Re: My Child HATES ST at moment.. any thoughts?

[Guest guest]

Hi Leigh!

Hey first off are you the Leigh from Facebook? Question about the day you tried

to leave. Did you go in to begin with and leave or did you just drop him off

and leave? Was he aware of your plan to leave? How did he react when you left?

Or did you sneak out?

Seems to me that you have to help him regain his trust that you are going to be

there again. I have below an archive for separation anxiety which may have some

suggestions to help:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

According to , PhD., author of The School Book (St.

's Press, Inc., 1991), the most important part of preparing

your child for the daycare transition is building her self

confidence. Some suggestions for this are:

1. Get your child used to staying with a babysitter of grandparent

for a few hours each day. This will help your child realize that

when you go way, you will always return.

2. Take her to visit the preschool of childcare facility you are

considering. This will give her the opportunity to familiarize

herself with the new surroundings and her caregivers.

3. Assure your child that he can take any transitional object he

wishes. Having a special blanket or toy will give your child an

extra sense of security.

4. Arrange a playdate with another child who is going to attend the

school or childcare facility at the same time as your child. A

familiar face may help put your child at ease on the first day. (you

may find someone with a same age " late talker or apraxic child at

your local support group

5. Be sure your child arrives on time so she'll feel like she's part

of the group, and always pick her up on time so she won't be left

alone at the end of the day.

6. If your child tends to cry at your departure, never leave without

saying goodbye when it is time for you to go-no matter how tempting

it may be to slip out unnoticed. If you do, you will violate your

child's trust, and you will also confuse him as to your whereabouts.

Be sure to tell you child when you will be back, and stick to that

schedule. "

Re: Help! Anxiety/1st school

Hi Traci!

I agree with Kim -follow your gut. Here is an archived message -

what you are going through is something we all understand -and for

almost all of our children (and us) the first few days are the

hardest. It does get better -if your child is in the appropriate

class -I can tell you that. Preschool can be so much fun for them -

parties -crafts -friends -snacks -and they have no idea that they

are learning at the same time!!

Here is an archived message -with Dani's message underneath -so you

can see that with your post -you are not alone! (We cover all of this in The

Late Talker book with many more stategies in full)

From: " kiddietalk " <kiddietalk@...>

Date: Thu Oct 10, 2002 4:25 pm

Subject: Re: Day 4 of Pre-school: NOT going well! (warning: long!)

Hi Dani!

I know the pain you are going through. Not only did I break down

and cry -I actually got so upset I got sick -and that never happened

to me before. It's horrible to hear your baby screaming for you and

you feel torn about what is best. It was worse in some ways with

Tanner because back when he started he was still essentially

nonverbal -I was his translator.

I found lots on this in the archives -so I just copied and pasted a

few of my emails here together. Important message to keep and show:

" According to a newsletter published by the National Association for

the Education of Young Children (NAEYC), early childhood educators

suggest staying in the new situation with your child the first few

days, for decreasing amounts of time, until he is comfortable with

his new environment. Your child will feel more comfortable with you

there for part of the time, especially if he exhibits stranger

anxiety, has little experience in being cared for by others, or has

had a previous traumatic separation experience. "

There is much more in the way of helpful advice in the archives than

even what I have posted below -some of these messages are from

awhile ago from me, however they show these feelings and situations

are universal. ~

" We went through the same thing with Tanner.

This was around the time that I started Children's Apraxia Network

(the nonprofit before CHERAB Foundation) -so the first speaker I had

for our group was a child psychologist who spoke about separation

anxiety. There are lots of tips for what to do-and I am going to

post them later after I go through my files and find them. (Good

topic for those of you with support groups)

It's hard to watch your apraxic son go off to preschool. It's very

normal for any child to go through separation anxiety for the first

days of preschool. It's just that when you put on top of that a

child that is nonverbal, or just learning to talk, it makes it even

harder. Especially if your child has become dependant on you to know

his needs.

This is why a communication book is important where you can write

down all the translations of what your child's " words " or actions

mean. This is a book that your child carries back and forth from

home to school where everyone, you, the teacher, the speech or

occupational therapist write in it everyday. This way, for example,

it's easy for the teacher to talk to your child about Grandma's new

house, and it's easy for you to know why your child has a stamp of a

puppy on his hand!

One quick tip is start a notebook that has your child's dictionary.

This will help everyone-the teachers in the room-your child-and your

piece of mind. Here is a list of things I had written in Tanner's

communication book from school when he was 3 years 3 months old.

(His birthday is in the summer) I wrote every " translation " down

because I knew they may not understand him at times. I didn't write

down the 21 words that were understandable, he would break down when

he tried to go into a sentence. (and this was actually good for him-

Tanner was nonverbal other than the word " ma " or most everything

was " mmmmm " up to a few weeks before EFA supplementation-and that

was in spite of 4 months of speech therapy 2 or 3 days a week)

" Ju Pee " Juice please (he'd also sign for drink)

" die die die " either tight or side

" high high high " he wants a lot or it's very big

" Tee Tee Tee Tee " little bit, tiny

" ma ma mommy " or " da da daddy " Where is mommy or daddy

" Bobo " his brother Dakota

" Doo Doo " his Aunt

" Doo Doo Doodie " I want a cookie

" eeee " eat-hungry (he'd also sign for eat)

" Doe " go-this is still his word for go today at 4 and a half.

" me, me, me? No? " Can I?

" tee tee tee tee me? " Is it OK for me to have a tiny bit

" Bow " he can say ball but sometimes it comes out like this

" na na know " I don't know

" eah " Egg

" tay " OK –still today, but now sometimes he says " O-Tay "

" di di dis " Look at this

Tanner turned three and started school in the summer-when they do

not bus. They only bus in the school year. Bussing was not hard for

us since Tanner's big brother Dakota went on a bus too. You can go

to one of the toy stores and buy a toy school bus for your child to

play with- and maybe hold on the bus. Speaking of holding things.

Does your child have sensory integration issues as well? It's good

to find that out because we didn't know when Tanner was three that

he did- which is maybe why he cried for the entire 2 and a half

hours for the first day of preschool disabled's summer program(and

no-they didn't call and tell us-we didn't know until we picked him

up later that day and he was in the corner, puffy faced, crying and

saying " ma " over and over -his voice hoarse. Yes it was horrible-I

went home and got sick-really)

Update: Tanner loves school now-but yes he's in a different school.

Here are a few helpful links on the topic:

http://preschoolerstoday.com/experts/answers/19.htm

by and Harriet Worobey Developmental Psychologist and Early

Childhood Educator Rutgers University

Question:

How do I ease separation anxiety in my child when I drop him off at

preschool?

Answer:

I have found that when a child knows exactly what to expect, it

helps his sense of security. Talking with your child about what

exactly will happen in school and in what order will greatly

decrease the pain of his separation. Do NOT sneak out; do NOT

say, " I will be right back. " Such techniques lessen the child's

trust in you. Let your child know that preschool is a special place

for children and teachers: they will play with toys (you can mention

a few), have circle time, use the bathroom, have a snack, go outside

on the playground, etc., and then Mommy (or Daddy or sitter) will

come back. Emphasize that Mommy ALWAYS comes back.

If you have ever been frightened or had feelings like your child

does, it is a good idea to let him know that you cried when you

first went to school, too. Don't ever make light of a child's

feelings -- they are very real to him or her. Acknowledge that she

feels sad, scared, angry, and that it's OK to feel that way. It is

also a good idea to let the classroom teacher know what your child

is feeling or saying at home. Also, any hints you may have for the

teacher, such as special things that work for your child (a blanket,

teddy, special game) might make the transition easier. For some

children, we have found that the separation is easier when the

parent comes into the classroom for a few minutes. For others, that

would be a disaster, and it's best to make the break at the

classroom door.

Children are individuals, and teachers and preschool programs need

to be flexible to these individual differences. By parent and

teacher being sensitive to the individual needs and feelings of your

child, the tears that may accompany the first few days of preschool

shouldn't last too long.

Here are more links-this first one is like a course!

Planning Your Child's Transition to Preschool:

A Step-by-Step Guide for Families by Lynette K. Chandler, A.

Fowler, Hadden, and Stahurski A publication of FACTS/LRE,

University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign

http://facts.crc.uiuc.edu/facts4/facts4.html

From Northern County Psychiatric Associates

Separation Anxiety in Young Children Carol E. Watkins, MD

http://www.baltimorepsych.com/separation_anxiety.htm

Separation anxiety -Approved by the BabyCenter Advisory Board (over

15 medical doctors from all over the US)

http://www.babycenter.com/refcap/145.html

~~~~~~~~~~end of archive

Let us know how it goes, and good luck!

=====

[Guest guest]

Sorry you are going through that! I think you will have to gain back some

ground that was lost due to the separation. I had a child with severe

separation anxiety and at your son's age a set-back like that would have

taken some time to recover. I would talk with him ahead of time and let him

know that you made a mistake and you will only leave him when he is ready.

Tell him that you will be there with him the whole time and that he can sit

on your lap or hold your hand if he wants. Maybe the first few sessions the

therapist will need to be a little distant while he gets back into the

groove. The therapist may need to do therapy through you for a little while

too.

Hope that helps!

Amy

www.HelpMyChildTalk.com

On Wed, Apr 15, 2009 at 6:50 PM, BodegaLee <bodegalee@...> wrote:

>

>

> Hey everyone

> well our issue has several elements. Our family came together thru adoption

> and my little guy (who is 2.5) had a tough transition. He's been home almost

> 2 years. He has never been thrilled with toys, just wants to be with mom.

> Separation is not easy. He's never been thrilled with speech, as its hard

> work. He'd rather jump on mom than work to play with whatever toy we're

> using in therapy. His ST only works with kids and works with a lot of

> Apraxic children. I like her and she's worked it but he's been a " tough

> customer " . We recently went up to 2 hours a week and he's doing beautifully.

> Many new words. Within a week or so he's often incorporating any new words

> from therapy into daily life (2 weeks ago he could only say " bubble " if

> broken down, " bu " and then " ble " ) and now says a beautiful " bubble " .. But

> this week he's just decided he doesnt want anything to do with speech. Yes,

> part of it is that his therapist and I decided to " try " a session without me

> and it went poorly to say the least (the building shook). Today, nothin'

> doing.. screamed. Granted this may all be temporary - I hope so. But suspect

> that others might have experienced something similar as therapy is " hard

> work " . I realize a good therapist will make it fun and she does.. I realize

> much is his temperment, but guess I'm also just wondering what my " back up

> plan " might be if this continues. I hope and pray it doesnt cause he is

> making such great progress and kicking myself for agreeing to leave (should

> have followed that mama instinct, as getting him in the door before all this

> was hard enough). Any ideas? Thx!

>

> Leigh

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hey

thanks for the links..

yep one in same - from Facebook

I suspect we'll lose a few more sessions (hopefully not) but will def take all

your advice and really talk to him before hand. I sometimes do (bad mama) forget

how great his receptive skills are as his expressive arent so great. Thanks

again!

Leigh

>

> Hi Leigh!

>

> Hey first off are you the Leigh from Facebook? Question about the day you

tried to leave. Did you go in to begin with and leave or did you just drop him

off and leave? Was he aware of your plan to leave? How did he react when you

left? Or did you sneak out?

>

> Seems to me that you have to help him regain his trust that you are going to

be there again. I have below an archive for separation anxiety which may have

some suggestions to help:

>

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>

> According to , PhD., author of The School Book (St.

> 's Press, Inc., 1991), the most important part of preparing

> your child for the daycare transition is building her self

> confidence. Some suggestions for this are:

>

> 1. Get your child used to staying with a babysitter of grandparent

> for a few hours each day. This will help your child realize that

> when you go way, you will always return.

>

> 2. Take her to visit the preschool of childcare facility you are

> considering. This will give her the opportunity to familiarize

> herself with the new surroundings and her caregivers.

>

> 3. Assure your child that he can take any transitional object he

> wishes. Having a special blanket or toy will give your child an

> extra sense of security.

>

> 4. Arrange a playdate with another child who is going to attend the

> school or childcare facility at the same time as your child. A

> familiar face may help put your child at ease on the first day. (you

> may find someone with a same age " late talker or apraxic child at

> your local support group

>

> 5. Be sure your child arrives on time so she'll feel like she's part

> of the group, and always pick her up on time so she won't be left

> alone at the end of the day.

>

> 6. If your child tends to cry at your departure, never leave without

> saying goodbye when it is time for you to go-no matter how tempting

> it may be to slip out unnoticed. If you do, you will violate your

> child's trust, and you will also confuse him as to your whereabouts.

> Be sure to tell you child when you will be back, and stick to that

> schedule. "

>

> Re: Help! Anxiety/1st school

>

> Hi Traci!

>

> I agree with Kim -follow your gut. Here is an archived message -

> what you are going through is something we all understand -and for

> almost all of our children (and us) the first few days are the

> hardest. It does get better -if your child is in the appropriate

> class -I can tell you that. Preschool can be so much fun for them -

> parties -crafts -friends -snacks -and they have no idea that they

> are learning at the same time!!

>

> Here is an archived message -with Dani's message underneath -so you

> can see that with your post -you are not alone! (We cover all of this in The

> Late Talker book with many more stategies in full)

>

> From: " kiddietalk " <kiddietalk@...>

> Date: Thu Oct 10, 2002 4:25 pm

> Subject: Re: Day 4 of Pre-school: NOT going well! (warning: long!)

>

> Hi Dani!

>

> I know the pain you are going through. Not only did I break down

> and cry -I actually got so upset I got sick -and that never happened

> to me before. It's horrible to hear your baby screaming for you and

> you feel torn about what is best. It was worse in some ways with

> Tanner because back when he started he was still essentially

> nonverbal -I was his translator.

>

> I found lots on this in the archives -so I just copied and pasted a

> few of my emails here together. Important message to keep and show:

> " According to a newsletter published by the National Association for

> the Education of Young Children (NAEYC), early childhood educators

> suggest staying in the new situation with your child the first few

> days, for decreasing amounts of time, until he is comfortable with

> his new environment. Your child will feel more comfortable with you

> there for part of the time, especially if he exhibits stranger

> anxiety, has little experience in being cared for by others, or has

> had a previous traumatic separation experience. "

> There is much more in the way of helpful advice in the archives than

> even what I have posted below -some of these messages are from

> awhile ago from me, however they show these feelings and situations

> are universal. ~

>

> " We went through the same thing with Tanner.

>

> This was around the time that I started Children's Apraxia Network

> (the nonprofit before CHERAB Foundation) -so the first speaker I had

> for our group was a child psychologist who spoke about separation

> anxiety. There are lots of tips for what to do-and I am going to

> post them later after I go through my files and find them. (Good

> topic for those of you with support groups)

>

> It's hard to watch your apraxic son go off to preschool. It's very

> normal for any child to go through separation anxiety for the first

> days of preschool. It's just that when you put on top of that a

> child that is nonverbal, or just learning to talk, it makes it even

> harder. Especially if your child has become dependant on you to know

> his needs.

>

> This is why a communication book is important where you can write

> down all the translations of what your child's " words " or actions

> mean. This is a book that your child carries back and forth from

> home to school where everyone, you, the teacher, the speech or

> occupational therapist write in it everyday. This way, for example,

> it's easy for the teacher to talk to your child about Grandma's new

> house, and it's easy for you to know why your child has a stamp of a

> puppy on his hand!

>

> One quick tip is start a notebook that has your child's dictionary.

> This will help everyone-the teachers in the room-your child-and your

> piece of mind. Here is a list of things I had written in Tanner's

> communication book from school when he was 3 years 3 months old.

> (His birthday is in the summer) I wrote every " translation " down

> because I knew they may not understand him at times. I didn't write

> down the 21 words that were understandable, he would break down when

> he tried to go into a sentence. (and this was actually good for him-

> Tanner was nonverbal other than the word " ma " or most everything

> was " mmmmm " up to a few weeks before EFA supplementation-and that

> was in spite of 4 months of speech therapy 2 or 3 days a week)

>

> " Ju Pee " Juice please (he'd also sign for drink)

> " die die die " either tight or side

> " high high high " he wants a lot or it's very big

> " Tee Tee Tee Tee " little bit, tiny

> " ma ma mommy " or " da da daddy " Where is mommy or daddy

> " Bobo " his brother Dakota

> " Doo Doo " his Aunt

> " Doo Doo Doodie " I want a cookie

> " eeee " eat-hungry (he'd also sign for eat)

> " Doe " go-this is still his word for go today at 4 and a half.

> " me, me, me? No? " Can I?

> " tee tee tee tee me? " Is it OK for me to have a tiny bit

> " Bow " he can say ball but sometimes it comes out like this

> " na na know " I don't know

> " eah " Egg

> " tay " OK �still today, but now sometimes he says " O-Tay "

> " di di dis " Look at this

>

> Tanner turned three and started school in the summer-when they do

> not bus. They only bus in the school year. Bussing was not hard for

> us since Tanner's big brother Dakota went on a bus too. You can go

> to one of the toy stores and buy a toy school bus for your child to

> play with- and maybe hold on the bus. Speaking of holding things.

> Does your child have sensory integration issues as well? It's good

> to find that out because we didn't know when Tanner was three that

> he did- which is maybe why he cried for the entire 2 and a half

> hours for the first day of preschool disabled's summer program(and

> no-they didn't call and tell us-we didn't know until we picked him

> up later that day and he was in the corner, puffy faced, crying and

> saying " ma " over and over -his voice hoarse. Yes it was horrible-I

> went home and got sick-really)

>

> Update: Tanner loves school now-but yes he's in a different school.

>

> Here are a few helpful links on the topic:

>

> http://preschoolerstoday.com/experts/answers/19.htm

> by and Harriet Worobey Developmental Psychologist and Early

> Childhood Educator Rutgers University

> Question:

>

> How do I ease separation anxiety in my child when I drop him off at

> preschool?

>

> Answer:

>

> I have found that when a child knows exactly what to expect, it

> helps his sense of security. Talking with your child about what

> exactly will happen in school and in what order will greatly

> decrease the pain of his separation. Do NOT sneak out; do NOT

> say, " I will be right back. " Such techniques lessen the child's

> trust in you. Let your child know that preschool is a special place

> for children and teachers: they will play with toys (you can mention

> a few), have circle time, use the bathroom, have a snack, go outside

> on the playground, etc., and then Mommy (or Daddy or sitter) will

> come back. Emphasize that Mommy ALWAYS comes back.

>

> If you have ever been frightened or had feelings like your child

> does, it is a good idea to let him know that you cried when you

> first went to school, too. Don't ever make light of a child's

> feelings -- they are very real to him or her. Acknowledge that she

> feels sad, scared, angry, and that it's OK to feel that way. It is

> also a good idea to let the classroom teacher know what your child

> is feeling or saying at home. Also, any hints you may have for the

> teacher, such as special things that work for your child (a blanket,

> teddy, special game) might make the transition easier. For some

> children, we have found that the separation is easier when the

> parent comes into the classroom for a few minutes. For others, that

> would be a disaster, and it's best to make the break at the

> classroom door.

>

> Children are individuals, and teachers and preschool programs need

> to be flexible to these individual differences. By parent and

> teacher being sensitive to the individual needs and feelings of your

> child, the tears that may accompany the first few days of preschool

> shouldn't last too long.

>

> Here are more links-this first one is like a course!

>

> Planning Your Child's Transition to Preschool:

> A Step-by-Step Guide for Families by Lynette K. Chandler, A.

> Fowler, Hadden, and Stahurski A publication of FACTS/LRE,

> University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign

> http://facts.crc.uiuc.edu/facts4/facts4.html

>

> From Northern County Psychiatric Associates

> Separation Anxiety in Young Children Carol E. Watkins, MD

> http://www.baltimorepsych.com/separation_anxiety.htm

>

> Separation anxiety -Approved by the BabyCenter Advisory Board (over

> 15 medical doctors from all over the US)

> http://www.babycenter.com/refcap/145.html

>

>

> ~~~~~~~~~~end of archive

>

> Let us know how it goes, and good luck!

>

> =====

>