enough we will get tired of hearing that and give him what he wants to avoid all that stress & noise. the next time it might be for extra sweets, when you say no, (wait till after dinner) the screaming starts and the outbursts. its easier to give the sweets to avoid all that crying. now when we're out in public we give in quicker so the crying doesn't distract the public and all eyes on us. but, what we're teaching the child is: When I cry loud, I get what I want. that's a learned habit which is hard to break. these examples might not be relating to what your going through. but things do take long to teach new ways of learning new appropriate behaviors. with the right strategies, being consistent, and time, It's well worth it and it does work.

boy oh boy, I've been there.

hugs & smiles

Rose

P.S. I hope nothing said was offensive. I've just based this on my own experience and what I've seen with others., not yours. I don't know you. but wishing you the best.

hugs

alyssaandreen <alyssaandreen > wrote:

My son was diagnosed with aspergers last Febuary, but I have not been able to get on to see any specialists yet. We have an appointment next week, but I am loosing my mind. The school is telling me something has to be done becouse he cannot stay in the class the way he is, I don't know what to do. He is getting harder and harder to handle. He cannot pay attention to anything his odd habits are getting more frequent and he is becoming angry becouse he has no friends, becouse he cannot seem ton play apropriatly with them. I am scared and feeling realy alone, I do not know where to turn I feel helpless becouse I do not know what to do for him I try to punish him for what he does, but he does not see that he has done anything wrong, so punishments have become more of a torcher. Please tell me I am not alone- I do not know where to turn.Alyssa

Boardwalk for $500? In 2007? Ha! Play Monopoly Here and Now (it's updated for today's economy) at Games.

September 25, 2007

Liz, I LOVED San Diego. We vacationed there in August. I could easily live there. I bet you miss it. Pam :)See what's new at AOL.com and Make AOL Your Homepage.

September 25, 2007

Liz wishing you the best in finding the best for your son. I know you will. keep us posted, I would like to hear about your move back to San Diego and how thing are working out for you. Hugs RoseLiz Bohn <lbohn@...> wrote: Thanks Rose. We're going back to San Diego. We've lived there for 15 years. We're currently renting out our San Diego house, but we'll go back to it in June. We have doctors and everything already in place. Our son is older than most of the kids on this list --

he's 19, and his needs are a little different. I need to find some place that has groups for young adults. That's what Boston has that I haven't been able to find in SD. Liz On Sep 24, 2007, at 8:49 PM, Rose wrote: Liz can you check now for a better location in San Diego, like where the services are better for your son? maybe check out from "parent to parent", if there is anything similar to what you have now. moving stinks!!! its like always starting over again. its hard on our kids too. would you be living in San Diego for a while? or would you be moving again depending on your husbands job? wishing you the best Rose Liz Bohn <lbohn@...> wrote: Rose, No, we won't stay in Cambridge. We'll go back to San Diego in June. Dh has a tenured position at the University of California, and we'll return to it. We have good support systems there, though I sure wish we had a group in San Diego like the Asperger Association of New England (AANE). They are in Watertown, and are just awesome. They run all sorts of groups for kids and parents and are a great resource. But we are not so "with it" in the willd, wild west. Liz On Sep 24, 2007, at 7:45 PM, Rose wrote: Liz, do you plan on staying there? where would you like to live? I would like to live in like NYC. where you can walk out your door and shop right on your block. for food, clothes, anything. You don't even have to walk into a store. they have sidewalk

shopping. If you don't like the price of something, just go across the street and see who's cheaper. For transportation, you can hop on a train or a bus. a bike or Rollerblades work fine too. But, I'm staying where we are now because the schools are better and its not as overwhelming as the big apple for my kids..They have the best therapist, and the social skills class is awesome. RoseLiz Bohn <lbohn@...> wrote: Rose, Usually, I live in San Diego, but for last year and this year, we're living in Cambridge (Boston) Massachusetts. My dh took a sabbatical and my son is finishing up his second year at a junior college near here. We lived here before we moved to San Diego 15 years ago, so it's been like coming home. Liz On Sep 24, 2007, at 3:00 PM, Rose wrote: Liz, that's an idea!!!! I don't live in an area where anything is close to anything. But I can say If I have to tell you to "stop arguing" or to "act right, behave" in the store again. They can sit right at the customer service area. (it won't take long for them to leave that spot, and come to me and tell on each other) but, I can always send them back. I wish I thought of this during the

summer. {great idea} - Do you live in New Yo rk City? I miss it there so much. I was born and raised there and then moved to the middle of no where. LOL thanks Liz Rose Pinpoint customers

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September 25, 2007

LOL you reminded me when my son was younger. He loved trucks, so when we went food shopping, they always seemed to have toy truck by the cash register. My son would ask 100 times for that truck. I would explain, its cheaper at a toy store, but he just wanted that truck and would start to cry. Soooooo, I said I wanted a new car, lets cry together and see who gets their wish first. Sooooo I started to cry, this embarrassed my son and he told me to stop. I said no, I want a new car and you want that truck. lets cry together. He knows I would do this and loud. that is why he doesn't ask for candy or toys in the supermarket. its the complaining and arguing with each other that's so stressful when shopping. 1000001 times I have to tell him he's not going to push the wagon. (he spins it and races it) then he has to HOLD the wagon making it hard for me to push. then his sister will hold

the other side of the wagon because HE'S holding the wagon. now, can we fit down the rows in the supermarket? can anyone pass? ugh!!!! and neither one will let go to let someone pass. Rose or Steve <4ganas@...> wrote: Rose, Keep at it. Mine is 14 and does not do these things now. Now he is asking my 400 times if he can have something....gum, candy, pack of trading cards. Anything! He just wants to buy, buy, buy. I know how you are frustrated. I'm

with ya! -GA Re: ( ) PLEASE HELP ME Hello Alyssa, you have your own answer right here. You wrote: ****I feel helpless becouse I do not know what to do for him I try to punish him for what he does, but he does not see that he has done anything wrong**** He doesn't know...(he doesn't understand that what he did is wrong). Start with just baby steps. Pick one thing that he does inappropriately. (I know you have many). but lets start with just one. instead of giving him a punishment. show him the acceptable way he should

act. example: If he hits another child for taking his favorite toy, explain to him - we don't hit, but can you ask your friend to give you the toy back..{ we use our hands for helping not hurting }. I know that's a poor example (of what your experiencing) but I don't know what kind of concerns you are having and I missed your post on what his age is. but my point is: if you tell your child not to do something because it's wrong, follow up by showing your child what he should be doing. try not to look at everything that needs to be addressed. just start with one and take baby steps. when he accomplished that, move on to the next. step by step seems to work best with our children. I see it like this: first the child does these concerns because of the type of diagnosis he has, then it becomes a habit, then

manipulation, then a learned skill. Now all this has to get undone and a new appropriate habit in its place. this takes time and patients. almost like a temper tantrum. When the child starts to cry because he wants his toy back and we tell the sibling to "give him his toy", now! and he gets it back. he has learned if he screams loud enough and long enough we will get tired of hearing that and give him what he wants to avoid all that stress & noise. the next time it might be for extra sweets, when you say no, (wait till after dinner) the screaming starts and the outbursts. its easier to give the sweets to avoid all that crying. now when we're out in public we give in quicker so the crying doesn't distract the public and all eyes on us. but, what we're teaching the child is: When I cry loud, I get what I want. that's a learned habit which is hard to break. these examples

might not be relating to what your going through. but things do take long to teach new ways of learning new appropriate behaviors. with the right strategies, being consistent, and time, It's well worth it and it does work. boy oh boy, I've been there. hugs & smiles Rose P.S. I hope nothing said was offensive. I've just based this on my own experience and what I've seen with others., not yours. I don't know you. but wishing you the best. hugs alyssaandreen <alyssaandreen > wrote: My son was diagnosed with aspergers last Febuary, but I have not been able to get on to see

any specialists yet. We have an appointment next week, but I am loosing my mind. The school is telling me something has to be done becouse he cannot stay in the class the way he is, I don't know what to do. He is getting harder and harder to handle. He cannot pay attention to anything his odd habits are getting more frequent and he is becoming angry becouse he has no friends, becouse he cannot seem ton play apropriatly with them. I am scared and feeling realy alone, I do not know where to turn I feel helpless becouse I do not know what to do for him I try to punish him for what he does, but he does not see that he has done anything wrong, so punishments have become more of a torcher. Please tell me I am not alone- I do not know where to turn.Alyssa Boardwalk for $500? In 2007? Ha! Play Monopoly Here and Now (it's updated for today's economy) at Games. Boardwalk for $500? In 2007? Ha! Play Monopoly Here and Now (it's updated for today's economy) at Games.

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September 25, 2007

Ruthie, I agree and love what you wrote here. that is where my weak area is!!! because if I gave the well behaved on the reward I hear from the other, I love him/her more. so, I try to be fair to both and get what I get in the supermarket. I do agree with you, kids need consistency!!! especially with special needs or not. but I still hate going to the supermarket. they do help put the bags in the car and help at home. its just walking thought the supermarket and shopping I hate. Ruthie, at the time of shopping the consequence doesn't matter with my son. I would tell him when we get home you will sit in your room. He will say (not being mean) I will just play with myself. he can find his fingers amusing (like playing with a toy). If I take away TV. he will repeat what I've told him in the past. "too much TV is

not good anyway". and when we get home, he will go to his room, close the door and stay till I call him out. Now my daughter is hurt, and very verbal in pleading her innocents. (I did nothing, it was HIM) etc... another thing, sending my son to his room, he enjoys the quiet time. its not so much as a consequence for him. My DD will react!!! telling him he can't have a treat, he'll say OK, I know I will get it another time. He's fine with all that. I will still work on this thanks for posting Rose How about this? I go to the store, my boys are very well behaved....know why? Because, I am the 'firm, consistent, rules setter one' my kids will tell you themselves that my husband let's us get away with it, and that, my friends, is most of

it; he gets angry because they are defiant at the store / I am frustrated because he does not make them mind and follow rules / etc. And, that sounds CRAZY, I know, but true; KIDS DO WANT TO CONSISTENCY. ...my kids know I will not give in, I will do exactly what I said, each and every time; NO MATTER WHAT. And, most importantly, I love to reward great behaviors with something they want; maybe just a dilly bar from Dairy Queen and an hour of my time at the park playing with them, but I LOVE TO BE WITH WELL BEHAVED KIDS----and, it often works. RUTHIE BRYAN DOLEZAL <DOLEZAL123@...> wrote: This sounds soooo generic, but something suggested to us was to tell the kids EXACTLY WHAT WE EXPECT FROM THEM AT THE STORE: So, for about 20 seconds, car is parked, we say, for example, "okay, boys, I need you attention (wait for them to look at you): this is the plan...we are running in to 'name of store' to get 'my list,' 5 things whatever it is. I expect each of you to (whatever your rules are---our's are, if 13 year old with us, he is to stay with us at all times, by handles of cart---6 and 4 year old are to each hold a side of the cart----). If you cannot handle this, then _______________(consequence.....we will not get burgers on the way home / we will have 'something you do not like at

home!' / will not go the park to play-----whatever YOU CAN LIVE WITH. Takes about 20 seconds, tops; and this has worked for at least 10 years for me (I started using it with the 13 year old); he has been hauled to the car to leave before. How about this? I go to the store, my boys are very well behaved....know why? Because, I am the 'firm, consistent, rules setter one' my kids will tell you themselves that my husband let's us get away with it, and that, my friends, is most of it; he gets angry because they are defiant at the store / I am frustrated because he does not make them mind and follow rules / etc. And, that sounds CRAZY, I know, but true; KIDS DO WANT TO CONSISTENCY....my kids know I will not give in, I will do exactly what I said, each and every time; NO MATTER WHAT. And, most importantly, I love to reward great behaviors with something they want; maybe

just a dilly bar from Dairy Queen and an hour of my time at the park playing with them, but I LOVE TO BE WITH WELL BEHAVED KIDS----and, it often works. Also, I HAVE LEFT THE STORE BEFORE---has been at least once with the two small boys and once with the 13 year old, but they know I mean it! I also do this with Mc's; I have paid and left before, have canceled my order and gone home; have gotten the well behaved ones dinner as planned and they lost that privilege; We do this with Dairy Queen, too; kids that followed directions, and knew ALL DAY IT WAS THE PLAN can eat a treat there (often on a Sunday evening thing we do) get a treat---those that don't sit with us while we enjoy ours; we NEVER RUB IT IN (that is kuboshed---)----the one that did not earn it, has each done it once and that is about it!! They don't ask at DQ either / they KNOW they are not getting one! So, CHOICES is great, I guess..... Ruthie Re: ( ) PLEASE HELP ME Hello Alyssa, you have your own answer right here. You wrote: ****I feel helpless becouse I do not know what to do for him I try to punish him for what he does, but he does not see that he has done anything wrong**** He doesn't know...(he doesn't understand that what he did is wrong). Start with just baby steps. Pick one thing that he does inappropriately. (I know you have many). but lets start with just one. instead of giving him a punishment. show him the acceptable way he should act. example: If he hits another child for taking his favorite toy, explain to him - we don't hit, but

can you ask your friend to give you the toy back..{ we use our hands for helping not hurting }. I know that's a poor example (of what your experiencing) but I don't know what kind of concerns you are having and I missed your post on what his age is. but my point is: if you tell your child not to do something because it's wrong, follow up by showing your child what he should be doing. try not to look at everything that needs to be addressed. just start with one and take baby steps. when he accomplished that, move on to the next. step by step seems to work best with our children. I see it like this: first the child does these concerns because of the type of diagnosis he has, then it becomes a habit, then manipulation, then a learned skill. Now all this has to get undone and a new appropriate habit in its place. this

takes time and patients. almost like a temper tantrum. When the child starts to cry because he wants his toy back and we tell the sibling to "give him his toy", now! and he gets it back. he has learned if he screams loud enough and long enough we will get tired of hearing that and give him what he wants to avoid all that stress & noise. the next time it might be for extra sweets, when you say no, (wait till after dinner) the screaming starts and the outbursts. its easier to give the sweets to avoid all that crying. now when we're out in public we give in quicker so the crying doesn't distract the public and all eyes on us. but, what we're teaching the child is: When I cry loud, I get what I want. that's a learned habit which is hard to break. these examples might not be relating to what your going through. but things do take long to teach new ways of learning new appropriate

behaviors. with the right strategies, being consistent, and time, It's well worth it and it does work. boy oh boy, I've been there. hugs & smiles Rose P.S. I hope nothing said was offensive. I've just based this on my own experience and what I've seen with others., not yours. I don't know you. but wishing you the best. hugs alyssaandreen <alyssaandreen > wrote: My son was diagnosed with aspergers last Febuary, but I have not been able to get on to see any specialists yet. We have an appointment next week, but I am loosing my mind. The school is telling me something

has to be done becouse he cannot stay in the class the way he is, I don't know what to do. He is getting harder and harder to handle. He cannot pay attention to anything his odd habits are getting more frequent and he is becoming angry becouse he has no friends, becouse he cannot seem ton play apropriatly with them. I am scared and feeling realy alone, I do not know where to turn I feel helpless becouse I do not know what to do for him I try to punish him for what he does, but he does not see that he has done anything wrong, so punishments have become more of a torcher. Please tell me I am not alone- I do not know where to turn.Alyssa Boardwalk for $500? In 2007? Ha! Play Monopoly Here and Now (it's updated for today's economy) at Games. Boardwalk for $500? In 2007? Ha! Play Monopoly Here and Now (it's updated for today's economy) at Games. Discover the new Windows Vista Learn more! Be a better Heartthrob.

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September 25, 2007

Rose, LOL!!! I love it! I think I'll try the "I want a new car" Waaaaaa!

They hate it when any of the attention is off of them!

still LOL!

Re: ( ) PLEASE HELP ME

Hello Alyssa,

you have your own answer right here. You wrote:

****I feel helpless becouse I do not know what to do for him I try to punish him for what he does, but he does not see that he has done anything wrong****

He doesn't know...(he doesn't understand that what he did is wrong). Start with just baby steps. Pick one thing that he does inappropriately. (I know you have many). but lets start with just one. instead of giving him a punishment. show him the acceptable way he should act. example: If he hits another child for taking his favorite toy, explain to him - we don't hit, but can you ask your friend to give you the toy back..{ we use our hands for helping not hurting }. I know that's a poor example (of what your experiencing) but I don't know what kind of concerns you are having and I missed your post on what his age is. but my point is: if you tell your child not to do something because it's wrong, follow up by showing your child what he should be doing.

try not to look at everything that needs to be addressed. just start with one and take baby steps. when he accomplished that, move on to the next. step by step seems to work best with our children. I see it like this: first the child does these concerns because of the type of diagnosis he has, then it becomes a habit, then manipulation, then a learned skill. Now all this has to get undone and a new appropriate habit in its place. this takes time and patients. almost like a temper tantrum. When the child starts to cry because he wants his toy back and we tell the sibling to "give him his toy", now! and he gets it back. he has learned if he screams loud enough and long enough we will get tired of hearing that and give him what he wants to avoid all that stress & noise. the next time it might be for extra sweets, when you say no, (wait till after dinner) the screaming starts and the outbursts. its easier to give the sweets to avoid all that crying. now when we're out in public we give in quicker so the crying doesn't distract the public and all eyes on us. but, what we're teaching the child is: When I cry loud, I get what I want. that's a learned habit which is hard to break. these examples might not be relating to what your going through. but things do take long to teach new ways of learning new appropriate behaviors. with the right strategies, being consistent, and time, It's well worth it and it does work.

boy oh boy, I've been there.

hugs & smiles

Rose

P.S. I hope nothing said was offensive. I've just based this on my own experience and what I've seen with others., not yours. I don't know you. but wishing you the best.

hugs

alyssaandreen <alyssaandreen > wrote:

My son was diagnosed with aspergers last Febuary, but I have not been able to get on to see any specialists yet. We have an appointment next week, but I am loosing my mind. The school is telling me something has to be done becouse he cannot stay in the class the way he is, I don't know what to do. He is getting harder and harder to handle. He cannot pay attention to anything his odd habits are getting more frequent and he is becoming angry becouse he has no friends, becouse he cannot seem ton play apropriatly with them. I am scared and feeling realy alone, I do not know where to turn I feel helpless becouse I do not know what to do for him I try to punish him for what he does, but he does not see that he has done anything wrong, so punishments have become more of a torcher. Please tell me I am not alone- I do not know where to turn.Alyssa

Boardwalk for $500? In 2007? Ha! Play Monopoly Here and Now (it's updated for today's economy) at Games.

oneSearch: Finally, mobile search that gives answers, not web links.

September 25, 2007

LOL, I once asked a sped atty, "Can the school do this?" and she laughed at me and said, "They are doing it..." lol. Schools can do a lot of things, some of them not legal or even ethical. But no, they actually need to evaluate and provide appropriate services.

RoxannaAutism Happens

( ) PLEASE HELP ME

My son was diagnosed with aspergers last Febuary, but I have not been able to get on to see any specialists yet. We have an appointment next week, but I am loosing my mind. The school is telling me something has to be done becouse he cannot stay in the class the way he is, I don't know what to do. He is getting harder and harder to handle. He cannot pay attention to anything his odd habits are getting more frequent and he is becoming angry becouse he has no friends, becouse he cannot seem ton play apropriatly with them. I am scared and feeling realy alone, I do not know where to turn I feel helpless becouse I do not know what to do for him I try to punish him for what he does, but he does not see that he has done anything wrong, so punishments have become more of a torcher. Please tell me I am not alone- I do not know where to turn.Alyssa

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