Discipline /Time out

[Guest guest]

My 4.5 DC has apraxia, global developmental delays and motor planning delay.

Doing time-out is almost impossible. Last night, I put him in time-out, he

kicked and screamed. He would not sit on the time-out chair. He attempted to

remove/knockdown the timeout chair. I tried to force him sitting on the

chair by holding him in the back. It was not easy, and I was so exhausted

after 15min that I had to give up. Fortunately, my husband stepped in and took

over.

Any BTDT experience? How do you discipline your child?

[Guest guest]

Hi

I really don't have this issue with my daughter who is the one who has apraxia

(luckily she is pretty compliant and sweet natured) but I do have an issue with

keeping my son in time out. He just turned 5 and has some behavioral issues. He

would kick and scream and throw the bench too. Also just blatantly refuse to

sit on the bench. For us what worked, is on the occasions where he refuses to

sit on the time out bench-(which I always try first before putting him in the

room) I have a designated time out room. I personally use the guest room. It is

a room in the house that has no toys in it and also no breakables. It has a

door on it so I can shut the door and I put a childproof doorknob cover on the

inside knob so that he can't open the door. I also put some of his paperback

books ( I rotate the books too so that they are not always the same books) in

the room as I have found that this helps to calm him down when he is tantruming.

When he is in the room he knows he can't get out and knows that I am not going

to respond to his kicking and screaming so he eventually learned that he might

as well just cool it and sit there and look at his books. The act of sitting and

looking through the books is calming and by the time he gets out of time out he

is usually fine again. I personally use 1 minute for each year old that my

child is..so my 5 year old gets 5 minutes in time out. For me, it has worked

well. In the beginning of doing this I would respond often to his cries through

the door so he knew that I was still there and wasn't leaving him. I would just

tell him that his behavior was not acceptable and it was best for him to be in

the quiet room now so he could calm down. I also would remind him that he could

look at his books in there. For a few weeks leading up to the use of the quiet

room I talked to him about it and what it was for and when we were going to

start using it so he was aware of what would happen when we began putting him in

there to calm down. In the beginning he also would try to delay going in the

room by yelling questions like why do I have to go in the room or what is the

room for or things like that. I learned that responding too much to the

questions just made the situation worse as he was really just stalling. I

learned to answer the questions with " we've already discussed this and you know

the answer to that question " I also will say that if he really doesn't remember

the answers that we can talk about it after he gets out of the room and then he

can ask me all the questions that his little heart desires.

Hope this helps

>

> My 4.5 DC has apraxia, global developmental delays and motor planning delay.

Doing time-out is almost impossible. Last night, I put him in time-out, he

kicked and screamed. He would not sit on the time-out chair. He attempted to

remove/knockdown the timeout chair. I tried to force him sitting on the

chair by holding him in the back. It was not easy, and I was so exhausted

after 15min that I had to give up. Fortunately, my husband stepped in and took

over.

> Any BTDT experience? How do you discipline your child?

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi there. Your situation sounds very frustrating. It sounds like time-outs are

not working for you. I read a book called Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Cohen

and found it to be a very helpful parenting book, even though I didn't

necessarily agree with everything he said. I wish you the best.

[Guest guest]

Hi your situation sounds sooo much like mine!...My 3 soon to be 4 does not

sit still in the time out chair I have to hold him down and he will kick and

scream as if someone is hurting him, I myself have not found a good discipline

or timeout way and it's tough anytime he wants something and I say no he starts

screaming and throwing a tantrum until yesterday he had wanted to go to the park

but I had to go home to cook and go to work and I told him when daddy comes home

he " ll take you, He started throw in himself on the floor screaming so i tied him

to the stroller until I walked home and I place him on time out and shut the

door, within seconds he was kicking that door I had to go in there and Nothing

worked it took him an hr before he was over it, and I never give in to him

especially if he acts that way but my goodness they say stick to it and it will

wear off well it hasn't!!!  He is very stubborn!....But I may look into that

book Anything will

help!  If you find a good strategy let me know =)

From: nancymark111 <nancymark111@...>

Subject: [ ] Discipline /Time out

Date: Friday, April 17, 2009, 7:05 PM

My 4.5 DC has apraxia, global developmental delays and motor planning delay.

Doing time-out is almost impossible. Last night, I put him in time-out, he

kicked and screamed. He would not sit on the time-out chair. He attempted to

remove/knockdown the timeout chair. I tried to force him sitting on the chair by

holding him in the back. It was not easy, and I was so exhausted after 15min

that I had to give up. Fortunately, my husband stepped in and took over.

Any BTDT experience? How do you discipline your child?

[Guest guest]

When my boys were younger my husband and I did more with withholding things they

wanted rather than the time out chair. Whenever possible we tried to use

positive reinforcement as well. My brother, sister and I were raised where we

were never spanked ever- so we raised Dakota and Tanner the same way and it's

worked great so far for 2 generations!

Not that either of you is hitting but from what I read you should try to avoid

power struggles. So if you both have to hold your child down to the point they

are screaming and kicking -perhaps try another method to educate them. Here's

just a few listed in these articles:

Discipline Techniques

The following discipline techniques can help you effectively discipline your

kids

# Use distraction to get your child's attention away from inappropriate

behaviors.

# Stop inappropriate behaviors with a firm `no' while looking your child in the

eyes.

# Physically move your child when he is misbehaving, especially if he didn't

respond to your firm `no.'

# Use extinction to remove attention from undesirable actions. As long as your

child can't hurt himself, you can walk away and not give him attention or an

audience for acting inappropriately, especially if he is having a temper

tantrum. Giving too much attention to your child when he misbehaves can

reinforce bad behaviors.

# Use natural consequences (rewards) to let your child learn the results or

consequences of his actions. For example, if he throws a toy out the window,

then he can't play with it anymore.

# Use logical consequences (rewards), for example, if he doesn't put away his

bike, then you will do it, but he won't be able to ride it for the rest of the

day. For older children, not filling the car with gas can have the consequence

of not getting to use the car this week, etc.

# Use time-out to remove positive reinforcement or attention when he misbehaves.

# Withholding privileges is a very effective discipline technique, especially

for older children. Find things that he likes or especially enjoys (playing

video games, renting movies, going to the mall, talking on the phone), and then

take it away as a consequence for misbehaving.

http://www.keepkidshealthy.com/parenting_tips/discipline/discipline_techniques.h\

tml

Or this one:

/post?act=reply & messageN\

um=90407

And here's a great article from NeverHitAChild.org

The Art of Discipline

by Beth DeFrancis

No two parents set limits in the same fashion, and no two kids are cast from the

same mold. The " right " way to discipline is the way that works well for you and

your child. While a quiet " time out " may work well with one child, another might

simply refuse to sit in the chair or go to the designated room. When deciding on

disciplinary approaches, keep in mind the child's age and temperament, and be

willing to modify your technique to fit the circumstances.

Some Terms, Tools, and Techniques of Communication. Words are powerful tools,

but keep in mind that yelling, shouting, screaming, ranting, and raving are

counterproductive. Reasoning with the child, reaching compromises, and offering

(making) choices are examples of positive communication techniques.

" Consequences. " A way of either increasing good behavior or decreasing

inappropriate behavior (frequently used the latter way as a disciplinary

measure). Parents using this approach might calmly explain to their child

(before calamity strikes) that there will be consequences if inappropriate

behavior (unwillingness to cooperate, for example) persists. Ideally, parents

then follow through with a " consequence " related to the child's action (for

example, if the child keeps taking apart his baby sister's & quotbusy box " with a

toy screwdriver, a parent might explain that they are taking the tool away for a

specified period of time). Some parents teach their children the " logical

consequences " of their actions (for example, they ask their child (repeatedly)

to put her bike away. She never does, and the chain eventually rusts (or someone

steals the bike).

Developmental Techniques. Understanding how your child's behavior changes with

the passing of time-- and what disciplinary approaches are the most effective at

different ages and stages of development.

Distraction. Steer attention away from negative activity (such as banging on a

breakable glass with a metal spoon ) to something more acceptable (like banging

on a metal pot with a wooden spoon).

Extinction. A disciplinary technique whereby parents systematically ignore their

child when he breaks a rule. Used primarily for annoying behavior (like

whining), rather than dangerous or destructive behavior ( Dare to Discipline and

Caring for Your Baby and Child: Birth to Age 5 discusses this technique).

Holding Time. Using this technique, parents hold their child, firmly, until his

emotions are discharged. Parents accept the feelings the child expresses,

whatever they may be, and continue until everyone is feeling better.

Modeling Behavior. Demonstrating behavior you want your child to learn. By

behaving in a certain fashion, parents make it clear that they value such

behavior. ( A Good Enough Parent discusses the importance of modeling behavior.)

Punishment. Many child-rearing experts distinguish between discipline and

punishment and believe that the latter should be avoided. Here are a few wise

words on the topic, written by a child development specialist: Is discipline

really about telling children what to do and punishing them when they don't do

it? To me, it is, rather, about helping children grow into people who will one

day do as they should and behave as they ought when there's nobody around to

tell, supervise, or punish them. [From " Instead of Spanking, " by Penelope Leach,

Parenting magazine (December/January 1992)]

Rewards. Positive reinforcement. Appropriate and effective in certain

situations, but proceed with caution. Keep the child's age in mind when offering

" incentives " for good behavior; make sure the reward more or less matches the

child's performance; and remember that rewards don't have to be material-- and

shouldn't be eatable (linking good behavior to tasty treats can contribute to

life-long eating problems). Remember, too, that a job well done is often

rewarding enough. Hugs and kisses from proud parents are icing on the cake.

Structure the Environment. Make your home child-friendly by keeping dangerous or

valuable objects out of your child's reach. Baby-proof, so you don't find

yourself saying " no " too often, thereby allowing your child to explore freely--

and learn in the process.

Time-Out. The child is asked to sit in a chair, go to her room, or otherwise be

isolated for a specified period of time. A popular disciplinary measure,

although some child-care experts feel it is emotionally harmful since it

requires the temporary withholding of love and attention. Advocates of the

time-out approach see it as a gentle alternative to physical punishment. (The

Time-Out Solution explains how this technique works. For those interested in the

opposing view, see " The Disadvantage of Time-Out, " by Aletha Solter, in

Mothering magazine (Fall 1992).

Withholding Privileges. A common approach with school-aged children. Most

effective when the privilege being withheld is related to the child's behavior.

A word of caution: If you opt for this technique, keep in mind that the

withholding of a privilege (like television) can make it seem even more

appealing in the child's mind.

Family Planet

Copyright 1994, Beth DeFrancis

http://www.neverhitachild.org/artodis1.html

=====

[Guest guest]

hi,  i had behaviour management come to the house to help with my son.  the most

important thing was to catch him doing something good and praise it.  redirect

before

things could escalate.  time out would ALWAYS end badly and i just stopped doing

it.

the behaviour guy agreed that for my son, time out was not good.

My son is very visual. so for a not preferred activity, like bedtime, we bought

a timer

that would give a visual count down to something like bed.  I would give him a

few minutes, tell him i was

starting the timer and count down. Every minute i would say " 5 minutes, then 4

ect ect. Once

he came upstairs to get ready for bed, we heaped praise on him for good

listening.

once i started verbal praise for everything, my life became much easier.  I kept

a mental

list of things i could redirect with, praised him for every little thing and

sometimes (though not needed)

gave a reward for things he was doing well.  (2 smarties go a long way!)

Once I started praising the good behaviour, the bad behaviour diminished.

hth

sandy

________________________________

From: nancymark111 <nancymark111@...>

Sent: Friday, April 17, 2009 3:05:53 PM

Subject: [ ] Discipline /Time out

My 4.5 DC has apraxia, global developmental delays and motor planning delay.

Doing time-out is almost impossible. Last night, I put him in time-out, he

kicked and screamed. He would not sit on the time-out chair. He attempted to

remove/knockdown the timeout chair. I tried to force him sitting on the chair by

holding him in the back. It was not easy, and I was so exhausted after 15min

that I had to give up. Fortunately, my husband stepped in and took over.

Any BTDT experience? How do you discipline your child?

__________________________________________________________________

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